Most of my new followers know me for my admiration of math—esp. simple, back-of-the-envelope math to illustrate a point. This thread, I want to talk about something equally pragmatic. I'm an engineer and biologist, but I’m also a human. Let’s talk about grief and compassion. 1/n
Rather than inciting panic or fear, I feel it’s healthy and emotionally fortifying to grapple with difficult situations & decisions *before* they materialize. The element of surprise that so often accompanies a tragic moment only exacerbates an already unimaginably hard time. 2/n
Wouldn’t you rather think through challenging and upsetting implications while in your most mentally lucid state, rather than when paralyzed by a toxic mixture of grief, fear, and indecision? That’s when we are most fallible, most likely to make a choice we later regret. 3/n
I’d like to assert that *everyone* – you and me included – WILL have to make one of the hardest decisions of our lives at some point in the next six months. It’s worth grappling with that near-certainty now so that when the time comes, we aren’t completely blind-sided. 4/n
It may be something like: do I travel to care for my ill parent, knowing I may not be able to fly back home 2 weeks from now? Do I lay off my workers or risk my biz going bankrupt? Do I squeeze in 1 more visit to grandma’s care facility (maybe my last) or is that too risky? 5/n
What would I do with my ill dog in case my vet is closed for the next two months and can't euthanize her if things go sharply downhill? If my friend were to overdose after losing his job, am I able to access Narcan because I know 911 will be slow to respond in coming weeks? 6/n
It’s not alarmist or panicky to simply sit and calmly think through scenarios like this, far-fetched as they may seem at the moment, because there may be things you can do today that will make them far, far easier if they do happen. 7/n
Take the opportunity to think through possible scenarios when you have the emotional luxury of treating it as a hypothetical, rather than as reality. Some of these are unbearable even in the abstract. It won't get any easier if it becomes real. 8/n
What systems will you wish you had in place if this decision-point comes? Can you take steps to put those systems in place today, so that you have one less thing to think about or stress over if the day comes that you’re facing one of these devastating decisions/situations? 9/n
After all, how impossible would it have seemed 3-4 weeks ago that we’d be sheltering in place in our homes? I’m in the Bay Area and in the last few hours we were just asked not to leave home other than for essentials. This situation is changing unfathomably fast. 10/n
What seems outrageous today may be very real in a day, week, or month. Think things through. Make a plan. Don’t panic, *plan*. You are more clear-headed & less stressed right now—*today*—than you may be at any point in the next several weeks. Take advantage of your clarity. 11/n
Also recognize that everyone around you will be in the same boat in the coming weeks and months, and that we are all in varying states of grappling with these unthinkable decisions and realities. We’re all somewhere on this continuum of grief. 12/n
For many of us, the true gravity hasn’t hit us yet. For a few of us, our hardest moment has already come and we are still wallowing in grief. This isn’t a time for judgment or criticism. Treat everyone with the assumption that they’ve just had the hardest week of their life. 13/n
For example, rather than mock or lambast folks for buying a seemingly absurd amount of toilet paper, consider that they may have an immunocompromised family member at home and they are literally planning to not leave the house for months because the risk is too great. 14/n
Is that true for everyone standing in that checkout line? No, of course not. But is it true for some of those folks? Yes, absolutely. You have no way of telling which of those camps an individual belongs to just by looking. Extend that level of compassion to everyone. 15/n
Thank you, again, to everyone who has reached out in recent days. I’m encouraged by the spirit of collaboration I see manifesting in unexpected ways. We will get through this, but I don’t feel we benefit from denial about how hard it will be, both personally and societally. 16/n
We will have to rewrite the script for how our society operates; there is no instruction manual for this. But it needs to rest upon a foundation of empathy and compassion. Wishing all of you safety, benevolence, health, and clarity in the days and weeks ahead. /end
