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#ShwastyTwilight is happening right now
Hit play, and gear up
I've taken a precautionary three shots of tequila
... Why am I doing this...
Okay, alright, here we go
TWILIGHT! GO!
#ShwastyTwilight is happening right now
Hit play, and gear up
I've taken a precautionary three shots of tequila
... Why am I doing this...
Okay, alright, here we go
TWILIGHT! GO!
#ShwastyTwilight
Deer is the best character
Don't tell me he morphs out of deer mods and is a total asshole
I can't do that again
Deer is the best character
Don't tell me he morphs out of deer mods and is a total asshole
I can't do that again
#ShwastyTwilight
"I miss Phoenix"
Ah so we're being unrealistic right out the gate
Nobody misses Arizona
It's like Florida's cousin
"I miss Phoenix"
Ah so we're being unrealistic right out the gate
Nobody misses Arizona
It's like Florida's cousin
#ShwastyTwilight
"You like purple, right?"
"Purple's cool."
SLOW DOWN I CAN'T HANDLE THE PLOT IT'S GOING TOO FAST
"You like purple, right?"
"Purple's cool."
SLOW DOWN I CAN'T HANDLE THE PLOT IT'S GOING TOO FAST
#ShwastyTwilight
"Hi I'm Jacob we used to make mud pies"
As the dad pretends to fight someone in a wheelchair awkwardly for several moments
What
"Hi I'm Jacob we used to make mud pies"
As the dad pretends to fight someone in a wheelchair awkwardly for several moments
What
#ShwastyTwilight
I have immediately forgotten the male kid's name after saying it
He looks like a Disney princess with that long beautiful hair
So he is now Princess
I have immediately forgotten the male kid's name after saying it
He looks like a Disney princess with that long beautiful hair
So he is now Princess
#ShwastyTwilight
OMG I FORGOT EMO WAS A THING IN HIGH SCHOOL!
I've kinda just written it off as an invention in my own head
OMG I FORGOT EMO WAS A THING IN HIGH SCHOOL!
I've kinda just written it off as an invention in my own head
#ShwastyTwilight
Why is he covering his mouth?
Why is she smelling herself?
Why is he looking at her like she's slowly turning into a giant bird?!
HOW IS THIS MOVIE RELEVANT
Why is he covering his mouth?
Why is she smelling herself?
Why is he looking at her like she's slowly turning into a giant bird?!
HOW IS THIS MOVIE RELEVANT
#ShwastyTwilight
"Tell me about school, are there any cute guys?"
Yeah, mom, but there's this guy in my class that I am 100% sure actually shit himself when he saw me, I guess you could say it's like a super-hottie convention
"Tell me about school, are there any cute guys?"
Yeah, mom, but there's this guy in my class that I am 100% sure actually shit himself when he saw me, I guess you could say it's like a super-hottie convention
#ShwastyTwilight
I am eager to hear why Cedric hates Bambi so much
I am now calling her Bambi because she looks like a deer in the fucking headlights
I am eager to hear why Cedric hates Bambi so much
I am now calling her Bambi because she looks like a deer in the fucking headlights
#ShwastyTwilight
Cedric with the 180
"I hate you so much I shit myself in anger and tried to move classes then skipped school for like two weeks because fuck you"
And then "hello I am plot, it is nice to meet you, let me stumble through these terrible lines"
Cedric with the 180
"I hate you so much I shit myself in anger and tried to move classes then skipped school for like two weeks because fuck you"
And then "hello I am plot, it is nice to meet you, let me stumble through these terrible lines"
#ShwastyTwilight
CLOSE YOUR FUCKING MOUTH, BAMBI
ARE YOU TRYING TO SWALLOW HIM WHOLE OR JUST GIVING FLIES A PLACE TO HANG OUT
CLOSE YOUR FUCKING MOUTH, BAMBI
ARE YOU TRYING TO SWALLOW HIM WHOLE OR JUST GIVING FLIES A PLACE TO HANG OUT
#ShwastyTwilight
"I'm sorry I'm just trying to figure you out, you're difficult to read" after asking several invasive questions
This dude has "basement dungeon" all over him
"I'm sorry I'm just trying to figure you out, you're difficult to read" after asking several invasive questions
This dude has "basement dungeon" all over him
#ShwastyTwilight
I get that it's a special moment Cedric saved Bambi from a car
But what the FUCK did that van slip on?
