Hey, now feels like a good time of year to mention what to do if someone you love is actively suicidal. I learned this from @afspnational and it’s saved a friend’s life and possibly my own.

TIME + DISTANCE.

Buy them TIME

And create DISTANCE from their MEANS There are different ways to do this, but for a friend what I did was have her go upstairs to a room away from her means while I talked with her & three-way called for help

What I did for myself was get myself way across the room from my means & called a hotline, texted a friend

Let’s talk about IBNUs: an #ADHD thread 🧵 (1/5)

IBNU (Ib-new) is the term I use as shorthand for tasks that are “important but not urgent”

…aka, the tasks those with ADHD often don’t get to unless they *become* urgent, at which point it’s often a crisis. I came up with the term after learning about the Eisenhower matrix, which was developed by Stephen Covey based on a concept by Dwight D. Eisenhower about tasks being divided into 2 categories: urgent and important.
More on that here: asana.com/resources/eise… (🧵 2/5)

This is something I don’t do for a simple reason: we’re advocating for a disability.

We at least need to try not to be ableist in the process.

Language matters, but demanding everyone use specific language denies access to those who need support most & shuts down conversation.

https://twitter.com/mollys_adhd/status/1668532150222594049

My mom was a speech and language pathologist. Having a (physical) disability herself, she opposed ABA way before her peers and opted for floor time. She taught her students to speak by modeling the language she wanted them to use & letting them speak back however they could.

Okay so I’m having a slight…existential crisis?

I finished my book

I understand ADHD on a deeper level than ever

I have a full toolbox

…I was really good at learning about my brain. And now I can go back to doing…the part I was bad at

Living my life

I’m terrified I’m really hoping I’ve learned enough

That the tools will help

That I won’t be absolutely awful at it this time

Also…what kind of content do I do for the channel now?

I learned a lot I’ll share from writing the book, but…after that?

What else should I learn & share?

It is far past time for stigma about ADHD stimulants to subside.

They are:

✨not addictive when taken as prescribed
✨highly effective for most w/ADHD w/minimal side effects
✨out of our system quickly
✨stimulants. Like…caffeine. They don’t get us high, they help us work. Can they be abused? Yes. Some are specifically designed to minimize this risk, but some are not.

Be misprescribed? Yes. Vast discrepancy of care for adult ADHD.

But most of what I see as an expert is how devastating the lack of access ✨already is✨ for those who need them

One of the more interesting aspects of ADHD is shorter time horizons. Things feel like they’re either “now” or “not now” & if they’re “not now,” they don’t exist.

Deadlines don’t feel real until they’re almost on top of us, which can make it hard to kick ourselves into gear… I have tricks for starting on projects even before the deadline feels real, but there’s one thing I still struggle with:

I’m 5 days out from my book deadline and I still don’t believe I’ll ever be done.

Finishing is in the not-now…which means it doesn’t exist

How my ADHD makes friendship hard

(a thread 🧵) 1/10 When I was a kid, I had a hard time fitting in. Part of this was my overt ADHD symptoms -- I’m fidgety, impulsive, have trouble waiting my turn, have trouble staying focused on activities and conversations that don’t interest me, and keep forgetting everybody’s name. (2/10)

My writing process:

Get started

Get a bunch of ideas down

Feel brilliant and overly confident

Go to write a full draft based on those brilliant ideas and realize it’s actually shit, this is absolute shit why did I agree to this it’s not working and I’m never gonna finish …or if I do it’ll be terrible and everyone’s gonna know I’m a fraud

Panic

Eat cookies

Keep going

Slowly plod through the shit and rearrange it until it’s slightly … less shit …

Ppl are often quick to correct those with disabilities: “don’t dis your ability! You’re capable!”

They don’t want us to be limited by our disability.

*Acknowledging and accommodating impairments makes us more able, not less.*

Imagine if I refused to admit I needed glasses? Yes, everyone has limits to how well they can see things far away. But compared with the general population, I am extremely nearsighted. The world is not built for people who can’t see things 5 feet in front of them. If it were maybe I wouldn’t need glasses. But it isn’t, so I do

I tend to overexplain because (as a woman with ADHD) I’m used to either not communicating clearly or not being heard.

But overexplaining can overwhelm some ppl.

A simple hack: if I’m overexplaining something, let me know you got it & then repeat it back to me to make sure If you’ve got it, I can relax and stop explaining.

If not, I can just explain the part that wasn’t clear :)

So…I’m writing a book, and some of the Brains have asked me to share my writing process. First of all — I NEVER do outlines first. Here’s why. (thread) I’ve learned I can organize info into an outline after I lay out all the pieces, but I need all the pieces in front of me first. I often don’t know what the outline should be before I know what I’m trying to say.

Telling someone they should “take time for themselves,” “learn how to be alone,” “have a life outside work/partner/whatever” doesn’t help if they don’t know what that means. I’ve spent the last few weekends in tears b/c I don’t know what to do when no one needs anything from me. Like a lot of people with #ADHD, I’ve spent so much of my life just trying to meet everyone’s (neurotypical) expectations or deal with one crisis after another or play catch-up from constantly falling behind that I don’t even know what “down time” MEANS.

Why I use person-first language (i.e. “student with ADHD”) and identity-first language (“ADHD student”) interchangeably:

The order of the words isn’t the problem.

The stigma is.

Insisting on person first language perpetuates that stigma. That said, I will respect personal preferences when speaking to neurodiverse peeps individually :)

Why reminders don’t work for us — thread:

The more often those of us with #ADHD are reminded to do something we don’t know how to do,

or at a time when we can’t do it,

the more we get used to ignoring those reminders,

until at some point they’re no longer effective. “Clean your room” might seem like one task but it’s actually many tasks, & those of us w/ executive function challenges may not know where to start. Navigating new systems is even harder. If we didn’t get enough sleep (common w/ADHD) our symptoms are worse & it’s even harder.

In a healthy relationship, during a conflict both people are able to put their stuff (thoughts, feelings, concerns, etc) on the metaphorical table and sort through it with the goal of finding a resolution. There might be anger or tears but there is space for both people to share. Often in an abusive relationship, one person is either not allowed or too afraid to put their stuff on the table because of how the other person will react. The abuser’s goal is not to find a resolution that works for both people, it’s to maintain control.

Confession time. I’ve always felt things like gifts, flowers, romantic dates, and y’know, being treated well in a relationship, were things that other girls got to have. Not me. I had to be low maintanance. A people pleaser. I had to tolerate a lot because...they tolerated me. 😕 This is a perception I’m working hard to change, but it’s deeply rooted. The feeling that other people matter. Not me. Other people deserve things. Not me. On the plus side, I don’t ever think being successful will make me demanding and entitled.

One of the hearts wrote this for their wife who was recently diagnosed with ADHD and it made me cry so hard 😭

Hi my name is Lara,

I have ADHD,

My brain just functions differently,

It’s not the same you see,

Sometimes inattentive,

And hyperactive too, And when I cannot focus,

I don’t know what to do,

A short attention span,

If bored I can’t explain,

But I have just rewritten,

This 4 times again.

My time is from a different zone,

It’s one where I am free,

I feel it is important,

To explain what you can’t see,