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So I'm already prepared to hate the SHIT of this.
Crylo Whine wants to kill the emperor because he doesn't share power. I swear if they make Palpy or Whine some kind of Sauron figure RAGE WILL OCCUR.
Who are these nurses? WHY ARE THERE- Wait, he LITERALLY made Snoke? LITERALLY?! AND THE FIRST ORDER?!?! Not a bunch of people with like-mindedness and hatred, no. Not some people pulling money strings. Palpy.
Palpy just HAD a star destroyer FLEET on standby. Okay.
Whine: "What could you possibly give me?"
Palpy: "Everything."
Like what the director's pulling out of his ass, amirite boys??
These character interactions feel hollow, or at least off. It doesn't feel like their previous personalities are talking.
Rey: "I can't do this. It's impossible."
Leia: "It's not impossible."
Rey: "It's not impossible."
That... That was a first draft. Where's the rest of the conversation? Don't want to talk about insecurities, fears maybe? No? ok
Everyone is too chill with Palpy having been in the shadows from the beginning, acting like a puppeteer.
Finn asks Rose to come, but she refuses. Fuck you for writing her out of the movie, JJA. She was cute and exciting, but racists won you over. Fuck you, JJA.
IF THEY KILL C3PO I WILL SHIT BRICKS IN JJA'S YARD.
Rey: "I will earn this sword."
Leia: "Nah, take it. It's cool."
Rey: "K, thx."
WHERE. IS. THE. EMOTIONAL. IMPACTS?
OH NOW WE'RE APPROPRIATING KINTSUGI. WOW. An East-Asian woman gets ripped out of the script, and know we're using a Japanese art form to show the gathering of fascist forces. FUCK YOU, DISNEY/JJA.
Also, Whine throws a tantrum to a pretty good question. What DOES the Sith want?
Really? We're caring about family with Rey? I thought we established that she doesn't care about that any more.
AND LOREBREAK AGAIN. Not even Luke could transport matter across the Galaxy! It's a MENTAL connection, NOT ANY PHYSICAL. But nope, Whine just yoinks the beads off her neck. Yeah, fuck off.
Wait, only 2 SithWayfinders were made? Ever? Why not just say that only 2 are left and that the Jedi destroyed the rest?! Was this movie script ever looked over at all???
Stormtroopers get jetpacks now. I don't see how that can keep up with the speeders, but ok.
You're telling me a ship in a desert hasn't been taken away or scavenged after years? Yeah, okay. *coughcoughBScough*
And Stormtroopers have bazookas now.
And the Sinking Pits break physics and logic! Thanks, I hate it SO MUCH. I hate this scene!
Though the flashlight bit was kinda funny...
1) How does he know it? Did Sith or Jedi allow their language to be in droids?
2) Why would you allow a droid to READ Sith, but NOT translate it for others? Wouldn't a Jedi want to know what the Sith knows??
No one used it until now? Yoda didn't know it? Obi Wan didn't know it? LUKE didn't know it? Yeah, ok, eat me. Just...
AND FEMALE-ONLY HEALER TROPE.
WOOKIES WILL RIP YOUR ARMS OFF OR DIE TRYING! THIS IS BULLSHIT! AT LEAST HAVE HIM ROAR OUT, OR KNOCK HIM OUT! SOMETHING!
…….I need a moment.
Rey, in a fit of anger and desperation, accidentally Force-Lightnings the transport when she meant to pull it down. This is because Whine is there, pulling the ship out of her grasp.
2) Rey is a GIRL with UNTAMED EMOTIONS. Unlike all the Jedi/Sith BOYS.
And Chewie's dead. I am SO NOT OKAY. Like... Fuck JJA! Fuck Disney! Fuck this!
She zapped because she had a vision of her and Whine on a Sith Throne????????? Really????????????
…...wait...….
CHEWIE'S DEATH WAS A FAKE OUT?!?!?!?!
OMFG, FUCK THIS MOVIE!!!!!
Writing-wise, this is garbage. They only reassured us Chewie is ok, because they don't want fanboys to piss off immediately. This feels like reassuring a toddler.