Why was it going 40mph?
I get that it's a special moment Cedric saved Bambi from a car
But what the FUCK did that van slip on?
Why was it going 40mph?
#ShwastyTwilight
Doctor Pale
If he had any more fucking foundation on him, they could build a city park on his face
Doctor Pale
If he had any more fucking foundation on him, they could build a city park on his face
#ShwastyTwilight
"You were really far away how did you get to me"
"Nah I was right next to you"
LET'S ADD GASLIGHTING TO THE LIST OF PREDATORY BEHAVIOR
"You were really far away how did you get to me"
"Nah I was right next to you"
LET'S ADD GASLIGHTING TO THE LIST OF PREDATORY BEHAVIOR
#ShwastyTwilight
WAS HE JUST WATCHING HER FUCKING SLEEP?!
I CANNOT
OH MY GOD
HOLY SHIT
I WOULD RATHER BE WATCHING LOVE ACTUALLY
LIKE 8 TIMES
WAS HE JUST WATCHING HER FUCKING SLEEP?!
I CANNOT
OH MY GOD
HOLY SHIT
I WOULD RATHER BE WATCHING LOVE ACTUALLY
LIKE 8 TIMES
#ShwastyTwilight
"Hey you're alive haha you almost died haha that's nuts 😂😂😂 anyways wanna go to prom?"
Jesus. Fucking. Christ.
"Hey you're alive haha you almost died haha that's nuts 😂😂😂 anyways wanna go to prom?"
Jesus. Fucking. Christ.
#ShwastyTwilight
"I had an adrenaline rush that's how I stopped a huge speeding van from turning you into red paste...
"Google it."
"I had an adrenaline rush that's how I stopped a huge speeding van from turning you into red paste...
"Google it."
#ShwastyTwilight
*Runs up to Bambi*
"HEY. HEY LOOK AT ME. ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME? HEY! oh hey yeah we shouldn't be friends btw"
Cedric you're an immortal being, how do you somehow act like someone in first grade
*Runs up to Bambi*
"HEY. HEY LOOK AT ME. ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME? HEY! oh hey yeah we shouldn't be friends btw"
Cedric you're an immortal being, how do you somehow act like someone in first grade
#ShwastyTwilight
I love the Vampire Club in the corner of the cafeteria
I know some of you motherfuckers had a Vampire Club after this movie came out
I love the Vampire Club in the corner of the cafeteria
I know some of you motherfuckers had a Vampire Club after this movie came out
#ShwastyTwilight
"If you're smart, stay away from me, but also guess why I am the way I am"
It's called bipolar disorder
Go suck a neck of someone taking lithium
"If you're smart, stay away from me, but also guess why I am the way I am"
It's called bipolar disorder
Go suck a neck of someone taking lithium
#ShwastyTwilight
Never in my 30 years of life have I ever seen a group of teens surfing in the Pacific Northwest
It's cold and rainy
If this was more realistic, they'd all be getting high by a 7-11
Never in my 30 years of life have I ever seen a group of teens surfing in the Pacific Northwest
It's cold and rainy
If this was more realistic, they'd all be getting high by a 7-11
#ShwastyTwilight
Dude you see all those rocks in the ocean
Do you know exactly where you SHOULDN'T be surfing?!
Dude you see all those rocks in the ocean
Do you know exactly where you SHOULDN'T be surfing?!
