Thread by @felixtwtfics

[ #jinkook ]
seokjin and jungkook grew up best friends. every summer they would go to jins parents cabin up in the mountains where they would hang out with jins cousins for two weeks. jungkook was smitten with jins cousin namjoon since he was like 8 years old but was always too -

afraid to say anything. far too shy to voice anything out despite everyone knowing he liked joon. even joon knew. they would poke fun like, "you two will get married one day" or jins older brother saying "aw you two would look so cute together" just to watch them both blush to -

the tips of their ears in embarrassment. joons mom would pinch kooks cheeks and let him sit beside joon at dinner or she would take over washing the dishes so joon could go with jin and kook to go swimming in the lake. it was a THING that everyone knew about and found cute. -

seokjin thinks its so gross, ew how could someone like his cousin of all people, and he is relentless; he waggles his eyebrows and makes gagging noises when he catches kook looking at joon with his big puppy dog eyes or following him around the cabin. -

every year is spent almost the same with smores and fire pits and sun bathing by the lake where they play chicken and marco polo until someone (taehyung) gets a sunburn because they forgot to use sunblock. they practically grow up together, jungkook seokjin namjoon and taehyung -

but eventually as they get older they start to bring along friends or significant others, and one year taehyung invites his friend yoongi who is a few years above him. they met through tutoring and taehyung looks at him like hes the absolute best thing he has ever seen-

and everyones treating them very differently than they ever did namjoon and jungkook. when taehyung blushes, nobody points it out and coos at how cute it is. when yoongi sits down beside taehyung, nobody says anything about the other six free seats he COULD HAVE taken. -

but before the end of that summer taehyung pulls jungkook into the tree house they stopped using like three years ago, and he cries. he says yoongi doesnt like him the same way and hes scared hes going to lose him as a friend. jungkook....doesnt really know what to say. -

he hugs tae and pats his back but hes never had to face this himself. hes still at that age where crushes are crushes, he doesnt feel the rush to get a yes or no definite answer for what namjoon feels or doesnt feel for him. its a kind of 'it will still be here next year' thing -

except it.....isnt. its the summer before his freshmen year of high school and seokjin had just gotten his drivers license so he gets to drive them up to the cabin for the first time. they have the windows down and sing loudly to the radio the entire way out, and seokjin -

makes the trip ten times more fun than his parents did, stopping to get snacks and take pictures. they get there kind of late but tae and yoongi are already out front playing with the dogs, so they unpack and spend some time doing the same until namjoon and his parents arrive -

and it hits him just how much everything managed to change in just a year; jin has his own car and is is about to graduate. yoongi isnt far behind him and he never shuts up about his boyfriend (tae still gets this look on his face like hes bitten into a lemon when he sees -

yoongi mention going on a date in the group chat but hes slowly getting over him) or his scholarship to university. namjoon is also sorting through future university choices.....taehyung is working part time. jungkook is just starting HIGH SCHOOL next month. and oddly enough -

his brain chooses that moment to realize he doesnt have forever. namjoon isnt going to always be here, he isnt always going to ruffle jungkooks hair and smile or send memes in the group chat that go right over jungkooks head. his crush on namjoon wont last forever -

unless he DOES SOMETHING. he suddenly understands taehyung crying in the tree house last year; but he isnt brave enough to approach namjoon like he had yoongi. instead he tries to enjoy the summer just like he usually does. which he manages to do up until the last four days -

when hes headed to the kitchen to ge another bag of marshmallows for smores at the fire, and he hears.....lips smacking. and he sees namjoon and yoongi kissing, tucked away behind the wood pile- where namjoon was supposed to get more wood for the fire a good ten minutes ago. -

a lot makes sense then. namjoon going out to daegu for "school stuff" and yoongi never EVER mentioning his boyfriend by name. taehyung desperately wanting to move on, always conveniently unable to tell jungkook who yoongi was on a date with when he was upset-texting about -

being 'ditched' for 'some goofy dude with glasses and a terrible bowl cut' which....namjoon had grown out his haircut that he ended up hating. an awkward in between of bowl cut and almost crop. and yeah, he had glasses that he replaced with contacts last year. oh. -

his vision floods with tears and his skin feels too tight and itchy, and he forgets the marshmallows. he goes straight to bed, curls up in the room he has shared with seokjin for forever, and spends the rest of his time there until seokjins has the car packed and they head -

back home. he says bye to the adults and bolts when taehyung tries to hug him- hes still not sure how to feel about everyone withholding namjoon and yoongi dating. seokjin gets it though, for all the teasing hed done over the years. he lets jungkook hide away in the car and -

doesnt say a word about it until they are parked outside of jungkooks house. then he reaches over the center console and tugs him into a tight, tight hug and says hes so sorry- he didnt really know either. but he gets why they didnt say anything and he says exactly that -

"they love you so, so much kook. they want you to find love and be happy and they cant stand the thought of hurting you....they might have just needed some time to figure out how to tell you."

it makes sense in hindsight but hes young and doesnt quite grasp it yet, so he -

is angry and he is upset and he deletes the group chat the next day out of spite. he cries and hurts and agonizes over it all for the last free week before school starts up again.

he forgets how much he liked taekwondo and taking pictures for yearbook, and eventually -

he kind of just....puts the whole thing in the back of his mind. he makes new friends, he gets invited to a few parties and gets really into going to the schools weight lifting class during study hall. he actually enjoys his time in high school and even though he deleted the -

group chat he still texts seokjin every single day, even if its just one emoji or a meme, and seokjin answers him back with a video of whatever dish he created in his culinary course that day. occasionally seokjin will tell him tae says hi or update him on yoongis university -

adventures, and only toward the middle of the year he started telling him that namjoon was doing good, or he was refusing to get his drivers license because he simply didnt need one- its dangerous too- its not essential to city life- and he always says it like hes hoping -

jungkook will be okay. he still gets a heavy sinking feeling at the thought of namjoon and yoongi kissing but its starting to ease a little with time and life and the looming need to prepare for the end of the year so he kind of just shrugs it off and changes the subject. -

until its actually the end of the year and suddenly he has to decide if he is going to go back to the kim's cabin.
for the first time he chooses to stay home, and has to look away from his phone screen when seokjin looks....actually kind of devastated when he says hes got -

other plans. the whole day he usually spends with seokjin going up to the cabin is spent in his living room playing video games with yugyeom, a friend from school, and he feels immense regret. he doesnt text seokjin and seokjin doesnt text him and it lasts for the entire -

duration of the family gathering. and then it lasts into the next week that jungkook spends out with friends. and then the next week, preparing for sophomore year.

it lasts so long that when he accidentally sends seokjin a simple text meant for his older brother -

just a simple 'can u walk gureum pls im staying at mingyus' but he gets the most awkward response he thinks hes ever gotten from anyone.

......mhm.
so youre alive.

he feels like his entire face has gone up in flames. mortified, he sends the text to the correct person and -

shoves his phone into the pocket of his sweats to eave the text from seokjin unanswered. it stays unanswered until the literal last day of school, when everyone is let out and hes frozen halfway out of the schools parking because seokjin is there leaning against his car in his -

culinary attire, looking down at his phone like it had burned him. jungkooks own phone vibrates in his pocket.
mingyu and yugyeom both pause to look back at him with quirked lips and raised eyebrows but he is actually STUCK standing there. does he go over to seokjin or -

does he continue heading to the left, where seokjin probably wouldnt even see him.

he wants to avoid the confrontation, has never been good at the whole thing, but....he really misses seokjin. he thinks of him often, usually in passing thoughts of 'jin hyung would like this' -

or 'i wonder what hes cooking today' and he DOES try to send him texts sometimes but he chickens out because....well...its his own fault they dont really talk? it had started out as neither of them but seokjin had at least tried. hed answered. jungkook had blatantly ignored it. -

and here seokjin was giving him another chance.

jungkooks heart sinks, and he tells his friends hes got a ride home so he will see them later, and he braces himself for what he hopes wont be too bad of a confrontation. he heads over to the familiar hyundai and twists his -

fingers in his backpacks shoulder straps because hes so damn NERVOUS and then seokjin looks up and he looks a little bit stunned. its awkward as expected and they dont really know what to say to each other until seokjin scoffs out a disbelieving laugh and slaps at jungkooks -

bicep. "what in the hell is THIS? since when have you got actual muscles?! christ....soon you will be putting even me to shame."

he knows seokjin is exaggerating but it feels good. familiar even, and he cant help smiling.

"youre just slacking."

seokjin looks at him with one -

of his over the top expressions and unlocks the car, gesturing for him to get in. they spend the whole drive to jungkooks talking and catching up and it feels like they never had a weird chasm in their friendship. uuuuuntil seokjin changes that and says quite seriously that -

hed been hurt, knowing jungkook had been actively avoiding contacting him. hed missed out on so much and what for? seokjin answers his own question with a cringed, kind of irritable "the namjoon-yoongi hing." and jungkook can only nod his head, fully ashamed. it still bothers -

him and all but part of him feels like hes kind of a little too old to be acting like this because of someone not liking him. and seokjin may be fun, goofy, entertaining and very caring but he doesnt sugarcoat things when he feels they dont need it. and he lets jungkook have it -

full stop.
he needed it, too.
he feels his eyes burn when seokjin tells him that taehyung had actually been VERY upset at his lack of presence at the cabin because "i only get to see him during the summer and hes not here...." and how yoongi had quietly asked to be kept -

updated on how he was doing, and namjoon had been genuinely angry with himself for not handling the whole thing in a more....mature way despite having been a literal kid through almost the entire run through of jungkooks obvious crush.
he feels a little cornered but also -

a little dumb. for a lot of things. and having seokjin spell them all out for him, forcing him to see and accept them being reality, brought a lot of things into perspective for him.
the first being that he had a lot of apologizing to do. and he would do it in person. -

[ yes hello this WILL be continued ive just fallen asleep at my laptop desk though so i think its time for a good sleep lmao ]

its easy to tell himself that in the moment, leaned against seokjins car trying not to get overwhelmed. its a lot harder to actually DO IT though. hes quiet the whole way out to the cabin as he tries to put together what he is going to say to everyone individually. seokjin -

sings to the radio and occasionally reaches over to ruffle his hair or poke his cheek when a particularly high energy pop song comes on, eyes bright and shining even as he doesnt move them from the road. hes in a very, very good mood and jungkook feels lighter than he has -

in months. hed apologized (more than once) to seokjin and every time he did it he felt just that little bit better. plus seokjin got all embarrassed by the third time and blushed to the tips of his ears because while he likes attention he doesnt necessarily like ALL of it. -

either way jungkook has been forgiven. and given a few pieces of advice, "next time something happens dont hold it in okay? say something to someone. talk about it. tell ME. you know you can talk to me about anything, anytime...youre my best friend. i want to help when i can." -

it makes him feel lucky. hes just going into his next year of high school and he has an 18 year old best friend who goes to university and has his own car, lives in a dorm. hes so COOL and jungkook is just.....jungkook. but seokjin makes him feel like thats something to be -

proud of. hes always been really good at making people feel special and jungkook is no exception so while he IS quiet the whole ride up, seokjin makes it comfortable.

this time around they make few stops, mostly for gas or to use the restroom, but they stop again just before -

pulling into the long, winding driveway that resembled more of a dirt road. the car is idling and the radio is turned off and seokjin turns to him with a sad smile. he takes both of his hands in his and squeezes, reassuring and careful. it screams PEP TALK and thats exactly -

what jungkook gets but its lacking his usual touch of humor. its obvious hes put a lot of thought into what he says and it comes out a little fumbled and stilted but no less genuine. it makes jungkook feel both ready and terrified to see everyone he knows is at the end of -

the driveway; seokjins parents and aunts and uncles, his cousins and....namjoon, yoongi, taehyung. he knows the adults will be an awkward greeting but it wont be on their part it will be fully on his. its a completely different story for the others, his friends since he was -

in third grade. seokjin tries so hard to tell him he has no reason to be as horribly anxious as he is, rubs his palm up and down jungkooks back when he folds over to put his head between his knees. his stomach is tight and aching, and it doesnt go away until they have -

reached the end of the driveway where seokjin parks in his usual spot further down as the adults have all taken the closest spots to the house. they get out to unpack their bags from the backseat and jungkooks hands are SHAKING. his breathing is a little shaky too until -

taehyung comes barreling out of the house screaming, yanking jungkook into a hug so tight he swears he hears his ribs cracking. he tells him he missed him so much, was so sad he wasnt there last year but its okay because hes there now- and jungkooks entire soul just hurts. -

taehyung was someone who loved with everything he had and that easily applied to his friends. they were family, so he treated them as such which meant jungkook was almost instantly back in his good graces with just a hug and muffled -

"im sorry i wasnt here too, tae. i missed you so, so much. summer isnt really the same without you guys....i regret not coming. i promise i will come every year from now on." that was muffled into taehyungs shoulder because...hed....gone through a growth spurt and was -

taller than jungkook. his hair wasnt his natural dark brown almost black, instead hed dyed it a flattering caramel brown that looked really nice with his sun tanned skintone. he was starting to REALLY lose the boyish way his cheeks filled and his limbs were lanky, a little too -

long and willowy. now he seemed far more proportioned, a sort of easy comfortable handsome that made jungkook feel just a little bit self conscious. he was kind of the only one who hadnt gone through a substantial growth spurt yet, was still small framed and baby faced -

despite the developing muscle mass hed been working so hard for. namjoon and seokjin had both grown into themselves enough that they didnt look like kids to jungkook anymore, not like how he saw himself still. and yoongi had been broad shouldered when they first met, all sharp -

edges and developing muscle too, similar to jungkook but not to the same extreme. everyone was growing up so fast, which was further proven when he was dragged into the house to meet taehyungs "first ever boyfriend" jimin. he was on the living room floor playing with yeontan -

and he made taehyung absolutely glow with happiness. he reminded jungkook of a marshmallow, or a plushie. cute and sweet, looking up at taehyung like he hung the moon and stars with a smile so big it made his eyes smile too. they were introduced quickly and seokjin dove right -

in for the ripe opportunity to tease taehyung about being a lovesick puppy, starting up playful banter that followed them all the way up to the bedroom where they both dropped off their bags. jungkooks anxiety was a pinprick compared to the happiness of being back in such -

familiar walls, a place full of so many good memories with people he cared so much for. but it was still there and he hated how wobbly his voice came out when he asked where everyone else was as he took off his shoes and began looking through his bag for his bathing suit. -

taehyung shrugged, not so discretely shooting seokjin, who was also in the process of looking for his bathing suit, a look. "dont really know. last i saw they were walking down to the lake so you guys got the right idea."

turns out they were not at the lake. theyd all trudged -

down the path through the woods in flip flops, jungkook taking the chance to fall back a bit and get something else off his chest- the fact that taehyung had known about namjoon and yoongi, and chose not to tell him. it went a little stiffly but by the end of the walk jungkook -

was newly informed of taehyungs almost desperate want to keep all the bad things to himself if it meant making others feel better. not for the first time jungkook felt bad for his emotionally driven deleting of the group chat but this time it felt as if someone had punched -

a hole through his chest. as they left the woods he grabbed taehyungs hand and held tight until they got to the picnic tables seokjins and namjoons fathers had put together years ago. the smallest things, like holding a hand or wanting to be on his team for chicken, made -

taehyung come to life in a whole new way, like the sun parting clouds after days of raining and jungkook was happy to see that these things still had the same reaction as they always had.

they splashed around and goofed off for a few hours before yoongi and namjoon actually -

showed up, hands awkwardly in their pockets or at their sides and a good foot or so between them as they walked over to where jimin and taehyung had gotten out of the water to reapply sunblock (jimin was going to save taehyungs skin jungkook KNEW IT) and jungkook had -

laid out two towels on the ground for him and seokjin to lay out and sun dry. jungkook felt very suddenly a little too full, like he would burst if he opened his mouth, but stayed where he was laying on his stomach to look up at them from behind sunglasses too big for his face -

seokjins extra pair because hed forgotten his own at home. they tinted everything a dark orange, but it did nothing to hide the obvious discomfort on namjoons face when yoongi made a b-line for the picnic tables. it left namjoon standing there before seokjin and jungkook -

like he would rather be ANYWHERE but there. jugkook had to chew his lip to keep from making a noise probably resembling a wounded animal, because....well....no matter how much he didnt like it, he still felt things for namjoon. and it hurt to see that look on his face, the -

awkward stiffness in the way he stood. the easy, comfortable way they used to exist around each other was nowhere to be seen and it hurt. a lot of things hurt this past year, and jungkook was very much ready for all of that to stop. so he inhaled deep, through his nose, and -

pushed himself up to brush off his bathing suit. he thought of seokjins words, both recent and from all those months, almost a year exactly, back. they both cared for him. they wouldnt have done this to hurt or spite him. they didnt want him to hurt. -

not everything in life was meant to be because of or for HIM. namjoon and yoongi having feelings for each other was their thing, not theirs and jungkooks. and he knew seokjin was right, he knew he was. but it definitely still bit at his heart to accept it and it stung -

just as much when he lifted his sunglasses and it didnt change the way namjoon was looking at him. this wasnt the 'jungkook and namjoon' from a few years ago. it had more weight, less of the childish "im going to marry joon hyung when i get older" that jungkook had begun -

fearing losing. this wasnt taehyung crying in the tree house, afraid of losing his friend because his friend didnt like him the same way, and jungkook not grasping it. naive in his belief that it couldnt possibly hurt that much for a crush to disappear. -

this was jungkook seeing that everyone playing them, him and namjoon, up for YEARS had blinded him in more ways than he thought. seeing that namjoon reacting to things wasnt him getting butterflies or feeling tingly when they held hands, it was namjoon being EMBARRASSED and -

not knowing how to tell jungkook things like "i dont want to marry you when we get older kook" or, "im blushing because i dont know how to react to you picking dandelions in the yard for me" just....all of the things he did as a child that everyone thought to be so sweet -

but he had taken to heart and planted there and he....reached a point where the loss of such a childish hope, belief, that it was all REAL was devastating to him.

he was just standing there but it felt a whole lot more like he was standing there still offering his -

bleeding heart to someone who didnt want to take it and he was being forced to shove it back into his chest.

so when the first tear fell and it got a little more quiet over by the picnic table, jungkook felt the very strong urge to go back up to the cabin. not to run -

away from everything, but just to....patch himself up, strengthen defenses before going head first into something he knew would only hurt more. but in true best friend fashion seokjin could see it written all over his face and got up to wrap an arm around his shoulders, -

telling everyone they would be right back, and they walked back up to the trail through the woods. he rubbed at jungkooks arms and made comforting hushing sounds, let him cry until he was just hiccuping into his shoulder. "i know its going to hurt, jungkook. i wont -

say i know how it feels, exactly, but i know it hurts. its okay to be hurting. its okay to cry. but i want you to know that this wont hurt forever, okay?" hes petting his hands down the back of jungkooks head and tangling his fingers in his hair and its the most comforting -

things hes probably ever experienced excluding literally every single thing his mother ever did for him. "its like pulling off a band-aid right? it stings real bad when you do it but it hurts less and less with time. wanna try...?"

he nods and sniffles and wipes at his -

face, feels a little bit better. now that hes away from everyone though, hes afraid to go back. having seokjin holding him in a kind of sideways hug, arm wrapped tight over his shoulders to tug him into his side as they walk back down to the lake, is something hes grateful for -

when they reach the picnic table and namjoon jumps up from where hed sat between taehyung and yoongi. he looks borderline scared and he doesnt come closer than a few feet when seokjin stops walking.

his eyes are sad, lips down turned in a frown but at least he doesnt look -

at jungkook the way he had before.

"i...dont really kow how to, um, say this? at all? but im so sorry kook. i never meant to hurt your feelings or make you feel like i didnt want you here."

hes not meeting jungkooks eyes, looking down at his hands wrapping and unwrapping -

around his own fingers in a nervous habit.

"i should have said something years ago. i was just so scared of hurting you. i hated seeing you upset about ANYTHING and it scared me to think i would be the reason you got hurt. i guess i wished you would kind of just outgrow -

the crush. move on and realize im really not as cool as you always said i was."

here jungkook catches a quiet snort from seokjin who detaches himself from jungkook with a pat to his shoulder, leaving them to it. jungkook watches him take namjoons spot at the table and feels -

smaller than he knows he is under namjoons eyes. hed looked up at the noise and just kind of kept his eyes on jungkook after seokjin walked away.

"your feelings will always be valid. nobody can ever tell you that you arent allowed to feel something. and i guess i was -

not ready to take that away from you. i didnt want to hurt you, but i also was being selfish.....and i shouldnt have been. i wish i had told you, kook. i really do and i regret not handling this in a different way i guess. im just-....im sorry."

seokjin was right but it -

didnt feel quite like a band-aid to have namjoon say all of that to him. it definitely stung, a lot, but it also felt like something else that hed never experienced before. it was good and bad.

hed shuffled his feet awkwardly and shrugged, mumbled out a quiet but firm -

"its okay i guess...."
and then hed been wrapped up in a fast, slightly awkward, hug from namjoon.

it didnt make him feel the same way it used to.
part of him felt sad, part of him felt relieved, part of him felt a little numb. it felt just a tad forced on namjoons part -

but him hugging jungkook after all of that was like putting a cap on an overflowing bottle- it felt final. he pulled back and smiled a little, gave jungkooks back a few pats, and then joined everyone back at the picnic table where theyd started making sandwiches for lunch. -

yoongi was already staring when jungkook looked over at them all and while he and yoongi hadnt exactly been as close as he was with the others....it had still hurt that he was involved in everything just as it had hurt because it was namjoon and taehyung. -

yoongi had always been on the more reserved side with a soft presence when he was around more than just a few people. he spoke soft, always made sure to be inclusive, talked slow and purposeful. he could be loud, would crack jokes and sometimes spoke a little too fast -

for his mind to keep up with his mouth, would fumble with words and have to be reminded to slow down a little too though. he was one extreme or the other with no in between, so it surprised exactly no one that yoongi took a while to speak to jungkook. -

[ and this is where i take a break for lunch 👍 ]

it is surprising that he does it in front of the entire cabin full of people at the dinner table though. he clears his throat and calmly proceeds to tell jungkook (and everyone else by default) that childhood crushes are a normal thing, but what should never be normal -

is having actual adults pairing off children together, joking or not, because "children are sponges, kookie. they soak up their entire environment to learn how to adapt to it. when you have adults, the ones you look to learn things from, urging you to do certain things....it -

is not seen as a cute, innocent joke by the child. its just normal, its what they are supposed to do, and your teachers are no longer teaching you how to handle these aspects of life. it shouldnt happen that way."

its dead silent when he finishes, ears red but face stoic -

because he was passionate about a lot of things and children were one thing he got very, very fired up about. namjoons parents have both set down their silverware and excuse themselves from the table. his older sister is visibly uncomfortable but she continues eating her -

slice of pizza after sharing a look with seokjins older brother from across the table. namjoon looks borderline mortified before excusing himself as well to follow his parents out onto the patio.

jungkook vehemently agrees with every single point made. he has no clue -

how to go about this entire debacle. all he knew was suddenly things were different but he never expected them to be. he feels a pit growing in his stomach at the idea of mr. and mrs. kim being upset, being hurt, and he lays awake in bed that night agonizing over it. -

the next morning namjoons mother invites him and namjoon to have breakfast with her and she apologizes. "it was so easy to get caught up in how sweet it was. sometimes....when you are parenting you make mistakes. you learn from them if you parent RIGHT-" here namjoon hugs her -

and tells her that she was doing it right. she smiles, shares the same dimples namjoon has, and takes one of their hands each into her own. "and last night i think we were shown a mistake." jungkooks heart sinks when she turns to focus solely on him, letting go of her sons -

hand to hold jungkooks with both of hers. her eyes are so sad. "jungkook sweetheart, i think yoongi was right. we could have taught the both of you how to navigate your emotions so much better. we should have taught you that, gently, because you WERE both so young. but we dont -

have an excuse for pushing something that was-"
namjoon leans over to peer around her, eyes large and head shaking.
"mom its...i mean jungkook probably would have liked me regardless of you guys calling us cute when we were like five. if we had been a little older-"

jungkook sputters out a choked cough because that was a little spot on, he definitely still would have liked namjoon even if people hadnt encouraged him to be so blatant about it. it was also very, very strange to hear namjoon say that out loud.
"i....i would have."
namjoons -

mother looks ready to cut them both off but jungkook continues albeit a little shyly. its starting to feel good being able to talk about everything.
"but i dont know if i would have been so, um, attached? if people werent like....telling me i would definitely be -

kim jungkook or something. like i thought you liked me too for so long because my dad would tell me you blushed when someone you like does something nice for you. and i knew that when i gave you things or kissed your cheek you blushed so....i guess its just that -

a lot of people fed into this without trying or noticing, it wasnt just you guys."
he shrugs, feeling his face heat knowing he had eyes on him. namjoon speaks up next and he sounds like hes cringing.
"yoongi wasnt wrong but i dont think he should have said it so, err, publicly? -

and definitely not as generalized as he made it sound. hes been looking into developmental psychology for possible majors and....he....mom, its okay to make mistakes."
jungkooks soul feels crushed when his hand is squeezed and he looks up to see namjoons mother has tears in -

her eyes. seeing a mother cry was something he hated. it made him feel so utterly helpless, unable to do something to make the hurt okay.
"i know it sounded bad but it didnt do damage like.....like sure i dont think i would have told kook about yoongi and i until it was -

already known because i was kind of unsure of how it would change everything between us? but please mom dont think it was ALL you guys. i was and am old enough to know that sometimes hurt is inevitable if you dont want to KEEP hurting someone. i think.....that makes sense?"

jungkook feels like hes in over his head listening to namjoon ramble like that but he maybe sort of gets the gist. seokjin saying they probably didnt want to hurt him was right. namjoon saying he could have handled everything better was also right. yoongi saying the -

lack of teaching was a lack of stopping it before it snowballed was right. but he also could look back and....see that he could have also just. asked? maybe talked to namjoon instead of blindly assuming- he had been going into high school for fucksake. he was old enough, right? -

it frustrates him that this has turned into such a big deal.
that everyones tense at meal times for a few days and jungkook still cant really sleep at night.

seokjin helps with that though, takes him out at some ungodly hour of the night to sneak onto the roof -

thats just below the bedroom window they can see the lake from there and the moons reflecting off of it like a mirror, and jungkook is happy he agreed to come out.
"joon told me about the talk thing."
hes whispering so nobody else is woken up, especially taehyungs parents and -

all of his younger siblings who are camping out in the yard in their camper. jungkook shrugs, nods his head and tucks his knees up to his chest.
"it was kinda awkward but i duno. i felt better afterwards."
seokjin quirks a brow at him that screams are you positive about that? -

"i dont like how everything is different now. i feel like its my fault."
'seokjin told me to talk, seokjin told me to say something, he wants to help, hes my best friend' is what he chants in his head feeling jittery and unused to being quite THAT open but seokjin looks like -

hes proud of him when he glances over at him. his whole chest feels fuzzy, soft and comfortable knowing his best friend was happy hed done something right. he likes seeing seokjin smile.
"im glad you told me. but you know its not your fault right?"
seokjins fingers curl over -

the back of his neck and then slip up into his hair.
"you had a crush, joon wasnt sure how to tell you he didnt, then he didnt know how to tell you about him and yoongi. everyone involved is at fault, kook. nobody handled it correctly but you know...life is kinda like that?" -

jungkook shakes his head a little, cheek smooshed into his knee as he looks over at seokjin.
"well it is. like that i mean. its full of things people dont see coming and have no time to plan for. i....um....i know how it feels to not see something coming, and have no plan for -

how to handle it. like how am i supposed to know i would get a flat tire on finals day? i had no plan for how to get to my class on time. i had to pay out of pocket to retake that entire class."
he grumbles the last bit, huffy and irritated, but jungkook cant help laughing -

because seokjin was comical without really trying to be sometimes.
"my POINT is that nobody planned. and well, things change. they always change whether or not you notice it. the best you can do is go with the flow i think."

seokjin being cool was an understatement. jungkook felt like, in that moment, he was sitting beside the best person to have ever lived. he wasnt huge on physical displays of affection but the urge to hug his best friend was strong enough that he gave in pretty quickly. -

"how do i go with the flow of uuuuuh lets see- taehyung being afraid hes not telling me enough about stuff so i wont come back next summer, yoongi constantly apologizing every time he holds joons hand or kisses him, and joon still being way too awkward around me."

he laughs a little louder when seokjin flops back against the roof and yanks him along with him, squishing him to his chest to give him a noogie.
"tell them to get over it. it happened, it was talked about and discussed and everyone said sorry. stop making me sound like -

a 300 year old philosopher please im only eighteen. i have no clue what im talking about i just wanna sound cool and informed."

they spend hours out there and come morning they are the only ones who arent spewing awkward, overly careful vibes at the breakfast table. -

it spreads around over a few days, everyone slowly loosening up and falling back into the usual routines their trip always tended to take; the adults playing horseshoes and drinking beer or soju, going down town, the younger kids running around screaming about hide and seek -

or tag or some other high energy physical game.
jungkook and seokjin drag their group of friends out to go kayaking or hiking and eventually everyone is laughing and rough housing like they were SUPPOSED to. the only one who isnt, is yoongi. hes still managed to be stuck -

in his own head since the night hed spoken up at the table and jungkook wants to say something but seokjin beats him to it, closely followed by namjoon who...with zero context given, loudly asks everyone if they were offended by yoongi calling out their parents. -

taehyung guffaws. jimin shrugs and says no, he actually agreed that it was kind of unhealthy to put kids in a situation like that, and namjoon says nothing though jungkook suspects theyd already had this talk days ago. -

and the relief is stark on yoongis face when jungkook shakes his head and smiles easily.
"it made me feel better. i understand some stuff a little better now too because of it. i think you would be really good as a psych major."
yoongi- for all the quiet little mouse he -

seemed to be around people sometimes, gets loud and excited and energetic again after that. his face lights up and he seems to feel more at ease.

he and seokjin share a smile, laugh together because "go with the flow yoongichi" and "kim seokjin philosopher of the ages"

they have genuine FUN for the time they spend at the cabin before everyones saying goodbyes with hugs and see you laters and you better fucking texte mes in taehyungs case- his mother gives him the eyes when he curses and he immediately says sorry despite jimin laughing

at him for it.
the hug between jungkook and namjoon is a whole lot easier, not back to how it used to be but definitely on its way. and yoongi practically yanks his hand off when he is dragged to the car because, "if i dont have to let go of someones hand i dont have to-"

so the ride home feels....different. everything still feels different but its not all bad. seokjin grins over at him and screams along to songs and stops to take selcas of them to post on instagram and its good.

he feels good.

things continue to change over the years of everyone packing into the kims summer cabin, dome good some bad, but jungkook has learned to go with the flow much like seokjin told him just before his sophomore year. he finds his own way of dealing with things that feels safe

and comfortable for him and its working. seokjin doesnt have to be a philosopher though he jokes about missing the days where jungkook would look at him with his "big sparkly bambi eyes" like he was the smartest person he knew- jungkook would never dream of telling him he wasnt

WRONG, seokjin had been the absolute smartest person when he was young and impressionable and naive. he would never let jungkook live it down.

there were a lot of things he was never going to live down, a lot of dumb things he did at the cabin that got him in trouble or gave

him scars like the time hed ignored the warning of NOT to do a backflip into the lake and had spent the night in the er getting stitches. or falling off the roof with seokjin and sporting matching casts for broken arms.

oooor the time he taehyung and jimin had gotten caught

trying to sneak alcohol into the tree house before they were legal. hed been grounded for a long time because of that one, and now every time they all went out drinking together they would jokingly order him soda or juice.

they didnt often have time to meet up with everyone

having jobs or university but they were ALWAYS at the cabin for the summer. always. the only times someone had been missing were due to legitimate things; a broken down car, a family emergency, something important that everyone understood and reassured that it was fine.

so, come this summers get away at the kims cabin, jungkook is baffled when the group chat pings and its a text from seokjin.

