Thread by @thearmchaircom

So evidently this app needs a late night twitter thread from me telling y’all how NOT to act when you get called out for various -isms and -phobias.

So listen up humans, this is your guide for how not to show your behind when you get called on your BS.

1. Say sorry. That’s it. That’s the thing. Plan old sorry with no “if” qualifier. If you can name what you did, then name it and claim it.

Example: I’m sorry **for** the homophobic thing I said.

For is the keyword. For. Don’t say if. Ever.

2. If you don’t yet know or understand what you did, simply say sorry and offer a more robust apology later.

Example: I’m sorry. I will work to understand what I did so I can do better.

If you know what you did: I’m sorry for being homophobic. I will do better.

3. Take responsibility for what you did and the harm it caused.

Ex: I’m sorry for making a transphobic joke. I will work to do better. What I said was harmful to trans people. I shouldn’t have said it.

4. I got this from @danieltigertv: Saying I’m sorry is the first step. Then how can I help.

Ex: I’m sorry. I will work to better understand what I did and why it was harmful. What I did was harmful to you and I shouldn’t have done it. What can I do to begin to make things right

Re: #4

This isn’t a demand for emotional labor. You are asking how you can support them best in the moment.

There are an array of valid responses and people might just tell you to stfu or gtfo. And that’s what you need to do.

5. Shut your mouth and listen.

6. Take copious notes. I don’t mean literally take notes right in front of somebody. But pay attention to what is being said.

7. Keep your mouth shut.

8. Freaking google it. If you don’t understand ableism, use your google machine to start to educate yourself.

9. Listen to subject matter experts.

10. Seek clarification (and not validation) from unconnected knowledgeable parties.

Re: #10

This is not a demand for emotional labor. This is not the time to litigate the issue or tell your side of the story. If you can’t form a simple question to ask the. You need to do more work. Do not be that person who enters marginalized space demanding to be educated.

11. Continue to listen.

12. Continue to keep your mouth shut.

13. Repeat #11 & #12 for the rest of your life.

14. Make reparations to those you’ve harmed. Pay people for their emotional and/or physical labor.

15. Don’t argue. Don’t try to justify yourself. Don’t minimize. Don’t defend yourself. Stop talking and listen.

16. This ain’t about you. Don’t make it about you. Don’t enlist people to tell you and others how great you are. Don’t seek validation from others.

17. Resist the urge to argue, talk, and explain. Listen to the words of those you hurt. Own your mistake. Use it as an opportunity to grow and do better.

18. You don’t get to control the narrative.

19. Where you show out is where you get woe out. So if you show out on this app, you better stay on this app and listen to how your actions affected people. You don’t get to do something harmful and pretend it didn’t happen.

20. Finally, don’t make it about you or enlist others to rush to your defense. You did what you did. Work to do better. The end.

I always feel weird about putting my info out there but if you want to support my work (absolutely NO pressure).

For $2/month you can support my anti-racism work via Patreon (patreon.com/allyhenny)

Paypal.me/allyhenny
Ca$sh: $allyhenny
Venmo: @allyhenny

Also, I don’t put my giving info at the end of every thread, but yeah.