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This is some Ministry of Love shit right here.

Unsubscribe. UNSUBSCRIBE RIGHT NOW!
Me: Lucius Fox.
Heatmap VICKI: I'm sorry, that's not in your best interests.
Me: LUCIUS FOX.
Heatmap HAL: I cannot do that, Elie.
Me: LUCIUS FOX GODDAMN IT!
Heatmap Schwarzenegger: I know now why you cry, but it's something I could never do.
(Bonus points: name all four movies you had to see to get this tweet)
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More from @ElieNYC see all

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Elie Mystal
@ElieNYC
[Clears throat]
Do you like apples? BECAUSE @nhannahjones WON A PULITZER. SO HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES?

washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/2020…
I GROW STRONG FROM THESE TEARS

"It was as if a million white-wing voices cried out in terror, and nobody gave a rat's ass."

MAY THE FOURTH BE EXCELLENT THIS YEAR!
Read 3 tweets
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Elie Mystal
@ElieNYC
Tra la, it's May, the lockdowned Month of May
That lovely month when everyone starts to go insane
Tra la, it's still here, Covid's gonna last all year
We shouldn't try to make workers magically appear.
Meanwhile, Republicans be like:

"A White of 'Merican stock should be invincible
Succeed where a beta cuck elite would fail
Lick a floor without getting sick, use a gun to hide a small dick,
Go to work without a mask or protective equipment."
Media Chorus:

"A law was made a distant moon ago here.
By 10:00 pm, both sides must appear.
We can't distinguish facts from outright lies here.
In Coronalot."
Read 4 tweets
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Elie Mystal
@ElieNYC
There's... a tornado warning for my area?

I live in New York.

WTF, 2020?
I got nothing. My basement is halfway through mold remediation (that had to be halted thanks to corona). My roof started leaking last week (which I can't get anybody to come fix, thanks to corona).

I guess I'll just sit here and brush up on Munchkin etiquette just in case.
Okay, after the initial shock, my Indiana skills are coming back to me (I lived there for 13 months).

I got this. TO THE BATHROOM!
Read 3 tweets

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