Thread by @CueSibiya

To my 3,000 followers (mostly bots), here’s a thread on why I believe #MenAreTrash

As a man, I’m basing my conclusion on what I have read, seen, learned, and experienced.

Those who say #NotAllMen are actually not dumb, they just need to be told the truth in a practical way...

You don't have to have raped someone, killed someone, or assaulted them to be trash.

1 - Laughing at jokes that disregard women = trash

2 - Seeing your friends disrespecting women & doing nothing = trash

3 - Calling women names & speaking badly about them among friends = trash

4 - Feeling the need to tell women what to wear and what not to = trash

5 - Not taking no for an answer, “She’s playing hard-to-get” = trash

6 - Saying, “You hit like a girl. You drive like a girl” = trash

7 - Saying, “that’s a man’s job”, “that’s no lady-like” = trash

8 - Keeping quiet when women are overlooked for better roles at work, and underpaid = trash

9 - Not saying anything or helping when your female siblings get more chores at home = trash

10 - Saying things like, “You’re too emotional”, “you need to calm down”. Ekse = trash

Now that we’ve covered the obvious, we need to reiterate that femicide is uncontrollable, guys. Women and children are endangered.

Men have a serious problem and now's not that time to say, "but look at me over here, I'm a nice guy." You are not in danger.

It’s so troubling to have to tackle the #NotAllMen objection every time toxic masculinity is criticized. It puts the spotlight on men who aren’t a problem, rather than men who are, and serves as a distraction tactic which undermines the original issue; gender-based violence.

In 2017, Facebook recognised #MenAreTrash as hate speech. Which is totally bizarre.

If we cry “hate speech” every time an oppressed group condemns the ways in which a privileged group treats them, we will miss important opportunities to disrupt harmful power dynamics 🤞

If you say #NotAllMen, you are no different from white folks who say, “not all white people are racist”, yet they laugh at derogatory and racist jokes, they don’t speak up when Black people are undermined & underpaid, they keep quiet when Black people are overlooked for promotion

So, if you claim #NotAllMen are trash and resent the generalisation: what are you doing to stop the men around you from trashing your reputation?

Are you calling out misogyny when you hear it?

Are you raising your son/s to be sensitive to the needs of others?

Wenzani?

Some say that the #MenAreTrash campaign should be replaced by a more positively-premised campaign aimed at both males and females.

Bro, STFU!

How many men have been raped, harmed and killed by the #MenAreTrash campaign?

And those who are keeping quiet on the matter, I just want to tell you that by refusing to engage with the experiences being presented by campaigns against #GBV, you deny survivors the ability to transfer their shame to where it properly belongs: the violators, men.

I mean, women are even scared to take an Uber.

They are scared to go to bathrooms alone.

As men, we can't even comprehend that level of threat.

Imagine how frightening it must be for a woman to go on a date. They are pretty much rolling the dice.

Thanks to us, men.

And yet, we feel entitled to have an opinion to every subject even on women’s hair.

I mean; women now need permission to wear something comfortable or revealing?

I’m not sure what kind of insecure & controlling nonsense is that.

No other living thing on earth rapes and kills more women than men.

You guys don't understand having respect for women until people say, "Ndoda, what if that was your mother, sister, gogo, etc?"

That's when you start thinking critically about the matter.

There’s actually a study by the Sonke Gender Justice done in Diepsloot, which reported around 56% of men (more than half!) had raped or beaten a woman in the past year. And this is just one place. It’s worse in opulent places where everything looks and seems right on social media

Let's be honest, getting The Land back cannot be a priority while gender-based violence is repeatedly ignored.

Who’s going to occupy The Land? Us, men, alone?

Was that the plan all along?

The TRC taught us that “in abusive power systems there are not just perpetrators & victims. There are also beneficiaries who might not commit any violence themselves, but get great privilege because of the violence of others (and even better, they can say their hands are clean")

The reason why other men have a narrow view of #MenAreTrash is because of men who choose to sit on the bench and say, "They lost - I was not playing." That can’t be. It can’t!

We’ve got a lot of foot soldiers of the patriarchy. Check that internalised misogyny.

Last year a member of the DA, Harriet Zinge (not her real name) called another woman “pathetic” for speaking up about rampant femicide and the rape crisis in SA.

It’s high time we declare a state of emergency on this. I’m not the first one to say it, but I totally endorse it.

I'm tired of seeing women who go missing only to end up raped and gruesomely killed.

This is no longer just a crime, but a SERIOUS societal problem that needs SERIOUS attention from SERIOUS people 🤞

Some guy told me I’m “jumping on this #MenAreTrash hashtag because you're trying to impress women and get laid" (which, on its own, is sexist). I told the guy I’m happily married. All he said was, “oh”.

I guess some people just type & hit send without any thought.

One political party once wrote, “our families must stop negotiating sexual cases and women themselves must stop withdrawing sexual cases” and women should “not seek economic refuge in abusive relationships”.

Lots of advice for women there!

Most cases of rape or sexual assault, or intimate partner violence never make it to the police station for fear of shame, disbelief or family pressure.

Women are afraid of men. Whether you’re familiar to them or not. They don’t know at any moment if you will try to hurt them.

We are guilty as men. But we can do better. In fact, no, we need to do right. My Wife & I are raising sons. We want to be good parents because I see most parents don’t raise boys to be men, but raise them not to be women. Because, again, we know very well how to regulate women🙄

Look, I don’t want to mention names of victims, and I won’t.

But I remember four years ago, in the dead of night, a woman was dragged out of her home by more than 10 men and killed in cold blood, simply because she was a lesbian.

Bafwethu!

So, tell me then; why should men behaving like trash or enabling trashy male behaviour be shielded from the anger of women?

Would we rather have women killed than men shamed?

Read that again.

So stop diluting the #MenAreTrash movement by bringing the attention to you.

#NotAllMen is a deflecting mechanism introduced by self-centred, vain, narcissistic, attention-seeking men who are pretty much saying, “But wait - look at me, I’m a nice guy" while women are murdered.

Ayi madoda.

Anyway, I’ve also realised that almost everyone who tells the truth about #MenAreTrash, gets his or her Twitter account suspended.

So, it was good to share the truth with you; #MenAreTrash

Lastly. Please – read, guys.

There’s so much (basic) knowledge hidden in books and opinion articles.

Think before you speak. Read before you think.

There’s nothing wrong with changing your view once you have received new information.

“Lean not on your own understanding.”