' dunno if i can make it out this year :( '

immediately jungkook worries. did something happen at work? at home? did seokjin get hurt?

hed graduated a few years before jungkook made it into his second year of university, had moved out of the dorm and into a flat that he shared with someone named hoseok who was pretty chill the times they had met.
hed struck up a business deal with his older brother to open

a joint owned restaurant (that jungkook often infiltrated and got in trouble for "being a stereotypical starving art student") and he hoped and prayed nothing had happened with that because they had struggled. they put their blood sweat and tears into that place and seokjin

had flourished when it started picking up business well.

it pings again with a text from jimin first, then yoongi and taehyung.

' is everything ok? '
' did something happen how can i help '
' its ok if u cant come but we will miss u '

he gives seokjin a few minutes answer and

when he doesnt, jungkook facetimes him.

its not too late just quarter to nine and that means seokjin should be finishing up with closing the restaurant but when he answers its very obviously not the restaurant hes so used to seeing behind seokjin.
hes not even in his chefs whites.
"hyung, whats up? everything okay?"

he looks fine, not panicked or worried or sad and jungkook is a tiny bit put off by it. hes worried but now he feels like maybe he shouldnt be?
"of course, why? kook did something happen? why do you look so worried....?"

now he looks worried. hed been laying down, probably in

bed, but now hes sitting up and turning on a light somewhere off screen that lights up- huh. pretty sure that was hoseoks bedroom.
"no, no its just. you said you couldnt come this year? to the cabin?"

he pauses in standing up now, cocking his head to the side like hes wildly

confused. he looks half asleep with bed head and sleepy eyes. he resembles a high llama and jungkook has to rub the palm of his hand over his mouth to keep from laughing.
"but i am. i already put in for the time off and everything- oh god, wait did i send that text to YOU?"

the laughter passes his hand and he nods, amused by the fact that seokjin still does so many things hed picked up as a teenager. now he was closing in on his late twenties with just a few years to thirty and he....was still just as goofy and fun as he was at seventeen.

"damn it, sorry koo. didnt mean to worry you or something i meant to send that to-"
both of them freeze at a sudden noise and seokjins entire face resembles a tomato through the screen. jungkook doesnt know WHY until he catches sight of a bare leg stretching out behind seokjin.

oh.
so he has co.....company, wait was he REALLY kinky enough to get frisky in his roommates bed?
jungkook wouldnt put it past him honestly. the things they all talked about over the years would have probably made his mother cry. he knew things about his friends that he probably

didnt NEED to know. seokjin included, but that was because they told each other practically everything.

he quirks an eyebrow and leans back in one of the universities exceedingly uncomfortable stools to look at seokjin beseechingly.
"hyung i didnt know you were THAT kinky."

he snorts as he watches the red blush spread down to seokjins neck where it disappears off the screen.
"poor hobi.....his poor, poor bed. if only he knew."

for a split second seokjins entire face changes. its quick but jungkook catches it and he knows that look, knows it as a

tell for 'time to change the subject' so he clears his throat and looks past his phone to where he had been working on a still life piece for part of his upcoming final.
"anyway, you said youre still coming so you might wanna check the group chat then."

he notices a spot hed forgotten to shade and tsks, tilts his head to the side real quick in a habit he had picked up from yoongi. hes aware of it now after namjoon had pointed it out a while back, and he scowls at the memory of how they all had started looking for little things

he had gotten from them. jimin had jokingly tossed in, "definitely got jinnies appetite." which would have been fine if certain people (namjoon, yoongi, and jungkook in particular) hadnt immediately thought of ANOTHER kind of appetite and promptly made gagging noises.

seokjin had laughed and pretended to shove a spoonful of food into jungkooks mouth which had everyone laughing but....seokjin had been a little less upbeat after that. a little subdued.

"i sent it to the group chat? oh god oh fuck i bet tae is losing his mind right now."

he can see seokjin checking the texts when he looks back to the phone and realizes hed left the bedroom and was headed somewhere else- the kitchen or the living room if the walls were anything to go by.
he can also see material that wasnt there before, just a sweatshirt seokjin

probably tossed on before he left the room. its hoseoks from when hed been in university and it looks tight around the collar probably because of his shoulders being so damn wide. jungkook cant stop staring at it.

"soooooo.....hows life been?"

he has to force himself to glance away from the bottom of the screen and catches seokjin now sitting on the kitchen counter shoveling a spoonful of rice and kimchi into his mouth. it makes his cheeks puff.

"good, its good. finals and stuff. mingyu and i broke up last week."

seokjin chokes briefly, pounds a fist into his chest and then looks directly at jungkook with huge eyes.

"wait WHAT? you did? are you okay, jeez i really didnt see that coming- how did i get rice on the floor-"

there was never a dull moment talking to seokjin and he finds

himself snorting yet again at his antics. he looked forward to their occasional facetime sessions, likes seeing the way his best friend reacted to him.

"im alright. we were kind of, um, more friends with benefits than actual boyfriends. we never went on any dates or anything."

he shrugs, not too affected really, but he notices seokjin is looking at him with genuine surprise on his face.

"what."

he shakes his head, shrugs and stuffs another bite of food into his mouth.

"just surprised. you talked about him like he was the one or something."

this confuses him a little because while they had been friends through high school and now into university they had never really been romantically attracted to each other. they did something dumb senior year, said they would help each other get over the people they were still

hung up on (jungkook, namjoon. mingyu some guy he met last year and moved away.) and it had started as "this is my boyfriend" but turned into meeting up for a quick fuck when they needed stress relief. nothing really ever developed between them other than sexual familiarity

and they had been pretty alright with it. but mingyu started genuinely liking someone and they decided to cut it off. jungkook was bummed merely because he would have to use his own hand in place of another person but that was it.

he had never felt anything even CLOSE to

romantic for mingyu. they helped each other first emotionally and then sexually. hed never really seen mingyu as anything past a great friend and great lay.

"huh. i mean i guess he had a nice di-"

"NOOOOOPE, not going there with you. i remember mingyu i do not need to hear

about these things."

seokjin was laughing but jungkook could see that he meant it. he also knew it was prime setup for a chance to poke fun.

"sorry too much info. kinda like the time you vividly recounted your first time with a girl to a group of mostly drunk gay men at a bar."

seokjins head snapped up and his eyebrows raised to his hairline before he started speaking so quickly that jungkook couldnt keep up, something he did when he was purposefully trying to make someone laugh, and jungkook fell victim every single time.

he sat there laughing hysterically as seokjin went red in the face from not taking enough breaths between talking.

jungkook had been unsure of his sexuality at that time, only ever having been with mingyu, and seokjin had been just tipsy enough to have no brain to mouth filter.

hed not been TOO descriptive, thank god, but it had been enough that the thought of sleeping with a woman didnt really do much for jungkook. of course hed not let that be the only determining factor and had thoroughly embarrassed himself the first and last time he had tried

to see if he could enjoy being with a girl from one of his lectures. shed been incredibly understanding and they had kept in touch for studying sessions. he was aware he had been incredibly lucky, had heard other people talk about the nightmarish reactions they got in the same

situation.

seokjin never really talked about those kind of things past "good god i need that" or, "so that date turned spicy real quick" and it was known that he tended to get very emotionally attached. so he didnt put himself in situations where something sexual would never

go further than just a one night stand- jungkook had heard him talk about being hurt that people in his university days never wanted him. it had carved a hole in his chest because who in their right mind wouldnt want seokjin?
now he was well versed in discussing things BEFORE

they had the chance to even remotely look like they could be sexual. he took his own advice. talk, dont hold it in.

"hey kook!"

jungkook genuinely jolted in his seat hard enough that he had to grab at the easel in front of him to keep from falling onto the floor.

hoseok had popped into the frame, right in front of seokjins face, and it had startled the living hell out of him. he looked similar to seokjin with bed head and sleepy eyes, but he was missing a sweatshirt. or any shirt for that matter.

and suddenly something CLICKED.

"holy-.....wait.....hyung are you two?"
part of him wouldnt be surprised; hoseok was a sweet, sunshiny kinda guy and he was attractive, jungkook wasnt blind. but another part of him felt unsettled.

hoseoks face fell, honestly a reaction jungkook didnt see coming.

behind him seokjin cleared his throat and squared his shoulders, laughing but not REALLY laughing.

"nah, you know hobi and i arent like that. we were just snuggling. i....was having trouble sleeping again."

hoseok was nodding in agrement, having moved back so they both

could be seen in the screen. he was frowning, mouth turned down and tiny little dimples showing. he was genuinely agreeing, then. and....upset?

jungkook felt mildly embarrassed, was reminded of why exactly assuming was a bad thing.

"sorry, shouldnt have jumped to conclusions. i, of all people, should probably know not to do that huh."

hoseok hadnt been let in on the whole disaster of namjoon, jungkook and yoongi but he knew enough that he snorted out a laugh and nodded.

seokjin gave him a look, no longer laughing-but-not-laughing.

"jungkook, its alright. it did kinda look like it was, uh...THAT way."

his ears tinged pink and jungkook nodded because uh yeah, it kinda did.

and hed reassured his own assumptions about it.
he couldnt help being disappointed in himself when they ended the facetime, sitting there in the empty studio looking at his unfinished piece.

some things really did stick with him over the years.
one being a fear that he would

put someone through what hed been through with namjoon. that he would be a part of egging on something that shouldnt happen, or would make someone feel pressured unnecessarily.

their reactions had screamed that, exactly.

when he opened the group chat to a ridiculous amount of new notifications he groaned.

' im bringing hobi again this year :) '

hed lightly, as well as accidentally, pressured jimin last year and while he had zero problems telling jungkook to knock it off....it HAD made

jungkook withdraw a little. his go with the flow was taking time to himself to work through things until he was sorted out enough to talk. seokjin had gotten him to a point where he had a system, a good way of organizing feelings and thoughts by writing it down or making a

pros and cons list, but it had been taehyung who really got him out of his shell. they practiced, which sounded ridiculous the first time he had propositioned it, but jungkook found that practicing speaking out loud made it easier. it had started jumbled, unsure even though he

had written it all down and gone over it multiple times before sitting down to say something or text it or call someone. taehyung helped him calm down. they came up with ways to take deep breaths and count back from ten to one and then back to ten again if he needed it.

hed actually been the reason jungkook pursued getting in touch with a counselor which had helped immensely.
she was kind, professional, and she had told him that some slip ups WERE going to happen.
but that had been his first slip up in nearly a year, and he could tell seokjin

caught it when he left hoseok in the kitchen to quietly tell him it really wasnt a big deal, he would have assumed too, but it was a little too....sugarcoated. unlike seokjin. like he was desperate to NOT hurt jungkook in a way that resembled namjoons fear of hurting him.

oddly enough such a small thing bothered him enough that he had to make an appointment to talk to his counselor later that week.

if he slipped up with jimin and had withdrawn it put people around him at unease. now hed slipped up with seokjin, his best friend, and hoseok and they were BOTH going to be with him for two weeks straight and oh god he needed to stop?

so the counselor happened and it helped.

she talked him down and then they discussed, in depth, why he was so upset about seokjin not wanting to hurt him. hed told her about the whole thing, told her it affected him in a few ways, but nothing too much. it came out though that it had affected him in a few ways that were

not small. he feared pressuring so he denied himself input in many things, he couldnt feel like someone TRULY liked him- like they just didnt want to hurt him by saying 'no i dont like you back' so he....tended to avoid relationships. he used mingyu as an excuse too.

someone asks him out, he tells them hes already seeing someone. someone shows interest, he makes a show of calling mingyu and talking about the next time theyre going to get together.

hes terrified of confrontation.

its mind blowing that she drags these things about him into the light and he doesnt always like it but by the time he gets back to his dorm room he knows its for the best.

this time though, he doesnt like that she couldnt enlighten him on why seokjin didnt treat him like

he had for so many years. the whole sugarcoating the situation thing. it shoved aside his counselors words of, "when you see them again make sure to be in a place where you are content and safe mentally and emotionally, and talk to them. honestly. build up to

telling them how you felt in that moment, tell them why it bothered you, and then let them talk. if you need time to think it over, then do so. but do not let it fester because we both know that isnt a healthy coping mechanism."
and made room for curiosity- but, not exactly

the good harmless kind. this kind of curiosity made him overthink and left him sleepless. he did try his best to do what she offered and he opted to not wait to go through with it. no way in hell would he wait a month just to do it at the cabin- he learned to not do that.

he has finals coming up VERY soon, so he knows logically he needs to do it as soon as possible so he sits down and goes straight to his routine of listing, pros and cons, then practicing before he sets up a time to meet seokjin and hoseok for a talk.

it.....goes very, very much not to his plans and he leaves the restaurant feeling shell shocked.

"you- wait, so you dont like that i didnt want to hurt your feelings...but jungkook i NEVER liked hurting you? i love you, why in the world would you think i was hurting you

all these years and then suddenly i was pulling a namjoon and....jungkook i literally was just making sure you knew it wasnt a big deal and i wasnt bothered by you asking if hoseok and i were a thing."

hoseok had been dead silent. he didnt say hardly anything, which did NOT help, and seokjin was talking so much that it was overwhelming, and jungkook hadnt said everything he had planned on saying so he took his counselors advice and made a hasty escape with a quick,

"i think i need to go but please can we finish this later? i just...i really need to...." that seokjin immediately nodded to, told him he understood and to take all the time he needed, and hed practically RAN out of the dining room.

he ends up sending a novel through a group chat between the three of them and it feels a lot better than face-to-face had. he gets everything down and reads through it before sending it, and he actually is able to get through his day without any setbacks.

they both respond before the day is over and its a whole lot more THEM. but, again, seokjin is not being like he usually is. he does sound more him with his response but he says, again, 'i love you jungkook' and while they have said it before but not often by any means, it

comes across as something not meant in the same way. he could easily be reading the tone wrong as it wasnt spoken, just typed. either way he sends back 'love you too hyung. thanks for letting me do this.' and then reads through hoseok emoji ridden response that has him

absolutely hollering with laughter because THAT was hoseok. hed been so subdued at the restaurant and hed apologized, talking about how two people who dislike confrontation dont exactly make for good "serious talk time" and if ever in the future he needed a serious talk to

happen, text was the way to go. it was a big yes for him.
hoseok is reassuring in a way that is deep penetrating and jungkook thinks maybe he should hang out with him more in the future.

which ends up happening through he and seokjin picking him up from the dorm for the now much longer trip to the cabin.

they wait for him hanging out of the car windows being loud and obnoxious and jungkook has to smack hoseoks thigh to get him to move over into the back seat

because the front passenger seat is HIS. seokjin is smiley and noisy and just as excitable as hed been every time this tip was beginning and he still reaches over to ruffle jungkooks hair despite the fact its grown so long he has to use a hair tie to put it up with the windows

being down and the wind, and he still takes about a million and one selcas. hoseoks addition for the past two years have been welcome and he fits in so perfectly its like hes always been there, but this time him sitting in the back seat is almost like he isnt there.

when he isnt talking, its like its just jungkook and seokjin as teenagers again instead of two men in their twenties; they slap at each others legs and arms and laugh, they make dumb jokes and seokjin does the thing he hasnt done for literally YEARS.

when they reach the beginning of the dirt driveway he glances in the rear view mirror to check that hoseok is still sleeping which he very much is, mouth wide open and sunglasses askew, then he stops the car and turns to jungkook. hed just started feeling tired enough that

he was drifting between sleep and blurry wakefulness, so when the car stops hes aware enough to lift his head from where it was resting against the open window. seokjin is smiling over at him all fond and he huffs out a quiet laugh because the last time this happened he got a

Very Serious pep talk. he almost expects to get a pep talk again but this time he gets something very different.

"hey kook...you know i love you. and i want you to be happy, and i....know im not always the best with words."

jungkook is more awake now. scrunches his nose at

the 'different seokjin' shiing through, but he nods because he does know this.

"ive been struggling for a while with somethig and im taking a page out of the book of jeon jungkook here, im gonna talk it out. i even practiced."

jungkook is surprised and endeared and just a tad anxious but seokjin looks comfortable. he doesnt look anything like jungkook often feels when he needs to talk something out. its reassuring.

seokjin takes in a deep breath, reaches over to rest his hand over jungkooks thigh, and

shoots him a closed lip smile.

"when you asked if hobi and i were, you know, a thing."

uh oh, that wasnt what jungkook wanted to talk about.

"i wasnt angry. it kind of just made me feel weird, mostly."

jungkooks stomach knots and he has to swallow down sudden anxiety.

"to be truthful with you....last spring, when yoongi and joon came out to see us? yoongi told me he thought the same exact thing."

this snaps jungkook right out of the way his thoughts started wandering and he sots up, cocking his head.

he hadnt known that.

"he said hoseok looked at me, err, different. so we kind of tried-"

he must see something on jungkooks face that he wasnt aware of because hes quick to backtrack.

"we kissed a few times. it didnt really do anything for either of us though. i....um....jungkook, look i think-"

hoseok shifting in the back seat instantly had seokjin clamping his mouth shut, eyes lifting to meet through the mirror and jungkook is left hanging.

they drive up the rest of the way in silence that isnt awkward but is just kind of stuffy, and getting out of the car dispels it with them all stretching and groaning so loud that it alarms a few other the younger kim cousins to their arrival.

seokjin is immediately attacked by

a gaggle of preetens who scream about their favorite cousin FINALLY getting there, but they are quick to go back to whatever they had been doing beforehand.

everyone shouts their greetings from the fire pit and before they have the chance to even get their bags out to bring

upstairs, yoongi and taehyung are dragging them over to sit on the ground with namjoon and jimin already sticky fingered from eating smores and roasted marshmallows.

jungkook sprawls on his back immediately, stretching his legs with an overly exaggerated wheeze that has

someone falling over his middle in loud laughter- so jimin, and then hes joined by seokjin sitting beside him. again hes got that same exact look on his face that he had in the car, overly fond.

"man it feels so good to be out of the car. someone give me a marshmallow before

i pass out."
hoseok whines and gets a few marshmallows promptly pelted at him but jungkook is still stuck on seokjin STILL looking at him. he looks up at yoongi who starts a conversation hes only half paying attention to because he swears he can feel seokjins eyes on him.

they stay on him, or at least it feels like they do, as it gets later and someone breaks out the guitar. jungkook is tired enough by that time he actually ends up drifting off on his back in the back yard while songs are sung and chatter is loud. he can hear seokjins

distinct laughter beside him paired with namjoons loud "HAH!" and hes just about to fully fall asleep when he feels fingers brush his hair out of his face. he recognizes the feel of the fingers, seokjins for sure with the way theyre a little crooked. when he opens his eyes he

first sees darkness, like the fire had been put out- which it had been, he notices. then he is sitting up and smacking his lips feeling like jelly. seokjin is squatted beside him with a hand rest on his back to help him sit up and all jungkook can manage to get out is a sleepy,

muffled "hmmm...." that makes seokjin snicker.

"good sleep?"

jungkook nods, notices his hair tie had slipped when he rolled onto his side earlier and his hair is a disaster.

"lets go to bed then, i bet i could still carry you up the stairs if i tried hard enough. well.

actually now that i think about it, you definitely didnt have as much muscle as you do now, back then. your gym addiction is getting scary you meat head."

seokjin helps him stand fully and grabs him by the shoulders when he sways a little. he doesnt take his hands back and

rubs his palms up and down jungkooks biceps instead. it feels nice and he cant help tucking himself into the touch with a happy hum, closing his eyes. he could fall right back asleep.

"hey open your eyes, you need to see where youre walking. come on, bed."

the soothing rubs

turn into quick pats that make him grumble and pull away, stretching his arms above his head as he stumbles off towards the cabin. seokjin is quiet behind him but he can hear his feet against the dirt of the driveway when they reach the front porch.

instead of going into the cabin seokjin heads to the car for their bags, seeing hoseoks already gone. jungkook is so bone deep tired that he sits on the steps with his arms wrapped around his knees as he waits, and hes kind of disappointed when he looks up at seokjins arms

full of their bags- he cant carry him then.
he whines about it all the way into the cabin and then up the stairs, smacks taehyungs butt on his way to his and seokjins room in a good night greeting, and then promptly flops face first onto the bed after he toes off his shoes.

seokjin comes into the bedroom not long after him and he can hear the sound of the bags hitting the floor before the bed dips by his side. a hand lands on his back, tugging at his sweatshirt.

"at least take off your socks you absolute neanderthal."

"mmh. m'too tired. you."

seokjin scoffs but he feels his feet being lifted to tug his socks off none the less. he also feels fingers tickle at the soles of his feet and he yelps, tucking his legs up underneath himself as seokjin laughs at him and gets up to change into his pajamas.

"you smell like smoke

from the fire kook, where are your pajamas- jesus how did you fit all of this stuff into your bag? did you REALLY need to bring your entire art supply collection?"

he sounds baffled and jungkook shrugs, shoulders making a quiet thwap! sound as they drop back to the mattress.

"bein' here makes me wanna paint sometimes. mmh....pajamas- here."

lazily and not without difficulty he peels off his sweatshirt and looks up when its picked up from beside the bed where hed tossed it. seokjin had picked it up and folded it, setting it on top of one of the

bureaus.

"you arent seriously going to sleep in your jeans are you? its bad enough that you were going to sleep with your socks on."

of course he wasnt going to sleep with smoky smelling jeans. those are the next to go, and jungkook felt silly flopping around to get them off

but they eventually meet the floor for seokjin to fold. hes looking down at the jeans with hard eyes when he sets them down so he misses when jungkooks shirt hits the floor- but he definitely doesnt miss seeing jungkook in nothing but his underwear before he yanks

the sheets and duvet up to roll underneath them and onto his own side of the bed. he can see seokjin through his hair falling into his face and he moves so damn fast to get his pajamas out of his bag and out of the room to what jungkook assumes is the bathroom to do his skin care

routine, that he could have missed it if he blinked. seokjin had seen him in his bathing suit just last summer, not a big deal really, but the way hed just looked like he wanted to murder jungkooks jeans?
very interesting.
hed have to ask what his jeans did to deserve such

intense hatred.

hed planned on it too, but by the time seokjin came back with a freshly washed face and in his matching pajama set jungkook had passed out.

should i swap to seokjins pov a few times throughout the fic to give some insight to what hes feeling or should i stick with just jungkook and leave it for seokjin to explain himself later on?
there are no wrong answers!

seokjin wakes up just before the sun raises high enough that it can be seen through the trees. the window he and jungkook used to climb through to get out onto the roof is open a crack, just enough to let in a light breeze and the sound of birds chirping.

its peaceful, as it usually is all the way out here away from the busy city life they had all fallen into. he lays there on his side with his eyes still shut and just listens for a while; he can hear the birds, the curtains rustling, jungkooks soft exhales. he always got the most

amazing sleep when they came here.
he and jungkook used to play so hard they would pass out before ten, when they were kids. they would sleep through the entire night and wake up in the morning bursting with energy all over again.
now as we opens his eyes and sees the room

slowly lighting up with the sun, he feels none of the overflowing energy- the need to go outside as fast as they could and play the day away. he feels more like he wants to stay in this bed for the rest of his existence in the tranquility. he understands his parents being

so irritated when he and his older brother would drag them from bed to start breakfast now.

beside him jungkooks quiet inhales catch in his throat and he starts making soft snores instead, the whole mattress dipping when he rolls onto his side.

seokjin peels his eyes open and yawns as quietly as he can manage, blinking and rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he stares up at the ceiling. the white is interrupted with golden stripes of sun peeking through the trees and reflecting up through the window and he follows it

to where it bends over the wall, trailing down to where it fell over jungkook and the duvet. his hair was wispy and fluffed from sleep, lips open just a tiny bit and slack in a pout from his cheek being pushed into a pillow. seokjin aches with how much it makes him want.

he wants to move closer and wrap himself around jungkook, warm and sleepy and soft in the bed they shared for so long. he wants to kiss his cheeks and tangle their fingers and never let go.
he wants a lot of things he doesnt know how to go about getting.

hes not really sure when he started wanting like THIS but its strong and its present and hes getting tired from years of pretending he doesnt.

with a smile he shifts to lay on his side, to face his sleeping best friend, and curls his fingers into the mess of fluffy dark hair.

jungkook had said through that text, back when he had felt so incredibly horrible for making an assumption, that he had felt for a long time after namjoon that people in his life were 'im your friend because i dont want to hurt your feelings' and not,

'im your friend because i want to be around you' and it had broken his heart to know that jungkook had been feeling like that at all. this sweet, smart, funny, selfless man who deserved everything good in the world....

felt like he was being lied to by the people he loved the most, but loved them so much that he didnt want to say anything in fear of losing them. so he suffered in silence, only ever said something when it was small enough that there wasnt much risk that came with talking about

it.

hed sat in the back room of the restaurant and cried when he read it all. for so long he thought jungkook was happy and thriving mentally and emotionally, mostly because he had little trouble with talking to seokjin. but that didnt mean he was saying EVERYTHING.

he mentioned a counselor who was helping him further than just "planning and stuff, you know like...exercises for breathing when i get overwhelmed and healthy coping mechanisms and stuff. its helping. im learning a lot about myself that i didnt know about i guess."

and seokjin had felt pride, because he knew all too well that so many people saw this kind of thing as a stigma. but jungkook had been able to see that he needed a little extra support, a little guidance, and it really drove home (for the million time in the past three years)

jungkook was growing up. he was twenty three and nearing his university graduation and he had always been someone seokjin loved, cared for, wanted to see happy. but....something shifted with the older jungkook got and the more his understanding of who he was started to shine

through.
he was strong and firm in his opinions and beliefs, but still so soft and sweet. he wanted love, and he wanted to see the people he loved be happy. he had struggled to figure out who he was and was coming out of it knowing piece by piece

exactly who he wanted jeon jungkook to be.

and seokjin realized that he would love every single jeon jungkook he could have possibly wanted to be.

this one had hardships, that was undeniable with that novel of a text message, but laying there looking at him made something in

seokjin settle, at ease. he wanted jungkook to be okay. to be happy, and to know that just because someone had not wanted him before didnt mean everyone would not want him now.

maybe it was time to stop planning, and start doing.

he would look at jungkook smiling and laughing and he would feel like he was being choked by his love. he would pet jungkooks hair and hug him and find himself happiest when he had jungkook sitting in the restaurants kitchen with his hands covered in dry paint and his cheeks

full of food hed cooked for him.

he loved THIS, waking up and being able to take jungkook in with his tattooed hand curled between his cheek and his pillow, his breathing soft and sweet, leaning into the feeling of seokjins fingers combing through his hair.

he felt his eyes sting with incoming tears, because he was a little scared to do this but knowing what he did about the man he had fallen so deeply in love with....it felt like he couldnt breathe without him. he didnt want to go home and have to wake up without jungkook.

not when he knew how it felt to wake up with him.
he didnt want to watch jungkook tumble head first into another mingyu. he knew jungkook hadnt....really experienced what love could be in that sense, now.
he wanted to show him- almost desperately- just how easy it was to love

him. that he had never actually felt upset about the realization that he was IN love and not just loving.

hed tried to start the conversation, the...kind of telling him he was in love, but when he was reminded that hoseok was literally in the car with them hed thought better.

he was ready to do this instead of bleeding himself dry, being content with just seeing jungkook go through life the way he always had.

he moved his hand to let his fingers trace over long lashes, the big nose jungkook had been insecure about as a teenager but had grown to like

as hed grown to like most of the things about himself that he used to feel were his weak points. he let his finger tip pass over the beauty mark under jungkooks bottom lip and smiled when he smacked his lips and hummed, kicking at the duvet a little to push it lower- a sleeping

habit he had never outgrown. he breathed in long and gentle, and seokjin watched as his shoulder and chest rose with it. he was waking up at a snails pace, like he always did, and when his eyes blinked open blearily seokjin forced himself to keep looking right back.

his palm flattened to rest against jungkooks cheek and he smiled, endeared with the way his eyebrows furrowed and he turned into his hand- and pillow- to escape the stripe of sun light that fell right into his face.

this was it for him.
jungkook was it.

hed blinked his emotional tears away before they could fall and hed steeled his heart, and now he was feeling.....excited.
he had two whole weeks in the place that they had both shared so many fond memories, and he was going to use every single second to show jungkook that he

had every single piece of his heart- and he had every single right to choose what he felt comfortable doing with it.

no interference from anybody else like it had been with namjoon. no rebounding like it had been with mingyu.

healthy and natural, no planning or

overthinking. just finally giving in to how much he truly loved him without the fear of making a wrong move and being okay with whatever outcome it would give.

it felt good to brush his thumb along the apple of jungkooks cheek, to brush his hair from his eyes and

give in to the want to rub at his back when he buried his face into the pillow and groaned, "s'too early hyung..."

it felt good to splay his fingers out on warm skin and firm muscle without being angry at himself for it.

and it felt even better that jungkook sighed, melted

into the mattress, hummed out a content sound and turned his head to look over at him with sleepy eyes and a slightly confused but genuine smile.

"if i asked you for a back massage what are the chances you would say yes? i hate your car. the seats are too old."

seokjin snorts

because yes he is aware. he still had his hyundai and no he would not trade it in for a newer model. he loved his car.

"i would say fifty - fifty. maybe toss in making the ramen for lunch and i will consider."

jungkook cracks an eye open and quirks one of his eyebrows, thinks for a second before shrugging. it makes seokjins palm slide a little lower, his pinky resting a little too close to the dimples in jungkooks lower back- he doesnt move it.

"no deal. i forgot the ramen."

seokjin rolled his eyes, indulging himself in lightly trailing his fingers up jungkooks spine just to pinch at his shoulder blade.

"you remember to bring like sixty paint sets but forget the food. who are you and what have you done with

jeon jungkook."

jungkook wiggles, makes unhappy sounds at the pinch, rolls onto his back and scowls up at seokjin petulantly.

seokjins heart clenches hard at the very sudden ability to see jungkooks entire torso, a little pink and imprinted with the wrinkles of the sheets.

he remembers when jungkook was so small, all lanky limbs he hadnt grown into yet. and looking at him now with his honestly kind of ridiculously ripped physique.....he never would have imagined that jungkook would be all mile long legs and six pack abs. here he was though,

all lain out in bed next to him looking like some sort of greek god leisuring. even when he wasnt flexing and he looked all soft in the tummy- something that was equally devastating to seokjin.

"i left the ramen pack on my bed i think."

seokjin pulls his hand out from where it had been pinned below jungkooks back and this time actually does have to look away when jungkook decides that the perfect time to arch his back and stretch with a loud inhuman sound.

"i was gonna put it on my bag after i finished packing so i wouldnt forget it- shut up you dont get to tease me old man, you forgot the sunblock last year and we both burned so bad my mom gave me a lecture on skin cancer."

hed sat up and tossed aside the duvet to get out of bed

and laughed at jungkook actually managing to forget something with how he usually packed his bags meticulously. a pillow smacks into the back of his head and he regrets turning around to whip it back because when he tossed the duvet it had flipped back over one of jungkooks

legs and good god he could see his entire v line and thigh and wow how had he never noticed that jungkook literally had zero body hair? not even a happy trail.

