Thread by @tomiahonen

Flippathon Thread 1/

Las Vegas oddsmakers have issued fresh odds for all the potential flippers in the nation's biggest picnick, patriotism, insurrection, terrorism & hanging party hosted by the Republicans in Washington DC. Our beloved tradition: Grand Flippathon

#Flippathon

Flippathon Thread 2/

Perennial Magafavorite flipper is notorious serial butt-dialer & alleged attorney Rudy Giuliani, the Grand Duke of Four Seasons Total Landscaping (parking lot). Rudy Colludy has confessed his crimes on live video, so he is utterly screwed. He has to flip

Flippathon Thread 3/

As America's Maynaise turned America's Vampire is former Federal prosecutor who sent Mafia killers to life in prison, he is in mortal danger inside any federal housing. He will spend his prison time in solitary confinement. He had begged Trump for a pardon

Flippathon Thread 4/

Sir Buttdial McRudypants had been under federal wiretap on January 6, so all his phone calls from his War Room at Willard hotel were meticulously recorded by FBI. Anyone dumb enough to call Rudy on Jan 5 or 6 was thus also caught. They may bear a grudge

Flippathon Thread 5/

Rudy Colludy had built a powerful 'insurance file' with evidence of numerous #Trumpomobster crimes but this evidence was seized when FBI raided his 18 phones. So Rudy has less to bargain with. Thus his odds to flip are reduced to

Odds on Flipping: 99.1%

Flippathon Thread 6/

Unstable volcanic mineral The Rogerstone ran his own War Room in the Willard Hotel too. He was surrounded by toy soldier Oath Keepers who immediately when caught, abandoned their oaths, confessed to Jan 6th and are now ratting out Roger Stone

Flippathon Thread 17/

The Girl With The Nixon Tattoo is a degenerate convicted criminal who was of course pardoned by Trump. Vegas oddsmakers eagerly anticipate the grudge match of Roger Stone vs Bannon: which flips on the other, first. This is a rat-eat-rat Repulsican lovefest

Flippathon Thread 8/

Roger is so terrified of prison, he blackmailed Trump. He knows Trump crimes going back decades, and was point man with Trump selling Presidential Pardons. In his bargaining, he can also deliver creeps like Jared the Bone Saw Boy.

Odds on Flipping: 99.2%

Flippathon Thread 9/

General Michael Flynn of Russia disguised in a US uniform, was paid by Russia when working for the Trump campaign. Flynn conveniently forgot to mention this payment & became US National Security Advisor. Is a convicted felon. Trump of course pardoned him

Flippathon Thread 10/

Flynn is oddsmaker favorite for his immense stupidity to go back to criming after receiving a Presidential pardon. When asked under oath if USA should have peaceful transfer of power, he pleaded 5th

Odds on Flipping: 99.3%
Possible asylum country: Russia

Flippathon Thread 11/

Full time head of the Italian Space Agency and part-time White House Chief of Staff, Mark Meadows is in top form for this year's Grand Flippathon. No doubt bosted by Italian Satellites, he can rat out the whole Trumpomobster White House

Flippathon Thread 12/

Mark Meadows has been caught intimidating January 6th witnesses, burning White House records & feeding National Security documents for Trump to eat for lunch. He begged Trump for a pardon

Odds of flipping: 99.4%
Potential asylym country: Italy? (or space)

Flippathon Thread 13/

A massive magafavorite of the #Flippathon 2022 is Steve Bannon. Bannon is no run of the mill scumbag and Trumpomobster. A true monster human* being, has tons of crimes he brings to bargaining table with FBI, in attempt to plea bargain

* not confirmed

Flippathon Thread 14/

His past crimes include 'mind rape' (Bannon's words, not mine) of Republicans via Cambridge Analytica & Facebook. Bannon was behind Muslim ban. He launched Breitbart News. So he is about as as vile as they come. Scaramucci ranks him as worst #Trumpomobster

Flippathon Thread 15/

Already convicted felon once, Bannon was of course pardoned by Trump. As US champion flipper, 'Steve the Weasel' successfully ratted out Roger Stone sentenced to prison & Bannon faces mandatory prison time for defying subpoena

Vegas odds on flipping: 99.5%

Flippathon Thread 16/

Repulsican traitor & Ranking Molester Gym Jordan (Q Talibanistan) was not aware Trump had helpfully told DOJ in December that Jim was 1 of 3 'R Congressmen' who were plotting overthrow of democracy. Jordan was under surveillance & FBI has his phone traffic

Flippathon Thread 17/

The January 6th committee has those texts & have Ohio's foremost insurrectionist caught attempting to deliver fraudulent electoral college name sheets to block the peaceful transfer of power. He will represent Ohio out of prison, for decades to come

Flippathon Thread 18/

Ohio's ranking menace to young men, Gym Jordan tried to get onto the January 6th Committee to see what evidence they have against him. Speaker Pelosi is #DaBossOfDC and had none of such shenanigans. Now Jim's only hope is a flip

Odds of flipping 99.6%

Flippathon Thread 19/

Entitlement Barbie is in top form for this year's Grand Flippathon. There are persistent rumors that she flipped prematurely already last year & is now ratting out Beavis & Butthead Trump, and her creepy Daddy.

