In a healthy relationship, during a conflict both people are able to put their stuff (thoughts, feelings, concerns, etc) on the metaphorical table and sort through it with the goal of finding a resolution. There might be anger or tears but there is space for both people to share.
Often in an abusive relationship, one person is either not allowed or too afraid to put their stuff on the table because of how the other person will react. The abuser’s goal is not to find a resolution that works for both people, it’s to maintain control.
If you regularly find yourself being talked out of your needs or feelings and like there isn’t room for your “stuff” on the table, that is a sign that you either are or have been in an abusive relationship. Please seek help.
Also, recognize that this *does not make you weak.* The person I love that inspired these tweets is one of the strongest women I know. Part of what makes people stay is feeling like they can handle it. But abuse can escalate, become normalized and it gets harder to get out.
Physical, emotional, and verbal abuse happens to both men and women. It can happen in any close relationship, not just between partners. In any case, abuse *is something the abuser can control.* It doesn’t matter why they did it, they still chose to. helpguide.org/articles/abuse…
Finally, a reminder — people who are abusive don’t abuse everyone they meet. So if someone comes to you about someone you know and you can’t imagine that person being abusive, *don’t dismiss them.* Listen. It’s very hard to admit this is happening. They need your support.