"can we head into town after breakfast and grab some more food? ill make ramen even if i didnt get my back massage."

seokjin numbly nods his head, says something along the lines of "make a list, see if anyone else needs something while we're out." and is very aware that jungkook is looking at him....strangely.

he catches the tail end of a comment jungkook makes when he gets up to start his

morning off with brushing his teeth, washing his face, and it sounds an awful lot like "...keep looking at me like that?"
but he would rather let jungkook get dressed without him standing there staring at him like a creep.

which doesnt happen because jungkook just lays there for a solid thirty minutes trying to wake up all the way, star fished out on the whole bed waiting for seokjin to come back because he could smell the smoke from the fire last night clinging to his hair and he needed a shower.

it gave him time to think, too.

1. seokjin looked at him like he looked at his jeans last night. like he had murder o his mind or something, all intense and dark and if he didnt know better he would say it was lustful.

2. hed woken up with seokjin literally caressing him?

like his fingers and the way he looked at him.
hed never woken up to seokjin looking at him like that, not through the numerous years hed woken up beside him in that very bedroom.

3. he.....had never had seokjin touch him the way he did. hed play with his hair and hug him or

piggyback him around and hold his hand. but this was completely different, this wasnt playful. this was soft and careful and...new. but not bad. he liked it, made him feel nice and melty and good.

4. his roommate was going to eat ALL of that ramen and jungkook would kill him.

hes still laying there thinking about the way seokjin had been acting lately when said man came back into the bedroom and promptly dumped a towel over him.

"you were supposed to be eating breakfast!"

jungkook has to push the towel away from his face and his hair (already a

disaster) sticks up with static electricity. it has seokjin cackling from where hes putting stuff back into his bag, probably the really nice moisturizer he uses. jungkook was borderline obsessed with it because of its scent and the way it made his skin feel, so hes quick to sit

up and toss the towel back. seokjin reaches to catch it but misses completely.

"i wanna shower first, can i use some of your stuff? i uh, ive been using this stuff i got and its drying my skin out so bad."

being a university student didnt automatically mean financial struggle but in jungkooks case, he was definitely struggling. things like food and hygiene products being more than drug store prices were a luxury. his roommate had stuff like shower gel and skin toner that he had

offered jungkook to use multiple times but....while he wasnt proud of it, he had too much pride and stuck to his bar soap that dried his skin to hell and back.

but seokjin had always smelled so good and his skin was always so glowy and soft looking that jungkook had grown up

wanting it too. when seokjin washed his face, jungkook was right there holding his hand out for some cleanser too. when he was at seokjins apartment he showered just to use his body wash and high end shampoo. it was just DIFFERENT when it was someone he was so wholly comfortable

doing that with, even before he was on his own with full financial responsibility. hed never had that transition with seokjin, it was always just ME TOO HYUNG! and it had stayed that way. sometimes he would go back to his dorm room and he would find a bottle of conditioner or

a travel size moisturizer in his bag after spending the weekend at seokjins, and it didnt.....make him feel like a charity case. it was just how seokjin was, he found genuine peace in taking care of people.

now was no different.

he didnt hesitate to take his bag of toiletries out of his luggage again, tossing it to land by jungkook's side. it was a little damp and the way it felt when it slid into his ribs made him squirm.

"go shower- oh wait joonies sister is out there uh.....maybe put something on?"

he wasnt looking at jungkook but he could see the way the back of seokjins neck turned pink. he had changed into a pair of comfortable looking jeans and was looking down at the two shirts he had in his hands, trying to decide which he should wear.

the view of his back was

something that always brought a sense of comfort for jungkook. no matter how strange it sometimes sounded in his own head, he was always thankful for it; the times seokjin had given him piggyback rides or let him rest his head against his shoulder, the way his huge sweaters

made him look like he was drowning in them because of how broad he was with such a tiny waist. it was the second most familiar thing about seokjin, the first being his laugh- jungkook would be able to pick him out easily in a room full of people.

vaguely he wondered if there were things about him that seokjin found comfort in as he finally rolled out of bed and went about finding something to wear for his quick trip to the shower.

he was thankful for the heads up when he literally bumped directly into namjoons older

sister on her way out of the bathroom. things had been neutral between them since they were kids, not nearly as close as he was with her younger brother. when the whole thing blew over she wasnt really affected. she still treated jungkook the same, like her younger brothers

friend. like he hadnt been madly in love with him, and was just....a kid that was around for two weeks every summer.
he was comfortable with her but not THAT comfortable.
they greeted each other as usual though she was far more asleep than awake, and he could hear her

mumbling the same greeting as someone else exited one of the bedrooms. a hand landed on his shoulder followed by a forehead.

"better be quick before seokjinnie eats all the food."

it was jimin, also more asleep than awake, and he was adorably sleep ruffled standing there

leaning against jungkook like he was the only thing keeping him up.

"nah, we both know hes gonna save me an omelette."

he could feel more than hear jimin chuff against his back before he detached, bending to crack his back and shoulders loudly. the curse of being a dancer.

"and make your cup of coffee. oh, and put jam on your toast. oh, and make that disgusting protein shake you cant function without. OH, AND-"

jungkook cackled, mostly because it was all true and partly because jimin was looking up at him like he was spoiled absolutely rotten.

maybe he was. he certainly felt like it when he was with all of his friends, having six people to pet his hair and cook for him and fight over who got him on their team for anything even remotely physically exerting.

"seriously i have never seen someone so whipped in my life and ive been friends with joon and yoongi for years."

whipped? seokjin? for HIM?
please. he was a naturally nurturing person. caring for people came to him easy as breathing.

"nobody is more whipped than yoongi, have you SEEN the way he looks at joon? the most whipped man to ever exist. fight me on that."

jimin shrugged.

"have YOU seen the way seokjin looks at you?"

jungkook doesnt even hesitate.

"of course. like he wants to smother me in my sleep, smother me with his chefs whites, or smother me with my paint case most recently. pretty sure he formulates ways to plan my death."

he leaves out the way he had looked at him over the past few days, not entirely sure hes ready to have THAT talk after having woken up not too long ago.

jimin scrucnhes up his face the way he does when he finds something truly hilarious and jungkook feels accomplished.

just as he used to live for making his friends laugh, he still very much enjoys it. he would do just about anything to make them all happy.

jimins features smooth back out as something catches his attention from over jungkooks shoulder, something that makes him get The Look.

this glassy eyed, soft smile thing that hed seen shared between jimin and taehyung for years.

he gets a shoulder pat and then a cheek pat as his older friend walks by him, leaving him to hop into the shower finally.

"be careful or he might actually smother you with your omelette later. and your cup of coffee. and your toast. and your protein shake."

jungkook snorts and shakes his head but as he showers his mind is stuck on the fact that....well....seokjin really did all of those things.

the weekends he spent sleeping on seokjin and hoseoks couch had always been so routine that he didnt truly stop to notice that seokjin hardly ever had to ask him about things; he just KNEW. jungkook takes his coffee loaded with cream and sugar. jungkook doesnt like butter on

his toast, just seedless strawberry jam. jungkook only uses almond or occasionally cashew milk in protein shakes when he manages to save up enough for it.

he never has to ask?
he just does, and he does it right.

then again he notices the way he also knows to order yoongi grande iced americano black, or with jimin knowing to char the ever living hell out of his salmon when he and taehyung would have a date night at the restaurant. you pick these things up when you know people for as

long as they have all known each other. its all a very back and forth kind of thought process that jungkook gets lost in and he catches himself shampooing his hair for a solid five minutes. someone bangs on the door and yells about needing to pee, then someone else- a tiny voice

distinctly belonging to one of the younger house occupants, asks when they can brush their teeth and he takes that as his cue to pick up the pace.

he nearly plows over a twelve year old who scurries into the bathroom after him, too busy patting moisturizer into his cheeks

without dropping seokjins toiletries bag. the bedroom is empty when he tosses the bag onto the bed- seokjin had made it, and hes quick to tug a brush through his hair so he can stumble down the stairs without falling to his death from trying to get his shoe on at the same time.

there are a few people milling about mostly in the living room and kitchen, its still relatively quiet and calm so he can pick up the noises of someone cooking. part of him hopes its seokjin because he can make a MEAN vegetable omelette but a larger part hopes its not.

seokjin works hard, a little too hard sometimes, and having a good break from the one thing he does every single day would absolutely do him some good.
hence why jungkook was going to do more than just cook the ramen for lunch. maybe he could recruit yoongi to help grill

some pork belly and jimin to set up the rice cooker.

this was a getaway that everyone needed and looked forward to, seokjin deserved for his time there to be a TRUE getaway.

he has to team up with seokjins mother to get him away from the stove after hes made three omelettes in the time it took jungkook to shower and get his ass downstairs, and he immediately throws himself into doing exactly what jimin said he would.

he dodges slapping hands and

plugs his ears when jungkook tries to get him to sit down at the table. hes busy putting together plates and pouring orange juice and he only sits down when jungkook forcibly lifts him and drops him in his seat.

he sounds like a dying animal when jungkook wraps his arms around

his middle and heaves him up against his chest, yelling and going red in the face from being squeezed as hard as he was. hed lost some of his solid muscle and gotten softer from his cutback gym time, spending majority of his time in the restaurant, but theres definitely still

muscle.

everyone is used to their antics and most just chuckle or roll their eyes as they join- and jungkooks place at the table is set up with his coffee, his two pieces of toast, and his protein shake.

jimin catches his attention and the look on his face is undeniably

one that says 'told ya so'. his lips are tugged up in a smirk and he lifts his cup of orange juice up in a sarcastic cheers.

"wow, you were right he really is whipped."

the cup comes down before jimin can accidentally spill it and jungkook chokes on his own spit at taehyung

taking his seat beside his boyfriend, looking like he hadnt managed to wake up at all. he had obviously been let in on their banter earlier and is forced to let seokjin in on it when he whines and pinches his legs, begging to know why in the hell the three of them were acting up.

jungkook sugarcoats it so much that he actually feels like hes being judged by jimin and taehyung, looking at him with a little less amusement and a lot more confusion.

"it was just some joke jimin made earlier."

jimin does the equivalent of stepping on jungkooks toes, verbally.

"i was only half joking though? its cute either way. not a big deal, just that you are a tiiiiny bit whipped."

jungkook can feel the back of his neck prickle, heating in what he KNOWS is a blush. he can hear seokjin set down his coffee mug and doesnt want to look over to see his face. it will either be highly amused or highly uncomfortable. he hopes its amused if anything.

he jolts at VERY unexpected fingers combing up the back of his head, tugging through his damp hair. his shoulders hunch and he looks over to see seokjin looking at jimin with his lips pulled tight.

"i guess i kind of am."

jungkook had started comparing the whole situation to what hed had with namjoon but is FIRMLY halted. this is definitely a different thing. completely.
for one, jungkook feels exactly zero pressure. theres no urge to do something he probably wouldnt have done without a certain

reaction from another person.
and...the reaction is pretty tame. its not the outburst of cooing and encouraging he got when he did things like kiss namjoons cheek or sit beside him. its just taehyung and jimin smiling at them, namjoons father and uncle talking over an open

news paper, namjoon piggybacking yoongi in from the back patio and brightly telling everyone that its going to be a beautiful day. it doesnt feel like this is some grand 'something everyone knows about' and its just.
......part of jungkook feels like there should have been

a bigger reaction. like jimin should be yelling 'i told you so' and taehyung should have been grinning mischievously, or maybe waggling his eyebrows.

instead its like they are USED to seokjin saying he is whipped for jungkook while looking at him like this AGAIN.

he blinks, looks down at his plate of toast. that seokjin put together for him. because he is whipped. huh.

"seokjins whipped, huh....namjoon youre whipped, wheres MY damn caffeine."

jungkook looks over just as namjoon 'HAH!'s over at a groggy yoongi who is gesturing

to the very empty table in front of him, devoid of coffee.
hes folded into namjoons side with his knees pulled up to his chest and his bare feet are resting over namjoons thigh- probably to be kept warm.

"you will carry me around on your back because i didnt put shoes on but

you wont make me coffee unprompted. tragic."

despite his very stoic expression and tone of voice namjoon laughs, bumps his nose into yoongis temple all fond and stupidly cheesy.

jungkook rolls his eyes at them but its cute. theyre cute.

theyre good for each other in a way jungkook wants. they had slipped into domestic kind-of-but-not-really engaged life so easily it was like they were just. married since they met. its equal parts unsettling and kinda cool to witness.

yoongi had agonized over the whole

same sex marriage not being a thing for months, walking around with an engagement ring in his pocket because yeah. he wanted to have that legal, emotional, bond with the man he so desperately loved. but he didnt know what to do about it. eventually the group chat had been

flooded with texts from namjoon with a million and one photos and then a million and one, "IF ANYONE ASKS I AM AN ENGAGED MAN" "FUCK THE SYSTEM WE DO WHAT WE WANT" and, "BE GAY...GET...ENGAGED AND DO CRIMES." and it had been completely out of the blue.

like one day he woke up and just went "what the hell lets just wear rings and tell people to fuck themselves if they ask about it." which was in fact a very yoongi-like thing to do.

he wants that. he didnt have much with mingyu other than mutual blow jobs? good kink

discussions? not even remotely close to wanting to spend the rest of their lives together.

.....now that he thinks about it, he had always wanted to spend his life with these people. with everyone in the cabin who he knew so well and loved. he felt more for them than he did for

the man he had called his boyfriend for years.
thats kind of sad, he thinks. romantic, sexual, and platonic relationships all offer different things but....he...wants the romantic things he sees in the people around him.

mingyu hadnt known how he liked his coffee.

mingyu hadnt even made him toast to know he liked it the exact way seokjin had made it for him this morning.

mingyu offered him sex and excuses.

looking over at yoongi and namjoon wearing their engagement rings and taehyung feeding jimin (messily)

he sees that they all offered their significant others things nobody else could. and mingyu gave him things he could get from someone he asked to fuck online.

part of him feels carved out and hollow as he picks up his toast and takes a bite, leaning his head into the feeling

of seokjins nails lightly running over his scalp.
his mind isnt really a mess and he knows what hes feeling but he still gets lost in thought.

if this, what seokjin does and expresses for him, is what you do when youre 'whipped'.....hes glad mingyu didnt do it for him.

he doesnt know what he would feel having someone other than seokjin treat him this way.

he tries picturing a faceless, nameless man making him coffee in the morning and it doesnt feel right. he tries to cut out seokjin and replace him with someone else and it feels wrong,

kind of like a bad fever dream. he couldnt replace his friends, he knew that well, but the idea of having someone banter like jimin or tae is okay. the idea of someone sitting in comfortable silence only the way yoongi can with him, is again okay.

the idea of someone looking at

him and touching him the way seokjin had that morning makes him shiver- and not in a good way.

he thinks about how mingyu touching him had always been rushed and hot and heavy, and then- he chokes on his toast.

seokjin jolts in surprise and pounds his palm into his back as he coughs, eyes watering.

hed acci...accidentally? just imagined seokjin touching him that way.

and it made him shiver in a very, VERY different way than the other thought had.

everyone tells him to be careful, seokjin tells him to slow down theres no rush you have plenty of time to eat, but good god jungkook has never eaten more quickly in his life.

he finishes his toast and moves onto the omelette seokjin had made, scarfs it down and then excuses himself from the table so he can escape to the kitchen where he starts on cleaning up.

hes not sure how he feels about the way his mind had pictured seokjin touching him sexually. it made him feel.....unbalanced. he could look at seokjin and appreciate that he was attractive, that was easy to do for someone with eyes but the prospect of acting on it was weird.

not because they knew each other for as long as they did, that actually brought a sense of comfort. it was more.....a feeling he wasnt sure how to put into words. like when you lean too far back in a chair and it starts to tip over backwards.

he stands there even after hes finished cleaning up, until hoseok comes trudging in looking like he had gone for a run and the sink starts filling up with dishes again because everyone has finished breakfast. hes about to start washing those dishes too but hes stopped by

seokjin so they can head down to the store.

hoseok joins them as well as taehyung and jimin, and they all pile into seokjins car- most of the half hour trip is spent play-fighting over who has control over the music and jungkooks mind is 100% taken off of the whole thing.

they make a ruckus, more a bunch of kids than adults, and they somehow manage to get a discount on the pork belly because the store owner, a little elderly woman who always got happy when they stopped in, still had the same weak spot for jimin and his ability to be insanely cute.

its a fun, quick trip and they buy enough stuff to fill the boot of seokjins car as well as the floor of the back seat where hoseok, taehyung and jimin have to lift their feet when they get in.

seokjin relinquishes control over the music to taehyung on the way back to the cabin and the result is a quiet, enjoyable ride. taehyungs taste in music was soothing, almost always jazz or soft coffee shop music.

it suits him well, and jungkook thinks its suits seokjin too.

it does something almost artistic to how seokjin looks with the windows down and his hand resting out the window. it makes jungkook want to paint incredibly bad- so he does, the second they get back and a few of the others offer to put away all the food.

he brings all of his supplies down to the patio in the back, sets up on the glass table that has an umbrella attached, and sets to work.

the kids are yelling and playing and he can hear a few of the adults from inside the house. the door and windows are all open, the day

too nice to not enjoy the breeze. taehyungs little brother hovers over his shoulder, watching intently and asking a million questions about what its going to be when he finishes.

eventually he has to stop, the time getting close enough to lunch time that hes got to wrangle yoongi and jimin up to help him start the food before seokjin manages to try to start making something.

he finds yoongi snacking on a bag of chips, sitting beside hoseok in the living room and then texts jimin to get his butt back to the cabin if he wanted to help with the rice because he was nowhere to be found.

he and yoongi get started, yoongi preparing the grill and jungkook setting up the propane stove top burner out on the long picnic table to start boiling the ramen water.

they work in comfortable silence until jimin decides to grace them with his presence.

"sorry! tae and i took some of the kids down to go swimming and had to wait for someone else to come down and supervise. wheres the rice cooker?"

yoongi opens his mouth to answer but seokjin, from inside the cabin, yells out that hes got it.

jungkook shoots jimin a look, 'you better stop him right the fuck now or i swear to GOD' and jimin practically flies into the cabins back door.

yoongi laughs when theres a series of loud noises and seokjin comes out to pout at them, latching onto jungkooks back dramatically.

he wraps his arms around jungkooks waist and makes a sneaky grab for the fork jungkook had been using to stir the noodles. jungkook bumps his butt back into seokjins stomach, rolling his eyes when the fork is let go of.

"let me do stuuuuuuff."

jungkook shakes his head.

"nope, all you do is cater to other people and cook. take a break, go read a book or sit in the sun while you can hyung. we got this."

yoongi chimes in, agreeing, and seokjin sighs like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. he caves soon enough, lets them cook in their comfortable silence.

he stays put though, hugging himself tight to jungkooks back with his cheek smooshed into his shoulder.

its a nice reprieve from the chaos that tended to go down with the seven of them being here and jungkook is content to enjoy it while it lasts.

everyone gravitates to the patio when they smell the food and the silence is broken but jungkook is no less content.

they all sit down and eat together with conversation and laughter, spending time to get caught up now that everyone has been awake long enough to properly think.

nothing of monumental importance happens; they eat, they lounge around the cabin, they eat dinner.

its a laid back day kind of like a bounce back from the drive up and the late night they had, nobody being too eager to jampack the whole day with activities.

they dont have a fire that night but a few go out to the back yard to watch the kids run around squealing with the sparklers they picked up at the store. jungkook had only managed to outline what he wanted the finished product of his painting to be and hes about to start

working on it again but hoseok talks him into going out to burn through a few sparklers. they chase each other with them and get scolded for it because the adults dont want them giving the younger kids bad ideas so they settle on just watching.

they take videos and pictures, and as it gets darker everyone filters back into the cabin.

hoseok and jungkook stay outside and talk, enjoying a shared bottle of soju.

its nice to just talk, not that having seokjin around was bad, but its nice to have time for just them.

they talk about music and jungkooks university lectures but eventually they get to the topic of how things used to be between everyone back when they were younger and hoseok hadnt been there to experience it.

he tells him about sleeping over seokjins the night before they headed to the cabin in his dads old, beat up pickup truck that was traded in for a new car over ten years ago now. he used to stop at the begining of the dirt driveway and let seokjin or jungkook 'drive' the rest

of the way up, sat on his knees with their hands on the steering wheel over his. he tells hoseok about how namjoons older sister used to play tag with them but eventually grew out of playing with them and would bring her friends, who namjoon liked to be petty about and would

rope seokjin and jungkook into hiding their bathing suits when he heard them talk about walking to the lake because he hated that his sister no longer wanted to play with THEM.

hoseok laughed more than was probably healthy and learned more about them than hed ever known.

but he gets this melancholic tone to his voice that makes jungkook think over what hed said- maybe hed said something bad. but he couldnt recall anything bad, really.

he feels a tiny bit tipsy and thinks, oh maybe i did say something bad, but hes not at the point of

forgetting things he says or does. he knows his limits.

"you and seokjin have an incredible friendship. im a little jealous actually."

he takes a sip of the soju and hands the bottle back over to jungkook but hes looking down at it with this tiny, sad smile. it doesnt suit him.

"you all have this tight bond that i wish i had with someone, ive only ever had school friends or friendly coworkers. i didnt know friendships like this existed until seokjin brought me up here."

jungkook nods, takes a decently large sip and stick his tongue out at the mild burn.

"i know what you mean but dont you kinda....like....see us as your friends? i feel like you belong in our bond just as much as i do. you fit in nice. bring something to our fun here that

we didnt have before. youre a fun guy, hobi. im glad seokjin brought you and you wanted to keep coming back."

its quiet for a few moments but hoseok leans over to hug him around the middle.

"thanks. i think i needed that. i definitely see you guys as my friends, definitely."

jungkook hugs him back with an arm around his shoulders and thinks maybe he gets why seokjin had gone to him for a good nights sleep all those weeks ago.
he regrets reacting to the assumption like he did and remembers how seokjin had mentioned them...trying.

he can see them in his mind being really cute together. they have a lot in common and give off the same comfortable, friendly, safe vibes. maybe seokjin had been right about it not being a big deal. he doesnt feel that disappointment in himself when he thinks about them together.

hoseok lets go of him and holds out his hand for the soju and jungkook watches him lift the bottle to his lips.
seokjin said they kissed once.

the only person jungkook has ever kissed is mingyu and that girl from his lecture that was. eh.

"what was it like to kiss him?"

hoseok pauses and sets the bottle down between them, looks over at him confused.

"huh? what are you talking about?"

jungkook is maybe drunk. hes definitely a little more than he thought he was, and his alcohol-brain is being DUMB. but hes curious.

"seokjin."

he leans back enough that he just lets himself flop onto his back. hoseok looks like hes debating with himself before he shrugs.

"it was really fast. i wouldnt call it a kiss honestly."

jungkook hums, stretches out so his toes point and his arms reach above his head.

"we were drinking too so it was like, he almost kissed my chin. it was funny. seokjin is funny."

hes snickering and looking down at jungkook with red cheeks from the alcohol and his eyes are a tiny bit glassy and jungkook is very endeared. hoseok is cute and spacey when he drinks and his face goes pink.

"hyung i think its time to go to bed.....i think we might be drunk?"

hoseok denies it but when they get up they both tip and wobble. they make it to the living room where hoseok dumps himself onto the couch, his designated sleeping spot, and jungkook cant stop laughing when he finally gets up the stairs with only two losses of balance.

he changes into pajamas and climbs into bed as quiet as he can because seokjin is already passed the fuck out. he scoots over and tosses an arm over seokjin so he can curl up behind him- they used to sleep like this and jungkook liked to call it koala hugging, but now he knows

it tends to be seen as a more intimate thing between adults. it makes him feel good so he does it, its not like they havent spooned before, and seokjin smells good. hes not going to stop just because hes twenty three and seokjin is almost twenty eight.

or just because he slept like this with hoseok sometimes too.

he could overthink wanting it or he could sleep.
he chooses to sleep, can overthink it when hes sober and his lips arent tingly and numb- yeah thats his limits being reached.

he snuggles into seokjins back and slowly falls asleep and its nice to not be so....stressed about everything he feels or thinks about for once.

he wakes up to seokjin patting his face and whispering for him to wake up. he cant see his face, just the back of his head, when he manages to get an eye open.

"you smell like soju."

jungkook groans because theres a touch of a hangover.

"sssssh....s'too loud."

he doesnt hear anything but he can feel seokjins shoulders shake with laughter. it makes his cheek bounce against seokjins shoulder and he feels a little disoriented by it.

they just lay there for a while, long enough that jugkook is dozing when the bedroom door creaks open.

he has no idea who it is until seokjins back vibrates and he can hear him reassuring hoseok that no, jungkook is not dead and yes, he is absolutely hungover.

hoseok snickers and calls him a lightweight.

he must doze again because he doesnt hear hoseok leave but when he opens his eyes again hes gone and seokjin is fiddling with his fingers. he can feel the warm fabric of seokjins shirt under his palm.

"im not a lightweight...."

his mouth tastes bad and his voice is croaky. his head feels a little better and he feels less hungover, more alcohol-stale. its gross.

"mmh, ive seen you trashed before and it definitely took more than a few soju bottles. bet it doesnt feel good still, though."

jungkook rubs his cheek into seokjins shoulder and sighs. he should get up and brush his teeth, drink water. but seokjin and the bed are very warm, very comfortable.
he doesnt want to get up.

"you doin okay?"

he has to hold onto seokjin to keep him from rolling over and he seems to catch on because he just kind of twists a little to look over his shoulder.

he looks wide awake like hes been up for a few hours but hes still got messy hair and his face is a tiny bit sleep swollen.

jungkook likes how he looks when he wakes up. he got soft facial features i general but something about the way he looks in the morning makes jungkook want to squish his cheeks and pet his hair.

he would if his hand wasnt being held captive.

seokjin liked head pats sometimes but he didnt really like his face being touched.

he liked being hugged tight and being fed, and jungkook....oh. huh.

"hey hyung, can i ask you something?"

seokjin nods.

"after you tell me youre doing okay and not about to barf on my back."

his tone is playful and jungkook cat help making a noise of amusement in the back of his throat.

"im fine. not nauseous or anything. but um, what would you say your definition of 'whipped' is?"

seokjin tenses minutely before tilting his head and genuinely thinking.

"is this about yesterday...?"

jungkook shrugs, it is and it isnt. its an interesting concept to really understand, no matter the context. but in the context jimin had insinuated was......

"kind of. to be honest jimin said it like he was comparing us to what joon and yoongi have. is that....what you meant?"

he thought, yesterday standing in the kitchen by himself, that seokjin acting like this was maybe not so weird. that maybe some part of him really liked that seokjin was doing things he didnt used to do the same way; the touching and the looks. it was hard to picture it.

like yeah it was HAPPENING, but he couldnt put himself on the outside to visualize it. he felt like it was different but did it look the same to seokjin or the others? was he imagining the softness and the fondness?

he was starting to get tangled over the last few days.

he stopped doing his thought and emotion check in's so everything was getting messy inside his head. he felt all over the place when he was actually left to his thoughts.

his counselor said talk. then let the other person talk. and listen.

he wants to talk about a few things.

seokjins shift in behavior and expression.
the whipped thing.
...the fact that maybe he might be, by definition, whipped for seokjin too?
a few things that had been open ended.

he had spent years being so put together. two days at a cabin

shouldnt be changing that.
his coping mechanisms shouldnt be just pushing a messy thought process aside and letting it fester.

he needed to take a step back and remember a few things.

the comparison of him and seokjin being like yoongi and namjoon....was weird but not bad.
the way seokjin acted was weird but not bad.
the thought of being the person who knew seokjin better than anyone else.....made him absolutely ecstatic.

he may not know the ins and outs of feelings that werent strictly platonic or sexual, but he had a pretty good idea of what it looked like.

and maybe he couldnt picture this being a thing between the because he had never actually experienced it like this?

it made sense. he needed to slow down and tell his brain this may be a getaway but he couldnt just 'getaway' his mental health. it needed to stay sturdy no matter how fun something was or how surprising something was.

so he may be a little groggy and he may feel gross for his morning breath but he knows he needs to do what his counselor told him because she was right.

no more gradual spiraling.

seokjin squeezes his fingers and laces them with his own and jungkook cant see his face but he can see the way the back of his neck and his ears go a little red.
their hands are tucked up against seokjins chest and he feels his heart pounding.

"i see it kind of like wanting to do everything in your power to make another person happy. like i would do a lot for joon, no doubt, but with you i would be happy to do LITERALLY anything to see you smile....i guess, so yes. seeing as that is exactly how joon and yoongi are."

jungkook feels a surprising amount of relief.

"i feel like that too when it comes to you though. i already do a lot of things i wouldnt do for other people if it makes you happy. does that make me whipped?"

this is not a new development for them, at least. in the way it was something they both acknowledged. the admission of it being like yoongi and namjoon was new.

"you like pajama sets that match so i never steal the bottoms when i stay for the weekend even when i forget my own.

i never touch your figurines no matter how much i want to, and i know sometimes i tease but you really love them and take care of them so i....i dont actually bother them. i leave all the cold noodles aside because i know you like them most, i dont actually dislike them."

seokjin leans up to look back at him with big eyes and eyebrows practically up to his hairline.

"you dont like people touching your face.....and you like when people hug you like they mean it. i know a lot about you, just things i notice really."

he must look a disaster because he didnt brush his hair or his teeth before bed and he FEELS just as much a disaster just because hes never exactly comfortable talking so honestly and openly. he could tell seokjin things, important and person things, but only ever in small doses.

this is a huge fucking dose and hes pretty sure seokjin can feel how shaky he is with nerves. he has to take a deep breath and take a second to put his words together and seokjin just....stares at him.

"uh, well, i guess that does? make you whipped?"

his voice is kind of like disbelief but his eyes and lips are quirked up at the corners in the way they do when he is happy. that eases the nerves a little.

"whether or not its in the way joon and yoongi see it or if its the way you see it with hobi or taehyung is up to you."

jungkook feels like a weight is lifted and another is placed because, well, it had always been like what he had with taehyung and jimin and...that was a friendly platonic kind of care for another person.

did he....WANT to see it between them, like it is between joon and yoongi?

he hums, nods his head and looks back over as seokjin squeezes his hand again. he has that look again, the one that makes jungkook feel warm and melty.

maybe he does, maybe he doesnt. either way its incredibly reassuring to not feel pressured for coming up with

an answer immediately, feels that he could take forever to say its platonic or romantic or sexual because he knows that seokjin would be the last person to make him feel that way on purpose.

"so. we're whipped."

seokjin immediately snorts and rolls his eyes, amused.

he has no idea how much that particular grouping of words makes jungkook relax. thats one string untangled.

he just hopes it doesnt start a whole new tangle of its own. he could space out the talking, maybe do it a problem a day? would that...maybe help things be more organized?

he forgot how good it felt to be on top of things. to put his mental state first. so hes not so bothered by a few things anymore.

maybe seokjin really DID..start acting different. if its a reality that something between them has changed, good or bad, they would work through it.

they just talked about something that really bothered jungkook and it had seemed so easy afterwards. he could do this.

seokjin sits up to face him completely and just kind of. falls on him. and hes heavy. jungkook 'oof's loudly and smacks at his back.