#ShwastyTwilight
Why is the other vampire wearing like Victorian era garb
What
What the fucking fuck
"Let's not play with our food" in an English accent BECAUSE REASONS
OH PLEASE LET ME GOUGE MY EYES OUT AFTER THIS
Why is the other vampire wearing like Victorian era garb
What
What the fucking fuck
"Let's not play with our food" in an English accent BECAUSE REASONS
OH PLEASE LET ME GOUGE MY EYES OUT AFTER THIS
#ShwastyTwilight
"All the pale kids disappear when the weather is nice"
And nobody thinks to call CPS
"All the pale kids disappear when the weather is nice"
And nobody thinks to call CPS
#ShwastyTwilight
"omg these girls want to try on dresses but I just want to check out this book store"
*deep breath*
"I'M NOT LIKE OTHER GIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRLLLLLLLSSSSSS"
"omg these girls want to try on dresses but I just want to check out this book store"
*deep breath*
"I'M NOT LIKE OTHER GIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRLLLLLLLSSSSSS"
#ShwastyTwilight
Nope. He just belched at them slightly and drove off like nothing happened.
This also confirms: he was stalking her
Add it to the list
Nope. He just belched at them slightly and drove off like nothing happened.
This also confirms: he was stalking her
Add it to the list
#ShwastyTwilight
Okay um
Why... Why are they pretending nothing happened
YOU CAN TELL PEOPLE YOU ALMOST GOT MUGGED
Okay um
Why... Why are they pretending nothing happened
YOU CAN TELL PEOPLE YOU ALMOST GOT MUGGED
#ShwastyTwilight
"I don't have the strength to stay away from you"
Hello yes United States Government? Please drone strike my fucking apartment so I don't have to do this any longer
"I don't have the strength to stay away from you"
Hello yes United States Government? Please drone strike my fucking apartment so I don't have to do this any longer
#ShwastyTwilight
"Your dad's friend died from an animal attack. On a boat. It was the very rare Washington Lakeboat Bear. Very dangerous. Very rare. Man I'm pale. Why don't you close your mouth? Anyways off to wait for the next plot device bye Felicia"
"Your dad's friend died from an animal attack. On a boat. It was the very rare Washington Lakeboat Bear. Very dangerous. Very rare. Man I'm pale. Why don't you close your mouth? Anyways off to wait for the next plot device bye Felicia"
#ShwastyTwilight
Digging the CSI montage
Aaaaand they ruined it with the weird bite scene
This movie takes every opportunity to ruin everything
Digging the CSI montage
Aaaaand they ruined it with the weird bite scene
This movie takes every opportunity to ruin everything
#ShwastyTwilight
Bambi: *walks deep into forest*
Cedric: *follows*
The other 500 kids in the parking lot watching this go down: haha that's cool, fuck school, nothing wrong with this
Bambi: *walks deep into forest*
Cedric: *follows*
The other 500 kids in the parking lot watching this go down: haha that's cool, fuck school, nothing wrong with this
#ShwastyTwilight
He what
He
He actually sparkles
He ACTUALLY sparkles
He... A vampire... An immortal being... Stalker of night and predator...
ACTUALLY FUCKING SPARKLES
I HATE THIS MOVIE
I HATE IT
I HATE IT SO FUCKING MUCH
He what
He
He actually sparkles
He ACTUALLY sparkles
He... A vampire... An immortal being... Stalker of night and predator...
