Speaking to a trainee doctor a few weeks ago who is scarily like me when I was a trainee - we both discussed having been labelled #aggressive at various points as men in the same scenario have been labelled #assertive
I looked up what they mean; aggressive according to the Cambridge English Dictionary is “behaving in an angry and violent way towards another person” & the more positive “assertive” is someone who “behaves confidently and is not frightened to say what they want or believe”.
So why is that women are more likely to be called aggressive rather than assertive ?
Probably as Women are expected to be warmer and more nurturing but they are also expected to demonstrate competence and be tough when they need to, without compromising
It’s a tough one to deal with especially as we have almost no control over what other people think no Matter how closely we work with them ..
But what We do have control is over is ourselves and How we can can control, how we deal with these situations when they arise.
I am a hot-head so it doesn’t always work but it does when employed correctly so here are my tips if you’re in the same situation…
Respond rather than react - ‘why do u think that?’ - most folk don’t expect u to challenge their thinking and puts them on the back foot
Ask for specifics - ‘aggressive - how is that - Am i being violent ?’
As a woman when I’m impassioned about something my usually soft spoken Voice can become high pitched my speech becomes rapid deep Breaths and trying not to talk for more than 40 seconds at a time helps
Rather than fighting to communicate my point I try listen to what others are saying and use their words to express my own point - ‘piggyback
Begin by agreeing with other people’s points, to a build a rapport and trust, then use this to mould their points into support for your argument to get buy in
Ask questions which means the conversation can be directed and it also means that it can lead back to the point you are trying to make without seeming aggressive.
Gender bias in the #NHS and #medicine is real - being female is such a strength but it isn’t always perceived as such
read here for more bma.org.uk/media/4487/sex…
Anyway am glad that’s off my back - thanks for listening to my no. Aggressive but very assertive #TEDtalk 😬
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