"get off! werent you just complaining that i smell like soju? god youre heavy-"

"you do smell like soju and no i will not get off i spent years hefting you around everywhere. carry my 'heavy' ass to the bathroom so we can brush our teeth. its almost noon."

jungkook does end up carrying him to the bathroom. they brush their teeth and wash their faces together and it gives him a sense of nostalgia.

brings back how seokjins mother used to wrangle them and seokjins older brother up to get ready for bed at night.

its strange being able to remember how he had to tiptoe to spit out his toothpaste and now he had to bend down, how seokjin used to take out a step stool so he could stand beside his best friend and wash his face too.

now they stand at the sink hip to hip. theyre so close to being the same height. he remembers the year hed shot up and seokjin whined and laughed about how he was growing up and it would be too hard to carry him around....but he had also genuinely told jungkook he really would

miss the way he could pick just scoop him up or let him hang off of his arms or curl up behind his legs when he laid on the couch to watch tv.

hed shot up and started REALLY packing on the muscle and his dad had shown him how to shave (after his older brother. and seokjin.)

and suddenly he was getting DIFFERENT attention at school. he remembers ignoring most of it because he still had that tiny little pinprick of hope that now namjoon would see him as a man and not a boy despite him...still very much being a boy. hed been a teenager, after all.

he laughs looking back on how obvious he had been back then, shaving every single morning at the cabin in hopes that namjoon would see and- god that is so embarrassing. hed had PEACH FUZZ. seokjin had laughed so hard he cried when he was let in on it, had to get him through his

first bout of razor burn. hes so glad he had been able to get over namjoon, even if it meant being with mingyu the way he was. they hadnt planned for it to escalate like that and he would have been fine with it not getting sexual but hes also...pretty okay with experiencing

such private, sensitive things with a person he trusted. his time with mingyu had been critical to getting over namjoon and while yeah, it worked, it also denied him the ability to get over something with his own abilities.

maybe he would have still needed to lean on someone else, maybe it would have....well actually it DEFINITELY would have been seokjin. theres no way it would have been anyone else. maybe it would have been healthier and maybe it would have taken the same route it did with mingyu.

he promptly chokes on his toothpaste because just THINKING about what he had gotten up to with mingyu over the past...holy shit, nearly five years? WHAT?
no wonder seokjin had mentioned thinking mingyu was "the one" they had been 'together' for years.

jesus.

he looks over at seokjin who has cleanser foamed up on his face, frantically blinking to avoid getting it in his eyes, and hes quick to tell him he is okay- just accidentally inhaled some toothpaste.

he cant really look at seokjin after that as they both head down to the kitchen for now lunchl, they had slept through breakfast and missed out on pancakes apparently.

seokjin tosses together a decent salad with what they can find in the fridge, they eat out back at the glass table and jungkook cant really stop drifting back to that damn thought about what would have been different if seokjin had been the one to take mingyus place.

he feels bad that the idea of it is appealing.

that what he and seokjin had discussed earlier was mutual on some level, and probably.....maybe....would have tied in really, really well with being- what? friends with benefits?

thats what he and mingyu had been. no emotional attachment past being great friends.

he knows seokjin would never do that, not when he was very open about emotional importance when it came to sex. he also knows that seokjin had literally JUST told him he would do anything

to make him happy. it really was mutual and having this thought, no matter how quick and short lived, kind of made him realize the weight behind it.

seokjin is taking huge bites of his salad and talking about wanting to go kayaking later, sitting there in his pajamas

with his hair tied up in a cute little apple style and jungkook feels short of breath because he would literally take a bullet for this man- and while he knew it was true for seokjin as well, he had just heard seokjin actually say it out loud. bring it into undeniable existence.

he would do anything for jungkook.

he knew jungkook better than he probably knew himself.

something in him feels so full its overflowing and he thinks it might be his heart because he loves seokjin so much, always has. and this is the exact reason why.

he has to shake himself out of his loud thoughts and realizes hed stopped eating, just kind of sat there with his fork dangling in his hand. he felt emotional and it was a little misplaced, so he blinks away the feeling of his sinuses stinging in a warning of oncoming tears.

seokjin is looking at him all soft and sweet again but his cheeks are full of salad and hes chewing so hard that jungkook cant stop himself from letting out a snorted laugh.

"you look like an alpaca, hyung. quit taking such big bites i swear you will choke one day."

seokjin and his stupid quirk for "liking the way it feels to have too much food in my mouth" what the hell....

"hey, i will have you know that i do not resemble llamas or alpacas or anything of the sort."

hes pointing at jungkook with his fork and his eyebrows are quirked.

and jungkook thinks okay, so he definitely could have had seokjin help him get over namjoon but no....no, they never would have made it to the level he and mingyu had. he would never, ever dream of doing that to seokjin. not even with the knowledge he has now, that he would

probably have just said yes- yes, i want you to be happy no matter what- yes i want you to never hurt again- yes i will lower my own needs just so you can reach yours.

he could easily see it being the other way around and it, again, makes him feel warm and DUMB-melty

in the chest area because he knows that he would never let it reach that point and neither would seokjin. neither would WANT the other other person to hurt for their benefit. thats how it is when you love someone.

hes starting to see why jimin compared them to yoongi and namjoon now. he had never, ever been this way with mingyu. not once over the nearly five years everyone was under the impression they were romantically involved.

and here he is with seokjin, thinking about how much

he loves him. seokjin was open about it earlier, could probably see the weight to his words and was okay with sharing it. so now.....now he feels more comfortable telling him that yeah, maybe he did want to see their bond being more like namjoon and yoongis if it meant

being on a different level than his friendship with the others. it WAS on a different level. why deny that just because it was being compared to two people who share a romantic bond?

thats stupid.

he cant stop smiling, feels GOOD when he thinks about it now, is able to

think about it and not feel tangled and messy and confused. he and seokjin were more than just best friends.
maybe they were something closer to soulmates. he was okay with that. he felt good about that. he wanted to spend his life with everyone he cares for.

but seokjin? he thought about losing him just yesterday. he thought about someone else taking his place and it changing things between them. and he had hated it, loathed it in a way that just....wasnt on the same level as how he felt about jimin or namjoon.

he loved seokjin in a very different way.
hell, maybe it was their own way.
maybe it wasnt anything like yoongi and namjoons love.
maybe THAT is what he should say.
yes, i am whipped for you and it isnt like anybody else because WE arent like anyone else.

his counselor would probably be proud of him for all of this, he certainly feels proud of himself.

this....this is improvement.

"whatever you say. hey, you said you wanted to go kayaking? we should go after we finish eating. i definitely could go for that....i feel like my muscles are screaming. i havent been to the gym in days."

seokjin perks up immediately and goes head first into planning out

where they should go, what they should bring, for how long they should be out to be back by dinner, and jungkook is absolutely positive that this is how he is SUPPOSED to feel when he follows the things hes learned to keep himself mentally and emotionally balanced.

he did this all by himself. he feels good because he is taking steps and because a lot of them are with seokjin, but he is the one who is putting one foot in front of the other and hes excited. this is the first fully GOOD outcome since he started seeing his counselor.

they spend close to all day out on the lake. they kayak and swim and lay out in the sun for a while before heading back toward the cabin when it starts showing signs of getting dark.

he can see where the beach is in the distance, the small sandy area standing out

where its surrounded by grass. there are a few people hanging out but he cant make out who they are from how far off they are in the lake.

seokjin is humming some tune off to his left and he keeps slapping his paddle against the water in an attempt to splash jungkook but hes

just out of reach.

"you know how we talked this morning?"

seokjin pauses in his paddle-slapping and looks at him with an easy series of nods.

"i know you said i had time to like...figure stuff out. on my part."

another nod, this one a tiny hint hesitant.

"i think its safe to say i dont see us being like how i am with my other friends. or really like how jimin insinuated us being like joon and yoongi."

seokjins face falls and he sets his paddle across the top of the kayak, but he doesnt look like hes angry or sad. just disapointed or something, and jungkook has to look away so he doest lose the will to keep going for obvious reasons he doesnt want to get started thinking on.

"i love them, all of them, a lot. i love you too which you know because we say it sometimes. i just feel....different about how we know each other. its not really like, oh wow i am so whipped for my fiance! or, i am so whipped for my childhood friend!"

if he puts on a bit of a voice at the end there it doesnt change the fact that hes being honest. just means he wants to make seokjin smile, wants to kind of ease the little bit of tension.

seokjin does loosen up a little, so jungkook keeps plowing on- hes probably talking too

quickly but now hes started he cant really STOP.

"hyung i.....i really have never met anyone who knows me the way you do. and i know literally nobody the way i know you. ive never seen people who are like us.

it didnt feel right to compare it all to ANYONE else. so maybe we can just. just call it our thing? like being soulmates instead of being whipped or whatever. i just feel.....that....way, i guess....."

its out and he lets out a huge exhale because while it hadnt been a heavy

thought in the back of his head all day, it was still a pretty important thing to get out. for him and for seokjin, because he had been so damn open and he deserved the same openness in return.

seokjin makes a noise in the back of his throat like hes suffering and jungkook, not really expecting that kind of noise in response, looks up quickly. he would laugh in literally any other situation because the sight of seokjin trying to pull himself out of a kayak IS funny.

its rocking and taking in water and seokjins managing to kick water up into his own face and its a comical sight, hes even laughing himself, but jungkook knows if seokjin is getting out of his kayak......so is he. even if he doesnt want to. hes not laughing, he just dried off.

"you couldnt have waited until we WERENT in the middle of a fucking lake?! you know damn well i WILL hug you and i would rather us not drown."
"STOP YOUR GOING TO CAPSIZE YOUR KAYAK-"

seokjins kayak capsizes. it flips and he comes out of from under it sputtering, still laughing.

"i told you."

seokjin looks like a drowned rat with his hair sticking to his face and jungkook smiles at his expression. it had been happy, genuinely so, but as he treads water looking up at jungkook his expression takes on new meaning.

"dont. DONT YOU DARE."

seokjins laugh is huffy and his cheeks are blotchy red from how hard hes doggy paddling- right at jungkooks kayak.

"you said we are soulmates?"

jungkook nods, scrambles to grab the paddle again and shoves it into the water on the side seokjin isnt trying to latch onto.

"soulmates do everything together, kook. one half goes in the lake, so does the other."

jungkook laughs but its more a frantic adrenaline-fueled series of squeals as the kayak starts to tip toward seokjin and he cant do much other than lean in the other direction.

it does nothing the kayak flips and he has to pull himself out of it. when he comes back up to the surface he can hear seokjin laughing hysterically and blindly splashes water in the direction he thinks hes in; his hair really is getting too long, its in his face and he cant see.

a hand pushes against his cheek and then up his forehead and he can see again, seokjin is holding onto one of the kayaks that hed flipped back over and is using his free hand to push back majority of the hair that had stuck to jungkooks face. hes absolutely ROARING with laughter.

"i cant believe you just did that to me I JUST DRIED OFF!"

seokjins laughter calms a little and he pats the mess of soaking wet hair hed practically piled on top of jungkooks head. hes grinning, happy in a way jungkook honestly doesnt think hes seen in a long time.

hes smiling right back despite having to dry off again later after hed decided he was done swimming for the day. he cant help feeling so happy, smiling so wide because seokjins smile was contagious on a good day- this smile was on a whole new level.

"you can dry off when we get back, its not too far off. i....jungkook i would really like nothing more than to absolutely SMOTHER you in a hug right now but your kayak and paddle are kind of starting to drift away."

he manages to snag it- and the paddle- before it gets too far away and when he flips it back over its full of water. he wants to scream because at this point its not worth emptying it out just to paddle a distance they could easily swim.

"come on you hellion, lets swim back so i can dry off and you can 'smother' me in a hug."

seokjins smile is still there as they swim back with the kayaks and jungkook notices it doesnt falter once. seeing seokjin so genuinely enjoying himself and being happy had the same

effect as it always had; jungkook smiles just as hard all the way up to where his feet can touch the slightly squishy sand of the swimming area and his arm feels like it might fall off from towing the kayak with him but honestly? this whole day has been more relaxed and fun than

his entire year has been. and the day had been spent with seokjin, literally just him, and if jungkook hadnt been sure seokjin was other half in life before....he was now. whatever they were didnt really matter as long as they were something together.

the only thing he cant really....picture, between them, is being sexual. he can look at jimin and taehyung being cheesy romantic together and he can picture it being him and seokjin. there honestly wouldnt be a huge change in their dynamic. other than maybe the physical aspects.

kissing.
that would really be the only change. and its not like he hadnt thought about it before. he had even asked hoseok how it felt to kiss him. kisses.....werent always black or white, sometimes they were grey. like maybe him being curious about kissing seokjin was just

being curious about kissing another person that wasnt mingyu. but a bigger part of him was pretty sure it wasnt just that. it was partially that, sure.

but what if he and seokjin werent platonic soulmates? if they kissed and went on dates?

hes pulling the kayak up onto the grass when he thinks about it and hes only mildly surprised that his stomach erupts with butterflies.

'there was clarity in my thoughts' runs through his head because.....its true. the rest of his life, hed tried to picture yesterday, the

entire span of his life. did he want it with seokjin? well, yeah. he knew THAT already. he liked swinging by the restaurant to see him, looked forward to spending the weekend at his apartment, felt more at home here at the cabin with him than anywhere else.

seokjin drags his own kayak up beside him and doesnt waste a single second. he straightens up and hugs jungkook around the shoulders unexpectedly gentle. no smothering to be found. he just kind of stands there holding him and jungkook cant see him too well because it really

is getting dark but he can feel seokjins hand on his back and while his hair wasnt soaking wet anymore he could feel seokjin trying to push it out of his face again.

butterflies.

god he feels almost nauseous with how his stomach is reacting to this.

"you are absolutely right. i dont mind being called whipped, in all honesty its true, but....being your soulmate? there is no better way to describe what i feel for you."

oh. he definitely never felt like this before.
shortness of breath? check.
overly warm? check.
butterflies? check.

seokjin standing there holding him and being so careful and gentle and he FEELS they are soulmates. this is beyond good. this is perfect.

[real quick, im stuck between feeling like jungkooks moving too fast in his platonic to romantic feelings and not fast enough. im gonna leave a poll.]

he feels giddy, like he could run laps even though he was genuinely worn out from all the paddling and swimming. an emotional kind of energy as compared to physical, the kind that makes you feel like you can do anything.
seokjin had that affect on people.

seokjin had that affect on HIM.

he did back when jungkook was just starting high school. knew what to say to make him feel special, like jungkook existing was the best gift he could ever receive. remembers how much that part of seokjin had helped him come out of his shell.

helped him really grasp what loving himself meant past being unapologetic for what he liked or how he dressed.
seokjin was a big part of his life. it felt fitting to call him his other half, and be called that in return.

and now he still knows what to say to make jungkook feel special, cared for.

he had changed a lot over the years, just as anyone else would, but these things that jungkooks brain immediately connected with seokjin had stayed and he couldnt be more grateful.

the squeaky laugh he lets out when jungkook wraps him up in a bone crushing hug, the way he wraps him up in a towel and maneuvers his hair into probably terribly crooked sprout on top of his head so he can at least see where hes walking, the way laces their fingers

and swings their hands as they walk up to the cabin. its all exactly how it has been for years. the difference is in the way a part of jungkook sees it as just that tad bit MORE.

the base is the same but now there is a foundation.

the lights from the cabin arent too far off, jungkook can see them through the trees. already he can hear people and smell what is proven to be fried chicken for dinner out on the patio. they nearly walk directly into namjoon- who was crouched low to the ground with a few of the

kids to look at the fireflies along the yard line as they breech the treeline just beside them. the light from jungkooks phone reflects off of his glasses and he has to squint up at them as they walk by on their way to finally grab something to eat. jungkook is famished and he

knows there is no way seokjin isnt as well after they been keeping fueled all day with just snacks.

namjoon straightens and tosses an arm over seokjins shoulders which lasts all of 0.5 seconds before he realizes seokjins shirt was wet. he opts for walking back over to the patio

with them and NOT getting his own clothes damp.

"you guys have fun? its a miracle neither of you got burned. or injured with your track record."

the younger kids were trailing behind them and jungkook glances over his shoulder to coo. they resembled little ducklings

following their mother or something. a few are in their early teens now and he remembers when they were literal toddlers. its wild to see how fast the years have passed.

"we had a blast! we went out to the island- there are still a million blueberries out there. im pretty sure

kook ate enough to feed a small family."

jungkook can only smile a little sheepishly because yeah, he had eaten a probably unhealthy amount of wild blueberries earlier. seokjins free hand reaches up to pet his hair fondly and namjoon snorts at them knowingly.

"what. you cant blame me, they were really good. i filled up my water bottle too, should be enough to maybe talk someone into making pie...?"

both seokjin and namjoon immediately brighten and he knows they are thinking the exact same thing he is.

"youre making pie?!"

jungkook opens his mouth to say no, we were hoping maybe seokjins mother would whip out one of her INCREDIBLE 'family secret' pies from scratch but jimin comes tearing off the patio to slam into jungkooks midriff, talking a mile a minute as he clings like a

koala. he whines at the damp material of jungkooks shirt but doesnt let go.
jungkook stumbles forward at the added weight and has to let go of seokjins hand to grapple at jimins legs so he doesnt drop him on his ass. theres laughter from the general direction of the cabin that

gets louder the closer they get to the patio, now set up for eating dinner. taehyung is latched onto yoongis side as he helps man the grill, yet again, and he looks up when jimin yells "WE'RE GETTING PIE!" which....starts a cacophony of excited noises.

jungkook looks over at seokjin, long suffering.

"you know how to make pie?"

seokjins eyes are twinkling and he still hasnt dropped that big smile, his hand reaching up to rest at his bicep. hes rubbing at it almost absentmindedly and jungkook cant help leaning into it.

"yup. and you will too when im finished with you. and the pie. the pie, when im finished teaching you how to make pie oh my GOD."

namjoon is howling with laughter and jimin would have tipped over with how hard he was laughing had jungkook not held onto him.

seokjin has gone scarlet red. hes laughing but in the way that he can acknowledge what he said was humorous but hes also horrendously embarrassed. jungkook couldnt stop laughing and he feels bad when he lets jimin down-

he immediately falls into namjoon so he doesnt fall to the ground without jungkook holding him upright- and he has to literally brace his hands on his knees to keep from falling over himself. it makes seokjin stop walking beside him, whining.

"shut up i didnt mean it that way!"

hoseok, who had been watching them from where he was attempting to put taehyungs hair into very awkward, very small pigtails, points an accusing finger directly at seokjin.

"you meant it EXACTLY that way, dont lie."

jimin promptly laughs even harder and namjoon has to lug him

all the way up to a patio chair to free himself. seokjin whines and stomps his foot, still very much red in the face, and has to explain to the kids that it was an inside joke- good god jungkook can see the mortification on his face that doesnt ease until he makes a run for the

cabin, shouting his dibs for the shower.

jungkook sticks around for a while, laughing with the others until the novelty of seokjins funny slip up wears off and they stand around yoongi begging for bites of the meat that was already cooked.

yoongis weak spot for him shines through and he gets a few extra pieces that he gets whined at for. all he ever has to do is act a little cute around yoongi to get what he wants, always gets the faux-irritated, "youre the youngest thats why. dont let it get to your head."

its only been a few days out and hes already dreading having to go back to life away from the cabin, away from his friends and people he considers family. he sits sandwiched between yoongi and taehyung at dinner, laughing at the petty pout seokjin gives him when hes forced to sit

at the end of the table with the kids because he had taken too long of a shower. he basks in leaning his head against taehyung shoulder and yoongi latching onto his hand, begs jimin to feed him french fries and has to be held back from throwing food at him when he shovels an

entire handful of them into jungkooks mouth. he gets covered in salt and droplets of ketchup and they get taehyungs mothers wrath when taehyungs youngest sibling turns and shoves half of her hamburger into seokjins very much NOT ready mouth. he chokes a little and it falls to the

ground, half a wasted burger, and jungkook relinquishes his own so she can eat.

it was, all in all, a really fun day. he thanks whatever being is listening that he hadnt gotten hungover. it probably would have been a day spent sleeping it off if hed had any more soju.

he showers after dinner, changes into pajama pants and a lightweight t-shirt that doesnt hold body heat, and joins the six of his friends in the living room to just hang out for a while before slowly they start to head off to bed.

jungkook is the third to head upstairs.

he definitely got a little sunburned with how warm the skin of his back and shoulders feel but it isnt too bad. its enough he regrets taking his shirt off when they were picking those blueberries though, and he has to sleep without his shirt on to prevent some discomfort.

seokjin comes into the room while hes still awake and pokes fun at his suffering until he climbs into bed too. this time he gets to spoon seokjin while he isnt sleeping. he goes a little stiff in his arms before going lax, and ultimately its a quick drift into unconsciousness.

they end up making an absolute disaster of the kitchen the next day. its looking a little overcast, like it could rain later in the day, and they opt for having their pie excursion around eleven. it starts off well enough with seokjin showing him how to make pie crust.

he shows him how thin to roll out the portion used for the top of the pie and is not at all surprised that jungkook picks it up as quickly as he does, rolling it out on his own and then promptly ruining it by slapping it down into the flour and causing it to go

all over the place. it coats the front of his shirt and the counter, and somehow gets in his hair despite having stolen one of yoongis headbands to keep it out of his face- and the food.

seokjin....may or may not have gone into chef mode. he cleans up quick and efficient and jungkook looks sheepish standing off to the side covered in flour. its very, very easily one of the sweetest things he has ever seen. jungkook had cute quirks, did cute things, but

something seokjin couldnt help taking a picture of because it was achingly cute? jungkook standing over a half finished pie covered in flour, spooning blueberry pie filling into the pie crust with a decently sized smear of it on the side of his face. he just looked so FOCUSED.

like it was the most important task of his life, it had to be done perfectly, which....okay that was something jungkook tended to do with everything. he thrived when trying new things, loved learning about stuff and worked his hardest to be the best he could at it.

he was the best blueberry pie filler.

seokjin cannot for the life of him hold back laughter at the thought of saying that to jungkooks face and he looks up to see whats so funny only after hes scraped the bowl clean of filling.

"what? whats so funny?"

his eyes are huge and inquiring and his heads tilted just enough to almost resemble a confused puppy. seokjin wants to absolutely smother him.

so he does. he sets down the oven mitts he had found in one of the counter drawers and squishes jungkooks cheeks so his lips pout

and his nose scrunches up.
on the inside seokjin is positively wailing.

"youre so CUTE jungkook."

his fingers smudged the pie filling on jungkooks cheek a little more and when he squirms to pull his head back its trailed almost all the way to his nose.

he must have been able to feel it because he wipes at his face with his arm. when it comes back sticky and purpley-blue he looks at seokjin with the most deadpan expression he can muster.

"stop calling jungkook cute challenge: failed."

hes wiping at his face with the back of his hand, grumbling about "im a grownass man call me handsome or something" but seokjin will always find him cute. thinks of it as a compliment. jungkook will ALWAYS be cute no matter how old he gets.

he has to use a wet paper towel to clean jungkooks face and maybe takes a little longer than needed to carefully wipe at the sunkissed skin of his face. hed gotten a light tan being out in the sun all day. he always looked incredible with a good tan, healthy and glowing.

hes standing there in front of seokjin with his eyes closed and his head tipped back a little, and maybe the urge to just- lean in and kiss him. is strong. its very strong.

"did you get it all?"

he has to clear his throat a little and shake his head to get out of THAT thought.

"yeah- yeah, i got it. come on i'll show you how to use a fork to do the 'pretty line things' around the edges."

it definitely wasnt the right time for that no matter how much his die-hard romantic heart was telling him it was The Perfect Time. so he pushes onward to finish

getting the pie prepped and into the oven, then cleaning up behind them as jungkook disappears off into some other part of the cabin. probably to either return the headband to yoongi or make sure seokjin really did get all of the pie filling off his face.

he comes jogging back in and joins in to clean up the flour, talking far too quickly about taking the rest of the day to focus on a little art and for some reason needing taehyungs spotify playlist.

hes missing the headband, so he definitely returned it, and it leaves his hair

to fall in his eyes all curly and soft looking.

seokjin fears he will develop a habit of brushing it out of jungkooks face if he keeps letting it grow like this. it looks cute up in hair ties and when he wears it down, but if hes honest with himself its the best when its down

and he can touch it or play with it.

he has to reach over and push it out of jungkooks face again for the third time, tucks some of it behind his ears and laughs at the way it goes straight down the sides of his forehead and stays fluffed in the back.

jungkook bats at his hands and shakes his hair back out but hes smiling big and goofy, looking for all intent and purpose like he is having the time of his life cleaning up a kitchen.

he sings into the handle of the broom hes using to sweep up the last of the flour, some old

trot song that suits his voice oddly well, and he keeps exaggerating tones every once in a while- trying to make seokjin laugh which he does- and when hes done, the kitchen just as clean as when they first entered it, he heads off to find taehyung.

it doesnt take long. the sound of them talking and their heavy footfalls are loud in the quiet, and seokjin is brought out of his own head when taehyung pops around the kitchen doorway to invite him out to the living room to hangout while jungkook did his thing.

he had been checking in with the restaurant because thursdays tended to be quite busy and he was almost positive the kitchen would go up in flames without him there but instead he gets a “everythings good go have fun” text from his older brother who had been

unable to make it out to the cabin.
seokjin suspects he didnt have a reason passed wanting his little brother to be there even if it meant he couldnt. he wouldnt put it past his brother to do something like that.

he only joins them when his brother sends proof of a fully functioning NOT burning to the ground kitchen.

theres jazz playing softly and only four people are actually in the living room. jungkook, hunched over the coffee table with his prettily by-color-organized oil pastels.

taehyung sprawled on the floor behind him on his back, scrolling through his phone. namjoon on the couch reading a book thats also being read by hoseok who has wormed his way under namjoons arm to peek up at the pages too.

and now seokjin, who stops on his way to the couch so

he can look over jungkooks shoulder. hes not completely sure what the piece will be but he likes the color scheme so far. jungkook always used colors he wouldnt expect and while sometimes they didnt blend right and he got frustrated, seokjin rather liked that he didnt always

stay in his comfort zone. it made for a lot of very interesting pieces, some being his favorites.

the one that would always be his number one though....was by far the quick sketch jungkook had done of his childhood companion jjangu, at some ridiculous hour of the night, simply

because he had jokingly asked for it. there was no color, just graphite on blank white paper, but it held the most meaning. he kept it in his bedroom framed on his bedside table.
he liked to picture jungkook poured love and care into every single line of it.

now he was using an almost strange blend of soft and bold blended colors.
unexpected but pretty.

he could stand there for hours and watch jungkook but hoseok lifts his legs and pats the couch cushion for him to take a seat. so he gently reminds jungkook to 1. mind his posture

and 2. not touch his face if he didnt want to have to wash it again, before finally sitting and taking hoseoks legs in his lap.

he lasts long enough for the pie to come out of the oven with fifteen minutes to spare before hes out like a light on the couch, this time all to

himself because hoseok and namjoon go upstairs in search of a laptop for some unknown to him software thing. taehyungs playlist is lulling and quiet enough that he can hear when jungkook remembers to sit up and his back cracks or he tsks at something he wasnt satisfied with.

he has no clue how long he sleeps for but when he wakes up he can hear it is absolutely down poring outside. he also notices jungkook has crawled onto the couch with him, stretched out along his side with his mouth wide open and his hands blessedly clean of all colorful pigments.

he still smells like oil pastels though, or maybe its the room, either way its a smell hed come to associate with jungkook. it was a distinct kind of scent that his brain had learned was jungkook- but he knew was drying acrylic paint and loose pigment powder and brush cleaner.

he didnt ALWAYS smell like art, sometimes he smelled like sweet fresh body spray, sometimes he smelled like laundry detergent and fabric softener.

now he smells like oil pastels and seokjins skin care products. its an oddly comforting smell, makes him want to turn his face

into jungkook and breathe him in forever, press into his neck and shoulder and never leave.

he cant logically do that no matter how appealing the idea of it is. but he CAN do it until jungkook wakes up or until they have to get up. so why not.

he knows jungkook is a heavy sleeper and probably wont wake up so he goes for it; rolls onto his side and tucks himself right into the crook of jungkooks neck. he has to curl an arm in between their chests and drape the other over jungkooks waist and not for the first time he

is made terribly aware of just how petite jungkooks waist actually is. how it fits perfect in his hands. he cant help hugging himself close, pressing himself in close to jungkook. hes so warm.

he lets out a whiny exhale that seokjin can feel brush by his hair and he cringes.

jungkooks arm flops against his shoulder, almost completely dead weight. he can feel his fingers flexing against his shoulder blade, slow but definitely intentional.

hes awake.

he doesnt say anything despite having been woken up though and seokjin opts for silently indulging

himself; jungkooks chin resting over the crown of his head, his fingers petting up and down the side of his back, feeling his chest rise and fall with his breathing.

its quiet without them talking, just rain and thunder and the occasional sound of a door opening from upstairs.

taehyung is snoring somewhere, probably exactly where he had been laying on the floor earlier, and someone is quietly shuffling around the kitchen. its incredibly relaxing, has parts of seokjin he didnt know were so tense relaxing.

jungkook feels like hes as relaxed as he can

possibly be against him, heavy and warm and lax. all of it makes him feel secure, like hes in the absolute safest place he could be.

he needs to remember that hes allowed moments like this, that not everything in life needs to function with the strict order of a kitchen staff.

he can lay on a couch and be lazy all day long, he can snuggle until dinner time, he can bury his entire face into jungkooks neck and just stay there for a while- doesnt need to participate in conversation going on around him and be social when he doesnt FEEL LIKE IT.

he can just exist without the need for things to be one way or another for hours.

the vibration of jungkooks voice against his cheek and chest makes him smile, the muscle of his arm tensing where its reaching over seokjins side to slap an uno card down into the ever growing pile

on the coffee table. he didnt play when the first game started up between taehyung, jungkook and jimin- and now hes just content to listen to them all scream and groan and laugh as more and more people join in.

"UNO! uno, uno, uno, uno!"

jungkook squirms against him, kicking

his legs excitedly and he can envision the way his nose was probably scrunched and eyes crinkled shut with how wide he was smiling- how loud he was laughing.

[ im gonna pause in updating for now because of an abrupt sever tornado sighting for where i live big f ]

its just past 9 pm, they had literally spent the entire day in the house- most of it being very, very lazy but comfortable, and jungkook couldnt have asked for a better day. he got to bake a bomb-ass blueberry pie, get a solid 2/3 of the way through an art piece, and spent it all

feeling very at ease. it was enjoyable, calming- well. until jimin broke out uno and taehyung wanted to learn and jungkook needed to win, then namjoon wanted to play so they could coax yoongi into doing that thing he did.

leaning down with his cheek on the floor and butt in

the air as he 'listened' to the uno cards telling him what his next move should be. hoseok, at this point, was just wrecked with how hard hed been laughing for a solid hour and a half. he had been sipping at some kind of alcohol through a straw (god help him later.)

and he was and he was steadily showing more and more signs of being absolutely hammered.

it was a blast, even if seokjin wasnt being his super noisy, super entertaining self. he was just kind of snuggled up nice and comfy and so QUIET. maybe he was sleeping, jungkook couldnt

tell but with how noisy everyone was being there was no way anyone could sleep through it. he also wondered how in the hell anyone could sleep for as long as they both had managed to throughout the day.

hed woken up feeling just a step away from getting too much sleep.

seokjin had slept on though, curled into his chest looking for all intent and purpose like he was absolutely NOT going to be moved or interrupted. so he had let seokjin sleep, shushed anyone who came downstairs or into the living room for a while.

they had gotten to eat dinner

on the couch which was admittedly nice and hed needed to guide seokjins hand sometimes when it started straying in the direction of his cheek instead of his mouth. it was both hilarious and very cute.

it just wasnt the same to have his loud laughter missing or his puns, or his presence really. he was right there literally attached to jungkooks front, stretched out on the couch, and yet the fun wasnt quite so...full, without it all.

he would catch himself waiting for seokjins input or thinking immediately that seokjin was going to make a joke about something but he never did. he just....laid there taking up residence in jungkooks chest or neck or shoulder and moved accordingly when he shifted.

comfortable but abnormal.
and he caught hoseok looking at them with this expression on his face like he was thinking the exact same thing; cant believe seokjin didnt take advantage to make a joke that jimin would find hysterical and yoongi would faux-scowl at.