And C3PO is cool with the memory bypass now?? I don't know anymore. This is confusing. I don't even know what that memory bypass is.
Poe runs around in the shadows on Kojima(?), which looks fascist as fuck since the First Order took over.
And Poe was a spice runner. He couldn't just be a hot-headed Latino pilot looking to be a hero, no. He was a criminal!
My feelings aren't wiped. I love this droid and now he's gone. Fuck JJA. I'm... I'm not okay.
Also, was her and Poe a thing? I don't see them being a thing. Were they a thing?
Oh good, we're going back to Endor. I am... not excited.
And they sense that Chewie is alive! So that heartwrench is ignored. (But C3PO may not be.)
(Also, crying at the line "Whoever this Chewie person is, this is madness!" C3PO....)
And Finn speaks Wookie now! That's new as well!
I do like the little moment with Rey mind-tricking the guards. "Did she do that to us?" That was a little cute.
If I can pick on the subtitles: they differentiate between "Female Announcer" and "Announcer" like male is default and normal, while female is abnormal and different. That feels wrong.
BULLSHIT.
He was so invested in Snoke's brutality and the First Order prevailing! He was underneath Snoke himself! How did Snoke/Palpy not see it?! Is this so people can like the First Order and/or Hux?
Oh, and fuck that "dyad in the Force" bullshit!
Now Hux, who was wounded and with a cane, was killed.
THE DAGGER COULD NOT HAVE BEEN- THAT IS WRECKAGE! What, did the Sith know that a Jedi was going to need the Wayfinder, so made a map FOR THE FUTURE?! BULLSHIT AND COCKS!!!
Also, new female character! She's black and I feel she was written by racists. And by someone who wanted Finn to get with someone else black and female. (So racists.)
There's something about how she will be Sith and she can't resist it. Which is bullshit on SO MANY LEVELS, but ok.
REY HEALED HIM?!?! WHY DID REY HEAL WHINE?! What, because leading him to the light? Why do we care about his redemption? AND THEN LEAVES HIM?! And Finn did nothing, again.
"Dad..."
"I know."
HAVE A MAN SAY I LOVE YOU! Han did in Episode 6! Why not here?! Look, I hate Whine, but fuck toxic masculinity MORE!
Palpy's ships are Death Star ships. Why not?!
Poe is General now?! But she had other people in line!
Ochi's droid is the Wayfinder now. So destroying it was pointless.
R2 meets with C3PO and quickly fixes his memory. Like that. Under 30 seconds. WHY DID YOU BREAK MY HEART THEN, YOU BASTARDS?! C3PO DESERVED BETTER THAN THAT!!!
I'll pick this back up tomorrow with fresh mind and emptied anger. I swear, this movie will make anyone consider the Dark Side, but not the way it intended...
All the women (even Rey and Leia) feel like they're tools for the men's "needs". New women to pair up with Finn and Poe. Rey and Leia to bring Whine to the light. It's unfair to these characters to reduce them to this!!
Note: I had to look up her name. I don't think they say it more than once. I definitely didn't hear it!
Also, I cannot get over how Palpy looks like an animatronic.
"I am all the Sith!"
"And I am all the Jedi!"
With that, she kills him and wipes out the temple.
It was badass. Not worth the rest of this movie to get there, but it was badass.
Rey falls, wounded from her fight?? Whine rises and takes Rey in his arms. He cried for the lost heroine, knowing he didn't deserve her time or energy. And hE HEALS HER! FROM DEATH!
And he dies anyway! So why?!
I will die angry over this stupid decision. This was unwarranted and unnecessary!
Chewie finally got his medal. A few movies too late.
Jannah gets Lando to mentor her (or something).
A woman asks who she is. "Rey Skywalker." And swipe to credits.
Also, why this huge need to have a family name? I get she wanted family (Poe and Finn), but the need for a name?
Why wasn't Chewie there to help her? I'm sure he would have loved to help her honor his closest friends!
What about Finn's ending? He's Force-sensitive! Does Rey teach him??
2/10, watch the hate flow through the viewers and see the struggle to not go to the Dark Side.