I recall when I battled with depression. It was a tough period in my life. It was like a second robe but heavier and damp with fear and unworthiness.
I doubted myself and saw a failure. A brilliant mind like mine couldn’t see anything good.
All I saw were my inadequacies and disappointment. I was angry and myself for being angry with God while at the same time, I was angry with God.
Thoughts of ending it all crept around the doors of reason.
The whisper was loud.
Insomnia was a friend. At the slightest sound, I would lay awake from 11PM till 5:00AM. Even if I slept 10:30PM and a mosquito buzzed in my ear, that’s the end of sleep.
I lost weight.
Dead man walking. Was there a trigger to this?
YES!
Many would say “if I get a job, it would lift” some, “if I was married with children, I won’t feel alone”.
Listen. Until you understand that Christ is your sufficiency, you’ll continue to battle with it.
I know because I felt likewise.
However, if you’re a believer and still struggling with depression today and mood swings, I can authoritatively tell you that you don’t understand the power of the Gospel of Love.
Do you need someone to talk to?
Let me know.
I am the earthworker! A son and soldier of Christ who is called to pull men and women and children out of the pits and lead them to the city of celestial lights called Zion!
Watching him bounce on his feet was something else. For the inexperienced eyes, it looked like he was showing off but for us, this meant he never skipped leg day.
His Uncle, Mr. Ibezimakor had began to train him since he moved to Lagos 4 months earlier.
The day he came in, he went straight to him and told him - I want to be a boxer like you and I want you to train me.
I’ll give my all and I’ll make you proud.
Whatever you demand, I’ll give until I have nothing else.
His uncle saw his look and said “Yes, I’ll train you.”
It felt like they all heard that voice that called “Ibukun”.
“When He called my name, all I knew was that everything stopped: the thoughts of suicide, the fear, the anger, the rage, the guilt, the condemnation, everything stopped.”
“Ikenna! Ah ahn?! The way you mentioned the fact that killers came to your house and you hid behind your wife and no one saw both of you is too flippant.” Gozie interrupted.
“These things don’t just happen” continued Gozie “because this isn’t ordinary.
Whilst Gozie was trying to articulate his thought and do what men know how to do - explaining everything away with logic, Laraba was looking intently at Ibukun.
In that look an unspoken conversation ensued and with each look, Laraba realized…
… what was dwelling inside Ibukun wasn’t old but ancient yet familiar and that was for lack of a better word.
She knew that Ibukun had indeed encountered a superior being which she has heard from certain clerics in her hometown.