“oh, look.”

jungkook looked over at the coffee table and deadpanned HARD.
yoongi.....just gave him a draw 4.

“uno.”

HE WAS DOWN TO A SINGLE CARD, A GREEN 3 AND YOONGI JUST.

“NO, WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME?!”

seokjin actually muffled a laugh into his shoulder this time.

“every man for himself kook. theres candy with my name on it.”

yoongi shrugged, sat back against namjoons legs and sarcastically batted his eyelashes in a way he knew would make everyone laugh.

“remember this next time i say i would trade you for a couple meat coupons.”

he grumbled and sulked over seokjins shoulder, playful but entirely truthful in the statement that next time they fell into a game of some sort with anything as a bet....he WOULD be winning.

“you dont need coupons when you have me, i would cook you a full course meal.”

surprised by the sudden input from a thick voiced seokjin, he leaned back and peered down to see that he was indeed awake and now upset that his shoulder-home was taken from him.

“hey THAT isnt fair! you make me pay for my lamb skewers every time i order!”

“me too....i mean i do get a discount though. maybe he just loves me more.”

yoongi and jimin promptly got into a verbal scuffle that sounded more like an old married couple and jungkook could see seokjin rolling his eyes at them.

“you arent jungkook so no you dont get anything free, rules are rules.”

quieter he insisted jungkook quit leaning away, give me back my pillow, youre going to make me fall off the couch.

yoongi gave him the straightest expression hed ever seen and jimin flopped onto his back to star fish across the floor, neither happy with the explanation, and jungkook felt equal parts amused and like maybe he should be preening.

he didnt lean back in though, felt maybe it was

time they both sat up and maybe moved around so their blood circulation didnt just. quit. or something.

seokjin very loudly disliked this idea and went as far as refusing to unlatch from his torso, dragging off the couch and onto the floor when jungkook got up to stretch.

his legs and feet dragged from the couch cushions and hit the floor loudly, his face contorted and going pink from exertion as he tried to keep his entire upper body up with nothing more than his grip- now nearly down to jungkooks hips instead of his chest, and everyone

absolutely howled.

he was laughing too but he sounded like he was closer to being in tears, dragged from the couch and across the room before he let go with a very seokjin-esque exaggerated shout.

“this floor is more comfortable anyway.”

jungkook was about to snark right back at him but hoseok beat him to it.

“says the man who just spent hours living the dream-“

awkwardly he cut himself off, which went over nobodys heads, and he straight up GIGGLED. yoongi grinned, wicked and tiny.

“hoseok is DRUNK-drunk.”

jimin, ever the little slytherin, sat up to toss an arm over hoseoks shoulders with big imploring eyes.

jungkook remembers the time he had gotten hammered and told them about his nickname in school being acorn, or the time jimin had wheedled it out of him that he was the one

who had used seokjins laptop to watch adult films and accidentally downloaded a virus- which jungkook and namjoon had both been suspected of having done.

hoseok smiles at them both, very reminiscent of the night he had looked when jungkook asked him about kissing seokjin.

hes giggly and spacey and adorably clingy, leaning into jimins side and telling him about how his sister is watching his dog mickey. not at all what jimin was inquiring about but still riveting; apparently his sister sent him photos every morning of his dog in sweaters or

his hair pinned up with little clips so he could see.
very cute.

"so, what was it you were saying earlier? about living a dream?"

seokjin scoffs into his arms, now folded on the floor in front of him as he had rolled over to lay on his stomach. hes looking up at jimin and

hoseok almost boredly, like he had been expecting the turn of conversation, but jungkook is intrigued. what HAD hoseok meant by that?

that sleeping on a couch with jungkook was 'living the dream'? because while it was nice it definitely didnt do his back any good.

the lack of his adjustable art desk was felt in how hunched hed been over the coffee table and that paired with hours on the couch? his joints were popping and cracking so hard he caught namjoon looking at him in mild disgust.

it felt good though, turning his waist to crack his

back and hips, leaning and stretching his arms to hear his shoulders crack, his neck pop. it was relieving-

his brain decided that was the perfect moment to remember seokjin offering a back massage a few days back, and maybe....he was in the perfect position for a back massage.

quickly he shook out his arms and plopped himself directly onto the back of seokjins thighs. he groaned, swatting blindly behind himself to smack at jungkook and whine about how heavy he was.

"hmm? about seokjin and jungkookie?"

grinning, jungkook grabbed at his hands and wrestled them down so he could rub an elbow into seokjins lower back. the complaining groan turned appreciative real damn quick.

he could hear jimin humming his agreement, hoseok snickering and shifting.

yoongi was grumbling at namjoon asking for a back massage too, looking down between his legs with big puppy dog eyes that yoongi tried resolutely to NOT look up at, and taehyung had teamed up with his boyfriend to nudge hoseok on with a conspiring grin.

"were you hoping to get some jungkookie cuddle time too?"

jungkook instantly noticed a tenseness to seokjin under him, his shoulders and back going solid under his hands after having gone lax. he quirked an eyebrow and turned to look at taehyung with an amused huff of a laugh.

hoseok was rather open about his affections and how he liked to show them; if he had wanted in on cuddles, he would have inserted himself into their not-quite-cuddle pile.

"no silly. i was with namjoonie up stairs! i can cuddle anytime, anywhere, with anyone."

jungkook nodded. that was very true.

"i meant seokjin was living the dream. you know, all touchy feely with jungkook like he was. ooh-la-la."

the sound of seokjins forehead meeting the floor was a dull thud but his laugh afterward was very audible, and jungkook could FEEL IT.

"who says ooh-la-la like that hobi?"

taehyungs hand shot up like he was about to ask a teacher permission to speak.

"french people do! i mean. in movies. i like how it sounds with a french accent, so hot."

jimin must give him a faux wounded look because hes quick to

backtrack with a giggled addition of, "and jimin. jimin sounds hot too. saying anything." that has hoseok laughing between them.

jungkooks quirked eyebrow is turned down to the back of seokjins head. touchy feely, huh. with him.

"i wasnt being 'touchy feely' i was snuggling."

the pout is audible in seokjins voice.

"you were copping feels at his ass, seokjin."

jungkook choked on his own saliva, hacking and laughing because OH. that hadnt been an accident? he thought seokjin had literally been asleep? but here yoongi is looking smug, making grabbing

motions with both hands.

seokjins ass is right in front of him. he could get touchy feely.

"no, i was just half asleEEEEP JEON JUNGKOOK LET GO OF MY ASS."

hoseok and jimin almost simultaneously fall over each other with laughter and taehyung rocks so far backward that he hits the couch, the room filling with laughter that jungkook feels VERY accomplished for causing.

hes also kind of tempted to smack seokjins ass, like he did with

almost all of his friends. hes brought back momentarily to the time hed wound up and smacked hoseoks ass so hard it CLAPPED. that had been almost painfully funny.

"i didnt GROPE you, let go you hellion!"

seokjin squirmed under him, again smacking around in an attempt to catch

his arm or his thigh. he was laughing, looking amused and flustered, forcefully trying to roll onto his side to dislodge jungkook from the back of his legs. he tried to get a smack in but ended up being practically thrown over when seokjin actually put effort into it.

it escalated from there.

a full blown wrestling match broke out, mostly being egged on by jimin, namjoon and hoseok while yoongi stated over and over that they were going to hurt themselves or break something.

he had genuinely thought seokjin had gotten too much sleep, the kind

that gave you a headache when you woke up and left you feeling more drained than refreshed. but he was on top of his game to the very last second- when they were all shut down by namjoons mother, looking very exasperated with a telling twinkle to her eyes that said she was just

as amused by their antics.

it did little to actually dampen their spirits though and they moved onto watching a few movies that had a few tag-ons in the form of younger siblings and cousins.

they had started a marvel marathon and for once jungkook wasnt completely immersed.

again...seokjin was snuggled up to him, petting his hair and watching the movie intently.

jungkook was still pretty stuck on seokjin having "copped feels" at his ass. not abnormal behavior for any of the seven of them really, but seokjin was doing it again?

had slipped a hand into the back pocket of jungkooks pants and just kinda left it there, burning into jungkooks skin through layers of material.

hed been playfully manhandled into being the little spoon this time around and was comfortable, really, but the HAND.

seokjin was living the dream being actually, genuinely touchy feely with him.

hed been practically petting him the last few days, far more than was usual for them. and....crossing a few vague lines? not that jungkook cared too much. he liked physical affection.

he just wasnt used to it coming from seokjin so blatantly, so often. he was more a hug a day, a snuggle a few days a week, kinda guy who didnt say no to physical affection but wasnt as giving with it as hoseok or jimin.

they had literally spooned every single night for the

past four nights. seokjin was touching his face or his hair so much he had started to not really notice it being more than it always was between them, and now he was spending HOURS attached to jungkook one way or another. with his hand on his ass and his fingers carding through

his hair. it felt good in the way it did when anyone showered him in affection and attention but the addition of butterflies and feeling flustered because of some of it?

definitely not something he felt curling around hoseok or using jimin as a pillow or manhandling yoongi

around to playfully test his patience.

a lot of this was new to him, but there were definitely things that werent.

hed had his ass grabbed for one. plenty of times. mostly by mingyu. that wasnt new.

most of the physical aspects werent things he was unfamiliar with really.

it was the way the physical things were making him FEEL.

its settled that he likes seokjin being the one who makes him feel this way. he feels safe, comfortable, happy with seokjin. he trusts him. hes afraid to lose him. he loves him.

he hadnt loved mingyu and hes not sure he

had really been in love with namjoon as much as he had been in love with the way namjoon made him feel.
which is why, on some level, hes kind of freaked out by the idea that it isnt the same with seokjin- had NEVER been the same with seokjin.

he loved seokjin for more than

just the way he made him feel. he did love that, though, how he felt existing with seokjin. they had squabbles like anyone else, and misunderstandings happened sometimes, but at the end of the day jungkook had no issue with knowing and accepting what love on that level was.

its the next level hes starting to get a tiny bit uneasy with.

its foreign to him, like seeing someone do something through a computer screen and thinking "that must feel insanely terrifying" and not REALLY grasping the actual emotion until experiencing that thing yourself.

he hasnt experienced this before but he has seen plenty of people and thought, "theyre in love" or, "thats what love looks like" and meaning it romantically.

now hes laying in the living room being spooned, thinking he might be dipping his toes into very unfamiliar waters.

and his instincts are telling him there might be flesh eating fish waiting just below the surface.

his brain tells him otherwise, his heart is NOT being given a voice at the moment, and the hand on his ass says "shut the fuck up and enjoy this will you. stop overthinking."

seokjin says it too.

just a private, whispered, “for the record, hoseok WAS trying to say something earlier that i wont hold against him because hes hammered.”

jungkook peers over and sure enough hoseok is passed out against a tipsy jimins shoulder, legs cushioned over yoongis

lap.

“i can see the gears turning in your head. turn them off, relax, i‘ll explain some things tomorrow. enjoy the movie okay? dont think too much.”

he would if it was that easy. instead hes left hyper aware of seokjins breath on his neck for the rest of the movie.

and then hyper aware of seokjin, in bed, as close as humanly possible to him after everyone dispersed at some ungodly hour of the morning to sleep.

he doesnt fucking sleep.

he houdinis his way out of seokjins arms at around 4 am and sits out on the back porch with a cup of tea to watch the sun rise. its a mindless thing, sitting alone in relative silence.

hes tired and hes jittery, nervous about what seokjin wants to say

to him, but mostly hes kind of just upset that he hadnt slept good. hes used to running on fumes, hes a university student; exams, studying, projects, essays. hes pulled all nighters many times. but this feels like a different kind of exhaustion in the sense that he didnt really

have anything to do. there was no essay or studying to keep him focused. it was just constant tossing and turning that made seokjin grumble for a while, trying to force himself to fall asleep until he gave up and stared at the wall for a while. he actually WANTED to sleep.

it took away that ease with which he usually managed to stay awake.

he managed to sneak down to the kitchen without waking anyone, least surprisingly being hoseok who was definitely going to be hungover, but he was joined on the porch just after the sun breached the treeline.

seokjins mother took the seat beside him, also holding her own cup of steaming tea. she was in her pajamas, a matching set that reminded jungkook or her sons affinity for them, and a long soft looking bathrobe.

she always looked so soft, a walking talking form of comfort.

she smiled over at him but didnt say anything, just soaking in the sounds of nature and the view. she was easy to exist with.

jungkook thinks that must be where seokjin got it from. he got things from his dad but he got a lot from his mother; most noticeably his features.

but knowing him the way jungkook does, he thinks the biggest thing was his aura. it was so similar to his mothers, soft and caring and very much present.

he also had the penchant for overstepping his own comfort zone so others could feel like they werent being forced out of

their own.

the times jungkook had all attention on him and felt uncomfortable, seokjin would make a ruckus- make everyone laugh or take the attention away any other way he could. he wasnt an inherently extroverted person, didnt gain energy by interacting with others.

he was introverted, got drained fast when he was around people like that, but still he had always done that kind of thing. just said, "oh jungkook is uncomfortable i think i will fix that" and THAT is something he knows not gained from either of his parents.

it was just a seokjin thing; a loud, playful, energetic introvert who often pushed his own boundaries to make sure others were comfortable.

looking down at his half empty mug of tea, jungkook thinks that seokjins ability to do that is incredible.

he himself is introverted, cant imagine pushing that specific boundary as much as seokjin has. he prefers quiet, comfortable company most days but can and will have fun with any of his friend group. its why he connected with yoongi so quickly, they had both shared so many

characteristics that made their friendship very easy. they hardly ever had squabbles and enjoyed spending their time together without the need to talk or go out or DO something together. yoongi could be reading and jungkook could be painting and they wouldnt say a single

unnecessary word, and it would be their ideal interaction.

seokjins mother is very much the same in that moment. they sit there sipping their tea and dont really say anything, but its very easy and comfortable. there is no tension or urge to uphold conversation.

finally, well after hed finished his tea, she finally breaks the silence by reaching over to touch the end of his hair.

"its gotten so long, it suits you nicely. brings out your features."

he cant help smiling. he always loved when she gave him sweet motherly compliments, made

him feel confident and supported. the smile widens when she combs her fingers through his hair, working through a few tangles.

"ive been thinking about cutting it soon actually. its getting hard to maintain....but i like how it looks, too. when it isnt tangled."

his own mother had reached the point where she was nagging, telling him he needed a cut, and hed vehemently said ‘no, i dont think i will.’ every single time she said it until she got the hint.

“i know all about difficult hair, ive had my own long for nearly my whole life.”

her hair was a dark salt and pepper that reached down the middle of her back but he remembered it being jet black, long long long, soft and shiny in the sun. it was always so pretty to look at and now it was just as much.

she was aging, reaching early fifty’s now. a hard pill

to swallow; his parents were almost at fifty now too. halfway to one hundred already. the thought sometimes made him feel guilty. that he was in his twenties and hadnt given them anything to brag to their friends about.

grandkids, a....son in law....he knew he didnt owe that to anyone but his heart still hurt when his dad mentioned in passing how his friend showed him their grandkids again or his mother gushed about weddings. it hit different hearing them ‘subtly’ hinting at wanting things they

werent going to get. at least not any time soon.
and they were halfway to one hundred already.

he cant see mrs. kim being like that. looking over at her, knowing how open minded and accepting she always was....sometimes he wished his mother was more like her.

informed and selfless despite the stigma that came with her generation.

his parents still said he just needed to find the right girl. that he would get married when the time was right. that he would give them grandkids- biological grandkids.

they tended to invalidate him at every turn because of their own wants.

mrs. kim asked how his boyfriend was, told him he was welcome to attend the getaway too, always made it clear that everyone was welcome and accepted. she was just so comfortable with who he was.

she probably was expecting a chuckle or him asking for hair care tips but instead she gets an armful of him. he leans over and hugs her tight, feels nostalgic at the smell of her peppermint tea and hand lotion that didnt really smell like anything he could put his finger on.

she laughs a little but ultimately ends up combing all of the tangles from his hair with her fingers, hugging him back just as tight with one arm after setting down the tea she didnt want to spill.

“i could cut it for you before you head back home. like i used to do for you and

seokjinnie when you were in grade school. but dont feel obligated if you want a professional i understand completely. im pretty sure seokjin doesnt let anyone near his hair because of that mishap with the clippers sophomore year.”

that HAD been pretty bad. but....at the moment he feels like she should be the one to do it. he not only trusts her but really, truly, missed sitting in the cabins kitchen the day before having to go back home, knowing he would need a haircut for school next week and seokjins

mom didnt accidentally clip his ears or give him itchy bumps on his neck.
and he had always, ALWAYS, felt the best when he had the same haircut as seokjin.

besides sophomore year. the bowl cut from hell was a strictly seokjin disaster that he had managed to narrowly miss.

he could probably fall asleep hugging her, feeling her fingers brushing his scalp, reminiscing about childhood....it felt so long ago now that this woman, in his young mind, was going to be thirty forever with her youthful glow and her fun streak of doing cartwheels

on the front lawn with them. he didnt want to ever let her go, couldnt help hugging her tighter when he nodded his agreement.

“you can cut it next week some time. i wont hold any sophomore year mistakes against you i promise.”

she chuckles and pats the top of his head, tells him its a deal and his payment will be in hugs- yet another thing to make him feel terribly nostalgic. it didnt matter how old he got, she always denied money for things. it was always just asking for hugs like she did when he was

a kid. he loved her so much, forgot sometimes that she was a very sturdy part of his foundation growing up.

she had been the first person he told when he came to the conclusion he was definitely gay. she had been the one who told him that no matter what anyone said he was

human and he was allowed the basic right to love another person, no matter the gender identity. she offered him a safe place when he was a kid even though he never needed to take her up on the offer- but it still stood as an enormous sense of reassurance that if he for some

reason needed to leave home....he had somewhere to go, immediately and without question or judgement.

okay so maybe he wished his mother was DEFINITELY more like her.
she loved him and she cared for him and she gave him a good, safe childhood to adulthood. but the way he loved

her sometimes felt obligatory.
because im your son i love you. because you created me i love you.
because we share dna i love you.

with this woman he felt no obligation. he just loved her.

“so say i accidentally give you....lets say my hand slips and i give you just one bald spot. have to buzz your entire head.”

she uses both hands to push back the long fringe falling over his face and smoothes it back.

“you could pull it off. i can see it.”

her smile is so much like seokjins in that moment, mischievous and fun loving. he grins back.

“i would be happy with anything you give me. buzz cut included. though it would be weird to go from having so much hair to having like NONE.”

“so i would still get my payment?”

he hums, nods when she lets go of his hair and it flops back into place over his face.

“yeah, full payment mom.”

immediately they both freeze. him in both surprise that his thoughts had been partially vocalized and her...hes not too sure.

he doesnt know if he should apologize, explain himself, or say nothing because he cant process the fact that he had just called mrs. kim....mom. it felt both right and wrong to call someone who wasnt his actual mother that.

“you can call me that. sweetheart you can call me

anything you like. dont you ever feel like you need to hold something in for anyone else’s benefit. call me mom if thats what you want, okay? ive loved and cared for you like i do my own boys and nothing will change that.”

he looks up at her and shes a little teary eyed but shes

smiling. a genuine one that reaches her eyes and makes her cheeks crease a little. her words were similar to her sons, to never hold things in and just talk about it. it eases the tension that spiked when he realized what hed said, makes him relax again.

“i know my mom would be hurt that im calling someone else that but....the parts of my life that needed a mom to get me through them....she wasnt really there for me. not like you were and i guess i just. i love you in a way i dont love either of my parents and it makes me feel

guilty when i think about it.”

she doesnt say anything immediately, visibly stopping to think over what she wants to say, but when she does it opens his mind to things he hadnt taken into consideration.

“love takes many forms, jungkook. its not black and white, one or the other. it means different things to different people and has many different interpretations. for me, i love my sons in a way only i can. as their mother, as their care giver, as their guardian.

and i live you too. not like them, nobody could her hold that same love, but a piece of my heart belongs to you too. youre one of my boys, jungkook. i love you like a parent, and like a guardian, but its different. love is different but one form should never invalidate another.”

he feels teary eyed too by the end of it, knows she must see it because hes pulled right back into that tight hug again.

“your love for me is not the same love for your mother, it will never throw off the balance. they will just coexist together. thats all. both are there and

both should be acknowledged but one will never replace the other. never feel guilty for having and showing love, sweetheart. no matter the form or meaning it has to you. if you love me and want to call me mom, i absolutely agree with it. but your mother is your mother and i know

you love her dearly in another way, or many other ways, and im not going to tell you to replace it.”

the dam opens in the middle of her speaking and he feels tears spill over. they track down his cheeks and disappear into the fabric of her bathrobe. without realizing it she

had just helped him understand things he was struggling with passed just what he voiced.

the tangle of his thoughts and emotions is a little more uniform, not solved but easier to separate.

he hugs her back, tight but careful around the shoulders, and he tells her that growing up had been a little easier with her around.

neither had really noticed they had an audience until seokjin quite literally falls into their hug, half asleep but aware enough to wait until

their moment together left an appropriate opening for him to join. its more of him draping himself over his mothers other shoulder and slipping fingers into jungkooks hair as they talk about something, hes a little too sleep dazed to process it passed jungkook laughing and his

mother whacking his arm and tsking at him with amusement.

what catches his attention is jungkook calling her mom when he gets up to bring the empty tea mugs into the kitchen. he slips into jungkooks chair when he leaves, notices his mothers been crying but she looks ecstatic.

there isnt any sadness on her face or in her eyes. instead she looks at him with an almost overwhelming softness and it catches him by surprise.

“you certainly know how to pick them, seokjin. i love that boy to the moon and back.”

“me too. but i love him more. just saying.”

she snorts at his antics, rolls her eyes too, but he knows she doesnt see his words in a petty way. she knew better than anyone else just how much he truly loved jungkook. was in love with jungkook. she knew before he even SAID anything.

hed called her out for a cup of coffee after a few weeks of being too busy to get together with her and all it took was him sitting down across from her at a cafe for her to ask who it was. when he had said jungkook she took his hands and smiled knowingly. didnt say anything

and just nodded. like she knew it would happen sooner or later. “a mothers intuition is nothing to joke about” was always what she said when someone was surprised she was right about something years after she said it would happen.

she had never said anything about them but she must have been THINKING it.

hes happy she knew not to say anything, especially in front of jungkook, not after he had been so affected by what happened as a kid. he still saw little bits and pieces of that particular experience

shine through and now he knew they were there for sure because jungkook was actually talking about it quite candidly.

he hated that jungkook felt so on guard around everyone all the time.

he hoped jungkook knew that he would never have to worry about pity with him.

hed know it soon enough if he didnt know it already for sure.

'soon enough' comes a lot quicker than planned. jungkook is washing the two mugs as quietly as he can manage when he feels arms circle his waist. seokjin clasps his fingers together over his tummy and rests his chin over his shoulder, nudges his nose into the space just under his

jaw and waits from him to finish whats hes doing.

when hes finished drying the mugs and placing them back into the cupboard seokjin shakes his head when he asks if theyre going back to bed for a few hours before everyone wakes up.

"come with me, i wanna show you something."

theyre both in their pajamas, thankfully barefoot with all the dew collecting in the grass that sticks to their feet when seokjin leads him out into the backyard. hes fully expecting to either be brought to the car or down to the lake but is surprised to have seokjin pull him by

the hand over to the tree house. its still in relatively good shape, having been maintained over the years for all of the kids after seokjin and his older brother had both outgrown it; its grown some lush, green moss in places and the wood looks weather worn but its still

managed to stay sturdy.

the wooden ladder creaks under his hands and feet when he climbs up behind seokjin and his stomach whooshes at the feeling of the wood bowing, the possibility of it snapping and sending him onto the ground that isnt....too far honestly.

it seemed so much higher up the last time they had gone up there.

seokjins hand reaches to tug him up, latching onto his elbow and pulling until he can get his legs up over the side of the platform. when he sits up his side is covered in leaves and

bits of moss. he brushes most of it off but its pointless, hed probably just get covered in more on his way back down.

"what are we DOING up here? i havent been up here in...years."

he swears his heart stutters in his chest when he looks up and sees that the wood of the walls

is still decorated with some of his earliest art works; stick figures labeled with names and random depictions of what hes pretty sure were supposed to be their pets.

the one that really gets him though is the one seokjin was busy brushing his fingers over.

"i cant believe all of this is still here. it seems to have survived all of taes siblings artistic streaks i see."

seokjin snickers, gesturing to the lines and scribbles made by what looks like permanent marker. one line cuts right through the heart hed carved into the wall

when he was just pushing his teen years. looking at it now gives him a weird case of goosebumps, skin warm and tingly instead of chilled and jittery.

"i was hoping this one in particular would still be here."

theres an addition of their names, just seokjin and jungkooks, right

in the middle with a very messy, almost illegible 'best friends forever' underneath them.

at the time it had been impulsive and randomly brought on, just something he did when he was bored. now it holds a lot more meaning, a testament to the years they had stayed so close.

its smoothed out over the years, not so rigid and prone to giving splinters because of how dull jungkooks pocket knife had been. running his fingers over it makes him grin, turning to seokjin to nudge his elbow into his side.

"why this one?"

"its my favorite one."

seokjin isnt grinning back at him, instead hes digging in the pocket of the sweatshirt hed pulled on before coming down to join them on the porch.

jungkook hums, hes not sure why that one in particular would be seokjins favorite but he definitely

connects with the meaning behind it too.

which is why his initial reaction to seokjin pulling out a kitchen knife is to jolt forward and grab his forearm.

"dont-"

seokjin looks very unimpressed and he cant help scrunching his nose up when he asks if he really doesnt trust him

enough to not ruin it- which of course he reassures that OF COURSE he trusts him. he just happened to like that particular one.

seokjin rolls his eyes and jungkook rolls his own right back. the atmosphere is light and airy, comfortable even as jungkook watches seokjin attempt

to make straight lines with a fucking kitchen knife of all things. hes surprised seokjin wasnt crying at the prospect of ruining a kitchen utensil.

when he finishes and pulls back, looking satisfied with his work, jungkook has to lean forward to see it over his shoulder.

something in him pulls tight, straining hard before suddenly loosening- he feels like hes melting, soft and malleable under seokjins proud smile.

"suits us better now, i think. its been a solid ten years since you made it right? just needed a little updating."

he lets out a stilted, wavering exhale of a laugh and nods because he agrees. a lot has changed in ten years for them, since he first carved that.

and seokjin had hit the nail right on the head.

the new word carved into the wood is rough and uneven under his fingers,

looks too new to belong in the crudely shaped heart but its perfect in a way that makes jungkook smile and nod his agreement.

his eyes feel misty but hes pretty sure he isnt going to cry, which is nice because he would probably develop a headache if he did any more of that.

"i should trust you more often i guess."

seokjin makes an amused sound off to his side and when he leans back to set the knife aside jungkook catches a glimpse of him wiping at his eyes.

"you should, i think you would be pleasantly surprised by the amount of trust i can keep."

his eyes are wet when he sits back next to him, looking at the addition of 'soulmates' to jungkooks impulsive, ten year old carving, and jungkook thinks maybe he might end up crying afer all because seokjin crying ALWAYS ended with him crying too by default.

"any amount of trust you put in me, i promise there will always be more room if you ever decide to add a little bit more here and there."

he doesnt take his eyes off of the carving despite jungkook very blatantly looking right at him and he knows its because a part of him is

embarrassed to be seen crying, no matter how small it may be, and hes never been good at looking people straight in the eye when talking about more emotional aspects of things. so he lets him keep looking at the tree houses wall instead of getting his attention like he

wants.

its never easy seeing anyone he cares for cry but seokjins tears have always grabbed hold of his heart and twisted in a way he didnt fully understand.

so....he does what he usually does when he catches seokjin getting a little teary eyed; reaches over and tugs his

hand closer so he can press their palms together, thread their fingers.

seokjin squeezes his hand immediately.

"i already trust you, you know. a lot. probably more than i trust anyone else. soulmates remember?"

its true in every aspect of the word, he trusts seokjin wholly. its almost strange to hear him speak like jungkook doesnt trust him ENOUGH, makes him want to somehow make his trust physical so he can show it to seokjin in a way thats undeniable. so he can see it and hold it in

his hands.

seokjins thumb moves to stroke at the side of his finger and he can see the hint of a smile curling the corner of his lips, his shoulders loosening and leaning in to rest against his own.

"yeah....soulmates. can, um....can i ask you something jungkook?"

"if its about me not trusting you with hair dye that time i wanted red hair.....no, not really."

he can feel seokjins shoulders shaking in his laughter, yanks his thigh away when seokjins free hand slaps at it.

his tears have dried and hes back to smiling wide and bright.

except this time hes turned to face jungkook. he looks soft and just a little bit sleep rumpled, adorable. his eyes are a tiny bit pink from the tears and jungkook is vaguely happy he managed to put a stop to them even if they didnt look like they were caused by sadness.

"you can be such a brat you know that? i wanted to ask something NOT pertaining to hair dye. wherever the brat switch is located in your brain can you switch it off for a second?"

his eyes reflect playfulness but his face gives away the fact that hes....nervous.

jungkook is lost as to what this is going to be leading into but after what seokjins mother had said he feels far more prepared for whatever comes. to some extent anyway.

"sorry, sorry, you can ask anything you want."

its quiet for a good few minutes. seokjin gathering his thoughts and jungkook stealing glances at their carving in the wooden wall. there are definitely people up and about now, he can hear their muffled voices from the open windows in the kitchen and living room.

he cant help smiling when he hears namjoon and yoongi come out the back door for their morning walk- something namjoon finds peace in and yoongi does more for namjoons benefit than his own (but he enjoys it just as much).
hes a little startled when seokjin finally says something.

"there are so many things i trust YOU with, kook. its a mutual trust i think. between us."

jungkook takes a second to think over the words and nods. definitely a mutual trust. seokjin nods back before continuing on, looking a little less tense.

"when you told me you dont always feel like people are being truthful about the way they feel about you...am i one of them? even just a little bit?"

he has to swallow down something close to anxiety at those particular words, but jungkook is quick to shake his head.

"no, god no, youve always been like...the ONLY person i never even questioned. i never felt like you dont like me or you feel obligated to be around me or.....or anything, i guess. not once."

seokjin deflates, just lets out the biggest sigh of relief hes ever heard and presses

himself against jungkook in a quick but tender hug.

"thank god. okay. that makes me feel really, really good."

he LOOKS like he feels better, almost in a way that jungkook hadnt noticed he wasnt feeling 100%.
except he had noticed. noticed that there was a change in seokjin.

they were small but noticeable, all just tiny little sprouts that were steadily starting to grow and blossom into him being....very openly different. with jungkook.

"i want to be that for you. i mean i guess that means i already AM that for you which is good. thats really good."

hes babbling and jungkook has to hold his tongue, tries not to look TOO amused when he nods.

