Thread by @paushinski

Shall we do tea?

MAMA TUYU'S BRUNCH!

So today according to 256, Mama Tuyu was having brunch. In complete violation and contravention of Estate Covid 19 directives. Apparently, where she'd invited 20 guys.

So 256 lost her cool & attempted to stop the brunch. It ended in tears.

Si mnajua waswahili hawapendi ujinga, hao huanza kupika chai saa tisa usiku, ndio they start on lunch at 6:00am.

Mama Tuyu invited [or they invited themselves] her two friends, the gossip girls, for lunch.

And let me tell you Maina, those women speak like with 15 voices each.

So people in the Estate we just hearing voices.

256: Are we already having parties in these days of Coronavirus.
188: I'm hearing lots of noise in the Estate. Who is hosting?
197: Good neighbors, what's going on?
Mama Tuyu: Na hili janga Corona wengine wanthaka kujivinjari. Duh!

Intercessory Lady: [Send forward from a Nigerian Prophet] Sent as received. We need to pray.

108: Hizo sauti ziko tu hapa kwa hii line ya Phase Two.

So everyone chucks from their house to see what's going on. Except of course Mama Tuyu.

But the Gossip Girls hawajalegeza kamba.

So it is narrowed down on where the noise is coming from.

256 mans up and goes to knock while everyone goes to their houses to hide.

256 knocks.

As short Swahili woman opens.

SSW: Hujambo.
256: Fine, thank you. What is going on here?

The other Taller Swahili Woman, comes.

Ni Sauti vs. Taarab.

TSW: Ehe? Kisha?
256: Naweza ongea na Mama Tuyu?
TSW: Tuyu n'nani?
256: Ule mtoto aligonga gari yangu wazazi wake wakakataa kulipa. Anaishi hapa.
SSW: [Shouting for shouting] Haya Fatma unaitwa mlangoni.
Mama Tuyu: Ni nani?
SSW: Ni kama yule Mama wa South C.

When she says ni kama ule Mama wa South C we alls hides ourseleves.

But 256 ni Nani? Sura ngumu.

Mama Tuyu: Ati nani?
TSW: Unanisumbua. Njoo ujione.
Mama Tuyu: Haya n'naja.
SSW: [Shouting for shouting] Fatmaaaa, na Tuyu ni nani?

We hide some more.

Mama Tuyu comes down to 256.

Mama Tuyu: Oh, habari jirani. Karibu ndani.
TSW and SSW are standing there listening.

256: No thank you. I can see you have guests.
Mama Tuyu: Aka? Gesti wagani tena?
256: We have rules and regulations concerning hosting guests. The committee didn't know you were having guests.

Mama Tuyu: I Know-o. But mimi I don't have gestis. Just Hadija and her twin Halima.

Fam, TSW and SSW are twins.

Enegwei. So 256 tells Mama Tuyu she has to turn down the radio and tell the other guests to leave.

Mama Tuyu says only 2 people are there. 256 says they have to go.

Let me tell you fam, the average Swahili woman has a PhD from the Pwani Institute of Insultory Sciences. Because those women landed on 256 like a problem.

Anyway 256 leaves them and goes to her house.

20 minutes later, ambulance is wiyu-wiyuring in the Estate. I am not lying.

A cop chomokas and finds the women cooking. He says there is a gathering and wants to see everyone.

They only find 3 women talking like 39 people. Plus Tuyu and Lebro. Their is a lengthy discussion and then they leaves.

Alafu the three of them went to knock at 256's house.

Of course she didn't open, and they told her off.

They even brought their jikos out hoping to catch her.

But 256 is who. Lakini they promised to come and see her tomorrow.

So tomorrow is the end of the world from where we stand.

Meanwhile;Mr. 178 isn't home yet.

#PrayFor178