CW: rape, racism, gore, and maybe more!
I haven't seen any Tarantino directed movies, but I did see "Sin City" and "From Dusk Til Dawn" which he helped write.
I'll give my ratings to each individual movie, then to both together.
This one is gonna be a helluva ride, so let's go!
"I bet I could fry an egg on your head right now if I wanted to."
Was that meant to be intimidating? That was silly!
"Bill, it's your baby-" GUNSHOT AND CUT TO TITLE.
OH OK JUST DO THAT I GUESS
DON'T GIVE ANYTHING TO THE VIEWER JUST YET
"CHAPTER ONE (2)" ???
Pasadena, CA. The Bells, residence.
Uma walks up, rings the bell, and is greeted by Fox. Suddenly SIRENS AND RED FLASHES TO FOX STANDING OVER UMA'S PREGNANT BODY READY TO STRIKE HER DOWN. FIGHT!!
A bus rolls by and Fox's child walks in and starts asking questions. Uma tries to introduce herself and the name is bleeped out. Why? Is it a bad word?
And the dialogue begins.
It's so BAD! No one talks like this. It's full of preteen-level cussing and crudity. I feel *numb* for having heard it. All I know is that these two women hate each other.
"I didn't mean to do this in front of you... I'm sorry. But your mother had it coming." I HATE THIS WRITING!!!
Uma gets in the truck and crosses off name #2. (Oh, like at the title card.) Name #1 is already crossed off. When did that happen? Are we time-jumping?
….A-Are we time jumping?
CHAPTER TWO
El Paso, TX. Uma dressed as a bride lies in a crime scene. A sheriff with a ton of aviator glasses drives in. Nine deaths with a ton of bullet casings.
It's SO painful! Every line is either crude, creepy, racist, sexist, childishly-written, or just plain bad. And it wouldn't be terrible if it wasn't so damn PROUD of how ""adult"" it sounds!
A mosquito wakes Uma and she gets some violent flashbacks to the moment she was shot. After mourning the loss of her child (don't know what happened to it), she mentions "four years". How does she know how long she's been out???
Two men walk in (trucker and nurse) and start talking. The nurse is basically running a HORRIBLE side-business of coma patients getting raped for a price.
It took me a long time to say that without puking. That should explain my thoughts.
Oh, and the nurse says the trucker can cum inside her all he wants because "her plumbing doesn't work". Can't hit her or leave marks, but leaving behind physical evidence because she's infertile is totally cool!
EAT SHIT AND DIE.
Can we also talk about how she had to lay there mourning her life and baby while listening to someone sell her body like he's done it a million times? Because that also happened. And he probably has in the last four years.
THIS IS SICK AND WRONG AND BAD.
CW: Rape and Infertility and maybe Miscarriage
This is handled like a shock value torture scene rather than the serious subject it is. This doesn't belong in an over-the-top action B-list movie, it belongs in serious-toned movies!
Uma falls out of bed, her legs not working yet. She hamstrings him and bashes his head in the door. She steals the "Pussy Wagon" keys, scrubs, and a wheelchair and goes to the Pussy Wagon. I don't think this was to reclaim the word anymore...
This is a horrible metaphor and I am already dreading the rest of this.
Oh-Ren I-Shi vs. Oh-Ren I-Shi-I
That... That sounds like anyone could've researched, found that flaw, and edited it easily enough. So what the fuck?
"FORTUNATELY FOR HER, THE BOSS WAS A PEDOPHILE." Just fucking punch me in the throat already.
While fucking the Yakuza boss at age 11, she kills him with a sword. Then becomes a top assassin by age 20. Then attacks Uma.
CHAPTER FOUR
She walks into a Japanese bar where the owner talks to her and teaches her some Japanese. He then bickers on and off with a seemingly lazy worker.
This is a funny scene. "How is it ruined?" I say with a sigh.
So she faked not knowing Japanese the whole time because... why? As a gotcha? It wasn't very good, nor subtle.
IS QUENTIN TARATINO A WEABOO?! I GOT MONEY HE IS!!
Wow, they got actual Japanese actors in this. I feel sorry for the director fetishizing their culture so openly in front of them.
There's a female lawyer named Sophie Fatale. And a 17-year-old Japanese schoolgirls named Gogo who kills perverts. And some guy named Johnny Mo, nothing else about him. All of them work for O-Ren.
Ever since I realized I'm watching a Weaboo movie, I've been SUPER uneasy. There's nothing wrong with appreciating other cultures. Never fetishize it. Realize it's not YOURS.
There's a LOT of Japanese culture and media appropriation here, to the point I have to not keep pointing out every little thing. This is SUPER racist to Japanese people and insulting to the culture. I'm super angry about it, but I have to move on.
Uma goes to Tokyo and- Is that a Jazz version of "Bee Chasing the Czar"? What the fuck???
And Uma has a sword ON THE PLANE WITH HER?! POST 9/11?! This is ridiculous and surreal!!!
Uma tracks Oh-Ren to a club. She finds the lawyer in the bathroom and gets the sirens again. Maybe something cool will finally happen?
Blood loves to pour forth from a wound like a fire hydrant in Tarantino films. And I feel it's a part of his weaboo side. Old ultra-violence anime titles LOVED to have blood like this.
If this was JUST an action movie, it wouldn't be too bad. The fight scenes are actually decent! But it's NOT and it SUFFERS.
Oh, and gore happens. Like, "see O-Ren's brain" gore.
And with that, O-Ren is dead.
SWEET BLESSED CREDITS!
0/10 NEVER AGAIN! Every time it was good, it RUINED! AND IT WASN'T GOOD OFTEN!
But there's still Vol2... I shall tackle it tomorrow. I need a LONG SLEEP after that marathon of BAD.