"yeah you are that for me. have been for like years seokjin."

his ears are reddening steadily and his eyes have dropped to their hands, give always that hes feeling either embarrassed or bashful, and he has to clear his throat and straighten his posture to keep the conversation flowing.

“for a while i was under the impression mingyu was

that for you. that he was....it, the person you trusted more than anyone else. thats why i said i thought he was the one for you. was so surprised when you broke up.”

jungkooks eyebrows go up. that had been during The Phone Call that caused such awkwardness for a few days.

“is it bad that im happy its not him thats....that way, for you? because im happy no matter how bad that may sound. ive wanted to be the one you trust like this for, god, close to three years.”

oh.

huh.

“so, you didnt want mingyu to be the one i trust like i trust you or you

didnt want him to be....The One....for me.....for three years?”

with exactly zero hesitation seokjin looks him straight in the eyes and says, “both. for three years, its been both.”

jungkook is both at a loss for words and very confused. mingyu and seokjin had gotten along quite well over the years. they hadnt become friends per say, but they greeted each other and had conversations when seokjin popped into the dorms to say hi or the times he had picked

jungkook up from high school. he never would have guessed that seokjin felt this way. for three entire years? he was twenty when seokjin started feeling like this.

it was wild to think about.

"before i knew you guys werent actually romantically involved i felt like you guys just werent.....i- no, wait give me a second."

all jungkook can do is nod, watching seokjin furrow his brows and cock his head to the side.

seokjin hadnt been privy to the fact that he and mingyu had been strictly sexual partners and he knew jungkook better than anyone. he fully believed jungkook intended to keep mingyu in his life as his actual, romantic, life partner. for YEARS. three years.
and he hadnt liked it.

for the first time.....seokjin is saying he didnt like that jungkook and mingyu had been what he thought they were.

his brain isnt cooperating. it keeps playing seokjins words over and over.

is it bad that im happy its not him.
is it bad that im happy its not him.
is it bad that im happy its not him.

seokjin had been the one he trusted, who he saw being part of his future indefinitely, who he was absolutely terrified of losing.

it had NEVER been mingyu, though he cared for him in a very different way.

he didnt want to lose him or cut him out of his life. but he wasnt seokjin.

"can i say something?"

seokjins features smooth out, eyes going puppy-like and big as he nods in earnest.

"please do, i need a little time to re-sort my thoughts again. i got a little off track there."

"mingyu and i started this senior year. it....didnt exactly start out sexual though. i know you arent going to like this, we both kind of hate that it was like this too, but we started 'dating' as more of a rebound than anything."

one of seokjins eyebrows quirks up and his lips

turn downwards, definitely not impressed. jungkook and mingyu werent impressed with themselves either.

"i was kind of desperate to get over joon and he needed to get over this guy too and it seemed like such a good idea at the time? its dumb, trust me i know."

seokjin nods.

jungkook nods.

"i dont regret having a sexual partner i felt safe with but i do regret depending on someone else to get me through something i should have overcome myself. i felt like i wasnt capable and just...took the easy way."

"so you guys were never really intending to let things be romantic between you?"

now seokjin looks contemplative. not upset but not content either, maybe somewhere in between.

"no. when i told you it was strictly just sex, i meant it. it started out emotional support and turned into sexual support? there wasnt even a line to cross with romantic feelings, for either of us."

again, seokjin just nods. he looks shell shocked, sitting there holding jungkooks hand and just.....blinking down at it.

jungkook doesnt know what to say now that THAT is out in the open past the very vague explanation hed given before.

"every time i thought about you being with him it ate away at me. i felt like it just....wasnt right."

jungkook thinks seokjin might be in shock. he looks almost detached as he speaks.

"what i said before, about not liking that he was the one for you, i agonized over that?"

maybe jungkook is in shock.
maybe they both are in shock.
jungkook feels like hes going into shock.

"for THREE years."

"huh?"

seokjins expression suddenly changes into something he cant really read. hes not used to that. he usually sees something on seokjins face and knows what its trying to express. he feels so out of depth, right back to the tangle of emotions and thoughts because THIS was

not what he expected to be talking about at all. it was the last thing, if he were being honest.

yet here he is looking at seokjin numbly babbling about how he held in such....heavy emotions.

he AGONIZED over jungkook and mingyu?

he hadnt noticed, not one single time.

seokjin hadnt seen that jungkooks relationship wasnt romantic and jungkook hadnt seen that it bothered him.

they both had withheld these things and it....definitely wasnt good.

his counselors words stick out in his brain, "dont hold things in, when you do they fester."

mrs. kims words arent far behind, "dont hold back for the benefit of others."

seokjin had absolutely held back, held in, and jungkook was seeing first hand what that did to a person.

he HATED it.

he HATED seeing seokjin go from happy and content to...this. its so unexpected to be on the other side of an emotional overflow, so used to being the one who couldnt express himself, that he has no idea how to react.

he just sits there and watches seokjin unravel.

"i wanted to be so much MORE for you and it was so weird to suddenly have someone else drawing lines i wasnt allowed to cross. it stressed me out, it distracted me, like every single thing i thought of doing or saying i suddenly had to take into consideration that mingyu

or even you wouldnt find it....appropriate because you were in a romantic relationship with BOUNDARIES."

the shock is wiped from his system and replaced with both dread and....an odd sense of relation. he relates to that.

"it took me three goddamn years to figure out i was in love with you and it was because a fake relationship drew fake boundaries that i was too afraid to cross?"

the shock is BACK.
it punches the air from his lungs, makes him feel like his eyes are open too wide and his jaw is going to hit the floor.

seokjin is looking at him like hes absolutely devastated, those tears right back in his eyes, and his hand feels like its going to bruise

with how hard seokjin is holding it.

"jungkook i love you, i love you so much but im in love with you and i was so scared to tell you because i KNOW you. i didnt want you to feel...pressured. obligated. all of those things you said you felt with namjoon but never with mingyu."

his mind is blank, probably for the first time in an emotional situation, and he feels like seokjins words are physically pouring from his mouth and sticking to his skin. like he could touch his own arm or his chest and FEEL them there.

its very quickly becoming overwhelming.

he wants to say something, badly, but he feels like he really is actually detached. hes overwhelmed and numb and lightheaded? and seokjin keeps pouring his heart out, just telling him over and over that he loves him, hes in love with him, he wanted to tell him in a very different

way- "preferably in one where i wasnt having an actual meltdown"- and hes crying and just. jungkook is having trouble getting air in.

"wait- wait. wait. i need....uh, i think im gonna pass out haha."

seokjins eyes immediately bug, his face paling.

hes quick to let go of jungkooks hand and rub circles into his back, telling him to put his head between his knees and just breathe. its like a switch is flipped and hes sniffing wiping his tears and shaking out the tension that built in his shoulders- seokjins ability to just.

put things on the back burner amazed him sometimes.

"shit, im so sorry i completely forgot i....im so sorry, i didnt mean to get like this i didnt mean to overwhelm you. i promise this isnt how i wanted to do this. how can i help? is there something i can do?"

all he can do is pathetically flap a hand at him- stop talking, no questions until i calm down PLEASE- and hes thankful when seokjin seems to get the hint.

they sit there while jungkook calms down, and seokjin calms down, and they can both manage to just STOP for a second.

its awkward when jungkook finally lifts his head and doesnt feel like the entire tree house is spinning.

seokjin is watching him carefully, eyes glued to his face. he looks worried. jungkook feels exhausted.

"you okay?"

he catches seokjin lifting his hand like he wants to

pat his head but he hesitates, lets it drop to his lap.

jungkook doesnt appreciate the lack of it.

"is that why you have been acting so different? why you keep looking at me and touching me so....differently? because you lo- youre IN love with me?"

the way seokjin was acting around him....it HAD started after the ‘break up’ so was he just being respectful and only now being this open?

he said lines couldnt be crossed. boundaries were in place. he didnt know seokjin had struggled with the change dating mingyu brought.

to him it really did seem like nothing between them changed. he can think back to times they were affectionate and it was normal for what they were.

he can also think back to times where a comment would make seokjin withdraw even just a little; the time they joked about jungkook

being insatiable with a sexual appetite he got from seokjin being one. it made them laugh and he did notice the difference afterward. like their comments on it being weird affected him.

a crack in the mask he apparently had on.

this ran deeper than he wanted to dig.

“yes. part of it is because i just....i feel like i can finally erase those lines so theres no risk of even possibly crossing them. i want to have YOUR lines, have YOUR boundaries to learn and support instead of them being someone elses.”

hes not sure what he wants to say so he doesnt. he doesnt say anything and just squeezes seokjins hand in his and takes a moment to let seokjin speak if he wants. as long as it doesnt get to be so overwhelming again, that is.

its quiet but not silent, sounds from the cabin

trickle in and theres still birds chirping and he can hear them both breathing. the awkwardness had melted away, made room for the ease they usually had in each other’s presence.

seokjin is still looking at him.

“can i start over? do this the way i pictured it in my head?”

jungkook nods, looks at him through his unruly fringe, looks like hes actually about to keel over and sleep for a week and maybe now isnt the best time....but seokjin feels like EVERYTHING is riding on this exact moment.

he wanted it to be organic and unplanned but this is

definitely not a way hes even remotely comfortable telling jungkook this.

hes torn between climbing back into bed and hitting the backspace button so he can attempt to rewrite the entire thing.

but life doesnt HAVE a backspace button. and its all out in the open. ink on a page that jungkook has already read, and theres no taking that back.

he just wanted to bring jungkook up into the tree house to show him another aspect of THEM, symbolic and tangible. instead he fell

apart after so long of being bound tight, sturdy, strong. because of something he already KNEW.

it hurts. he wanted this for so long, for it to be real and good and perfect but its not. and he cant take that back.

he sighs, more of a drawn out tired exhale, and smiles although it probably looks pathetic.

“youre my other half, jungkook. you bring balance to my life in a way nobody else can. i have always loved you for that, for everything you are, and i always will.

i wanted this to be a reminder that we will ALWAYS be best friends and soulmates, and instead i got....i got scared. and i panicked.”

jungkook is calm. hes soaking everything in silently. he looks small and worn and misplaced.

“i meant every word though. i dont want you to feel pressured or obligated and i dont feel bad that im happy you werent in love with mingyu. i just feel bad that i couldnt let this be perfect for you. crystal clear and uncomplicated so you can just be comfortable.”

“life doesnt care about plans, it just happens. how do you plan for a flat tire you dont know is going to happen or an unrequited crush you never knew was unrequited?”

jungkook returns that pathetic smile, shrugging his shoulders and seokjin feels a tiny pinprick of amusement.

“are you recycling my own words to you?”

the pinprick grows when jungkook nods, smile a little more genuine.

“you didnt plan and i didnt plan so can we not-plan again in a few hours when i dont feel so....tired? i just need to sleep and process and....mostly just process.”

theres definitely turmoil there, on his face and in his eyes, and seokjin KNOWS his brain is working overtime because anyone in their right mind would be anything but calm after what he had just said. and jungkook definitely over thought things.

so climb back into bed it was, then.

for jungkook anyway.

seokjin was too awake, too aware for more sleep so he sits at the living room table and watches jungkook disappear up the stairs.

his mother had looked at him on their way back into the cabin and hed had to shake his

head to make sure she knew it would be a talk for later, between just the two of them where he would definitely cry and definitely vent his frustrations with himself.

now he just needed to convince taehyung and hoseok to stop looking at him like he was going to break.

normal is as normal does, right?
he steals a sip of hoseoks coffee, asks him how the hangover was, asks taehyung if jimin would also be in need of a good hangover remedy, checks in with his brother and thanks every being watching over him that his stand in was following the

instructions he left to the t.

hoseok slinks off to find pedialyte (too late) but taehyung is a different story.

“why do you look like a kicked puppy.”

a statement, not a question. there was no getting out of this. not when taehyung was looking straight through him like that.

“and why do you have a kitchen knife in your pocket? i know you cook for a living but im pretty sure you wont be fileting salmon or.....whatever that knife is specifically meant for. i just use it for cutting steak.”

oh right, the fucking kitchen knife.
his mother was probably

going to end him for using it on WOOD.

and he should probably not have just....carried it around in the pouch of his sweatshirt. he knew better than that. but then again he had planned for that entire thing to NOT end so abruptly. it would have been put back in the block the

second he came back into the cabin because he would remember to do it, his brain wouldnt be scrambled, jungkook would have joked about it until he put it back.

instead taehyung is Very Carefully taking it out of his pocket and putting it in the kitchen sink.

“there are pieces of WOOD on this? do i even wanna know?”

he comes back into the living room with a cup of coffee for seokjin and something warm for himself, probably tea, and when he sits down on the couch again he looks like he could wait an eternity for seokjin to talk.

its frustrating how patient taehyung could be sometimes. mostly when seokjin doesnt want him to be, otherwise its a god given gift that his cousin can quite literally sit and patiently let him spill his guts about kitchen nightmares or staff being unhinged at the WORST times.

now he wishes taehyung wasnt so patient because hes not sure how to put what just happened into words.

stalling could work.
(it definitely wont work.)

“i forgot how good you are at making coffee for someone who doesnt like it.”

“mhm, and i didnt forget how bad you are at deflecting.”

seokjin narrows his eyes, watches taehyung sip at his drink.

damn him for being so intuitive. so good at reading people.

“im not deflecting! im just...stalling. a tiny bit. MAYBE. i could also be-“

taehyung quirks a brow at him and he knows its a moot point.

with a sigh he sets his coffee down on the coffee table before him, runs a hand through his hair. it could help to bounce this whole thing off another person. get input.

taehyung was a good person to do it.

“fine, i told jungkook im in love with him and it didnt go the way i intended it to. i think i messed up.”

taehyung nearly DROPS his mug. his hand jerks at the last second, spills a tiny bit of tea but ultimately saves the whole mug.

hes gaping.

“youre- you just? you FINALLY?”

"yes tae, but like i said i just feel really bad about how it went over. i had a moment and i...uh...."

he grimaces, trails off because this is where hes not sure how to say what he wants to say. thinking back to what he had been saying is like trying to look back on a fever

dream. it was muddled and hes not sure if it happened the way hes remembering it but either way it did happen. and it was because jungkooks fake relationship arose the fact that for the past four or five years....he had been suppressing things he didnt need to be suppressing.

and once the pressure lifted it was like an explosion, he didnt know how to stop once he started which he KNEW was something that threw jungkook off sometimes.

so, in conclusion, hes angry with himself more than anything. angry that he hadnt taken his own advice in a situation

that he very much should have seen he needed it.

and by doing that he inadvertently took away the ability for jungkook to do it too up in the tree house. he wrangled things in and slapped a band-aid over it and then went to take a nap with a small smile and pat to seokjins

shoulder, and it left him aching.

he reacted badly to being told something he already knew to an extent and it felt like it was extremely sudden but in reality was a long time coming.

so how does he say it without demonizing himself, demonizing jungkook and mingyu, or demonizing the entire situation? because it would be all too easy to accidentally do that.

but he doesnt want to do that, he wants to take a step back and look at everything objectively.

hed been handling it very much subjectively and THAT just proved to not be a good idea.

"we talked about things. personal things im not really comfortable sharing because im not sure if hes told anyone else. thats for him to say."

taehyung nods immediately, reassuringly.

"i told him about the whole.....you know....boundaries thing. with mingyu. it ended with me throwing a pity party for myself and then panicking because i was respecting boundaries and jungkook was comfortable with that being our 'normal' but i want MORE. and what if that means

our normal, with boundaries, isnt something he wants to change? even without mingyu, because its normal to him."

his stomach is churning and hes glad he had put down his coffee because he probably wouldnt have been able to handle that particular mixture.

he stops there, doesnt want to slip right back into that subjective head space. and he definitely doesnt want to say something he would regret.

taehyung sighs, long suffering and joined by an expression that practically blasts the fact that hes about to REALLY say something.

hoseok joins them again with a bottle of water, no pedialyte in sight, and kind of just flops face first onto the couch behind taehyung. he rolls himself back up in his blanket and promptly wiggles his way into their bubble of personal space.

seokjin is grateful for it, sinks his fingers into hoseoks hair and feels a familiar sense of comfort.

"what did i miss? i missed SOMETHING."

taehyung wastes no time, opens the flood gates that make seokjin cringe when he sees the lines in hoseoks face go tight.

"mingyu and kook broke up, right? so hyung decided it was PRIME opportunity to pursue kook, like sorry seokjinnie but you havent been subtle this week like at all, and....he somehow feels like he messed up by expressing actual emotions. to someone he trusts. and loves."

he can see the hurt in hoseoks eyes when he looks up and over to taehyung but his face says differently. he knows him too well to fall for it however, and that means hoseok hadnt been completely truthful with him a few months back.

when they had kissed a second time and seokjin said he felt nothing....hoseok hadnt meant it when he said "me neither, kissing you was awkward." and he knew that, he had eventually even told seokjin himself that maybe there WAS something there for him, but seeing him react like

that made it real. he knew seokjin was head over heels for jungkook- he was the one who provided so much comfort, who let seokjin curl up with him when he couldnt sleep and drank themselves silly when he needed some time to just relax and have fun.

he was the one who seokjin waxed poetic to about jungkooks "sparkling bambi eyes" and "stupidly cute nose" and he was the one who nurtured seokjins feelings for jungkook....so it was tough seeing the way it could affect him.

he rubs the tips of his fingers into hoseoks scalp,

gives him a small, thankful smile that he doesnt even see.
having hoseok in his life has caused a fantastic chain reaction, in so many different aspects, and he doesnt know what he would do without him.

to hoseok what they had was on the fence, teetering between love and friendship.

to seokjin he found a younger brother.

"what did you say to him? that made you feel like that?"

he feels like a kid being caught with his hand in a cookie jar when he looks up and sees both of the others looking at him.

"i uh, i just.....word vomit. like bad. i think i said i love you like thirty times."

theres a moment of quiet between them where taehyung sips his tea and looks contemplative, hoseok closes his eyes, and seokjin feels strange for leaving so many details out but hes not about to tell them he had a blow up about a fake relationship.

it wasnt his place.

no matter how badly he wanted to vent to them, he keeps quiet and appreciates that they dont push for more.

"i honestly just really wish i could have made it easier for him. perfect. i was actually planning on easing into confessing how i feel, you know? today was just supposed

to be another small step. instead i fucking leapt over ten steps and broke the fucking stairs."

taehyung snickers, probably at his analogy, and hoseoks eyes flutter open to roll at him.

"you strive for perfection when perfection doesnt exist, seokjin. you need to embrace the imperfections sometimes. even if it means...broken metaphorical stairs."

taehyung nods fervently in agreement with hoseok, patting his legs that had stretched out to rest over his lap.

"hobis right you know. i dont think there is a 'perfect' way to confess how you feel for someone. maybe it wasnt what you planned but cant you still make it work?

you have all the time to try. its like why cry over spilled milk when you can just clean up and get another glass."

huh, he hadnt actually thought about that. he wanted it to be a certain way and he probably would always dislike that it didnt go that way, but that doesnt mean

he cant make another way work.

he could do that. jungkook was more than worth it, after all. he keeps getting his own advice given to him and he needs to listen. so he does.

so many times he had seen jungkook calculate options and possibilities for countless situations over the years, had seen him encounter things that forced him onto a new path and he had watched him arrive at the same destination.

he was no different, he had jumped his fair share

of hurdles that definitely werent expected. so why would this be any different? because it involved feelings that werent platonic? thats the only thing he can truly see being viable. that he was scared of an unseen hurdle tripping him up because it could fork his path.

and he was undoubtedly terrified of watching jungkook possibly suffer because of something he said or did.

so he had.....over planned when he had tried not to plan. subconsciously pushed and pushed and pushed himself to stick to a schedule that he had started off not wanting.

he planned so many of the situations he and jungkook ended up in. it felt good to indulge and it was incredible to want and actually GET for once, but it took from the natural flow he had been aiming for.

he remembers his older brother switching seats with jungkook so he could sit beside namjoon countless times- intervention, planned interaction. that was exactly what he wanted to not have between them even if it was on his behalf; he wanted to have jungkook comfortably

approaching him, to be able to say, "i never tried to bend us to fit another mold." and him having such a huge presence in EVERYTHING they had been doing was.....undeniably bending. even if just a little bit.

and jungkook had even acknowledged it. he NOTICED the bending.

"is that why you have been looking at me differently? touching me differently? because youre in love with me?"
he wanted jungkook to notice the softness and the love in him but he didnt want it to be TOO much. and he felt very much that it had reached that point.

so they were right. he needed to clean up and just....try again. adapt to the situation and find a way to get to the same destination.

preferably with a little less word vomit and a little more tact.

"sometimes i wonder what i did to deserve you guys, all of you. you just helped clean up a few things. or, well, patch up my metaphorical stairs. my spilled milk."

hoseok sticks his tongue out, scrunches his nose up and squints. he looks amused and endeared, also mildly grossed

out, but his eyes have softened. lost that pain.

"do NOT start with that i have told you so many times you deserve good things. you are a good man, you deserve good things. period. although im not sure i would count that one being a good thing. at least in the morning."

as hoseok spoke jimin had come down from the bedrooms, awake but definitely looking worse for wear. a hungover jimin was either 1. a very quiet, subdued jimin or 2. a very clingy, very whiny jimin. and seokjin knew from the look of him it would be a subdued quiet kind of day.

he had come to adore jimin for his sweet but fiery soul, his loyalty and his caring heart. he truly was thankful for all of them.

"hey dont rag on my boyfriend, youre just as hungover and SO DEMANDING. or are these not your legs taking residence on my lap without permission?"

taehyungs voice took on an exaggerated, thick imitating tone that made him sound like some kind of goofy anime character as he trapped hoseoks legs and tickled his feet, putting the discussion to sleep for the time being.

seokjin could only watch and cackle as they play-fought

and realized he felt better. not great, not fixed, but better.

he felt more stable even if his current position on the couch meant he was anything BUT physically stable with taehyungs elbows flailing too close to his face and hoseok scream-laughing in freight.

he wants to stick to the route thats most natural, doesnt want to change that aspect of him and jungkook. but maybe having some extra support wasnt such a bad thing.

[ alright, so this will change how the next jinkook interaction goes. both will be good and soft. ]

[ UP STAIRS. i forgot to say stairs 🤦‍♂️ ]

he takes that support and runs with it. knows it will help as long as he doesnt start to depend on it to get him somewhere with jungkook. just lets it trickle into his thoughts and lets it help strengthen what’s already there instead of using it to form something more.

its not at all how he had pictured it, getting advice about everything. he does have to remind taehyung and hoseok that he prefer them let things happen on their own- to which they both, as well as a very sleepy jimin, fully understand.

its a reassurance he didnt know he needed.

it helps him to stay firm in his place when the idea to go upstairs pops into his head; he could go up and snuggle up to jungkook. but then again he needs space, time to process.

not that it actually comes down to that because hes halfway through cleaning up breakfast when jungkook comes down to the kitchen looking for him.

hes sleep puffy and reminds seokjin of a grumpy bear, all closed eyes and scowling features, but hes soft in his quiet inquiry

of seokjin coming back to the bedroom. he doesnt give an explanation. just asks for him to stop putting away the leftover pancakes and trudges back up without another glance when he hears someone reassure that they can put everything away.

hes just as quiet when he climbs back into bed and pulls the blanket back over his shoulders, just waits until seokjin comes into the room behind him and shuts the door quietly. he’s very obviously expecting something, his expression is a dead giveaway, but seokjin isnt

a mind reader. hes not going to assume anymore. doesnt want to push.

so he waits.

and jungkook eventually groans, rolls onto his back to toss the blanket aside and grumbles, “will you PLEASE just come here? i cant sleep thinking youre upset or sad....just. please? no boundaries

will he crossed and im happy being held to sleep by you. i havent slept since yesterday and im TIRED so if youre okay with it just please come here. if not thats okay too i guess....”

he wants to say he didnt smile like a loon but he definitely did. jungkook has always, ALWAYS, made up with him before falling asleep when they had spats. he couldnt stomach the idea of something happening before he had the chance of making up.

hes not so hurt or angry or

uncomfortable that he wants distance. which is incredibly reassuring after what seokjin had spilled earlier, considering the fact hed practically sent jungkook into a spiral.

he just wants sleep and to be held.
both things seokjin has done and will continue to do for him.

and vaguely, he thinks as he loses his sweater and climbs under the blanket too, if no boundary is pushed like this....thats a very, very good thing. both for their friendship and for what he hopes will one day be more.

an arm around the waist and fingers in jungkooks hair wasnt a boundary, his face pressed into seokjins chest wasnt a boundary, the feeling of their legs tangled and jungkook sleeping soundly against him wasnt a boundary. at least not ones jungkook voiced needing to be reaffirmed.

so he CAN indulge. he doesnt feel guilt or the need to be overly careful, just feels sated and comfortable.

jungkook wanted this with no prompting on seokjins part and it was something they had both loved even before the idea of romantic feelings was even a thing.

its up in the air for now, the entire thing, but jungkook still reacts to things the way he has since they arrived at the cabin; closes his eyes and melts when seokjin rubs a palm down his spine, sighs slow and sweet when finger tips run into his scalp, sleeps soundly sprawled

over seokjins chest- and must be a decent amount comfortable because all those endearing sleeping habits make themselves known.

its the same even after he had unwittingly confessed his feelings in the heat of the moment, and he knows they will be talking later. thats a given.

but he takes solace in the physical show of trust and comfort that jungkook so easily offered him.

so jungkook wakes rather comfortable. he feels rested- not WELL rested, but rested none the less- and he is incredibly hungry. hes got his cheek pressed a little too hard into seokjins collarbone (is that drool it looks like drool), his hair is plastered to his face and neck from

their shared body heat added to the humidity of summer that slowly pushed out the light morning chill, and hed managed to shed.....he looks down between himself and seokjin and scowls. hed taken off his shirt AGAIN and the blanket is halfway down their legs.

seokjin had probably given up after the fifth time fixing the blanket and trying to deter him from blearily shedding clothing to get away from the heat.

hes on his phone, arms loosely resting over jungkooks shoulders so he can see the screen over his tangle of too-long hair.

he shifts to sit up and attempt to wake up a little more but seokjin immediately and with zero hesitation tightens his arms. it forces his chest back down against seokjins and makes him huff, a soft sound of air leaving his lungs making seokjins quietly chuckle.

the phone is warm where it is set against his shoulder blade, the hands previously holding it slipping into the hair at the back of his head. it feels nice, brings back that now familiar warm, melty feeling.

"no jungkook, your pants need to stay on."

mildly mortified after he manages to process what seokjin had just said to him, jungkook groans. of course he tried to take off his pants. of course.

he feels like hes trapped under a layer of molasses, slow and heavy. his mouth feels dry too, isnt helped when

he smacks his lips together and tries to swallow. he regrets not bringing a bottle of water with him when he went down to find seokjin earlier.

"srry...didnmean to....take 'm off."

his mouth is also definitely not running at the same speed his brain is. even to him his voice

sounded slurred and thick from sleep, he can only imagine how bad it sounds to seokjin.

seokjin who snorts out an amused chuckle and hugs his entire head to his chest to plant a kiss to the crown of his head.

jungkook feels flushed and hot in the face even after seokjin lets

him move back so he can sit up and rub a hand down his face, move his hair out of his eyes, clear his throat.

"you kept them on so its all good. couldnt save your shirt though, i think it landed behind the bureau. did you sleep enough? you were snoring so you must have really

knocked out. even slept through breakfast."

when jungkook lowers his hands hes able to fully see seokjin in all of his bed rumpled glory and he genuinely has the urge to rub his eyes again to make sure he isnt seeing things wrong.

seokjin looks a lot closer to the version of himself that jungkook knows. less like the emotionally distraught man in the tree house who had so much heartbreak in his eyes. it loosens the knot in his stomach astronomically.

"mmh. i dont snore."

seokjin gives him the eyes, cocks an eyebrow and tilts his chin down toward his chest. jungkook knows that look and KNOWS what hes going to say before he even opens his mouth.

"you snore kook. its not namjoon level snoring but you definitely snore when you get tired enough."

yup.
called it, he thinks, scratching absently at his neck.

"mhm....i was pretty tired. thanks. for, you know, coming back up and letting me smother you for a while."

it feels just a touch awkward to thank seokjin for holding him while he slept but it really did help.

he couldnt have slept knowing seokjin was so affected. so upset. it would have eaten away at him until there was nothing left, just a hollow vessel laying there staring at the ceiling until someone came up to get him.

"you didnt have to do that. but im glad you did."

seokjins smile is small but genuine in response, a hand reaching up to grip jungkooks bicep in a show of acknowledgement.

"i wanted to give you space. time to think and do what you need to, to make sure you can be okay. emotionally AND mentally. i never meant to push you out

of your comfort zone. im sorry, again. im ready to talk- or listen! i can listen if thats what you prefer, whenever you want. now or next week or even next year."

his eyes are so eager and the squeeze to his bicep shifts to his shoulder, sitting there loose and heavy.

seokjin is very clearly not just saying it to make him feel better, he realizes, seokjin is saying it because he means it.
its not new with seokjin but its new in the sense that this particular talk.....was one that hed never had before. with anyone. not even remotely close.

he should feel scared or anxious like he did with literally anything he didnt know how to prepare for. instead he feels like hes about to discuss the weather or what to have for lunch. which, his mind reminds him, he needs to eat. soon.

but it can definitely wait.

"i.....think i want to say just a couple things. then you can talk. is that good?"

seokjin nods immediately, no questions asked. another part of him is able to settle at that. feels reassured.

"so. i noticed a little i think. how youve been looking at me and touching me

different. not that its BAD because it isnt, i actually kind of like how it feels? like warm and stuff. good. it feels good. i just dont know what that....means....yet."

he pauses, catches seokjins eyebrows furrow a little before smoothing back out. the hand doesnt lift from his

shoulder but he can feel seokjins fingers twitch like they wanted to curl tighter or loosen completely.

slowly a tiny bit of what he thought was anxiety shot through him, made him shift and tug at the corner of the blanket subconsciously.

hes NEVER had to be so open about how a touch or look made him feel, well, good, outside of the bedroom. its new territory that he has to remind himself is SAFE to explore with seokjin.

he can say the feeling of seokjins chest pressed to his back felt GOOD. it didnt have to be any different than telling mingyu he didnt like certain things in bed or telling yoongi he liked the quiet just as much as he did. just because it wasnt sexual or platonic, didnt mean it

had to immediately be awkward or scary. though it WAS an intimidating topic to discuss for sure.

"i always like being affectionate and stuff, especially with you, and being with mingyu never really made me feel any different about anyone. i still liked the way everyone

acted with me, you included. so....i also like how you act with me now that im not with mingyu. its definitely different like- i noticed the difference. you looked like you were wishing murder on my jeans the night we got here."

seokjins entire face had gone from neutral, open, accepting, to just as mortified as jungkook had felt not a few minutes ago.

WHY both instances included the lack of his pants.....he didnt want to think TOO MUCH on.

"i- ha......well, i.....is that bad? that i- no wait you just said it wasnt uncomfortable for you so you dont mind that i was.....kind of really openly looking at you like THAT?"

jungkook only really needs a couple moments to think on it, mostly because he really didnt remember

feeling anything other than amusement and curiosity. and now, knowing that seokjin was very much.....in love with him, did it really change the situation? yeah. but did that BOTHER him? not too much, no. if anything it made his skin prickle and feel a little too warm and OH.

he knew that sensation. well. very well.
like anticipation and something he couldnt really put into words.

being faced with the THOUGHT of physical...activities with seokjin and being faced with the admission of it being an actual thing were VERY different things.

and he certainly had not seen it coming, never would have casually just said 'yeah the idea of my best friend having sexual thoughts about me gets me kinda hot' because it hadnt even crossed his mind until that.....rogue thought about seokjin being in mingyus place had happened.

the way seokjin had just....stared at him when he had climbed into bed in his underwear hadnt meant much then but now it burns in his mind like a brand. it still feels weird to think about it, a sexual ANYTHING between them, but.....theres no denying that theres something there.

and its definitely not anxiety.

