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If you read that J.K. Rowling piece, I suggest you learn the term DARVO first: 1.) Deny 2.) Attack 3.) Reverse Victim and Offender. I first learned about it from a psychologist re: abuse, but it's a common rhetorical strategy as well. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DARVO
.@RachelCargle taught on DARVO recently, and when you read this simple definition via Wikipedia, you may recognize times you've engaged in this or times people have engaged in it with you. It's a very effective manipulative strategy. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DARVO
When somebody sincerely feels bad about having hurt your feelings, they won't deny, attack, and reverse victim and oppressor. OR if they start to do it, they'll catch themselves and go, "Look, I see myself trying to dodge the truth because I feel bad. I'm sorry."
Here's an example of DARVO that I can recall doing years ago.

Boyfriend: "You're really hard to deal with when you're depressed. I want you to get help."

Me: "I'm not depressed! I just like to sleep late and I like to drink to relax. Why are YOU so critical? YOU need help!"
Now I am fortunate that we broke up, I did get help, and we got to a good friendship place. But you can see how that "milder" DARVO example can be repeated in ways big and small in the workplace and in an essay about your deep fear of trans people.
If I really apologize, I say, "I'm so sorry I hurt you." I may add that I truly didn't mean to do so, and I'll work on doing better. But if I'm obsessively mean to a particular group, backing it up with bizarre pseudoscience and ramblings, well...I'm afraid of something in me.
In conclusion, I know what it's like to fuck up in private and in public. The stress of it is real, and I don't have J.K. Rowling's huge platform, nor would I want it. Trust that I want the money! And maybe like a third of the size of the audience. Also a theme park. But...
As someone who used to be transphobic (I loved church and believed everything they said), & who took years to unlearn a lot - and I continue to do so! - I look at this woman & I see somebody troubled who has deep internal work to do. Because something inside her terrifies her.
Refuting her arguments one by one won't help. Because she's not trying to explain it to you. Not really. She's trying to explain to herself, to make it okay to say the things she says. She's spent a long time building up a shield around something inside her that is frightened.
In my case, I held onto transphobic views for years after I left the church. The reason is that I was angry that I was queer (bisexual) and annoyed by the inconvenience of it. I had been taught a binary worldview as a child at church and desperately wanted to adhere to it.
So you take somebody who desperately wishes to be the version of "normal" they were taught was okay when they were very small, and you put people in front of them who are perfectly fine not being that version of "normal" - blessed and unbothered, even! - and watch the jealousy.
J.K. says she has trans friends. I consider myself blessed that I made trans friends who didn't have the burden of educating me. I looked up to them and was jealous of them. I was a "good progressive" who voted for LGBTQIA inclusion issues. My unlearning happened in other ways.
I know I said "in conclusion" a million years ago. Anyway. TERFs aren't operating on logic. They are angry because they feel they deserve more than what they were given - which is wild, because some of them have been given a LOT. They'll dress it up, but they are DARVO incarnate.
I was never a TERF, thank goodness, but I did hang onto some transphobia I learned in church well into my twenties. Based on that experience, and the unlearning of it, I can tell you Rowling will change when/if she wants to change, and that day may never come. I hope it does.
And just because I was taught something as a child does not excuse me if I hang on when I know it's nasty, mean, and could hurt somebody. Even if I never say it out loud! It's uncomfortable to deal with it, and some people won't ever believe you've changed. But you can change.
Thank you @MonikaNLind for the heads up - follow the professor who coined DARVO @jjfreydcourage. And follow @RachelCargle who is also a really talented educator, breaking down complex issues in ways that are understandable and accessible.
Oh and follow @IndyaMoore who is great.
ONE more thing: I was thinking the other day that there are likely things I say & believe now that I'll make amends for in future. I don't know what they are but I know it's okay to keep growing. We can't make up for the damage we do but we can help co-create healing for others.
Okay one MORE thing: it's also possible this is just a hateful person. But I suspect something else is going on, and I can't name what it is. I hope she prays or meditates on it, and figures it out. Or just finds a different weird obsession, like hats for crickets.
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