Extracts from the plague diary of Mark ne-Francois-Pepys
July 17th
Up and after a breakfast of toad in the hole, to the Intelligence and Security Committee and by the way I did find Captain Raab shooting songbirds in the privet, discoursing that The Johnson resolves to
1/7
July 17th
Up and after a breakfast of toad in the hole, to the Intelligence and Security Committee and by the way I did find Captain Raab shooting songbirds in the privet, discoursing that The Johnson resolves to
1/7
declare Admiral Grayling legitimate by parachuting him into the ISC chair. So to my business of shredding Russian Reports with Cleverly, and employing my initiative for the first time since that Alton Towers episode, and concerned that the shredded documents become unreadable
2/
2/
we did photocopy two duplicates for every one destroyed. By and by there is a grayte commotion, that Admiral Grayling having bethought the command to parachute into his new role a literal one, did launch himself from Tower Bridge beneath a canopy
3/
3/
of his Incredible Hulk duvet, and is there embroiled with a Huawei 5G transmitter. Troublechuting beneath, The Johnson is put into a grayte sweat instructing the Tsar tangled spanner not to divulge any state secrets and the Admiral misconstruing his meaning
4/
4/
shouts ‘OK’ and does begin to state secrets loudly and clearly, amongst others that The Johnson once completed Animal Crossing during a COBRA meeting, Robert Jenrick cleans Richard Desmond’s shoes with his tongue, Matt Hancock’s NHS badges are made of recycled PPE and
5/
5/
Alok Sharma can get you a Sports Direct bag full of cola cubes for 5s. at Costco if you give him a foot rub. By our violently shaking the pylon Grayling at last falls to earth, but we hear that in our absence Julian Lewis did ensconce himself in the ISC seat, and Grayling is
6/
6/
foiled in this bold bid to sit in a chair; wrapping him in a foil blanket against his adventures after, he stops to point at a shape on the water and whimpers ‘Mark, what is that?’ and I did reply ‘It’s a ferry Chris’ at which news he is passed out and so I do now verily
7/
7/
believe there is no great honour nor joy to be had in being a public officer save giving your mates tax breaks and multi-million shilling contracts to shell companies utterly unsuited to the work. Cola cubes. Bed.
With thanks to @MrJunkerBarlow for lending us his Top Trumps patriots edition. Get the set!