"n-no, i wasnt uncomfortable."

he shrugs, feels seokjins hand finally leave his shoulder. it falls to his leg, curls around his ankle instead. hes vividly aware of it.

"im not uncomfortable now either but it feels.....i dunno, weird?"

seokjin pulls his hand away so fast its like hed been burned.

"boundary? was that a boundary?"

his voice sounds shaky, like hes frantic but trying to swallow it down, and jungkook wants to curse himself because he KNEW about the whole boundaries thing being something seokjin

said made him feel like he needed to be overly-careful about. so hes quick to nip it in the bud now that he knows about it, jolts forward to grab for seokjins hand again.

"no, no its okay! zero boundaries with this right now okay? none. im just not used to idea of us..sexually?"

seokjins face turns almost scared looking, like he was looking at a viper or something equally terrifying instead of jungkook.

it makes him want to stop the talk, reminds him of how fast seokjin had jumped to make sure he was okay earlier.

it was always centered around him.

“let me rephrase that. i dont WANT boundaries right now. i want to know what you feel and i want to tell you how i feel without needing to tiptoe around things. please, please dont restrict yourself with me again....if what you said earlier about this, the boundaries, is true.”

theres a lull where seokjin slowly uncoils, relaxes again, and jungkook has to sigh in massive relief because that means hes articulating his emotions, thoughts, words, the way he wants.

seokjin looks at him again, this time far more calm, and says a quiet okay.

he gives seokjins hand another gentle squeeze.

“its weird to think about it because of a few things really, like mingyu being my first and only sexual partner and....having practically grown up with you. i never thought of you in a sexual way but i do have eyes. youre insanely

attractive- im not denying that. but recently, um....”

hoseok and seokjin talking about kissing each other sounded different from both of them, and it snagged his attention. both times. and when seokjin had him pressed against him after kayaking and his brain said

THINK ABOUT KISSING HIM.

“when the misunderstanding happened. between you, me and hoseok?”

seokjins eyebrow quirked up just a little, mouth tugging at the corners.

“yeah?”

keep going keep going keep going, it doesnt matter just get it out.

“i got so....confused. i told you that but, after when you told me you guys kissed?”

deep breath.

“yeah...?”

“and hoseok told me you guys kissed?”

“huh? when did you guys ta-“

“i think i figured out the confusion was more about the fact that i wished you guys never kissed, why it made ME feel so....unstable inside, to think about you or me with someone else. it hasnt been years for me but a few months have had me at least pondering.”

his hand is IMMEDIATELY squeezed, hard, and hes surprised that seokjin responds as quickly as he does.

“i tried to tell you. in the car, but i couldnt do that to hobi. he was right there and we arent back on level ground yet so....i couldnt say it then but i couldnt see myself

being with him. not like i can with you, nobody could ever make me feel the way i do when im with you. i get it. i completely get it.”

jungkooks stomach swoops. he remembers this, what seokjin is talking about, the night he had stopped the car and tried to tell him SOMETHING.

it was a little murky in his memories mostly because he had been so tired but he couldnt forget the look on seokjins face.

so soft and sweet, so endeared and.....loving. all for him.

it makes his toes curl, thinking about the times seokjin looked at him like that; first thing in the morning, during breakfast, out kayaking or swimming or hiking, before bed at night.

he didnt see others the way he sees jungkook. he GETS IT, all the messy thoughts and sudden realizations jungkook has been having about himself and seokjin and them together.

he doesn’t find happiness in anyone else the way he does in jungkook.

it feels so good to have that reciprocated. to be reaffirmed in feeling like his life would be GOOD with seokjin in a way it could never be with some other person.

“you dont have to tell me, i know. life would be so boring without you in it sure but....jungkook i cant see myself

loving another human being the way i love you and i dont think i want to try. i had that chance to try with hoseok, just for a bit, and all it did was make me more sure of my feelings for you. platonic, romantic, sexual....a good mix really but YOU make me feel them.”

jungkook feels strange, in an oddly good way, hearing all of this. its like seokjin is taking a fine tooth comb and patiently combing through his thoughts with each word that leaves his mouth.

it doesnt comb through every tangle and sometimes gets snagged, but it HELPS.

“so thats what you were trying to say. i know it was something, i just didnt know what. im glad you waited to tell me though...i dont think i would have been able to grasp it then. i think one of

the reasons im having a better time of handling things is something your mom said to me actually. its really helped me, and i know it will KEEP helping me. i know you said this whole thing hasnt gone the way you hoped it would but....seokjin its been happening at a good pace for

me. its kind of what i need, i think. i get to SEE things. like what you said; platonic, romantic, sexual love? im seeing it.”

its true, he thinks, because without seeing it he probably wouldnt have believed it.

what seokjin was saying he felt...jungkook had 1. never been the recipient of, and 2. never would have come to the conclusion that it was REAL without unprompted proof.

he hadnt ASKED for seokjin to do the things he did. he had never even hinted at blatantly wanting it (though he found he actually did, at the end of the day) and it felt good to just KNOW. seokjin had never given him doubt and while he wished this warranted that same trust it

just didnt. his feelings, in this sense, were not ones he so easily trusted with. it was like a knee-jerk reaction.

hes glad it hadnt had the chance to happen with this.

hes glad seokjin hadnt given it the chance. even if it had been unknowingly done.

“yeah, i think i know what you mean....but i still would have felt the same. if things went different. i still would have looked at your jeans like, and i quote, i wanted to ‘murder’ them.”

seokjin snickers, lifts his eyebrows in a playful show of amusement.

“and i still would have grabbed your ass too-“

jungkook chokes on a laugh, uses his free hand to smack at seokjin enough that he has to dodge and hold a hand up in surrender.

“what happened to the romance? the i love you jeon jungkook, i will never love another the way i love you?”

seokjin ponders, eyes turned to the ceiling and hand lowering.

“well i did say romantic AND sexual. i would think this falls under both categories. sexual love can be

romantic too you know. i romantically love your body in a sexual wa-“

hes cut short, tumbling backwards into the duvet with a loud yelp of laughter when jungkook pushes him, entire face a scorching red.

“SHUT- oh my god why are you like this. ruining the moment because of my ASS of all things?”

hes genuinely flustered, hadnt been ready to brace for something like that being said, and still it makes him want to squirm; the idea of seokjin and him being like that.

“well for starters its a nice ass, objectively speaking. maybe subjectively too but thats because im biased.”

he shrugs, looks confident and comfortable laying there still clutching jungkooks hand. his eyes are smiling, happy, and it seems like this is nothing new to him.

it hits different. like the thought of seokjin maybe seeing him and being attracted compared to him...thirsting? after him? literally TO him? was mind boggling.

the tips of his ears are a little red and hes a tiny bit squirmy, flustered but not uncomfortable.

something in jungkook wants to feel like that. wants to be more than just unfamiliar and strange and the smallest bit vulnerable. he WANTS to feel good about seokjin feeling like that for him.

he had gone through the awkward patch with mingyu too, back when they had first

begun discussing being more than just 'fake boyfriends or whatever' so maybe this was no different? but it WAS different; seokjin was in love with him.

seokjin spent literal years loving him when mingyu had never loved him in...any way, really. he cared and he respected but not

not truy to the extent that he had ever said he loved jungkook. not even platonically.

regardless they both managed to grow comfortable.

seokjin was comfortable already, and jungkook actually found himself wanting to be comfortable in a way he hadnt with mingyu. maybe....that was part of the reason he felt the way he did. a change of routine, something he knew

well, never sat right with him. it caused anxiety until he could fall into a comfortable routine and it was no longer 'new'.

"-jungkook? hello?"

a hand waved in front of his face, seokjins fingers snapping to catch his attention.

"is what im saying making you uncomfortable?"

he hadnt realized hed.....spaced out, quite as hard as he had. gotten lost in thought. seokjin had sat up to lean on an elbow and was looking up at him with big eyes, lips pursed.

"i can stop if you want, i promise i wont feel offended or anything. i can stop."

"no!"

seokjins big eyes went bigger, surprise clear on his face, and jungkook probably resembled something close to the same.

"i mean no, im not really UNCOMFORTABLE. im just not used to it. i.....i want to get used to it. you dont have to stop."

if jungkook hadnt already felt embarrassed saying that he certainly wouldve been seeing the way seokjins entire face went beet red. he sputtered, tripping over words and sounds looking mildly stupefied.

"you- jungkook you want to get used to me saying sexual things about you?!"

seokjins hand left his, pressing back into the mattress so he could sit up straight. jungkook almost immediately missed the feeling of their palms pressed together.

“well, i mean im not going to....complain? is that the right word? that you dont feel uncomfortable. but why...?”

jungkook, with full intent to be holding a hand again, has to scoot forward and uncross his legs to reach behind seokjin so he could reach his hands. hes practically sitting in seokjins lap by the time he can reach a hand enough to pull it forward and seokjin looks just a little

like a deer caught in the headlights when he shifts his weight to one hand.

its a cute expression, jungkook thinks, and hes tempted to reach out with his free hand to pinch and pat at seokjins cheeks. it could have potential to turn the mood more comedic so he settles for

something that makes him feel nice; he pets at seokjins hair, a tad awkward until his fingers manage to card through the fringe, and he gets why seokjin does it so often.

it feels nice and he can see the way seokjin relaxes into it. cause and effect that has his heart fluttering

and his lips pulling into a smile. he likes this, seeing seokjin just melt into something he did. it was so different from what he had with mingyu, while still holding a similarity.

he likes how different it is with seokjin. that it isnt JUST sexual with no attachment.

"im not sure how to say it other than not being entirely sure if im anxious or excited that you feel that way when you look at me. i wanna know, cause maybe it....maybe WE could...make that our normal?"

he cringes just a little because it sounds so foreign coming from him. not knowing if a feeling is anxious or excited. hes been pretty on top of knowing what he was feeling emotion-wise, for years, and here he is telling seokjin hes not sure if him grabbing jungkooks ass was

making him feel good or beyond the limits of just nervous.

a lot of things had him feeling a storm of emotions the past few months, but this one took the cake. its not like he knew what it meant or WHY he was feeling it because....he had no clue which thing he was feeling.

seokjins gone pliant under his hand, head tilted into his palm and eyes watching him intently. they look bright, happy. but there is a small SOMETHING within them that tells jungkook hes probably not wanting to get hopes up.

it digs at his heart a little. he wants nothing more than for seokjin to be happy- and he wants to be the cause of it.

"i like when you do things. i didnt mind earlier, the other night, when you....as you put it, grabbed my ass. i didnt feel anything that was bad. you know?"

while hed said what was true to himself, he also hoped it would bring more of that bright happiness. instead he sees it dull, even if its just a tiny bit, and seokjin brings a hand up to hold the hand in his hair. its warm, his palm pressed to the back of jungkooks hand.

but its his eyes that have jungkook frowning, pressing his hand down to rest against seokjins cheek.

"but just because it isnt bad, doesnt mean its good kook. it.....hm, i mean did you enjoy it? did it make you feel something- um, please if this is crossing any lines or you want

to stop just tell me."

jungkook nods more for seokjins sake than his own. he feels perfectly okay with where this is going, if not just a little unsure how to process and put into words what hes thinking.

hes working on it though.

"did it make you feel....um...you know, good? physically? because if it didnt i want you to know that no matter what turn this takes between us, good or bad you will always be my best friend. my soulmate. so please, kook, please dont put how i feel first. dont be afraid to

hurt my feelings if it means telling me how you truly feel."

it hadnt occurred to him that this was even something he could do. he would probably do it subconsciously if he were being honest with himself, because it was never an easy thing to do; being blunt when you know someone feels a certain way about you.

but he knew in this situation that he needed to have a bit of a stiff upper lip. he needed to say what needed to be said, and it would definitely be hard because......it was seokjin.

he had such a sweet continence, such an open and caring face. its hard just saying he doesnt

know what hes feeling. he cant imagine ever having to say something worse. it would break his heart.

"honestly i didnt feel anything overwhelmingly good? it just felt normal. like when you held my hand or you hugged me or played with my hair. it just felt good and comfortable."

its quiet for a few moments. seokjin is just...quietly thinking, and jungkook isnt sure if he said the right thing the right way.

and of course its just quiet enough that when jungkooks stomach notifies him of its hunger, seokjin can hear it too.

his eyebrows quirk and his lips curl, and jungkook has to roll his eyes when his stomach is given a poke.

"hungry boy. wanna pause this? i think i could use a chance to think this time. i see why you like to be able to just have breaks sometimes with things like this.

plus you sound hungry enough to eat a full five course meal- its late enough that you already missed two meals. lets not make it three."

part of jungkook wants to say no. he wants to talk, he wants to say what he needs to say, and an even bigger part wants for seokjin to tell him....well....everything. but he knows more than anyone exactly how much someone can spiral when things get the chance to take off.

so he nods. he lets seokjin take his hand and tug him off the bed, lets him practically drag him down stairs and hops up to sit on the kitchen counter to watch while seokjin put together something to eat.

he feels like something was left unsaid though. something big.

something right on the tip of his tongue thats slowly starting to sink right back down into his chest the longer he tries to grasp at it.

seokjin seems perfectly content to have had the talk stop where and when it did and hes happily chattering with his father about hiking

later that week, or tomorrow, or today, whichever day they end up deciding would work fine, and jungkook marvels at how easily he can just. slip right back into normality?

so many things about seokjin leave him awed in a way many others could never compare to.

himself included, apparently. hes left almost feeling like hed gotten whiplash from how quickly they just dropped the conversation, from how quickly his mind moved its focus onto something else.

hes sitting there watching seokjins hands, listening to him and his father talk, can hear others outside, and he doesnt get why this time to think has turned into his thoughts doing the opposite of what he wanted them to do.

"we could go tomorrow, it should be nice and sunny. perfect weather- here kook, dont eat that too fast."

a sandwich is passed to him and it looks almost too perfect, like something made in a top tier restaurant instead of just the kims summer cabin's kitchen.

its healthy too, mozzarella and tomato and basil. something he likes but would never be caught eating back at the dorm because he literally could not afford it. he savors it to say the least.

seokjin shoots him a grin when he takes a bite and gives him a thumbs up.

he turns to face jungkook fully, grin still in place, and drops a hand onto his thigh. he only paused for a moment like he was thinking better of it, and jungkook is glad he didnt decide to take his hand back.

"we can hike up before everyone else and you know, talk. again. if thats alright with you i mean."

he nods, mouth full, and the way seokjin perks up is worth the extra time of mild frustration for himself and his own thoughts.

by the time hes finished his sandwich seokjin has moved into the dining room to continue planning the hike with his father. it leaves jungkook to wander until he finds everyone halfway down to the lake.

he is, unsurprisingly, talked into hauling back to the cabin as fast as he

can to change into his bathing suit and slather on a decent amount of sunblock so he can join the others in swimming.

jimin provides an almost ridiculous amount of snacks and a cooler full of drinks (some a little too high in alcohol content) and it turns quickly into more a party than anything else the second jungkook comes back down with one of his bluetooth speakers.

yoongi s quick to take over what music is put on and namjoon disappears down the shoreline to see what little critters he can get his hands on, mostly just to coo at and show yoongi, and hoseok is insistent on starting a game of chicken against taehyung and jimin.

it takes his mind off things for a while. he has fun, goofs off with his friends and lets loose in a way he hasnt in a long time.

he and hoseok lose two rounds of chicken then get invested in finding snails with namjoon for a solid half hour, neither noticing when seokjin comes

down from the cabin and sits with yoongi at the picnic table.

its an effortless fun that passes hours too quickly, has jungkook talking them all into having a fire on the beach so they dont have to go back up for dinner.

"i swear i can cook a hot dog! all i need is a cut beer

can, a fire, and a hot dog."

hes genuinely surprised that they agree and he only feels a little bad that they end up eating slightly beer-tinged hot dogs for dinner.

he can see the pain in seokjins face, can practically hear the way hes thinking "PLEASE NO GOD NO THAT IS NOT HOW YOU COOK A DAMN HOT DOG JUNGKOOK"

so hes not expecting the way seokjin tosses an arm around his waist and...compliments....his cooking. of a hot dog. on a beer can.

its not even him who laughs first, its taehyung, but jungkook cant help the way he laughs too- falls into seokjins side and cackles because kim seokjin does not compliment sandy, beer tasting hot dogs.

but if jungkook makes them he does.

"oh my god shut up?"

hes reminded of how....seokjin would do anything to make him smile. to make him happy, even if its just for a moment. how seokjin has spent the entire week making him realize new things about them.

is it REALLY so weird to want to kiss him? or to want him to slip his hand

lower on his waist? is it weird for him to wish seokjin would put his hand in his back pocket again?

a little, bit he kind of does wish seokjin would do something again.

would he feel butterflies?
would he feel completely unaffected?

“im wounded, seokjin. where was this appreciation when i made the PERFECT medium-rare cut of serloin for you wednesday night?”

he wouldnt know until he had the chance to feel it.

“i appreciates it hyung, i though it was delicious. didnt even need any steak sauce.”

seokjin shakes with laughter against his side, arm pulling tight around him.

nothing even remotely close to sexual, but definitely makes him feel good.

“and you all have the audacity to poke fun at ME when namjoon is professing his love for any and all things yoongi touches.”

yoongi laughs, reaches over to smack at seokjins shoulder after shooting namjoon a sickeningly fond look, and jungkook cant stop the smile.

his friends are laughing and having fun, he’s having fun, and he remembers exactly what it was that he had wanted to say that afternoon.

he saves it for much later when everyone is making the trek back up to the cabin, phones out for light and hands weighed down by coolers or in jungkooks case a bluetooth speaker and another hand. its well past midnight and theyre being way too loud but they cant really bring

themselves to care.

seokjin is being moderately noisy to his left, getting yelled at by taehyung and hoseok for kicking pebbles under their bare feet (both of which are being incredibly LOUD about it) and jungkook makes it a good two-thirds the way up laughing at their antics

before he tugs at seokjins hand until they slow down their walk, watching the others moving on ahead at a faster pace. just a few feet ahead of them.

seokjins swinging their hands between them as they walk, smile exuberant and lively even with how late it is and how much had

happened through the day.

how exhausted he had looked that morning in the treehouse.

“sooo.”

seokjins head turns to him and hes still smiling easy and big. jungkook smiles back.

“i love you too. a lot. the most. best friends, soulmates, everything we are together. just like

you said earlier i want you to know its true for me too. no matter what, that will never change. i just needed you to know that.”

jungkook feels so much better, lighter than air as seokjins features melt into that fond, loving expression takes over. hes tugged into seokjins side and held tight all the way back up to the cabin.

he lets his head drop to seokjins shoulder and sighs at the comfort it brings; he smells like sunblock and summer, skin warm and soft.

he laughs the few times seokjin lifts his shoulder, neck tickled by jungkooks long hair brushing against him.

they all clamber up the stairs and fight over who showers first, ending with them all being quietly scolded for potentially waking everyone else up, and they are left to lose a game of rock paper scissors to jimin and taehyung.

they stand in the hallway with yoongi and namjoon waiting their turn for the shower, near desperate to wash themselves free of sand and lake water and the filmy residue of sunblock.

they can hear the shower running and jimin laughing, taehyungs voice indistinct.

yoongi is on his phone and namjoon is slouched down into his shoulder, face pressed in comfortably and their toiletries dangling from his hands in a way that makes him seem half asleep.

seokjin still very much has him pressed into his side with an arm wrapped around his

shoulders and hes quietly humming, just loud enough that jungkook can feel the vibration.

he’s pretty tired from the business of the day and he wants nothing more than to just go to bed but seokjin makes it impossible to do anything but just stand there and wait.

so they wait until jimin and taehyung leave the bathroom wrapped in towels and then wait some more for namjoon and yoongi to come out in their pajamas looking hot-shower flushed and sleepy.

then they awkwardly both make to walk into the bathroom at the exact same time.

they are squished even closer when their shoulders hit the bathroom doorway and they both make a simultaneous ‘oof’ as their heads knock together but seokjin STILL hasnt let go of him so they end up standing in front of the doorway not knowing what to do.

seokjin rubs at the side of his head with his lips pouty for a few moments before he sighs, sounding genuinely tired.

“conserve water and time, shower together, or you shower first and i can wait?”

[ both are interesting and end pretty much the same one is more sweet the other is more....hEhEH. ]

[ 😳😏 ]

jungkook swears his heart pounds so hard seokjin can probably hear it. the prospect of showering with seokjin isnt exactly new as they had bathed together before on multiple occasions.

but now hes aware that seokjin feels a certain way about his body.

and part of him had wanted SOMETHING to happen, just a little thing to help him figure himself out right?

was this the little thing...?

seokjin doesnt look too bothered by the idea, really looks more tired than anything, so jungkook does feel a little bad that he agrees to showering together and then drags out actually doing it.

seokjins already dropped his bathing suit to the floor and stepped into the shower while jungkook was stuck fumbling with his shirt.

“fuck, oh god they used all the hot water!”

his head snaps up and hes met with the blurred outline of seokjins naked body behind the shower door.

his cheeks heat immediately. he cant even make anything out; the glass is frosted, all he sees is colors and vague shapes but still hes aware that behind the glass of that door is seokjin. naked. waiting for him to also get naked.

his fingers snag the collar of his shirt and he

yanks it off in one go, eyes glued to the shape of seokjins back while he frantically scrubs at his hair with shampoo that smells nothing like his own.

its like his brain is telling him to hurry but his hands are working in slow motion. they keep tripping up on the tie of his

bathing suit, and then when he finally managed to get it untied he just...stands there, outside the shower, and listens to seokjin grumping about the water temperature.

“i hope you know this is counterproductive kook, we are supposed to be saving water!”

theres humor in seokjins tone and it makes jungkook smile a little, feel a little more at ease until seokjins opening the shower door to peer out at him from under his water soaked fringe.

and his eyes drag from jungkooks feet to the top of his head, shamelessly appreciative.

the heat comes back with a vengeance and jungkook could swear his entire face was on fire.

seokjin must notice because he smiles softly, says a placating “dont forget to take out your hair tie or itll just end up sitting on the shower floor.” before disappearing back behind the

shower door.

jungkooks not sure how to feel but he does know he needs a shower regardless.

so he takes a massively deep breath and takes the hair tie out of his hair to set on the sinks counter, and then he (before he can chicken out) quite literally shucks off his bathing suit. the sound it makes when it hits the floor is quiet under the sound of water running but he

knows seokjin hears it.

theres a pause in how the water hits the tile of the shower floor and jungkook can see that seokjins arms have stopped moving. it makes him want to wrap himself up in a towel and hide.

instead he steels himself and yanks the shower door open.

not only did he want to see how this....would make him feel, but he also wanted to keep both of their words. no matter what their friendship would not suffer.

this counted as making sure they were not so affected that they couldnt do such normal things around each other anymore.

all of them had outings to the bathhouses or saunas and they all were comfortable seeing each other naked; bonding, having fun, getting insanely clean with the use of exfoliation that bordered painful depending on who manned the mitt (jungkook would never, EVER again let

jimin go ham on his back. he was a menace, with muscles, when let loose.) so this needed to still be something he could feel comfortable doing.

it was just a different setting.

with the added fact that it was just the two of them.

and jungkook was trying to figure out if he

was sexually....excited, about it.

that thought alone is enough to make him stop and grimace. how odd was it that he was doing this instead of just doing what hed done with mingyu.

"jungkook i swear to GOD if you dont get in here and wash off im making you sleep on the couch

with hobi. im not gonna sleep with a sandy, sweaty, sunblock-sticky man."

right.

shower with seokjin and go to bed.

right.

"coming."

he yanks the door open a little too hard and when he forces himself to step into the shower he slips on the shampoo that was pouring toward the drain from seokjins hair. its awkward, right off the bat, because he quite literally slips right into seokjins back.

the sound of their skin meeting is loud but seokjins surprised yelp- and then jungkooks when hes soaked with ice cold water from the shower head- drown it out.

they both scramble to keep balance and jungkook is dying inside just a little because hes pretty damn sure seokjin

just felt his dick just...slap against his hip? dear god. he is MORTIFIED. he just stands there blinking water out of his eyes, looking at seokjin because while they had seen each other naked they had never.....well....touched each other. while naked. in the shower.

seokjin had turned to grab at him in an attempt to keep them both on their feet, and jungkook sees hes flushed all the way down his chest. no matter how hard he tries not to look down at it, his eyes drift.

"wow, i think i just saw your life flash before my eyes."

jungkook cant NOT laugh. hes still mortified, truly, but seokjin is looking at him in that way he does when hes trying Very Hard to make someone laugh. to ease tension. its appreciated.

jungkooks heart slows from its frantic pounding the longer seokjin gives him that look,

slowly regains his bearings.

he scrunches his nose up and flips his hair out of his face, leans back to escape the spray of the water so he can actually SEE.

and when he sees seokjin he bursts into uncontrollable laughter. his whole face is smeared in shampoo suds and hes flushed dark pink, cute and humorous, and jungkook cant stop himself.

"its supposed to be i saw my life flash before my eyes, and WHY did you use so much shampoo?"

a sense of normality falls over him, has his muscles relaxing and his smile coming far more comfortably as he tips seokjins head back to wash it free of all the excessive bubbles.

he only sputters a little bit, manages to get his eyes closed before the water hits his face.

"hey, i said that to make you laugh. not because i didnt know how the saying goes- HEY STOP IT IM GETTING WATER UP MY NOSE!"

seokjins hands grapple at his wrists and he lets go, steps aside to let seokjin get out from under the water. its cold, just like seokjin said it was, and

hes reluctant to actually wash off under it. his hair much like seokjins is soaked but hed at least managed to escape the chill for a few moments more, and when he eyes the shampoo bottle now laying on the tiled floor he does it with disdain.

"sorry, didnt mean to do that. at least i got most of the shampoo out of your hair though. do i HAVE to wash my hair in the shower too? its so cold."

seokjin pauses for exactly 0.5 seconds, then hes got jungkook by the head, rubbing yoongi's shampoo into his hair.

"yes, yes you have to wash your damn hair. and yes you have to do it in the shower? come on you brat if i need to wash off in ice cold water so do you."

he wants to be upset but he definitely isnt. hes far too amused, a little too fond, and maybe hes kind of enjoying it.

hes not experiencing butterflies or fireworks or anything, just feels like he usually does when they go to saunas together as seokjin suds up his hair and he works on scrubbing the sunblock from his arms, but he cant deny that the atmosphere is different.

its more intimate no matter how much he tries to analyze it or think of it a different way.

he can feel seokjins fingers against his scalp and the light tugs to his hair feel good, and when hes released to wash the shampoo from his hair he feels seokjins palm pressed to the

middle of his lower back.

its intimate and he likes it. he likes it quite a bit. finds it borderline embarrassing when he finds his eyes wandering again, but he doesnt really mind that hes so curious.

but its not at all what he had expected; its not....platonic.

seokjins touches are respectful, always asks him before he touches him- to scrub his back or to rinse his hair. hes careful and sweet and not at all acting on sexual desire but its still there and jungkook can see it.

literally and figuratively.

seokjin is rinsing the conditioner from his hair when he blinks his eyes open and notices that hes half hard which.....jungkook immediately and with no warning at all feels aroused by too. hes not exactly EXPECTING it and hes a little embarrassed that seokjin can probably

see that he was at least interested, but.....nothing is said about it. seokjin just rinses his hair, pats his ass and tells him to grab a few towels when he gets out.

part of jungkook appreciates it.
another part doesnt, and thats what surprises him.

they dry off and jungkook keeps thinking, wondering, why in the world had the thought of seokjin being aroused JUST from looking at him and touching his back or shoulders or hair....made him feel like he used to when he knew a certain situation would lead to sex.

why had the idea of that turned him on.
why did the fact that it was seokjin....turn him on.

and honestly why in the hell was he so shocked by this when he was so sure there was something there, for seokjin, that wasnt platonic in the first place?

they change into pajamas, brush their teeth, wash their faces, and jungkook cannot for the life of him stop glancing down at seokjins crotch.

seokjins definitely starting to lose interest, probably thinking of other things to take his mind off of whatever hed seen and liked,

but jungkook just cant. he cant stop thinking about the way seokjins fingers had pulled at his hair just right or how it felt to have his hands on his waist .
he just couldnt.

and god did he regret it when they climbed into bed and seokjin tugged him into his chest like usual.

jungkook is thanking every higher being listening that he hadnt felt like being the little spoon because he would die, literally fucking die, if he had to sleep with his half hard dick shoved up against seokjins ass.

hed spent that past five years being able to just roll over and take care of himself or call up mingyu and here he is....laying in bed with seokjin, unable to do either.

"night kook, love you."

lips press to his ear, probably a miscalculation on seokjins part, and he full-body

shivers so hard seokjin actually asks if hes okay.
which, no, he is not okay, but he nods anyway and mumbles a "night. love you too."

he....does not get the best nights sleep ever, to put it simply.

he squirms a little too much, tries a little too hard, but doesnt fall asleep for hours.

that doesnt change how early he wakes up though. not when its because he can feel seokjin shifting behind him, against him really, and the arm around his waist lowers to his hips.

it tugs him in terribly close and molds him to seokjins front like he was made specifically to be THERE and he cant bring himself to be mad that it woke him up because its good. hes warm and sleepy and just awake enough to feel a little floaty.

seokjin makes him feel good.

he presses tiny little barely there kisses to jungkooks shoulder and combs through his hair with his fingers and pets his side and it just feels nice, much like everything else he does.

“gmornin’ jungkook.”

the lips pressed to his shoulder turn up into a smile.

“gonna go down and start coffee, want wheat or white bread for your toast?”

his eyelids are still so heavy that he hasnt really reached the point where he wants to open them so he just smiles, shrugs a little when he feels seokjin pull away to sit up.

“surprise me.”

a hand drops to his chest, rubs circles there that make him groan way too loud when he finally flops onto his back and stretches out. seokjin laughs and is oddly quick to disappear with an affirmative noise- and jungkook doesnt realize why for a good few minutes until he opens

his eyes and notices that his body has betrayed him a second time in less than twelve hours.

“you have GOT to be kidding me. come on i havent had morning wood in ages....what the hell. WHY the hell.”

seokjin probably, his brain so helpfully supplies, and he wants to scream.

he had never touched himself to the thought of seokjin and while he now knew Very Well that he was sexually interested.....was he seriously about to act on it for the first time? in the CABIN? oh god in their designated bed too.

part of him shows away from it.

there had to be a better place and time and reason, right? but on the other hand he knew very well that it didnt really matter. it was a natural thing, a normal thing, and it wasnt like he was in a place where private time was inappropriate- as long as he locked the damn door.

