A bunch of dumb white millenials recently removed the statue of Norwegian-American Civil War hero Hans Heg in Madison, Wisconsin, which both pissed me off and gave me an excuse to illustrate how hypodominergic Scandinavians differ physically from their near neighbors. 
It's surprising to me that this is not a well entrenched stereotype, but if you didn't know Scandinavian men are really bad at growing facial and body hair. This quality is especially noticeable in photos of Scandinavian Civil War units like the mostly Norwegian 15th Wisconsin:
The argument I’m making here is that because of selection against schizophrenia at high latitudes Scandinavians have become hypodopamigeric, which would imply that their bodies produce less growth hormone per pulse.
This contributes to a boyish quality to their faces which goes beyond a pure lack of facial hair. You often Scandinavian men described as "boy scouts", like the
Untouchable Norwegian Eliot Ness.
Untouchable Norwegian Eliot Ness.
One of the boyish qualities Scandos also possess is an extreme softness in their hair, they’re a bit “puffy” in a way that makes you want to pet them like dogs. I don’ know t anything about the biochemisty of this trait, but I’m pretty damn sure I know the basic underlying cause.
In their vulnerability to schizophrenia and baseline personality Scandinavians are diametric opposites of West Africans. They also represent physical opposites in their thickness of their skin, which is strongly increased in acromegalics like Richard Kiel.
In the 1920’s and 30’s Norway received more attention from caliper wielding physical anthropologists (like Mr. and Mrs. Schreiner) than anywhere in the world., They found that Norwegians have thin, delicate skin which is easily punctured by a needle.
Because their skin is so thin, “the cartilaginous and osseous structure of the face is often clearly discernible beneath it”. Living in rural Minnesota I’ve developed sort of a Nor-Dar to detect people that look like my family and one tell is that they have exposed facial muscles
The stereotype we associate with Scandinavians is blondness; this is rooted in truth but goes a bit too far. Norwegians and Danes are blonder than say, Germans, but much less than Finns and Latvians. So now the obvious Jerry Seinfeld question: “What’s the deal with blond hair!?
Blond girls are purty, they’re so purty that people should wonder why all North Europeans (South Euros have to worry about the sun damaging light skin) don’t have Targaryen hair: shouldn’t through sexual selection they decimate the competition?
The major clue here is provided by the Irish, who are just as white as Scandinavians and yet dramatically less blond.
L-DOPA stimulates ACTH, which darkens hair and dopamine helps to account for both Irish wildnesss and the “Black Irish” look
I’ve argued before that because of higher Vitamin D stores the Irish have a greater inborn resistance to schizophrenia. When schiz is less of a problem, the result is that interesting, psychotic dark haired men sexually outcompete blond dullards.
What I’m contending here is that if Schizophrenia didn’t exist, then the result would be that North Europeans would evolved to have white skin and raven dark hair of the king seen in ultra-charismatic Lotharios like Elvis (who was about half Scottish himself.)
I should mention for a second that the Irish also drift in an African direction in the great thickness of their skin.
I think a lot about how popular idioms about the body and personality might be reflecting something real ("thin skinned"), that part of the psychological toughness of the Blacks/Irish might be apparent in their skin.
Norwegians are dullards by any reasonable standard, but for their small population they’ve produced more recognizable creatives than the more numerous Swedes: Grieg, Munch (seen here), Knausgaard. Blonds are dull.
Because schizophrenia is associated with low IQ, it is not a surprise than Finns are both the smartest and blondest people in Europe. And while I don’t know any personally, I would predict that the world’s most boring man is probably a Finn.
One last note: part of the reason people don't know that Scnados are bad at producing facial hair is that Vikings universally wore beards (they shaved them when they converted). This is a great clue as to how they're changed so dramatically in the last millenium.
Schizophrenia barely exists in rural populations like the Amish and before about 500 A.D. there don't seem to have been any serious cities in Scandinavian at all. The distinctive nordic personality probably is of very recent vintage and this leads to the really big point:
Finns and Swedes have high schizophrenia rates RIGHT NOW. We always think of evolution as something that happened in the past, but Nordics are getting duller, smarter, and blonder with every incoming generation. YOU CAN'T STOP WHAT'S COMING!
