Thread by @zarasu333

Hello, I've come with 🔪🔪🔪
#svsss
Shen Yuan dies. From a meat bun or a yogurt or just from rage, it doesn't matter.
But he can't accept it. His soul can't help but linger, because this can't be the end. This shitty life can't have been all of it.

So he dreams himself a world. Or rather, he dreams of himself transmigrating into PIDW, the world that has been his escape from reality for so long.
He dreams of himself finding a purpose, getting to know the characters, teaching his disciples...

The technical details don't matter. He's never learned how to play the qin or draw. He doesn't question it when it just comes to him. Must be the left-overs from the original goods (never mind that the qin lessons seem like vague dreams, like impressions of teaching).

He finally gets to interact with his favorite characters and, soon enough, they grow to like him. He has his Shidi, Zhangmen Shixiong, even Airplane. And his disciples, of course (he's been so lonely, family and friends always seemed like things that happened to other people).

(It doesn't matter that he doesn't know Airplane's real name, even though they're friends now. Who cares, it's not like he's telling anyone his real name either.)

And, of course, there's Binghe. Binghe, who adores him, who desires and pursues him, even when Shen Qingqiu acts like he doesn't want it. Binghe, who's beautiful.
(He has never admitted to himself what his guilty feelings mean, when he woke from vague dreams, hot and bothered.)

And then he dies. And it's almost like his mind is trying to tell him something, but (Shen Yuan) Shen Qingqiu shrugs it off. (He's not dead) He has emergency plans in place. He has a plant body, he can be revived, he won't die permanently, not as long as the story isn't finished.

And then, the story comes to an end.

He has fulfilled his purpose as a shizun. He finally has friends, a family even. And, on Maigu Ridge, he finally goes the last step. He accepts Luo Binghe. He admits that he loves him, wants him too. His husband (the man he desires).

He dies a final time.

It isn't permanent this time either. It is, however, the end. He didn't survive because there's still story to act out, but because he has to say goodbye.

He didn't get to before, didn't want to before. But it's time now.

So he says goodbye to Zhangmen Shixiong, his kind older brother. And Liu Shidi, steadfast and loyal. And his disciples. Airplane, of course, who has found his own happy end with Mobei Jun.

He pats the doorframe of his bamboo house one last time.

And then he walks towards where he knows he will find Binghe.

He's already waiting for Shen Yuan.

It's not hard now, to take Binghe's hand. It hurts a little bit but Shen Yuan keeps his eyes open.

He will follow Binghe, wherever he wants to go. Binghe smiles at him and cries, his dear little sheep. His hand is holding Shen Yuan's tightly as he leads him away.

Shen Yuan feels tears drip down his own cheeks. His chest feels tight.

He thinks of everything he never got to have. But it's a good thing nonetheless, to at least admit to himself that this is what he's wanted all along.

There are worse things than to die in clarity, he figures.

Shen Yuan gives Binghe's hand one last squeeze, Binghe who is already fading beside him.

Then he lets go.