[ heres some 18+ content because the poll 😏 so be aware please. also because i only just now caught that damn spelling error its supposed to say shies away not showed away 😑 ]

[ *SHOWS AWAY IM LOSING MY MIND ME THINKS 🤪 ]

so he gets up, flicks the lock on the doorknob, and when he sits back down on the edge of the bed to kick off his pajama pants he feels only a tiny bit of shame that was....well, far less than he probably would have ever expected in this situation.

it takes him a good minute of just staring down at his tented underwear to actually wrap his mind around the fact that he feels more excited than shameful to be jerking off to the thought of seokjin of all people being the one he pictures dragging a hand down his abdomen

with almost scary vividness- he can picture the slight crookedness of seokjins fingers hooking under the elastic band, the warmth of his palm brushing against his hip.

he would know seokjins touch anywhere and now hes genuinely regretting never taking full advantage of it.

it feels so real, the way he can close his eyes and see seokjin looking at him the way he had in the shower the night before; dark and alluring, just a little intense. his hand being the one to wrap around the base of his dick and squeeze with just the right amount of pressure.

it makes his breath hitch with an audible gasp and hes reminded that theres definitely good reason to NOT be quite as vocal as he usually would have preferred. there were other people within hearing distance if he managed to get loud enough and they werent people he wanted to

be broadcasting his sexual sounds to; no matter how badly the thought of seokjin being able to hear him made him WANT.

and he knew from prior experience he was very much not capable of being as quiet as he needed to be without a little more than just biting his lip.

so he sighs, brings his free hand to his mouth to muffle any noise, and kind of mourns the loss of not being able to pay his chest or inner thighs any attention.

he would have absolutely come way too quickly being able to feel and picture seokjin touching him there, no doubt,

and while he knew it would probably be safer to make it quick.....he wants to savor it too. he had been in situations where faster meant better or safer, and every single time hed been pretty content with it. but this was making him feel very, very different.

every time he brought his hand up far enough or twisted his wrist just right he wasnt picturing mingyu or some random person hed vaguely seen in porn- he was able to literally see every single feature in his mind because he had, face to face, SEEN IT.

seokjins fringe hanging over his eyes wet with sweat instead of water from the shower head, skin flushed all the way to his chest from arousal and exertion, the way his cock curved just a little when he was hard.

so maybe he didnt need his usual stimulants to come quickly and

maybe all it took to actually reach his limit was shoving his own fingers in his mouth, switching up the rhythm of his hand to tease himself, imagining seokjin whispering hot and dirty in his ear.

it....quite literally leaves him laying on the bed breathless, floaty and high and

post orgasm melty. it was a mix of physical sensations he hadnt managed to reach by himself before, only ever with mingyu because he could never manage to get out of his own head enough to actually get lost in how his body was feeling without someone else quite literally

fucking the ability to think out of him.

he laughs a little when he lets his fingers pull out of his mouth, grimaces at the string of saliva connecting them to his lips, then grimaces even harder at the way his other hand starts feeling a little tacky.

"whys the door locked...."

his eyes snap open, blood running cold in his veins because THAT was seokjins voice and it sounded very, very close? and he was NOT about to get caught with his dick in his hand probably looking a little TOO fucked out?

the sound of the doorknob jiggling has him sitting up so quickly his head rushes, dots his vision black around the edges for a few seconds, and then hes looking down at his pajama bottoms in horror because hed yanked them up so quickly he forgot hed had a cum dirtied hand.

and it left a decent sized smear on the band of his underwear too which, great, now he was going to have to make a break for the bathroom so he could scrub it off-

“kook? are you awake?”

jungkook squeaks, honest to god, standing in the bedroom with cum smeared on his stomach

and his pants and his hand and hes PANICKING.

“uh, y-yeah just changing. need something?”

his hearts hammering away at his chest and he feels like hes breathing way too loud but seokjin sounds like he usually does; nothing like he suspects his childhood best friend and self

proclaimed other half had been getting off to the idea of him giving him a hand job.

the calm, normal tone to his voice does nothing to calm jungkook down and he ends up frantically cleaning himself off with what he hopes and prays isnt one of seokjins t-shirts.

“i do actually, mind unlocking the door so i can grab my slippers?”

jungkook shoves the shirt behind his luggage, reminds himself to wash it when he can get in a load of laundry, and pulls the nearest sweatshirt over his head so he can pull it down past the waist of his pants.

its loose all around and reaches far enough down his thighs that he can deem it safe, and belonging to seokjin, so hes not surprised when he unlocks and opens the door to seokjin wearing HIS sweatshirt.

its massive and yellow, one of his favorites for the comfort.

seokjin looks precious in it and jungkooks brain catches on the fact that he had just thought of this man in such a polar opposite way, not at all what he was looking at.

where he had pictured a very sexually charged seokjin now stood a very, very soft and sweet version with his

big eyes and sweater-paw hands, dark pillow frizzed hair and sweetly flushed cheeks.

a small part of him felt bad for thinking and acting on the desire.
another felt like he could just as easily get into the idea of absolutely wrecking this version of seokjin too.

its a weird thought to have when seokjin is standing there waiting for him to move out of the doorway, looking at him expectantly and trying to scoot in beside him.

he feels dirty for zeroing in on the way seokjin squeezes under his arm and presses his way in against his side.

fingers press to his chest and he jolts, feeling his face flood with embarrassment because seokjin had just brushed a finger directly over one of his nipples and he was definitely still a little sensitive.

seokjin shoots him a look, one he cant read too well, head to toe.

“glad you found my sweater shirt, sorry for taking yours without asking. its kinda chilly in the mornings out here. speaking of, where did i leave my slippers...”

"no its fine, looks better on you anyway."

the back of his neck prickles, heats up, and he cant help but rub at it after he shuts the bedroom door behind them. when he turns around seokjin is still very much looking at him with that unreadable expression on his face.

"think i saw them under the bed on your side. they were there last night-"

seokjin cuts him off, tone playful as he pinches at the pant leg of jungkooks flannel pajama bottoms.

"didnt you wear these to bed last night? thought you said you were...changing."

he lets go after giving the material a little tug, eyebrows raising and lips pursing in a way that makes him look goofy.
jungkook figures he should be a little more hesitant than he feels but he really cant ever look at that expression and NOT find it incredibly amusing.

the jittery feeling hed had slips away, replaced by fondness as he watches seokjin bend to reach under the bed to check for his slippers.

he lays on his front, reaching far enough that he has to wiggle a little to move himself forward. he must find them because he makes a sound

of triumph and one, followed by the other, slipper slides out from under the bed. jungkook stoops down to grab them both, nudging a foot into seokjins side to watch him curl in on himself and snort out a more genuine, snorting laugh.

"i WAS changing until you interrupted me, you know. i was gonna put....a shirt on.....uh. but i saw the sweatshirt first so i put it on instead?"

seokjins still laughing as he rolls onto his back, looks up at jungkook with flushed cheeks and a wide grin. his fingers wrap around jungkooks ankle and squeeze lightly.

jungkooks heart flutters in his chest.

"well, no matter how sketchy you sound saying that i wont dig. im

glad i grabbed your sweatshirt and im glad you think i look good in it. wouldve been better if you could see how domestic i can be cooking breakfast in it too."

its obvious teasing, meant to poke fun, but jungkook actually likes the idea of it in a non-humorous way.

its like brand new doors are opening in his mind constantly, all these little things making him want for them to be real. he wants to experience all of them, all of these new things with seokjin that he hadnt wanted to experience before.

its both jarring and exciting.

he has to yank seokjin up off the floor when he swaps his hand from jungkooks ankle to his hand, whinning quietly about needing help because hes 'getting too old' despite being PLENTY young.

and lazy apparently.

he hands seokjin his slippers, lets him use one of his shoulders for balance as he gets his slippers on.

"and if i say im craving your infamous belgium waffles...? this morning? right now? does that mean i get to see you be 'domestic' in my big-ass yellow sweatshirt?"

[so a whole chunk got deleted when i posted this i think probably due to my wrist brushing my laptops mouse pad 😐 the bit "he hands seokjin his slippers" was followed by "and smiles at the way his fingers peek out from inside the too-long sleeves, endeared by how tiny it made

his hands look. they were long fingers and seokjin had big hands in general, jungkook knows how they feel against his skin, but they look CUTE. seokjin looks cute." so there you go thats what was missing pls i need to buy an actual usb mouse.]

seokjin pauses, balanced on one foot with his slipper half on, and scrunches his nose in thought.

"mmh, well i think i would have to say youre fresh outta luck. definitely dont have everything i need for those. BUT i can absolutely whip up a whole batch of pancakes and i can

do it all in your big-ass yellow sweatshirt. and you can help me."

his nose unscrunches and his smile comes back, sweet and mild, and jungkook heart AGAIN flutters. its a very, very welcome sensation.

"the coffee should be done by now so no 'im too sleepy' excuses, you WILL be mixing and flipping pancakes. my domesticity does not come free, sir."

jungkook rolls his eyes. he would have offered to help and definitely would never have expected PAYMENT for anything seokjin did. he was very much not a paid man, domesticated or not, and jungkook was well aware that the only payment seokjin would take was in form of hugs.

or meat coupons, he liked those too.

“but of course, darling. as long as i have my caffeine i can do anything. mixing and flipping pancakes included.”

seokjin took his turn to roll his eyes right back, finally putting his slippered foot back to the ground.

he caught his balance again and let go of jungkooks shoulder with a pat, looking at him with a quirked brow.

“i take payment in services provided and this sweatshirt specifically. after you wear it at least once.

and only washed with your detergent and softener. also wouldnt mind that back massage.”

jungkook balked.

“you get food i get help making it and a very comfortable good-smelling sweatshirt its a win win id say.”

turns out it is a win win, in the sense that seokjin let him escape to the bathroom for a proper clean off (and didnt question when he came down to the kitchen wearing shorts- clean ones that were rid of all bodily fluids thank fuck) and he not only got the perfect cup of coffee

but also some of the best pancakes of his life. despite them being out of a box and very much halfassed because he was by no means a master pancake flipper and half of them were folded into themselves before he actually caught the hang of it.

but they were good. and he got to spend more time with seokjin, as promised being domestic in his sweatshirt looking sweet and comfortable and at ease.

if he had discovered that flipping pancakes too early multiple times even after being told not to was a pet peeve of seokjins

he would absolutely own up to it if it meant being shooed away from the pan and devested of his spatula the way he had been; it gave him the chance to latch onto seokjins back, to wrap him up tight at the waist and squeeze as hard as he wanted....or, well, hard enough that he got

pinched for it but he wasnt complaining too much. seokjin had the best shoulders for resting chins or heads against and the perfect waist for holding. he DEFINITELY wasnt complaining.

he got fed bits and pieces of pancake and head pats for the few he actually managed to flip well and it was overall a good deal. he sat down at the table with everyone to eat with a full heart and a smile that wouldnt leave, a plate of delicious food and a protein shake made

exactly the way he liked it.

he hadnt had a morning quite this good in a long, long time.

and most of it was because of seokjin.

the same way a lot of the good things in his life had seokjins hand in them one way or another.

“sickening, absolutely sickening. i thought tae and jimin were bad for wearing each others matching jewelry yet here you two are sharing a whole wardrobe-“

“you and joon wear matching shirts. constantly. fg sound familiar yoongichi?”

“no, NO, we accidentally bought the same shirt-“

“on the same day at the same online store at the same time?”

jungkook has laughed plenty since they came out to the cabin but definitely not this

early in the morning and not as hard. the banter between seokjin and yoongi was always entertaining and never left anyone disappointed but this in particular had everyone in near hysterics- jungkook included, and hes aware that had this taken place years ago and with namjoon

being in seokjins place it would have had a very different tone. a different affect. he’s proud that now, and with someone deserving of his returned affections, he feels nothing but amused and happy.

and uncomfortably full of pancakes. but that was because seokjin kept feeding

him every damn chance he got and he looked so happy watching jungkook eat what they had managed to make together and....maybe he was just on the side of a little too whipped.

“hey i wore his shirt before buying my own so that entire statement is null and void.”

jungkook can feel seokjins laughter shaking through him, scoots closer into his side and thinks maybe its not so bad to be whipped for seokjin in THIS way. something hed agonized over, thinking and rethinking and then overthinking about for days.

hed enjoyed the platonic aspects of feeling this way for seokjin and then hed enjoyed the IDEA of a romantic sort of aspect....and obviously the sexual, physical aspects on surface levels.

this was an aspect he hadnt taken into consideration at all, most due to how badly it had

gone once. he regretted it for years, let it affect him in too many ways without help. now it was an after thought.

someone poking fun at him and seokjin being stuck at the hip, wearing each others clothes, being so blatantly physically affectionate.

it made him smile, made him laugh, gave him butterflies and warm cheeks.

a whole new experience with something he thought would be inherently BAD.

“that also makes YOUR statement null and void mister ‘we accidentally bought the same shirt’ right?”

namjoon is laughing too, grinning ear to ear and poking fingers into a flustered yoongis side. nobody is stiff and awkward, nobody is egging on something they shouldnt.

and jungkooks brain flicks on a switch.

he hasnt felt uncomfortable with anything because hes been experiencing so much of it for YEARS. seokjin was open, so open with him, and he was right. the only thing that was truly new was the level things were being done at.

hands were held and hugs were shared and they always slept together at the cabin or when it was just one of those nights when he slept at seokjin and hoseoks. now they held hands and seokjin rubbed at his knuckles with his thumb, let them linger. hugged jungkook tight and long

and pressed in closer, held him around the waist or pressed a hand into his lower back. they slept in the same bed and cuddled but it was EVERY NIGHT and far, far more intimate.

and he was very comfortable doing it all. even at the newer, higher levels.
and especially because

it was with seokjin, just as it always had been.

kind of like looking at a blue sky every single day but only taking notice after an overcast day, that it was blue.

an odd but comforting epiphany.

and hes just had it sat at the table in the kims summer cabin, sandwiched between seokjin and taehyungs mother, with syrup sticky fingers and a twinge in his neck from bending it awkwardly- he had to slouch to rest it on seokjins shoulder and yes it was worth sacrificing comfort-

and he wants to either cry or scream, cant discern which, because he definitely liked seokjin. he definitely liked him, couldnt say he was in love quite yet, but the like was STRONG.

he feels short of breath and jittery and good like he could run a whole marathon (not for the

first time since arriving) and the second hes released from staying at the table until everyone is done, he takes off to get ready to go hiking.

“christ jungkook slow down you WILL fall down those stairs one day and you WILL be finding your own way to the emergency room!”

he can hear seokjin and his mother both chastising him for his penchant for running AMD taking multiple stairs at a time and yoongi is still loudly debating taehyung about couples fashion, all things he likes taking part in when they dont involve him being the key point, but he

has never been more ready for a talk in his life.

has never wanted to tell someone about his thoughts and feelings more than he does right in that moment, so hes going to get from point a, the cabin, to point b, the hiking trail, as fast as he possibly could.

hes both happy and proud that it ISNT because hes anxious and wants to do it before he can chicken out.

[ something happens that can be a surprise depending on the pov its written from 👁👄👁 ]

jungkook has too much energy for his own good, seokjin thinks, because hes already dressed and ready to go when seokjin has only just sat down to lace his hiking boots.

his hair is tied up like a bean sprout and hes wearing the pair of boots he borrowed from his dorm mate,

the ones that make his feet look kinda big. hes standing in the living room waiting for seokjin as he scrolls through a feed on his phone and seokjin wants to coo at the way it makes his eyes look when he bows his head- like a fawn, big and round and sweet.

what is FAR from being sweet is the choice in his attire. he pulled off shorts too well. especially the kind that were just above the knee, showed off a little of his thighs.

hed need prayer of all kinds to get through actually seeing him hike in those damn shorts.

seokjin sighs, pulling the laces of his boots tight before knotting them so they dont come loose later, and snorts when he catches jungkook glancing up from his phone to pout at him.

“hurry uuuuuup, ive been ready for ages! at this rate we will be leaving with everyone else.”

they were leaving a solid two hours before everyone else and jungkook had already put both of their light packs into the car. he was being whiny, adorably so, and seokjin doesnt resist standing up to pinch at his cheeks a little.

he immediately recoils and whines louder, grabbing at seokjins hands to tug them away from his face.

“not my fault you got ready so fast. come on, lets head out i think i need to find the trail again....its been a while.”

jungkooks whining ceases but his hands dont, they stay

glued to seokjins when he reaches for his car keys; the trail was a small drive out and he was not about to walk all the way out there just to then walk up hill for miles.

“wait can i drive? you drove all the way out here and then to the store and i like driving the hyundai.”

seokjin is a little suspicious, jungkooks reaction to driving was usually to try to weasel his way out of it, but the earnest way he looks has seokjin giving in. he hands over the keys and follows jungkook out to the car, amused by the sheer amount of energy he has as he

literally skips down the porch steps and over to the car. his hair bounces with it and seokjin is GONE for it, has to curl his hands into fists to keep from reaching out to squish jungkooks face and just- coo at him.

so many little things about jungkook got to him, had him sighing and smiling like there was nothing better than the way jungkook had to adjust the seat and mirrors to his height, how he had to put on a specific driving playlist despite hardly ever actually driving,

the way he went through the entire process of checking EVERYTHING because he felt better knowing he was doing it the safe way- “safety first, safety second, cool third. shut up dont laugh at me.”

seokjin couldnt take his eyes off him.

that is until he does, because his hand is picked up and moved to the center console so jungkook can press their palms together and thread their fingers while he drives.

his pulse skyrockets and when he looks up from their hands he can see jungkook is trying not to smile. his sunglasses make it impossible to see his eyes but seokjin CAN see the way his cheek dimples a little and its enough to know hes trying hard.

they dont talk much other than to choose songs on the playlist or squabble over which is the right way to get to the trail, and when they finally do reach it jungkook is grinning.

“i knew it was a left! told you my sense of direction wasnt too bad.”

hes puffed with pride as he tosses seokjin his pack and rounds the car so he can jog to where the trail actually begins, impatience obvious.

“yeah, yeah. a whole walking talking gps.”

“one you should listen to if you dont wanna get lost again.”

his tone is chalk full of smugness and seokjin laughs when he catches up, shaking his head at the familiar playful set up for banter. it adds an element of amusement as they head further into the woodland area,

bumping shoulders and hips when they arent huffing from the steady incline the closer they get to the actual mountain itself.

seokjin is winded, jungkook not too worse himself, and the sun is almost brutal where it shines through the trees but seokjin can easily say they are

both enjoying themselves.

its the first water break that brings up the Talk, both of them leaned against shade providing trees. its jungkook who brings it up and he looks far from nervous or anxious though he does still carry an air of slight hesitance.

“so, remember how i told you i had months of....thinking about things? involving us?”

hes smiling, a good sign seokjin thinks, and he nods. that particular admission had quite literally flooded him with hope. he wouldnt be forgetting that.

“of course. it made me happy.”

it makes him happy again, when jungkooks smile softens at the corners and his eyes go all doe-like. its a softness that suits him, reflects the softness of his soul. its something seokjin had been very drawn to through the years, both as a child who found it fascinating and now

as he found it a reprieve from the harshness of the world.

“it did? i was a little scared i had said it wrong and it would come across in a different way. god im glad it didnt, probably would have made this a whole lot more awkward haha.”

jungkooks smile goes sheepish and he rubs at the back of his neck, leans over until he can brush their arms together.

“i had this fear developing that i would somehow lose you or replace you and that definitely played into it. i....i know i already told you that i dont want to

lose you. but i feel like i need to go into it a little bit more, because i really dont want to be with anyone but you.”

seokjins heart sings at those words but its held back, leashed, because best friend and soulmate were labels they had that were absolutely able to be ONLY

platonic. he had hopes but he didnt want to get them UP.

jungkook stands there leaned into his side, looking at him with those big eyes all expectant and bright and he looks so happy it almost hurts.

seokjins fingers are in his hair before he even realizes hes made the choice

to put them there and jungkook just melts, as he usually does, tilts his whole head into seokjins hand and sighs.

but he doesnt say anything. seokjin expects him to keep talking, to add something on to that statement.

neither of them are saying anything and its not exactly awkward, just kind of charged. a thick SOMETHING between them that could be cut with a knife.

jungkooks hair is loose, small sections of it falling from the hair tie and dropping into his face from where seokjins fingers

had accidentally pulled it free and he starts scrunching his face up when it tickles his nose or his cheeks. hes no longer sporting that soft, expectant expression and he looks vaguely confused- much like seokjin himself- but still he does not say anything.

well, not anything he hasnt states already.

he says it again, “seokjin, i dont want to be with anyone but you.” and it sounds smaller somehow. quieter. he slips his hand down to pull himself closer and turns to press in as close as he can; a side hug that lets him

rest his chin against seokjins shoulder.

seokjin is, for lack of better words, more than happy to tug his arm from between them so he could wrap jungkook up in a tight hug in return.

“soulmates, right? dont think we could ever be without our other half-“

his words are cut short, first because of jungkook jerking his head back when a rain drop lands on his face and then its raining. its not a down pour but its enough that they both scramble to grab their packs so they can find some kind of shelter in an attempt to save their

phones and spare change of clothes- an incident a few years back with mud and seokjins fathers truck had taught them all to always have spares.

they both end up in adrenaline fueled fits of laughter by the time they find a tree low hanging enough that the ground beneath it is

completely dry. theyre soaked through, absolutely dripping with rain water as they flop onto the ground and try to wring their shirts out.

jungkooks laughter is airy and high, his hair clinging to his wet skin, and hes looking over at seokjin when he glances up from his shirt.

he looks happy.

seokjin feel like his heart doubles in size just looking at him, close to bursting with how much he loves seeing jungkook smile wide and real. his nose scrunches up and his eyes crescent, squinted and endearing.

this is the expression he fell in love with, seokjin thinks, it HAS to be.
he feels too much for it not to be.

jungkooks laughter dies off but his smile stays, a little subdued, and he scoots in close so he can hook his chin back over seokjins shoulder.

so close he can see the tiny spattering of rain drops that clung to jungkooks eyelashes, can see the hint of dimples on his cheeks, and hes incapable of NOT smiling back.

"didnt you say it was supposed to be sunny all day?"

"it said there was a small chance of rain but i didnt think it would actually rain...."

jungkook laughs again and his forehead bumps against seokjins jaw. his hair feels chilled and wet against his skin and he grimaces- prefers the fluffy softness of when its dry.

"im glad we came anyway. im okay with it raining a little too, it sounds pretty."

it is. rainfall was generally a nice sound, and in the silence of the woods its almost magical.

they sit and listen for a while, quiet and content to not say anything as compared to the thick SOMETHING that had been there before. jungkook keeps sighing, happy, and seokjin finds him with his eyes closed when he turns his head carefully to not bump it against his.

he looks peaceful and seokjin finds he likes how it makes his features look.

"im glad we came out too."

his eyes peek open and his lips quirk up at the corners just a little. his chin lifts from seokjins shoulder and hes about to tell him he can keep it where it was, it wasnt uncomfortable for him, but jungkook stops him.

their noses bump when he leans in close a little too fast, presses his lips to the corner of seokjins mouth with his eyes closed and his breath held, and seokjin feels like his chest is about to cave in on itself. like the air is kicked from his lungs, and his heart is close to

bursting because hes looking at jungkooks face as he kisses him, no matter how slightly clumsy it is.

it takes a moment for his brain to catch up. jungkook is pulling back and opening his eyes and seokjin is blinking at him, feeling like hes suddenly living in slow motion.

this had been something he had thought about....multiple times. kissing jungkook. and it just HAPPENED.

jungkooks eyes are a little teary and his face is flushed and seokjin is just- at a loss. he has no idea how to process it all. he doesnt know what to DO, even when jungkook reaches to press the palm of his hand to his cheek, soft and warm.

"i meant it. i want to be with you, i am so comfortable and happy when im with you. youre GOOD for me, seokjin. you support me and you love me and i cant say im in love with you, yet, but i....i want to kiss you and i want to make you happy and i want to keep feeling

butterflies every time i see you or someone says your name. i want to wake up every morning being HAPPY that its you holding me. i want to BE with you, always, and it scared me at first because i never felt like this for anyone before YOU."

jungkooks other hand comes up and hes gentle, leans in for another chaste press of lips- this time actually managing to press them to seokjins, and when he leans back again hes smiling.

seokjin feels like hes thawing, slowly starting to feel that close-to-bursting again.

"i want to be with you. when you told me i had forever to give you an answer, this is it. i dont need forever to know i have feelings for you. i love you so much seokjin, i really do, and i want to KEEP loving you. romantically."

jungkooks thumb brushes his cheek, catches the rain-wet drops on his skin, and the dam breaks. his eyes well with tears and they spill over quickly; this was very, very far from what he had been expecting to even be within the realm of possibility when jungkook agreed to talking.

he was wholly unprepared. it didnt change the fact that it was exactly, down to the T, what he would find himself wanting.

"i just love you, seokjin. and i trust you....so much, more than anyone. it took a lot of thinking to understand that i trust you with this too, but i do."

he feels like the airs punched from his lungs all over again and this time it comes with a strangled little laugh. jungkook is looking at him with those big, teary eyes and hes smiling and he looks like he could be in awe- or maybe overjoyed.

whatever it is, it looks beautiful on him.

"you.....you dont need to be in love with me, like you said not yet. or ever if thats how it goes. and you DO sound very- very sure. of this."

jungkook sniffs out a teary laugh, nods his head.

"i am. VERY sure, about all of it."

his heart is overflowing, pouring into his chest and filling him up. its the best feeling hes probably ever experienced, only made better by jungkooks hands brushing tears from his cheeks, petting through his hair.

hes seen jungkook be sure of many things over the years they have known each other, knows what it looks like when he second guesses something and when he trusts a decision enough to dive into it head first.

"you really do mean this, dont you. you really want this. with me."

he leans into jungkooks touch, has to take deep breaths to make sure hes actually breathing. it feels so surreal. jungkooks fingers on his cheeks and in his hair feel real- but his brain is trying to say its a dream.

"that IS what i just said isnt it? are you going into shock?"

his laugh is considerably less wet-sounding and his smile is bordering that nose-scrunching smile he loves, the one that takes over his entire face. the happiness coming off of him is contagious, has seokjin smiling back just as big and real.

"a little, i think. i just didnt....expect you to say all of this? but im- i dont think ive ever even been capable of being this happy. about anything. you make me so happy i feel like i could forget to breathe."

the smile hits full force, jungkooks entire face transforms and he leans forward to drop his forehead against seokjins shoulder so he can hide the flush that seokjins absolutely catches sight of before he can hide his face.

"really?"

its small and muffled against the damp fabric of seokjins shirt but he can hear the smile in it, the slight lisp that shows up when he gets whiny or shy making itself very known.

to say seokjin is endeared would be a massive understatement. jungkooks hands drop to wrap around

his torso and hes warm if not a little damp still, and he hugs like his life depends on it. pulls seokjin in tight and keeps him there even when they realize the rain has slowed down considerably- probably enough that they could continue the hike.

"yeah, definitely.

jungkooks fingers tighten in the material of his shirt and hes sitting up again, this time to lean back on his haunches so he can look at seokjin with a massive grin.

"you sound like a romance novel, you know. its nice though. i like when you tell me how i make you feel."

his hands are next to pull away and they disappear into his hair to shake the rain-wet out of it, leaving it stuck to his cheeks and neck. his skin is pinkened, lightly around his nose eyes and cheeks, and seokjin cant stop the little endeared coo that leaves his mouth.

jungkooks lips quirk a little more, an eyebrow shoots up and his head tips to the side in a way that seems almost puppy-like.

"you make me feel.....well, really good in general. but also kinda like i cant breathe too so i get it."

seokjin would relish those words if he had the chance. instead he is grabbed by the elbows and pulled to his feet, left to stumble out from under their tree-cover. its stopped down pouring and is just a light drizzle, enough to feel damp but not soaking through to the bone.

he watches jungkook bend to scoop up their packs and lets out an ‘oof!’ when his own is practically chucked into his chest, scowls at jungkooks manic cackling and then promptly punches him in the bicep with little to no reaction.

part of him curses jungkooks muscles.

another part tells him to grab that bicep and squeeze just to feel it.

he gives in and reaches out for it but is intercepted by another hand, fingers grasped tight.

“you better hold my hand and tell me how good it makes you feel if we are going to finish this hike.”

if hes just a touch sad he didnt get to feel up that muscle he doesnt show it. instead he grips jungkooks hand tight and rolls his eyes, bumps their shoulders once as they start heading back up the trail thats....gotten a bit muddy. it makes interesting noises under their shoes

and jungkook cracks terribly twelve-year-old-esque jokes that make seokjin laugh a little too hard.

the atmosphere all the way up to the summit feels almost carbonated; bubbly and fizzy and light. seokjin doesnt stop smiling, jungkook doesnt stop smiling.

their hands swing between them and they stop to share shy little pecks- mostly on jungkooks part.

its very much a surreal experience. every single press of lips sparks something in seokjins chest, every laugh and smile jungkook gives him makes him feel giddy.

and jungkook looks ecstatic, bright as the sun, absolutely in his element when they settle down to wait for everyone else to make it up behind them. jungkook pouts down into his opened pack for a solid five minutes before looking back up at seokjin with a whine.

"i kinda wish i had brought a few of my art things. i havent worked on my piece since last week and this is free time i COULD be doing it."

he sounds only mildly miffed that he hadnt thought to do it so seokjin only feels a little bad when he shakes his head and closes the pack.

"this is us time. you know, to talk and hold hands- which we couldnt do if you were using oils. or chalks. or whatever else it is you use. it could also be us time to kiss some more. if you were okay with that i mean. cause i am- i definitely am."

the area was rundown, definitely not being upkept by anyone other than the occasional hiker who cared enough to brush leafs from the sparse picnick tables anyway, and seokjin was kind of surprised jungkook would even consider bringing his art supplies out but. well.

jungkook surprised him sometimes. could be a little spontaneous despite his penchant for planning and routine.

the table they had chosen was one that was on the less mossy-wet side and STILL seokjin felt like his newly air dried shorts had gotten damp again when he sat down.

"plus your stuff would absolutely get demolished. do you SEE how soggy the wood is up here? its kinda gross."

jungkook obviously does not share the same mindset because he doesnt hesitate a single millisecond to set his pack on the 'soggy' picnick table so he could climb up and over the tabletop to trap seokjin where he sat with his legs.

"us time sounds good, i like that idea better."

seokjins brain clicks off. just flicks the switch and bails, leaves him sitting there with jungkooks thighs caging him in at the sides and hes just NOT computing the fact that he could easily do more than a few things he probably shouldnt do in public. even if they ARE alone.

he can feel the slight pressure on his ribs, can literally SEE the way jungkooks thighs flex and thinks huh, i can touch those if i want?

so he touches them. presses his palms to the top of jungkooks thighs and squeezes a little.

drags them down to his knees and back up to where his fingertips could easily just.....slip under the hem of his shorts.

"is this us TALKING time or us kissing time? i wont complain either way honestly. i would enjoy both."

[ fair warning there will be a little bit of spicy light petting ahead folks 😌 ]

"could be a little bit of both i guess, there ARE a couple things i could do with telling you."

seokjin quirks a brow at the tone of jungkooks voice, playful and just a hint mischievous, mirroring the expression on his face. he looks happy.

hes leaning back on the palms of his hands and it leans him back just enough to give his torso a slight stretch- something that makes seokjin, yet again, want to touch. run the palms of his hands from jungkooks hips all the way up to his shoulders.

he doesnt get to. jungkook sits up and moves closer to drape his arms over seokjins shoulders, brush their noses affectionately. its a sweet gesture, quick and soft, and up so close he can see every little detail of how his eyes turn up into little smiling crescents.

its so strange to think that its all real. that its jungkook sitting there playing with his hair, pressing playful pecks to his cheek, looking at him like that. its sinking in finally that its actually happening, losing that dream-like haze around the edges.

jungkooks fingers against his skin and his lips trailing to his jaw all feel better than he imagined but it feels so much more REAL, a little less floaty and a little more present. its easy to get caught up in.