Thread by @cmclymer

I read this at work today, and it broke my heart. I remember being that kid. I'm not sure that some folks understand how much damage this does, and I'm not just talking about nutrition. I'm also talking about the longterm harm this does to a child's self-worth. (thread)

https://twitter.com/washingtonpost/status/1126127376734273536

In our country, the impoverished are taught to feel shame over food, in ways big and small. Shame, it would seem, is centered in food. This shame over food is something I’ve noticed isn’t present in folks who grew up never wanting for food. Let me explain...

As a child in poverty, I learned not to ask for too much food for the simple fact that my single mother couldn’t afford it. We got what we got, and most of the time, it was just enough, but there were many nights when dinner was threadbare, at best.

Breakfast? I learned not to expect breakfast. It was mostly absent. Breakfast, especially during summers, was a luxury. In fact, breakfast *and* lunch during the summers of my childhood were often luxuries.

When I was 9, for the entire summer, we subsisted off boxes of old-school military rations. (No, really.) And we made the best of it. So, when school rolled around, access to free breakfast/lunch felt like a special kind of heaven, a gift from a God who had forgotten me.

Free breakfast/lunch also meant my single mother felt less of a burden to feed us a proper dinner. And because the vast majority of the kids in my school were on free or reduced lunch, there wasn't as much stigma associated with it. Kids in wealthier districts? Not so lucky.

Folks in poverty often don't have access to basic knowledge when it comes to money. I’m a 32 year-old professional with a decent income, and I still have to remind myself of things that seem to come naturally to my peers who grew up in financially literate families.

My mother would take my sister and I out to a cheap diner as a “treat”. We couldn’t really afford to be there. Yes, even a diner. So, why were we there? Because 1) it saved my mother some time/stress in cooking and 2) it gave us a sense of worth to eat out.

The most expensive thing in the various trailers in which we lived was the cheap box TV. We didn’t have many clothes. Few toys. But for 90 minutes, maybe two hours, we could sit inside a Denny’s and feel like we mattered. We could feel a little less worthless.

But not too much. My sister and I, without having to be told, would choose the cheapest items on the kids’ menu. I know for a fact that we both did this out of guilt for our mother. We didn’t want her to have to say “no” to a pricier item.

Imagine for a second being a small kid and intuitively getting that a difference of $2 or $3 for dinner is everything to your parent. Of course, my mother also oscillated between severe mental health and shameless desperation in cutting corners.

Every third visit to a Denny’s (or wherever), my mother would make up a reason to complain to management about the food. It was late. It was overcooked. It was undercooked. It was the wrong order. Virtually all the time, of course, it was none of these.

The manager on site would come to our table, listen to our mother’s passionate (and false) complaint, and comp the entire meal. In retrospect, I’m 100% certain that these managers did this out of a combination of quiet frustration but mostly kindness.

To them, the $20 or whatever wasn’t worth kicking out a mother and her two kids who were clearly in dire straits. Humanity.

When I reflect on my childhood, I can’t remember a single time telling my mother I was hungry. Not once. Think about that.

“I’m hungry/thirsty” is a common thing kids will offer up, sometimes even when they’re not. It’s a thing kids do all the time. A kid telling their parent “I’m hungry” is something of a trope in film and television, esp. commercials. Kids cry, parents feed.

I wouldn’t have dreamt telling my mother I was hungry, lest I risk inviting a dark cloud of shame into the space, engulfing us whole. I’m now a grown, college-educated adult with a decent income, and I still have shame issues over food.

I don’t like friends buying my food. In fact, to avoid hitting that nerve of childhood shame, I often pick up the whole check. At my birthday dinners, when decorum demands such grace, I try to smile warmly as my friends wordlessly snatch the check up.

On dates, it’s a relief when I can offer to pay for dinner and it’s mistaken for a sense of chivalry when it’s really about coping. On rare occasions, when a date or friend insists on paying, and I let them, I try to put on a brave smile, but I feel guilty + indebted.

On the other side of the coin, I get a thrill when I order takeout, not for the sake of convenience but quite literally because I can. I buy expensive takeout because it gives me a sense of control and dignity I never had as a child. It’s not so much therapy as sickness.

And considering all this, my story is tame compared to others. Kids not eating for days at a time, malnourished.

This is really a ridiculous conversation. When a child is hungry, you feed them and remove all possible elements of shame. That's how a free society should work.

Today, @WarwickSchools released a statement saying they'd rescind their "jelly and sun butter" sandwich policy for kids who can't pay their tab (god, what a terrible policy) and allow them to choose the lunch of their choice. Good. But we have an opportunity here to do more.

Warwick said they rejected the $4,000 donation from a local business owner because they didn't want to choose which children should get it. Because there's $77,000 total in lunch debt for the district. Fine, let's raise enough money to pay it all off.

Because there are children in this district who have enough shame brought on them because of their socioeconomic status without needing national headlines to compound their pain every time they're reminded they owe money. Let's get rid of it. Donate here: gofundme.com/erase-lunch-de…

By the way: I’m really sick and tired of living in a country where GoFundMes are the substitute for a compassionate government.

Update: we've passed $10,000 already, with 353 individual donations. Great start!

Update: we've reached $25,000 and another GoFundMe (bit.ly/2DXEbfa) has raised $40,000. I've been informed that @GoFundMe is working with @WarwickSchools to get these fundraisers transferred to them.

Almost there!

UPDATE: I've emailed the Chief Financial Officer for @WarwickSchools and GoFundMe has directly reached out to them, and they have not responded.

At this point, between this fundraiser + the larger one led by Cait Clement, we've raised more than enough to wipe out all lunch debt.

In total, between our two fundraisers, more than $85,000 has been raised to erase all lunch debt (which is $77,000) for @WarwickSchools so that children and families don't have this hanging over their heads. When Warwick responds, we'll transfer the funds.