Thread by @DrTsion

Africans in the diaspora:
Everyone will tell you they want to be buried in Africa but fail to discuss end of life care.

A thread & Public Service Announcement- a story & lesson after caring for my Nigerian friend's father (now recovered)! 1

@DrSenait @fitsumaregaa @TayeAtske

For years I have been speaking out about the need for us to have difficult conversations with our parents about the type of care they would want in emergency situations. Because of cultural differences & taboo topics, these conversations can be especially difficult for Africans 2

in the diaspora. These topics can bring about histrionic guilt trips & rebukes from our parents who misconstrue our intentions. At the end of the day, there is a chance the awkward conversation can yield answers that will offer your parents a level of grace and dignity that is 3

priceless in the most trying of times.

I’m talking about a conversation about more than wanting to be buried back in Africa. How about how they want to die? End of life care? Goals of Care?

Too often we wait for the emergency to try and have these conversations. 4

Too often that time is too late.

Four days ago, a Nigerian friend of mine brought his father to my hospital due to difficulty breathing-yup. You guessed it right- it was COVID.

HIs father was severely ill. Within minutes, I had to ask the most difficult questions? 5

Does he want to be intubated? If his heart stops, does he want us to do chest compressions? His father was too ill to answer for himself. Believe me, taking care of sick patients is what I love to do but taking care of a friend’s father who is critical..6

and having to instigate those conversations at the time was difficult. And I’m sure that amount of pressure to make those decisions atop of an already terrifying situation was even more difficult.

My friend’s answer to everything, “I don’t know. We never talked about it.” 7

I wanted to say, “really bruh?” You are on my group texts and social media. I have been saying, everyone please have these conversations with your parents. But the truth is that we always think we have time until we don’t. 8

I had to remind my friend that what matters is what his father wants. Not what he or family members want.

Thankfully, his father recovered with semi-aggressive measures. 9

The first day he started talking, he started asking about his work. The life of an immigrant. 🤷🏾‍♀️ Because all New York hospitals are not allowing visitors, I have had the pleasure of visiting him on his family’s behalf and witnessing his progress everyday. 10

Plus, as an ER doctor, we witness only the first few hours of the patient’s life while they are on the verge of dying. It has been a gratifying & fulfilling journey to see things from a different angle. 11

Just visited him at the hospital. He is feeding on his own & cracking jokes already.

He told his wife over FaceTime the fish Dr. Tsion brought wasn’t as good as hers!

Then he turns around & says to me “God Bless You, my daughtaaa!”
Tears of happiness behind my goggles! 12

Never too early or too late to have these conversations!

Will share tips on how to initiate these conversations.

Better Prepared than not.

Thank you for reading & taking action.

Naija Hustling! #NewYorkTough #ImmigrantStrong

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