I don't think men really understand how different it is to be a woman out in the world and how quickly things can turn dangerous.
When I was living in New Orleans, I was walking home from work one night. It was fall--dark early & foggy.
A man came out of the fog toward me.
He said hi, I said hi.
As he started to pass me, he asked me if I had the time.
I looked at my watch, looked up, he had a gun pointed at me.
He hit me so fast I wasn't able to steel myself.
I fell to the ground.
He said, "I could rape you right now, but I don't have time."
He wanted my money.
I had the grocery money for the entire house (I lived with 3 other people) in my purse.
He took it and disappeared into the fog.
The whole thing was maybe ten minutes, start to finish.
I was shaking so hard I could hardly get up.
My head was bleeding.
It is very, very tough for women to remember accounts of when they were touched inappropriately; a ‘harmless’ hug that looks OK but makes them alone cringe.
I was 8, maybe 9. I was sleeping. My mom was supervising a recording session for her documentary. Felt a man in priestly robes feel up my privates and I woke up. Told her ‘that uncle is bad’. This was in the studio called Santhome Communications that still exists.
Maybe I was 10/11, December Music Festival, ‘respectable mama’ whose name I dont remember kept pinching my thigh throughout a concert.
I heard more gross stories of Sabha secretaries.
In retrospect, a lot of children weren’t safe around some adults.
Brett Kavanaugh is not being questioned for getting really drunk, a lot—though lying about it a) is dumb b)speaks to character c) is a piece with his other lies. He’s being questioned for the actions he took while very drunk. Actions that most men do not take.
He’s trying out for one of the most powerful jobs in the country. With a lifetime appointment. Why are we even contemplating someone demonstrating—then and now—such low moral character?
Thread super relou contre la passivité et l'indifférence générale des gentils hommes :
Comme beaucoup, je n’en peux plus des #notallmen et autres chouineurs anti-féministes, mais au delà de ça, je me sens tout aussi lasse, de manière plus générale, par l’indifférence absolue de la majorité des hommes. Oui, des cools, des hommes décents, des real nice guys, aussi.
Sérieusement, où sont les types qui font réellement quelque chose, qui se remettent en question pas juste pour se faire mousser ou se sentir mieux, mais pour déconstruire le sexisme et les comportements masculins toxiques qu’on a tous internalisés ? Dans le désordre :
Frauen sind hysterisch, sollen sich nicht so haben, die paar nettgemeinten Klatscher auf'n Po, was zieht'se sich auch so an, wenn'se's Trinkgeld nicht in den Ausschnitt haben will? Vergewaltigt, naja, ob das'ne richtige war, weiß man ja nicht, Aussage geg. Aussage &
Frauen sind ja hysterisch. Immer viel zu emotional, auch wenn'se geil aussehen. Darf man ja ma sagen...antwortet nicht, die hässliche Schlampe? War ja klar, die will ja eh keiner. Zu mehr, als zur Tippse oder zur Saftschubse reicht's doch gar nich' & dann wernse alalong schwanger
1% Männer: grummelt unhörbar.
85% Frauen: (peinliches gekicher) das meint er ja nicht so, war ja nur'n Klaps, tut ja keinem weh. Und is' ja irgendwie'n Kompliment, wahrscheinlich. Jetzt trage ich eben hochgeschlossen und teil mir das Trinkgeld mit den Kollegen. Tränen, ach was,
The writing, the acting, the power, the hypocrisy, the betrayals, the realness--#Dietland/@DietlandAMC felt like such a big slice of Everywoman's life.
It was a refuge and a place to ponder. I know it opened doors for many women. (Mostly I needed the vent for my Trump rage.)
I hadn't thought at all about some of the issues in #Dietland and that embarrasses me as a feminist--that I hadn't thought about space in the world and how some women are taught to hide in ways I never had to or thought to. Those were powerful revelations for many of us.
I've had my 2nd coffee and it's time for another #infosec rant. This one is aimed, with love, at my white male colleagues in this biz. I love that many of us are helping our brothers and sisters build their careers in infosec. But PLEASE be careful with the advice you give out.
Before we white dudes give career advice to others, we have to consider that the tech industry (including #infosec) still has HUGE double standards when it comes to race and gender. Thus, what worked for ME might actually be harmful advice for a woman or for a black man.
