sooo attaching a strap to the head of the violin made a much bigger difference than I expected! this is awesome!
this is what I did:
I used an elastic shoelace with a fastener,
and a strap with a clip that's the right length to wear around my neck.
wrap the shoelace around the scroll three times with the strap in between, and done! it is very stable and doesn't touch the pegs at all.
I've found that wearing it like this allows for a better sitting position.
this was my previous position, I was very leaned back and let the violin rest against my breastbone and on top of my knees. it's very horizontal that way which is playable but honestly exhausting.
my new position is this, it's much more upright and I let the violin slip down between my knees a bit.
head of the violin rests where my clavicles meet and the strap keeps it in place.
this is much easier on both bow arm and fingering hand.
and with the strap I can also play it while standing! sorta, I'd still need to attach it around my belly somehow so it doesn't move sideways, but considering that I will never in my life play it while standing, I'm not even going to try
putting this here for everyone going "but why"
so far I'm 100% satisfied with that bow grip though.
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