Odds of ever having tasted Goya beans: 0.00%

Flippathon Thread 20/

War criminal & scumbag Erik Prince (brother of racist bastard Betsy DeVos) is skipping this year's Flippathon. He's in exile hiding in Dubai. He'll be tried in absentia, his assets seised, passport revoked & becomes international fugitive for bounty hunters

Flippathon Thread 21/

Repulsican traitor & Chairman of the AGA, the American Gargoyle Association, Rep Gosar, seen here smiling for the cameras, is in strong form. Paul helped plot January 6th, offered enticement of Presidential pardons to criminals, to join the Sedition

Flippathon Thread 22/

After Arizona's ranking terrorist, Paul Gosar tangled promises of Presidential pardons to encourage criminals to join the sedition, he figured out, that it apparently was illegal. So then Gosar begged Trump for a pardon for himself.

Odds of flipping 99.7%

Flippathon Thread 23/

Perennial favorite in our Flippathon is the path to Hell, the Conway. Kellyanne of the forked tongue, is named after the fork on the road, just before the Gates to Hell, which are in Helsinki, as distinct from the Gaetz of Hell who molests teens in Florida

Flippathon Thread 24/

Strong gold medal candidate in this year's Flippathon is Fred Flintstone's evil Nazi cousin, Bill Barrstone. Barr took early leave of the rapidly sinking SS Trumpomonster already in December 2020 departing before others to prepare for this year's Flippathon

Flippathon Thread 25/

Universally hated by every Trumpomobster, Mr 'A Bit Snitty' thought foolishly that Trump would sign the Presidential Pardon that Trump dangled in front of Barr at every meeting. But Barr kept meticulous notes of all who begged Trump for pardons.

Flippathon Thread 26/

Bill Barr was advising Trump on the pardons, & told Trump to demand explicit confessions when Trumpomobsters in his administration begged for Pardons. Barr knows more about fellow criminals than most & is singing to Jan 6th Cttee

Odds of flipping: 99.8%

Flippathon Thread 27/

Failed Indiana Jones impersonator & alleged attorney John Northman-Southpaw-Westend-Eastwind is a rising star for Vegas oddsmakers. Strong contender for America's maddest lawyer - in a field that includes Giuliani - Eastman is in top form for flippathon

Flippathon Thread 27/

John Eastman has already been caught by Jan 6th Committee in committing election fraud, he will lose his license, he has been raided by FBI, he has pleaded the 5th & begged Trump for a Presidential pardon. His only path? Is to flip

Odds of flipping: 99.9%

Flippathon Thread 28/

Late entrant to this year's Flippathon, is the Republican party's Ranking Moron Marjorie Three Names. She joined the January 6th plot in White House meetings to enjoy their magacriming. Later, she begged for a pardon

Odds of having more than 3 toes: 0.07%

Flippathon Thread 29/

In strong form for the Grand Flippathon is Patsy Baloney. Pat Cipollone witnessed plots of White House crimes, warned Trump about the crimes in presence of multiple witnesses. Either Patsy flips, or he goes to prison, or both

Odds on flipping 99.92%

Flippathon Thread 30/

Trump's illegitimate son, The Insanity Of Hannity, is caught by Jan 6th Cttee knowing truth about the terrorism, yet went on air with Fox #FixFox to push lie blaming Antifa. This makes him complicit in the crimes

Odds of Hannity DNA match to Trump: 96.7%

Flippathon Thread 31/

Over at the kids table junior event for this year's Grand Flippathon, a confused Kayleigh McEnemy tries desperately to flip, failing spectacularly. Trump keeps asking her, "Who are you?"

Odds of anyone caring what the McEnemy says: 6.66%

Flippathon Thread 32/

Trump's House Poodle, Qevin McCoward is up to his nostrils in magashit.. McMoron may be too dumb to flip. He severely damaged GOP in withdrawing approved GOP members from Jan 6th Cttee

Odds on McCarthy surviving as GOP House Minority Leader after Nov: 2%

Flippathon Thread 33/

Chairman of the AFA, the American Fly Association, the Waxdoll Pence, is making another hopeless run at this year's #Flippathon. This dunce still imagines that a party that tried to hang him, would some day love him so much, they nominate him for President

Flippathon Thread 34/

Trump's Senate Poodle, the moral vacuum & political weather vane #LeningradLindsey Graham has secretly flipped in advance of this year's Flippathon. Lindsey has already ratted everybody out

