Thread by @garius

The sudden alarm makes you jump.

WeeeOOO WeeeOOO

You've been working in the accounts department on the Death Star for two months and never heard anything like this before.

You glance at your supervisor, Chad.

"Probably a drill, lieutenant. Ignore it." He says. #adventurePoll

You push back your chair. Chad looks up.

"I need a coffee...."

Chad interrupts. "One break per hour. You're not due one for another twelve minutes."

You pull your chair back in sheepishly and try and focus on spreadsheets.

A snub fighter blasts past the window chased by a TIE

"Chad! A snub fighter!"

Another one flies by, spitting fire from four wing tips. With an accountant's eye, you recognise the result of a poorly scoped tender.

"Poorly procured snub fighters, Chad!"

Chad doesn't look up.

"Snub fighters are an invention of the liberal media."

"Not this again, Chad."

He sneers.

"Let me tell you about woke cult-"

A third snub fighter barrels past, firing furiously. The room shakes and you fall off your chair. Things explode.

You stagger back to your feet and look at Chad. Well... most of him. His head is gone.

It was your monitor that exploded, so you spend a few minutes booting the office spare then file an accident report with Death Star HR.

Hmmm. Still a few minutes to coffee break.

You fire up the depreciated assets spreadsheet and add your monitor to it.

Time! As you leave...

...you lean over and log Chad out of network. Noting, with relief, that he had just saved his last two requests:

- NEW BUDGET CODE: 1138 - Lord Vader Sundry Expenses [Approved]
- PROCUREMENT REQUEST: Exhaust Port Armour. Third Submission. [Rejected]

You wonder what to do now.

There's a Starwooks two decks down, so you head there. They're unethical, sure, but it's cheap and convenient.

"Filter please."

"Rrrrugh arah-ah-woof?"

"Black."

An Imperial Guard in red armour is at the counter, waving. It's Karen! From pilates!

"Hey Lieutenant!" She says.

"Karen, what's going on?"

She shrugs, pushing her helmet up to sip her coffee.

"Rebels or something. Don't worry, Lord V is out there. It'll be fine."

The deck shakes.

"I think" She mutters.

"Hey lieutenant!" She adds, with a worried smile. "please stay safe."

You nod and:

...head towards the observation deck. Half way there you pass a Stormtrooper and a pilot-sergeant arguing.

"Hey!" The pilot shouts, grabbing you.

"Tell trooper..."

"Wilhelm."

"...Wilhelm I'm your pilot. He won't let me in the shuttle bay."

Wilhelm shrugs. "Officers only."

"You're my pilot."

Trooper Wilhelm doesn't look entirely convinced. He unlocks the door.

The pilot grabs your hand and pulls you through

"Leonu Vost. Soon-to-be-former TIE Bomber pilot. Don't look back." She mutters. "Keep walking. Pretend we're meant to be here. Who are you?"

"A Space Accountant?" She looks at you, with amusement.

You nod. It sounded better in your head.

She pulls you towards an Imperial Shuttle and starts tinkering with the lock.

"Well look Lieutenant 'Space Accountant', do you know what's going on here?"

"Rapid asset depreciation?"

She laughs.

"Guess you ARE a Space Accountant."

She sighs.

"Look. I'm a bomber pilot. Those are proton torpedoes. You don't attack a fully functional battlestation with those unless you think you can win"

The shuttle door opens

"You coming?"

"Good." Leonu says, as you enter the cockpit.

From the cockpit you can see Wilhelm in the bay now, pointing at your shuttle, with five Imperial Guards around him.

"Ignore them." She says. "We're going and... Oh shit. No fuel? Refuel. What?! Budget code?!"

You lean over:

"How the hell..." She shouts. "Go back there! Hit the switch!"

You run back to the shuttle door and see the refuel switch, it's green, your code approved.

But Wilhelm and the Imperial Guards are there

"If you hit that switch, I will shoot" Trooper Wilhelm says. "Don't do it"

You look down the barrel. You know you're dead. It doesn't matter. It's the right thing to do. You hit the switch.

