Thread by @MarkFrancois12

Extracts from the plague diary of Mark ne-Francois-Pepys

June 15th 1665

Up, and my mayde Hartley-Brewer is vexing that her book Fallacious Reasoning for Dummies is floating in a grate luminous puddle of my Monster pizzle, but in speaking ‘Julia, I urinated BESIDE the book

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I did not urinate ON it, this is basic stuff’ her mind is eased, and there follows the boy Bridgen frighted with the noises I made in my sleep, that I did dream our maisters desired to erase Churchill from history by making us talk about him incessantly, and what a

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strange extravagant dream it was; after to St Patriots Church where the sermon is delivered by the Loan Arranger Sunak, and that our nodding-analogs of government only make decisions after first issuing a contrary edict, he speaks of an urgent review of

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the 6ft 6 inches rule on the day we begin following it in taverns and shops, and arriving home I did shout from the garret at Widdecombe to stop throwing putrid fox carcasses over the hedge, and later trimmed by my barber Cleverly in PPE using secateurs we are discoursing

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that it is funny people should think The Johnson is racist just because of all the racist things he has said, and that his leadership is pitiful just because of all the pitiful leadership he's offered, such as saying 'levelling-up' a lot and then hiding. So to dinner,

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and three oven-ready ducks, two teals and a can of mushy peas and walking about the carport discoursing long with the boy Bridgen on how history is a fixed concept that we may never reinterpret, which is why the planet is 4500 years old because the bible says so,

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and not a most mad number like 4.5 billion because rocks do, and Stonehenge is a Roman Temple because we say so and not a celestial calendar made of Pembrokeshire rock built 500 years before the earth was born, and it is why the British Empire would never destroy

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"all papers likely to be interpreted as indicating racial prejudice or religious bias on the part of Her Majesty's government": because all these things just are as they are, and may only be remembered by the people who have watched the most war films,

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and it is why the boy Bridgen will be remembered fondly, as an intellectual titan of his age. Chomp. Bed.