Thread by @QuinnyPig

And we're here for @Francessca_V's keynote at the #awssummit Chicago. Good morning, @awscloud friends. Let's get to it.

Francessca begins with an apology for how many of these changes I've had to keep up with over the past year.

I took a wrong turn getting here initially and apparently I'm a chemist now.

Time to begin aggressively shitposting about precipitates!

"Don't let the past define your future," aka "sorry about that surprise SageMaker Canvas bill, please keep using it."

brb ascending to become a Level 4 chemist. Pretty sure Level 5 is gonna remain beyond my capabilities though.

Pictures of the Graviton line of processors. Crossing the streams for a second: do not put them in acid. It doesn't work out for the processor or the chemist.

"Even though AWS Outposts might *appear* to be a hardware solution, it's a full managed cloud offering."

It's also a neat theoretical billing paradigm in which you're paying @awscloud *and* supplying the electricity.

The first customer speaker is from Cvent, "the conference company."

"During the early pandemic no events happened. I'm just going to leave 'nothing'; on the screen for a second here to drive that home." I *love* the impact of an empty slide. Gonna steal that one for a talk someday.

Ooh, two AWS databases.

This concludes the Cvent portion of the keynote at an event (#awssummit) that is not being handled by Cvent as best I can tell.

94 Zetabytes of data were created in the last year. Your AWS sales rep is actively encouraging you to store more of it in S3.

Coming soon to a shitty analyst report near you!

AWS remains the only company I know who can turn something good like "databases" and turn it into a problem.

AWS's Storage portfolio, also known as "more different databases."

"SalesForce can spin up regions in *weeks* instead of years," says @Francessca_V.

"So? That doesn't sound hard. Just slap three racks into a colo and call it a region," retorts @Azure.

Speaking of Salesforce and doing things half-assed, Quicksight is Amazon Basics Tableau.

Francessca is easily at the top of my (voluminous) "Favorite Amazonians" list. She is a freaking DELIGHT.

(It's something like a six way tie that includes a few other folks--including *YOU* dear Amazonian friend reading this.)

Now a DeepRacer video. They unfortunately did not screw up and swap this video with the previous video featuring Formula 1 racing.

"It's an AI powered car competition for schoolkids" is a heavy lift on parental permission slips when we're talking a couple hundred mph."

Francessca talks about all of AWS's ML offerings. That's the problem; I just want to know whether this is a hot dog or not.

Now a customer speaker: @Laurakohl3, CIO at Morningstar.

Some folks don't love the company; in fairness to those people, they *did* name the place after the literal devil.

Having worked in regulated financial companies myself (as well as for the literal devil), I can empathize. Getting those workloads into the cloud is a hell of a lot more than "just slap some Kubernetes on it."

You can tell that the name "Starflow" came from Morningstar instead of AWS because it's a good name for a service.

Telling a story about how they used this to build a button to identify stocks subject to sanctions against Russia within a given portfolio. This is what I keep asking for: a ML use case that works for customers. More like this please!

No, Francessca. Cloud has made everything a---

*PRIZE BELL RINGS*

Choose your own ending to the joke here:

1. "unbounded billing problem"
2. "database."

"Learn and Be Curious" is an Amazonian leadership principle, but they got SALTY when I used the phrase to caption a photo of a DeepLens pointed at a toilet.

A global sponsor slide, and this ends the keynote. Go build!