I return all glory to God for what my wife and I were privileged to do for your family. It was a great privilege. I love your Yoruba analysis of marriage and when I reflected over it, I realized it is a correct assertion. Unfortunately, the African communal life is fading away.
The African way of life which saw a child as that of the community and not that of the parents alone had a lot of advantages. When a child errs, he is not only corrected by his parents alone, the community intervenes and ensure the act is not repeated again. All these are no more
No wonder every thing is getting out of hand with the black man wanting to be like the white man hence all our moral values are eroded. The same applies to marriage where family members ensure that nothing happens to your marriage. They quickly intervene to prevent a breakdown
Today, most spouses have no one to talk to when their wife or husband is misbehaving and that is what I have seen over and over. To unmarried people, please take this as an advice: "Never marry a man or woman who has no one he highly regards". It could be a friend or a relation.
We are all human and we have our deranged moments. It will be appalling when you have no one to run to at such times. Even religious leaders have mentors that call them to order when they are going astray. When you have no one to run to when your spouse is misbehaving,...
...then you are most likely heading for misery. Marriage can be sweet when we get the complete instructions from the operating manual. However, the human nature makes the implementation of those instructions a little bit difficult. The human nature is primarily selfish.
The Bible says: "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it". There was no condition attached to the love. Just love her! No matter the situation, just love her! You must also be ready to give yourself for her. You must be selfless.
You can't be a successful husband without being an ardent lover of your wife and also a selfless man. Why this love you may say? Women are emotional beings and what feeds their emotions is love. They are moved by love. Love brings out the colour and beauty of a woman.
Love has various attributes that distinguishes it from other virtues. First, love is patient. You must be patient with a woman if you want to get the best from her. @sarnchos in his thread mentioned the complexity of a woman. You can't be dealing with a complex creature...
...and not be patient. Complexities always require patience. A man must be very patient if you want a successful marriage. Secondly, love is kind. You must express kindness to your wife at all times. These are the things a woman looks forward to in a relationship. KINDNESS!
Your kindness to your wife must be expressed in her language. That's why no 2 women are the same. The individual differences are distinct and you must be able to identify it. You must understand what your wife refers to as kindness & give same to her. Every woman wants a kind man
Third, love covers multitude of sins. A loving man must not keep record of his wife's undoing. You must bear in mind our human nature and be ready to forgive as soon as we express our humanity in terms of errors. I always advise what is called advance forgiveness.
Forgive your wife in advance. Forgive her before she offends you. Women shd also do likewise. Our husbands will surely offend us but we must be quick to forgive and move on. That's what makes marriage sweet. None must hold grudges against the other. Forgiveness is Love in action
There are other attributes of love but I will give one more. Love is selfless. Love goes the extra mile. It does not consider himself first. A loving man thinks about his wife and children first and then himself last. A loving man will be ready to lay his life down for the wife.
Just like Christ laid his life for the church so also is a man expected to be sacrificial towards his wife & family. Your wife must see the sacrifice you're making. Don't say "I am doing everything possible but she doesn't appreciate". Your wife must be able to see your sacrifice
I have talked about the man, now let's talk about the role of a woman in making marriage work. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husband as unto the Lord. That is what the Holy Book says. Many have termed submission as slavery. Far from it! When the Bibles says...
...submit ...as unto the Lord. That does not indicate slavery unto God. What it means is that avoiding an insistence in having your own way. This is surely antithetical to the new age belief. I will quote scriptures here for reference: Ephesians 5: 22-24 and 1 Peter 3:1-7
There can't be two drivers in a car even if the man on the passenger's seat knows the road better. You will still leave the steering in the hands of the driver while you advise him appropriately and discreetly. The moment you try to take over the steering, a crash is inevitable.
Why submission by the man? It is because a man is created with ego. As emotions is to a woman so is ego to a man. If love is the food of emotions, so will submission be the food of ego. God who created man and woman with distinct qualities knew the reason he did that.
The God that created us put it succinctly that men shd love their wives and wives should submit unto their own husbands. I call this the love-submission cycle. The more love you give, the more submission you get and the more submission you offer, the more love you get in return
Again, your marriage can be sweet. Disagreements will come because we are human and we always have opposing views however you can avoid your disagreements turning into quarrels and this is principally in the hands of the man. Be a thermostat and not a thermometer.
One other point @sarnchos raised is the complexity of a woman. No doubt a woman is complex but every complex situation remains so until you have an understanding of the matter. You can understand a woman and I will recommend this book by Myles Munroe: "Power and Purpose of Woman" 
Time and space will not allow me to break down the complex nature of a woman that will help our understanding. No doubt a woman can be difficult but when you understand her and how God designed her, you will appreciate her much more.
May the Lord bless our homes in Jesus Name.
May the Lord bless our homes in Jesus Name.
