Thread by @hradzka

2017. “Okay, wait. Sorry, this is a real bank shot. Walk me through it?”
2016. “Wait, ‘20, ‘19. Let me try. Iowa produces corn, right?”
2017. “Sure.”
2016. “Which is used to make ethanol.”
2017. “Right.”
2016. “Which is put into gasoline, to save money.”
2017. “Okay...”

2016. “And ethanol in gasoline means...”
2017. “Federal subsidies for ethanol, which means guaranteed revenue for corn farmers.”
2016. “And a lot of farmers live in Iowa...”
2017. “So it’s politically untouchable because of the Iowa Caucuses.”
2016. “Right.”
2017. “Okay, but...”

2017. “Where does the carbon dioxide come in?”
2016. *hesitates, looks at 2019*
2019. “Go on, ‘16. You’re doing fine.”
2016. “Okay. Uh, so ethanol gets put into gasoline —“
2017. “Because gasoline is expensive but ethanol is cheap.”
2016. “Right. But then, gas *gets* cheap.”

2017. “Because the price of oil drops.”
2016. “Got it. So, cheaper oil means cheaper gas, which means...?”
2017. “We need less ethanol.”
2016. “Which means, uh...” *looks helplessly at 2019*
2019. “It means less work for facilities that turn corn into ethanol.”
2017. “Okay...”

2019. “And then a pandemic hits, putting everyone on lockdown, which means —“
2017. “Unemployment?”
2019. “More than that.”
2017. “People can’t pay rent?”
2019. “More than that.”
2017. “Everybody in sweat pants watching TIGER KING?”
2019. “‘16?”
2016. “...Nobody’s driving.”

2019. “So fewer people driving means...”
2017, brow furrowed. “Even... less... demand for ethanol?”
2019. “So what do facilities producing ethanol do?”
2017. “They... close?”
2019. “Good!”
2017. “But where does the carbon dioxide come in?”

2019, full professorial, relishing. “Ethanol isn’t a main product. It’s a guaranteed revenue stream that’s a sideline for facilities that produce other things... things like food-grade carbon dioxide.”
2017, brightening. “Ohhhhh!”
2019. “Which is used in...?”
2017. “Um.”

2019, crisp classroom teacher. “2017, please tell everyone some uses of food-grade carbon dioxide.”
2017. “Beer
2019. “And?”
2017. “Coca-cola!”
2019. “And.”
2017. “...La Croix?”
2019. “*And.*”
2016. “Oh no.”
2016. *headdesks*
2019. “‘16?”
2016, muffled. “Water treatment plants.”

2019. “So...”
2016, painfully sitting up. “Cheap gas & nobody driving means closed ethanol plants means shortages of food-grade ethanol means potential shortages of beer and, somehow, maybe even *tap water,* during a pandemic?!?!”
2020. “THE ARISTOCRATS!”
theguardian.com/us-news/2020/a…

2017. “Dude... did you just do this ridiculously involved chain of events to somehow *tie everything back to the Iowa caucuses*”
2016. “Hang on. Wait.”
2020. *eyebrow*
2016. “Oh my fucking GOD. It’s an even sicker joke than that.”
2020. *little smile*

2016. “All the climate change stuff... all the lectures, all the pigtailed teenagers, all the emphasis on cutting CO2 emissions... and now you’re giving humans a SHORTAGE of carbon dioxide?”
2020.