ACTUALLY FUCKING SPARKLES
I HATE THIS MOVIE
I HATE IT
I HATE IT SO FUCKING MUCH
#ShwastyTwilight
Cedric is casually yeeting whole ass trees and telling Bambi how much he wants to kill her
And she's STILL tryna fuck
Horny brain bad brain
Cedric is casually yeeting whole ass trees and telling Bambi how much he wants to kill her
And she's STILL tryna fuck
Horny brain bad brain
#ShwastyTwilight
"I thought you hated me"
"I did, for making me want you so badly"
I literally screamed out loud "OH MY GOD"
"I thought you hated me"
"I did, for making me want you so badly"
I literally screamed out loud "OH MY GOD"
#ShwastyTwilight
Seriously though how much fucking longer
If I have to watch this fucking moron glit-up like a stripper after a double shift even one more time, I am going to have to drink so much that I retroactively black out
Seriously though how much fucking longer
If I have to watch this fucking moron glit-up like a stripper after a double shift even one more time, I am going to have to drink so much that I retroactively black out
#ShwastyTwilight
Im a nerd
I know this
I get this
But fuck me if I don't want to bully the SHIT out of some of these kids.
Im a nerd
I know this
I get this
But fuck me if I don't want to bully the SHIT out of some of these kids.
#ShwastyTwilight
Cedric is legit 100 years old
And still in high school
Dude has to be real fucking stupid, or a pedophile
Take your pick
There is no other reason
Cedric is legit 100 years old
And still in high school
Dude has to be real fucking stupid, or a pedophile
Take your pick
There is no other reason
#ShwastyTwilight
Okay but for real
How does he explain on PAPER AND TAXES going to high school for 60 years
Okay but for real
How does he explain on PAPER AND TAXES going to high school for 60 years
#ShwastyTwilight
HEY
HEY BAMBI
HEY BAMBI WATCH ME JUMP OVER THIS ROCK
HEY BAMBI HEY HEY WATCH ME JUMP OFF THIS TRUCK
dude try showing her how well you can ride your bike too, that'll really rev her engines
HEY
HEY BAMBI
HEY BAMBI WATCH ME JUMP OVER THIS ROCK
HEY BAMBI HEY HEY WATCH ME JUMP OFF THIS TRUCK
dude try showing her how well you can ride your bike too, that'll really rev her engines
#ShwastyTwilight
Cedric's crib in the forest is cool as hell though
Can't wait to see THE DUNGEON BASEMENT THAT I KNOW EXISTS
Cedric's crib in the forest is cool as hell though
Can't wait to see THE DUNGEON BASEMENT THAT I KNOW EXISTS
#ShwastyTwilight
"Oh, you DO smell good!"
Ah yeah, I totally want my significant other's incestuous family commenting on my scent
That's not weird.
"Oh, you DO smell good!"
Ah yeah, I totally want my significant other's incestuous family commenting on my scent
That's not weird.
#ShwastyTwilight
"yeah this is my wall of graduation caps haha it's a joke haha"
Yeah you probably have a jar of orphan hands somewhere too you sick little bitch
"yeah this is my wall of graduation caps haha it's a joke haha"
Yeah you probably have a jar of orphan hands somewhere too you sick little bitch
#ShwastyTwilight
Is he just
Like
Making her dance without music because he thinks it's cute
Holy Christ what the hell
Is he just
Like
Making her dance without music because he thinks it's cute
Holy Christ what the hell
#ShwastyTwilight
"I'm not scared of you"
"You shouldn't have said that"
HOW DID THIS MOVIE GET PAST THE SCREENPLAY
"I'm not scared of you"
"You shouldn't have said that"
HOW DID THIS MOVIE GET PAST THE SCREENPLAY
#ShwastyTwilight
"This kinda stuff doesn't exist"
"It does in my world!"
Yeah true but most people living in your kinda works take anti-psychotics just to get out
"This kinda stuff doesn't exist"
"It does in my world!"