You see the glow...

...then Wilhelm screams, and falls.

An electro-staff projects through his chest.

It's Karen.

"Go." She says, throwing off her helmet.

Karen is facing off against five Imperial Guards. One is raising a blaster, one is prepping a grenade. The others fan out for melee attacks.

FUEL: 25%
KAREN HEALTH: 3

NARRATOR'S NOTE: you have ended up on the hardest path. I want you to win. Think careful. Don't let Karen down.

Karen is outnumbered but she sees her previous colleague prepping a grenade. She waits for the moment and flip kicks it as it falls.

She takes shot damage, but fucks up the Guard as they die from the damage. She takes a shot to the shoulder.

FUEL 50%
KAREN HEALTH: 2

Karen spins, with a kick she takes out another guard.

"75%! We can go!" Leonu shouts.

Karen drops and spins again, taking out another.

The last Imperial skewers her through her side.

As he lines up the kill, she looks up at you, tears and frustration in her eyes.

"GO!"

Another explosion rocks the shuttlebay.

You look down. There's a gun by your feet. It must have slid this way during the fight. Trembling, you pick it up.

"YOU LEAVE KAREN ALONE!"

The Imperial Guard turns. You pull the trigger.

*Click*

*Click*

*Click*

The gun hits the Guard, who slumps forward.

You are briefly impressed at yourself, then see the throwing knife in his back.

"Nice distraction." Wheezes Karen, as you help her on board. She kisses your forehead. You blush.

Fighters and a freighter shoot past. They seem in hurry

The shuttle leaps forward and hurtles out of the bay.

"WHAT THE... oh hey Karen." Leonu says shyly, as you enter the cockpit. You look at her.

"Death Star Book Club." She explains.

"Thank you for waiting, Leonu." Karen says, kissing her on the forehead. Leonu blushes.

"What happens now?" Karen asks, applying a bacta patch to her side. "Are we rebels?"

"I don't feel like one." Says Leonu. "Jedis, rebellions..."

"It's all a bit silly, isn't it?" Karen adds.

You nod. You don't really know what they're talking about, but it does sound silly.

"Wait!" Leonu says, brightly. "We're freelancers!"

Karen smiles. "I like. But how will we pay for everything?"

This. This is your moment.

"That." You say, "Sounds like a job for a Space Accountant."

When the Death Star explodes, you don't see it. You're busy in Imperial Excel

=== THE FREELANCERS ===

END CREDITS: Lifetime of War, by Sabaton

SPECIAL THANKS: George Lucas, for creating a universe where Space Accountants can be a thing.

IF YOU ENJOYED THIS: Share! Follow! maybe buy me a coffee if you like: ko-fi.com/garius

ADDENDUM: By the way, if you're a brand or creative agency looking to do interesting or unusual content, do feel free to DM me. As you can see, I'm rather good at it. 😉

Oh, and someone was asking yesterday about 'paths not chosen'.

I'll post pics of the journey map in a bit 👍

Oh, and sketches or fanart of our Freelancers are 100% allowed. If posted, I will share with love. ❤️😂

Right. As promised, here was the journey map I did for this one.

Gives you an idea of how I plan them.

And the big reveal: if you'd gone to the observation deck first you'd have had Good Wilhelm and Evil Karen.

As to where the idea came from: it's sort of been in my head for a long time to do something like this. I know the 'independent contractors' thing in Clerks was a throwaway joke, but it's always stuck with me.

I'm fascinated by normal people in extraordinary situations.

And also with how 'evil' actually often relies on normal people doing jobs that don't feel evil to them. We only ever see the big heroes and villains in stories, but there are thousands of people just doing regular jobs (to them) behind the scenes.

Finally, I was reminded me recently of one of my favourite bits of star wars fan fiction ever: Green Leader.

And lo, The Freelancers popped into my head, and I started scrawling it down.

So there you go, that's a bit of insight into the creative process. space-mullet.com/2015/06/05/gre…