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"We saw a few weeks ago that PAW Patrol, a cartoon show about cops, was canceled." -- @PressSec

...

[Clears throat]: NO WORD IN THIS SENTENCE IS TRUE
A: PAW Patrol was not canceled.
B: PAW Patrol is not a cartoon about cops
****
SOME ADDITIONAL NOTES:
* It's a Canadian show.
* There is one cop
* HE IS A PUPPY
* HE IS ARMED WITH SAFETY CONES
* He doesn't choke out Mayor Humdinger
Wife ads: THERE IS LESS POLICE REPRESENTATION (human or canine) IN PAW PATROL THAN THERE ARE IN THE VILLAGE PEOPLE.
7yo adds: "The most important thing about @pawpatrol is working together."
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More from @ElieNYC see all

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Elie Mystal
@ElieNYC
Boston gonna Boston tho...
It’s not even during the anthem. MLB literally changed the rules so that everyone could do a hokey little “do you oppose racism, yes/no” and MOST of the Boston Red Sox were like “that’s gonna be a no for me dawg.”
Whatever. Before the Bari Weisse crowd comes for me, I ABSOLUTELY support their right to not kneel.

I just also supoort my right to think they’re assholes.

Or, *remember* they’re assholes since, Boston. MASSholes.
Read 3 tweets
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Elie Mystal
@ElieNYC
Lawyers: Westlaw is down!!
Brett Kavanaugh: What's Westlaw?
Noel Francisco: Something that has no bearing on our work, Mr. Justice sir.
Gorsuch clerks: Westlaw is down, sir.
Neil Gorsuch: This is why I tell you kids to keep a hard copy of the Hammurabi Code and Lex Julia.
Kagan clerks: Westlaw is down.
Kagan: Did they close the library?
Clerks: No.
Kagan: Then why the hell are you still standing there?
Clerks: Oh, yeah, uhh...
Kagan: Wear a mask.
Read 9 tweets
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Elie Mystal
@ElieNYC
The number of white people who think winning white people is synonymous with winning an election, despite the fact that a majority of whites have voted Republican in every presidential election since the passage of the Civil Rights Act, is simply staggering.
Like, I know white men think they're the most important people on Earth, but goddamn. Even when the REPUBLIC is at stake, they still think that the only way to do this is with the approval of white men.
Obama 2012: 39% of the white vote.
Obama 2008: 43% of the white vote.
Clinton 1996: 44% of the white vote.
Clinton 1992: 39% of the white vote.
Read 8 tweets

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