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2024 Hugo Award Finalist Black Nerd Problems: Essays on @gallerybooks Culture critic, content creator, Arakko liaison Runs Social media for @blknrdproblems

Nov 15, 2022, 10 tweets

Doctor Doom: They tried to charge Doom 3.99 a pound for grapes!

Namor: You burned the store down, right?
Dr. Doom: Of course! *notices news* Wait, YOU FLOODED WAKANDA?

Namor: Heh, let's just say they goin have the change the salute from #WakandaForever to Wakanda sometimes.

Doctor Doom: Don't get Doom wrong. Doom respects "doing some shit and being like what the fuck" on a Sunday but why?

Namor: My villain, I'm me. Fuck a reason. I walk around in a speedo just cause I don't give a shit.

Doom: Doom is leaving the call. The block is way too hot.

Namor: *answers conch phone* Hello?

T'Challa: You fish fry feathered bitch...

Namor: T'Challaaaaaa. You're not mad about the flooding are you? I thought you'd appreciate getting wet since you're no longer on speaking terms with Storm.

T'Challa: You have got to be the saltiest mother fucker I've ever met. So this is what's goin happen. I'm goin finish this hot coco

Namor: I hope you ran out of marshmallows.

T'Challa: I didn't. Then me and mine goin spin the block on your whole fish tank.

T'Challa: I've called this conference to inform all nations that Wakanda is at war with Atlantis and yall best stay outta it. I'm also here to leak these pics of Namor simping over this basic white woman. I believe yall know her as Susan Richards.

T'Challa: If any nation tries to help Namor or Atlantis we will beat the breaks off you too. Any questions? From the non-white countries (thought that wen't without saying). Yall got me, right? Cool. Also, as Always fuck Britain, France, Spain, etc... Yall know why. I'm out

General: My lord, it's looking crazy out here. The Wakandans are cooking us. Literally. They brought sous-chefs with them. I just saw my man get turned into calamari. They dippin him in lemon butter garlic. How am I goin tell his momma he got plated, my lord??!

Namor: Fuck..

General: I ain't ever seen any shit like this in my whole life. These Wakandans are throwing a whole pool party over our dead bodies!

Namor: Retreat and- *hears "Deepest bluest, my hat is like a shark's fin"* is that LL COOL J?

General: YES! THEY BOOKED HIM TO THROW A CONCERT!

Namor: The hell did you get in here?!

T'Challa: Square. The. Fuck. Up.

Namor: Man, you see my speedo I don't give a f---
*2 broken ankles & arms later *

Namor: My brother in Christ? Ogun? Bast! Why we fighting each other instead of the man? We gotta stick together

T'Challa: I turned Atlantis into Red Lobster and put Namor in Sea World's ICU. Oh, and I'm bringing back left over as well

Shuri: Left overs? Bast, Yall grilled them fish folk up didn't you?

T'Challa: Who sends oysters and salmon into a battle tho? Like... thas on them.

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