Thread by @FatherlyHQ

As traditional masculine norms are tossed into the dust heap of history, men are failing to embrace new freedoms and finding only inner conflict. fatherly.com/health/why-am-…

The General Social Survey, a massive dataset meant to give researchers and policymakers a snapshot of how Americans are doing, shows that male happiness has been curved over time.

Before the COVID-19 pandemic hit, men were the most unhappy when data was first collected in 1972, with 27% of men reporting that they were “very happy” compared to 33% of women. bit.ly/3vfO2I5

The pandemic only made things worse — for both men and women. In 2021, rates of being “not too happy” climbed to 24% of men and 25% of women.

Apart from the obvious effects of the pandemic, psychotherapist @drcarlamanly, Ph.D., suspects men’s decline in happiness has to do with their changing and precarious roles in society.

Experts at the American Psychological Association suspect that male sadness, specifically male sadness derivative of anxiety about masculinity, works like a snare trap. fatherly.com/health/why-am-…

Boys are caught in it when they’re young. They learn to “man up” or are told that “pain is just weakness leaving the body.” bit.ly/3vfO2I5

They’re told success and strength and value are all the same thing. This is internalized so that when men try to fight against it later on, it cuts into them.

Even men who recognize the need to change their attitudes may not succeed in doing so, and men who are being forced to change their attitudes are unlikely to succeed. bit.ly/3vfO2I5

The shrinking of the middle class and traditionally male-dominated industries as well as the rise of dual-income family as a cultural norm has required men to pivot into unexpected roles and to grapple with concepts at odds with internalized notions of manhood.

Equally terrified of the #MeToo movement and being misconstrued as gay, men stumble down an untenably narrow middle path. bit.ly/3vfO2I5

So new expectations are piled onto old ones that they should be replacing. Dads are expected to be nurturing, but feel judged for making less money than their wives, crying when they’re sad, and seeking help when they’re depressed.

In extreme cases, an inability to cope with changing expectations doesn’t just make men feel sad, it leads to death. Men are 4Xs more likely to commit suicide than women, and the numbers go way up in the wake of a shock to their identity, such as a divorce or job loss.

Middle-aged men who buy into traditional ideas of masculinity have the highest suicide risk of all.

When men don’t channel sadness into pain, they tend to convert it into aggression. Though some men lash out, more lash in, especially when they’re trying to protect their families from their worst qualities.

Read the full story: fatherly.com/health/why-am-…