One obvious example is: "You don't need a college degree." I'm a college dropout myself - I did 2 yrs of a CS degree before deciding that school wasn't for me. By the time my class graduated, I'd already co-founded @rapid7. Great!
A thread: the responses to Eurydice Dixon's assault and murder that are framed around women's personal responsibility and men's collective innocence contribute to the very factors which lead to violence against women #auspol#EurydiceDixon#YesAllMen
The most consistent predictors of violence against women are factors associated with gender inequality. These gendered drivers of violence include (i) condoning men's violence, (ii) limiting women's independence, (iii) beliefs in rigid gender roles and (iv) male peer culture
Societies which condone violence through social norms i.e. widely held attitudes experience higher levels of violence against women. People condone violence in a number of ways: by excusing violence, trivialising it or shifting blame from the perpetrator to the victim
As @polotek points out succinctly, sexism and misogyny is what men do to women. Toxic masculinity is what men do to each other. AND women can enforce, perpetuate, encourage and uphold toxic masculinity in many ways.
For all the dudes who showed up to the #ToxicMasculinity thread asking about #toxicfemininity, well I stand by my point that it’s not a term, but it’s only not a term because it hasn’t been properly defined and researched.
Okay this has too many damn retweets now so I’ve gotta clear up a few things about a tweet I didn’t expect to pop off
1. Men, if a woman in your life retweeted this pls just take a moment to really reflect on the unfortunate reality that she genuinely is frightened of men. If you’re truly a good man then that should upset you and make you want to help fix that!
When I was a kid I knew the difference between blackberries and any other berry you might find in the hedges.
But my partner was told "berries in the hedges can poison you". And despite the exceptions like blackberries, that's true as a general rule.
Similarly, "birds fly" is a general rule, despite the existence of ostriches and penguins.
You can expect to find exceptions to almost any real-life example of a general rule. But that doesn't mean "birds fly" is a lie: given a random bird, it's a safe bet that it flies.
Likewise, men as a whole can exhibit particular behaviour in order to be classified as men. (Even if you think a man is someone with a penis, presumably you can tell who is a man without checking their pants.)
Any statement about that behaviour will implicitly have exceptions.
Hello dudes! Picture this: you’re scrolling through twitter, minding your own business, liking tweets about your favorite sports team or music artist, maybe even a funny meme or an article, and there it is...a tweet asking women about their experiences with being harassed by men.
You feel that little twinge in your chest, a clutch almost. Are they talking about you?! You could keep scrolling but you click on it and see the stories, so many stories being shared. You feel threatened. Small. You need to let them know... it’s time for... Not All Man!
Or maybe you go a different route. Maybe you want them to know that men feel this way too! Maybe you want to be What About Man. Stop right there! Take a deep breath. Don’t be this guy.
Le site @NeoMasculin a signé un magnifique (non) article sur les tatouages et sur "pourquoi c'est pas bien". Vu que c'est un joli ramassis de pensées purement mascu et de grosses conneries, j'ai envie de vous en parler.
Déjà, on apprend qu'une femme qui a pris du poids a "perdu de la valeur sur le marché sexuel". Parce que c'est bien connu, les femmes n'existent dans le regard des hommes que pour être baisées, et les grosses, ça se baise pas. (Je vous met la définition en capture parce que lol)
On apprend aussi que les gros.ses ne sont pas des personnes raisonnables, parce que les personnes qui sont raisonnables, elles font du sport et un régime, parce que c'est bien connu, ça marche même sur les personnes qui ont des problèmes génétiques ou hormonaux.
I should be finishing my grad school application and writing sample. BUT, I need to write about Aziz Ansari. I'm getting tired of all the apologia, victim-blaming and using ambiguity to try and defend him from what he did. I will get flak for this, but I don't really care.
The point where Ansari should have stopped was this: "When Ansari told her he was going to grab a condom within minutes of their first kiss, Grace voiced her hesitation explicitly. “I said something like, ‘Whoa, let’s relax for a sec, let’s chill.’”
This is it. SHE SAID NO!
This is NOT rocket science. When someone says, " Whoa, let's relax for a sec, let's chill" when you say you want to go grab a condom so you can fuck them, your response must be, "I totally understand. What would you prefer?"
NOT what he did which was to pretend it didn't happen