Yeah true but most people living in your kinda works take anti-psychotics just to get out
#ShwastyTwilight
If I'm a hundred years old and I'm going to learn piano,
I'm gonna be a lot better than that pathetic display
I am very angry and bitter
If I'm a hundred years old and I'm going to learn piano,
I'm gonna be a lot better than that pathetic display
I am very angry and bitter
#ShwastyTwilight
This one kid is still trying to shoot his shot with Bambi
And somehow, still less creepy than almost everything else in this movie
This one kid is still trying to shoot his shot with Bambi
And somehow, still less creepy than almost everything else in this movie
#ShwastyTwilight
I was going to take a shot of tequila to numb the pain, but decided against it
I just took a straight pull from the bottle instead
I was going to take a shot of tequila to numb the pain, but decided against it
I just took a straight pull from the bottle instead
#ShwastyTwilight
"LET'S TALK BOYS, ARE YOU BEING SAFE?"
Yeah mom my boyfriend threatens to kill me on every date and lives in a house where all of his siblings fuck each other but it's okay because he can literally throw a whole tree
"LET'S TALK BOYS, ARE YOU BEING SAFE?"
Yeah mom my boyfriend threatens to kill me on every date and lives in a house where all of his siblings fuck each other but it's okay because he can literally throw a whole tree
#ShwastyTwilight
Is Cedric really trying to play himself off as a virgin
Bambi, you idiot, he's 100 years old, and prefers to hang around teenagers in the depths of their own hormonal nightmare
This dude fucks
Is Cedric really trying to play himself off as a virgin
Bambi, you idiot, he's 100 years old, and prefers to hang around teenagers in the depths of their own hormonal nightmare
This dude fucks
#ShwastyTwilight
Cedric: dressed like it's -19f out with a poofy coat, gloves, and boots
Bambi: shirt
DO WE LITERALLY HAVE TO HOLD YOUR HAND FOR EVERYTHING
Cedric: dressed like it's -19f out with a poofy coat, gloves, and boots
Bambi: shirt
DO WE LITERALLY HAVE TO HOLD YOUR HAND FOR EVERYTHING
#ShwastyTwilight
Are they doing a fucking sports montage while lightning is blasting around them and Muse is playing?
I am living my worst life. Did I drop acid. Am I having a bad trip.
Are they doing a fucking sports montage while lightning is blasting around them and Muse is playing?
I am living my worst life. Did I drop acid. Am I having a bad trip.
#ShwastyTwilight
Oh god they're just growling at each other
I'm literally going to cry
This hurts worse than a broken bone
And... They could only smell her because her hair moved slightly?
WHY
WHAT
WHY
Oh god they're just growling at each other
I'm literally going to cry
This hurts worse than a broken bone
And... They could only smell her because her hair moved slightly?
WHY
WHAT
WHY
#ShwastyTwilight
"Even though I can run and fly and shit, get in my Jeep to outrun the other vampires that can run and fly and shit"
"Even though I can run and fly and shit, get in my Jeep to outrun the other vampires that can run and fly and shit"
#ShwastyTwilight
"oh dang you need to leave in the middle of the night to drive across the country by yourself as a minor because you impulsively decided that you want to go to your mother's? K honey be safe, hope that ancient truck actually makes it. Good luck."
"oh dang you need to leave in the middle of the night to drive across the country by yourself as a minor because you impulsively decided that you want to go to your mother's? K honey be safe, hope that ancient truck actually makes it. Good luck."
#ShwastyTwilight
Okay so the vampires are leaving because the other vampires smelled Bambi
And apparently there's nobody else to eat
Anywhere
In the world
So they need to go away forever
Okay so the vampires are leaving because the other vampires smelled Bambi
And apparently there's nobody else to eat
Anywhere
In the world
So they need to go away forever
#ShwastyTwilight
Are
Are they gonna explain why the vampires are rich?
All they do all day is fuck each other and take History in high school for the 457th time
Not like being immortal immediately makes you good at stock options
Are
Are they gonna explain why the vampires are rich?
