- there was always a plan
- said plan worked perfectly
- UK "succeeded" despite over 28,000 deaths
- everyone has access to the PPE they need (they only *feel* otherwise)
- British science is better science
- death tolls can't actually be calculated for *years*
- no need to close the borders, because it was too early and then immediately too late
- outdoor gatherings are safe, so lockdown everything NOW!
- bailout of the economy is smooth
- we had no way of working out the actual death toll until the end of April, when we magically produced revised figures covering every day
- we were so ready for a pandemic that we didn't bother to publish the results of Exercise Cygnus, a document Cabinet ministers claim not to remember