Extracts from the plague diary of Mark ne-Francois-Pepys
July 18th 1665
Up, and after my morning victual of Monster on Sugar Puffs I am called to the Ministry of Patriotism where further redacting this Russia Report, excising all but the most flattering passages:
1/
July 18th 1665
Up, and after my morning victual of Monster on Sugar Puffs I am called to the Ministry of Patriotism where further redacting this Russia Report, excising all but the most flattering passages:
1/
Johnson, The
A man for all seasons if those seasons be winter and a man be a frothing self-adulator with portfolio for naught but Epicurean delights. Suffers Latin Tourettes and is utterly compromised in this Russian business. The FSB do codename him 'Boris'
2/
A man for all seasons if those seasons be winter and a man be a frothing self-adulator with portfolio for naught but Epicurean delights. Suffers Latin Tourettes and is utterly compromised in this Russian business. The FSB do codename him 'Boris'
2/
Raab, Demonic
Several undercover etchings are come into circulation of this Raab naked in sweating houses exchanging secretes with Russian operatives. Among other vanities, the State is much concerned this man is collecting deaths head moth’s in his cellar.
3/
Several undercover etchings are come into circulation of this Raab naked in sweating houses exchanging secretes with Russian operatives. Among other vanities, the State is much concerned this man is collecting deaths head moth’s in his cellar.
3/
Hancock, Matt
Did defy normal avenues of intelligence gathering by staring into space all day, by and by going home and doing similar there. That he has no verifiable skillset, there is a maverick speculation that this be the famed lethal sleeper cell ‘Hancossack’.
3/
Did defy normal avenues of intelligence gathering by staring into space all day, by and by going home and doing similar there. That he has no verifiable skillset, there is a maverick speculation that this be the famed lethal sleeper cell ‘Hancossack’.
3/
Cummings, Duke
We did come incognito into his super-forecasting circle by way of enthusing on euthanising, and hereafter saw abilities so overstated that we fall to thinking his famed intellect be a portmanteau of intel and elect, the means by which he secures rogues office
4/
We did come incognito into his super-forecasting circle by way of enthusing on euthanising, and hereafter saw abilities so overstated that we fall to thinking his famed intellect be a portmanteau of intel and elect, the means by which he secures rogues office
4/
Jenrick, Bobby ‘Brown envelopes’
A sot; minded nothing of the Government less than even the common stock, guided only by avarice and pornographers. Soft target to turn informant. Could easily be taken into shitness protection in one of his own shell housing developments.
5/
A sot; minded nothing of the Government less than even the common stock, guided only by avarice and pornographers. Soft target to turn informant. Could easily be taken into shitness protection in one of his own shell housing developments.
5/
Captain Gove
We recorded this discourse from him wife, Lady Macbeth:
“he is in so deep with this Russian business that his spectacles do float upon a turd within a chamber pot within in a chamber pot within a chamber pot”
6/
We recorded this discourse from him wife, Lady Macbeth:
“he is in so deep with this Russian business that his spectacles do float upon a turd within a chamber pot within in a chamber pot within a chamber pot”
6/
Sunak, Rishi
Due to his to already being a massive billionaire my mind is settled as to an incorruptibility above that of his soul-soiled colleagues. Drives a borscht.
7/
Due to his to already being a massive billionaire my mind is settled as to an incorruptibility above that of his soul-soiled colleagues. Drives a borscht.
7/
Francois, Mark
A national pleasure. Whilst words cannot do justice, this man's patriotism is of a boundless condition. A one man army lethal with potato peeler and quill and with a known immunity to novichock, staring and urbane Europeans; he commanded victories at Hastings
8/
A national pleasure. Whilst words cannot do justice, this man's patriotism is of a boundless condition. A one man army lethal with potato peeler and quill and with a known immunity to novichock, staring and urbane Europeans; he commanded victories at Hastings
8/
Agincourt, Bosworth and Naseby and there is no known occasion at which he did not outperform all other men in the defence of this realm: If Russian Interference is the problem, Mark Francois is the solution. (Is this OK Mark? Remember to delete this bit)
Milky Way, bed.
Milky Way, bed.
And thank you to @MrJunkerBarlow for securing this image whilst on spec-ops.
And thank you so much to those pointing out the rogue apostrophe. I fear Russian interference.
And thank you so much to those pointing out the rogue apostrophe. I fear Russian interference.
