Thread by @MarkFrancois12

Extracts from the plague diary of Mark ne-Francois-Pepys

June 18th 1665

Up and after eggs philistine, to a meeting of my think tank Think, Tank! at Brentwood Enterprise Centre where all the morning with Oliver Dowden, recently out of the shitness protection program,

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and Darren Grimes putting the final touches to his report on how to revitalise Brextoration Britain and O lord! to see the fruits of this young Thatcher-scratcher’s soil, rebranding her Monetarism, which was the regulating of coins in circulation to push unemployment to 13%,

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as Moneytreeism, which is the harvesting of the recently located magic money tree to provision children with a free tankard of Monster each day, The Johnson with garish codpieces, flying carriages and Garden Fridges, and the poor with

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subgrime mortgages (26 years and nothing to show). By and by Darren also pronounces that since his beloved Pinochet Fancier shut them all, the North East and Yorkshire do lack mines and that by reopening pits we may alleviate some of the worklessness plaguing towns

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from Hemsworth to Hexham, and as he ceases spinning in his gaming chair I believe we hear the Lady who was not for turning, turning in her grave. After lunch I walked with yogurt culture vulture Oliver Dowden who is one of the more dispensable poltroons, and we hear of his

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making an excellent job escorting our restoration theatres to the wall, too busy polishing The Johnson’s boomerangs to take an interest in the department he has responsibility for, and that he is as infinitely far from the conceit, wit, design, and language of the playhouse

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as the very best immigration fixated home counties councillor, it is a source of great pride to me that like potatoes in a dark sack, Tories thrive in the absence of imagination and by striving to measure all things that we may ascribe a monetary value to them, we have found

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the creative arts to be of little. So home, and over pork pie smoothie much pleasure of mind that the nation isn't secure in the hands of men reminded of their inadequacies by statues and theatres. Ultimate Force boxset, Tim Tams, bed.