2016. “Wait, ‘20, ‘19. Let me try. Iowa produces corn, right?”
2017. “Sure.”
2016. “Which is used to make ethanol.”
2017. “Right.”
2016. “Which is put into gasoline, to save money.”
2017. “Okay...”
2017. “Federal subsidies for ethanol, which means guaranteed revenue for corn farmers.”
2016. “And a lot of farmers live in Iowa...”
2017. “So it’s politically untouchable because of the Iowa Caucuses.”
2016. “Right.”
2017. “Okay, but...”
2016. *hesitates, looks at 2019*
2019. “Go on, ‘16. You’re doing fine.”
2016. “Okay. Uh, so ethanol gets put into gasoline —“
2017. “Because gasoline is expensive but ethanol is cheap.”
2016. “Right. But then, gas *gets* cheap.”
2016. “Got it. So, cheaper oil means cheaper gas, which means...?”
2017. “We need less ethanol.”
2016. “Which means, uh...” *looks helplessly at 2019*
2019. “It means less work for facilities that turn corn into ethanol.”
2017. “Okay...”
2017. “Unemployment?”
2019. “More than that.”
2017. “People can’t pay rent?”
2019. “More than that.”
2017. “Everybody in sweat pants watching TIGER KING?”
2019. “‘16?”
2016. “...Nobody’s driving.”
2017, brow furrowed. “Even... less... demand for ethanol?”
2019. “So what do facilities producing ethanol do?”
2017. “They... close?”
2019. “Good!”
2017. “But where does the carbon dioxide come in?”
2017, brightening. “Ohhhhh!”
2019. “Which is used in...?”
2017. “Um.”
2017. “Beer
2019. “And?”
2017. “Coca-cola!”
2019. “And.”
2017. “...La Croix?”
2019. “*And.*”
2016. “Oh no.”
2016. *headdesks*
2019. “‘16?”
2016, muffled. “Water treatment plants.”
2016, painfully sitting up. “Cheap gas & nobody driving means closed ethanol plants means shortages of food-grade ethanol means potential shortages of beer and, somehow, maybe even *tap water,* during a pandemic?!?!”
2020. “THE ARISTOCRATS!”
theguardian.com/us-news/2020/a…
2016. “Hang on. Wait.”
2020. *eyebrow*
2016. “Oh my fucking GOD. It’s an even sicker joke than that.”
2020. *little smile*
2020.