All they do all day is fuck each other and take History in high school for the 457th time
Not like being immortal immediately makes you good at stock options
#ShwastyTwilight
... Bambi doesn't even kinda react in a weird way when this Vampire chick is Warging out and stencils out her fucking childhood school
Just calmly "well hey that's neat"
... Bambi doesn't even kinda react in a weird way when this Vampire chick is Warging out and stencils out her fucking childhood school
Just calmly "well hey that's neat"
#ShwastyTwilight
"I've never given much thought to how I will die"
Source: I'm apparently turned on by threats of homicide
"I've never given much thought to how I will die"
Source: I'm apparently turned on by threats of homicide
#ShwastyTwilight
I hope this vampire fake Thor looking motherfucker kills her and there isn't 4 more movies of this
I hope this vampire fake Thor looking motherfucker kills her and there isn't 4 more movies of this
#ShwastyTwilight
Bruh, first a dude threatens to kill you and your nethers get drenched
Now someone's making good on it and you're all like "oh nooooo"
OH FUCK HE JUST BROKE HER LEG
Bruh, first a dude threatens to kill you and your nethers get drenched
Now someone's making good on it and you're all like "oh nooooo"
OH FUCK HE JUST BROKE HER LEG
#ShwastyTwilight
I'm sorry, but realistically Thor would've wiped the floor with em
They're basically just vegans
Not that there's anything wrong with that, but Thor here eats meat
Energy for days
I'm just typing at this point
Fucking end me
I'm sorry, but realistically Thor would've wiped the floor with em
They're basically just vegans
Not that there's anything wrong with that, but Thor here eats meat
Energy for days
I'm just typing at this point
Fucking end me
#ShwastyTwilight
"Death is peaceful, life is hard"
Can I borrow that edge to fucking chop some veggies later
"Death is peaceful, life is hard"
Can I borrow that edge to fucking chop some veggies later
#ShwastyTwilight
"What happened?"
"You tripped and broke your leg and went through a window."
"..."
"A Washington Lakeboat Bear also bit your arm"
"What happened?"
"You tripped and broke your leg and went through a window."
"..."
"A Washington Lakeboat Bear also bit your arm"
#ShwastyTwilight
Did they threaten to move this when thing to Florida or did I just mishear that
Because fuck it, why not
I want to see Vampires vs Meth heads
See which one's faster
Maybe watch Cedric get hooked on bath salts
Did they threaten to move this when thing to Florida or did I just mishear that
Because fuck it, why not
I want to see Vampires vs Meth heads
See which one's faster
Maybe watch Cedric get hooked on bath salts
#ShwastyTwilight
Wait was the climax of this movie the weak fight in a ballet studio?
Holy shit, I think Bambi had a better climax when she was getting her wrist sucked
Wait was the climax of this movie the weak fight in a ballet studio?
Holy shit, I think Bambi had a better climax when she was getting her wrist sucked
#ShwastyTwilight
I see zero adults at this prom
I do, however, see a lot of children in about 9 months
Because WHERE THE FUCK ARE THE ADULTS
I see zero adults at this prom
I do, however, see a lot of children in about 9 months
Because WHERE THE FUCK ARE THE ADULTS
#ShwastyTwilight
They went and danced at that gazebo so awkwardly, the other couple decided to leave
Way to be an asshole, you two
They went and danced at that gazebo so awkwardly, the other couple decided to leave
Way to be an asshole, you two
#ShwastyTwilight
This is the creepiest thing I've ever seen
His weird little neck kiss
Her weird fetish
Oh also WHERE IS THE ADULT SUPERVISION
A YOUNG WOMAN JUST ALMOST GOT VAMPED
GOOD JOB GUYS
This is the creepiest thing I've ever seen
His weird little neck kiss
Her weird fetish
Oh also WHERE IS THE ADULT SUPERVISION
A YOUNG WOMAN JUST ALMOST GOT VAMPED
GOOD JOB GUYS
#ShwastyTwilight
And creepy blonde vampire lady watched over them
Man we're exploring a spectrum of fetishes huh
And creepy blonde vampire lady watched over them
Man we're exploring a spectrum of fetishes huh