Odds of Senator John McCain turning in his grave: 94%

Flippathon Thread 35/

Vegas oddsmakers are downgrading odds of previous champion scumbag, & failed Pom-Pom Girl Felicity Pomposity. Pompeo seems to be off his game. He foolishly hired Taliban Mullah Baradar as his #flippathon coach & had Trump release Taliban terrorists

Flippathon Thread 37/

Hated universally by all who know him, Pompeo's enemies all kept records about how hard he tried to launch a nuclear war against Iran, on behalf of Saudi Arabia

Odds of naming the countries on his own quiz map: 0.00%
Possible asylum country: Afghanistan

Flippathon Thread 38/

Black horse contestant to this year's Grand #Flippathon is Ginni Thomas the racist Nazi wife of Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas. Jan 6th Cttee has her caught cold. The Vegas odds on whether Thomas stays on Bench

Odds of Justice Thomas resigning: 67%

Flippathon Thread 39/

Butthead Trump is about to be indicted in NY for tax fraud. He is a bit too coked up to figure out, that his slimy sister Entitlement Barbie has already flipped & has been wearing a wire. This reduces dramatically Don Jr's chances

Odds on Flipping: 99.4%

Flippathon Thread 40/

America's sharpest strategist, the My Pillow Guy flattered Trump so much on Fox, Trump invited the moron to his January Insurrection, Terrorism & Tourism party. Fully soft in the head, will not be offered plea bargain

Odds on care in mental asylum: 99.999%

Flippathon Thread 41/

Over at the Gaetz of Hell, the Honorable Rapey McForehead forgot to prepare for the #Flippathon, while Matt was Venmoning teenagers. His rapist-pals Joel Grenberg & Joe Ellicott flipped

Odds of rapist Gaetz having a rough time in prison for 20 years: 100%

Flippathon Thread 42/

The candidate of the SBSA, the Saudi Bone Saw Association, Jared Kushner is in two tough brackets. He faces off against Tom Barrack for 100 years for extorting Qatar, and against Roger Stone for 700 years selling Presidential pardons

Odds on divorce: 93%

Flippathon Thread 43/

Trump's previous White House Chief of Staff, Lick Mulvaney is in peak form for this year's Grand #Flippathon. He was even daring Patsy Baloney to flip. I dare you to flip Pat Cipollone. I double-dare you!

Odds of Mick Mulvaney flipping: 99.5%

Flippathon Thread 44/

The Sturmbannfuhrer of Republican Party, alleged newsperson Laura Ingraham is caught by Jan 6th Committee knowingly misleading American TV viewers about who committed Jan 6th. She sets Fox in legal jeopardy #FixFox

Odds on Fairness Doctrine returning: 100%

Flippathon Thread 45/

Wisconsin's celebrated disgrace, Russia's favorite Senator, Sen Ron Johnson (Q Putinistan) is so dumb, he confessed his January 6th criming. He is of course caught. He also begged Trump for a Pardon. His only way is to flip

Odds of flipping: 99.6%

Flippathon Thread 46/

Beavis Trump's father Gary Busey would not comment on Eric's whereabouts. He seems to miss this year's annual Trumpomobster #Flippathon due to being lost in a toilet. Nobody has sent search parties after him

Odds on eating paste: 97%

Flippathon Thread 47/

Russia's official spokesperson, Tucker Carlson had incriminating interview at the Gaetz of Hell, who outed Tucker having dinner with prostitutes on a doubledate. Tucker's wife was less than pleased to find out on live TV

Odds of Tucker being fuckered: 96%

Flippathon Thread 48/

American looney & alleged attorney Sidney Powell has also been caught organizing the end to American democracy. She will be disbarred. She has already been raided by FBI, she has no other recourse than to flip

Odds of flipping: 99.7%

Flippathon Thread 49/

Disqualified from this year's Flippathon is crowd favorite, Louie Gohmert, who tried to enter himself under an alias. He put on some lipstick and a wig, and tried to enter Womens' Flippathon as Lauren Boebert

Odds of altering moon's trajectory: 0.0000000%

Flippathon Thread 50/

Responing to inquiries whether their twice-impeached former Chairwoman had flipped against the Trump family in a deal that promised the USA will not deport #FLOTITS, the SHA, the Slovenian Hooker Association statement said:

"We really don't care, do you?"

Flippathon Thread 51/

As always in the Grand Flippathon, Gold medal flippers do not escape prison. Even the most succesful flippers among Trumpomobsters will do years inside

Second place is a set of steak knives

Flip first, flip fast. Don't become #Levparnassed

Flippathon Thread 52/

As always, the Annual #Trumpomobster Grand #Flippathon ends with the inspiring uplifting national anthem of South Flipponia on timing in taking a plea bargain:

The Ballad Of Lev Parnas

Flippathon Thread 53/

COMING ATTRACTIONS:

If you missed the sad tale of how Ohio's ranking child molester, the notorious #Trumpomobster #GymJordan was caught by FBI, enjoy this episode of The Wire: