Pastor 't.O.s.I.n. OLUNUGA Profile picture
Jul 31, 2020 50 tweets 10 min read Read on X
#Marriage.
Respect & Disrespect in a relationship.
1.
BACKGROUND
As much as we balance each other out and complete each other, our differences, if not understood & accepted, become a source of confusion, frustration & even division.
@aywizzie
@MrOdada
@dupeoladada
@myluvlies
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Too often in marriage, we overlook the fundamental differences between the sexes and assume, and even act like, they (men)  are just like us (women)

@Mz_BluSapphire
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But couples who openly acknowledge their differences and appreciate them improve their chances of avoiding strife and increasing the level of intimacy in their marriage.
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Disrespectful behavior is anything that makes you feel bad.

Respect on the other hand looks and feels different to everyone, 

"Respect is synonymous with admiration for one another and the ability to understand that they see life differently than you.
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#Seeing them for who they are and what their beliefs are rather than trying to mould them into what we think they should be. 

#Respect is celebrating each other's differences and each other's potential for growth without imposing our own beliefs.
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I always say, when you choose a partner, you're gaining a new set of eyes to see the world. 

Having respect in a relationship is the ability to understand that perspective!"
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If two people have mutual respect for one another, overcoming relationship obstacles will be so much easier, because they'll approach any conflict with the ability and desire to see things from the other's perspective.
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#But if there's a lack of respect on behalf of one or both partners, the relationship runs a serious risk of falling apart when times get tough.
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We, by ourselves, make marriage such an unattractive institution.

Making the marriage work is d responsibility of d couple. This cannot be outsourced.

Marriage is not for lazy pple. It is hard work. You never rest. You must keep oiling d wheel. You must keep pushing the cart
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Marriage is not for selfish people. You must keep giving and giving. You must give of yourself and your soul. You must give happiness. It is not enough to give that which makes only you happy.
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Marriage is not for poor communicators. You must keep talking and engaging in different ways. 

Marriage is not for those who make assumptions and expect their partners to do same. 'Silent treatment' and marriage do not go hand in hand.
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Marriage is not for the insecure. You cannot put your partner in your prison with your warped mindset and fear.

Marriage is not for those who cannot take risks.
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 it's not for those who want a crystal ball to predict the future. It is a risk, it is an investment that could pay very good dividends. You could also end up with huge losses. It depends on whether or not it was the right investment to make in the first place
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Marriage is not for the immature or intolerant.

Marriage should not take your life. No one should die in the name of "I want to make my marriage work".
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Marriage is for the honest, sincere and truthful ones. And not for the schemers, liars and deceitful ones.

Marriage is for love and companionship. 

Marriage is really for those who understand that love is really about friendship. Companionship is about the commonality
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you share, the laughter, trust, happiness and fond memories.

Marriage is for those who forgive, those who communicate, those who are content, those who have a kind heart, those who tell the truth.
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Why are people disrespectful?

Some signs of disrespect are subtle, whereas other signs of disrespect are overt. 

For example, if your spouse calls you a name that you don't like, and you say to them, "I feel hurt when you call me ___. Can you please stop?" but they laugh it
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off or continue calling you the name that you aren't comfortable with, they are crossing your boundaries. They might say, "you're overreacting" or "it's just a joke." This is one of the signs of disrespect; your spouse is attempting to make you feel as though you're overly
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sensitive, and therefore, wrong. 

This is called gaslighting. 

When someone does this, they're disrespecting you, and they aren't taking your feelings seriously. When someone respects you, they're not going to continue with the name-calling, and that's that.
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1st thing 1st. Disrespect isn't normal or healthy

If you notice signs of disrespect in a partner, friend, family member, or someone else, you might wonder why they don't respect others or act in ways that show a lack of respect.
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Often, people are disrespectful due to poor self-esteem. 

When people show signs of disrespect toward others, they might be putting people down in attempts to lift themselves up due to their own lack of confidence.
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People attack others out of jealousy sometimes, but their jealousy isn't an excuse to continue the behavior. 

Instead, it is something they need to work through themselves so that they can maintain healthy relationships and improve their behavior.
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It is also possible that a person who shows signs of disrespect was raised in a family where disrespect was the norm.
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They might have been raised in a toxic home environment and could've adopted the traits of the people around them growing up.

 Again, a person in this situation must work through the issue. 

They may lack emotional intelligence or struggle to control their emotions and act
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out as a result. However, one thing is always true; you have the right to disengage from situations where you're being disrespected. You can't control other people, but you can control your response.
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How Do You Respect Each Other In A Marriage?

Respect in a marriage comes by following your wedding vows. 

Barbara Rosberg says, “We as women will often respond sexually when our Home need for tenderness and affection is met.
Our husbands on the other hand, respond tenderly
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after their sexual needs are met. …When I listen to my husband’s needs and step closer to him sexually, he is greatly affirmed.

Barbara Rosberg warns: 
“If encouragement from you isn’t a steady part of your wife’s diet, she is starving for it…..
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THE MAN

EMOTIONAL INTIMACY
How to minister to this need in a woman’s life:

Women need to be heard. Whether it’s a discussion about the children or upcoming plans, women want their opinion to matter.

Respect is built upon a great deal of gratitude. 

Women often feel the
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need to wear many hats – mother, wife, friend, daughter, and career woman to name a few. 

In addition, to these titles wives are often left to cook, clean, teach, and complete an impossible list of to-dos. 

As her husband, be gracious and tell her how thankful you are for
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the things that she does. 

Do not leave an opportunity unturned. 

Tell her thank you by saying it verbally, writing it on a note, highlighting a scripture that will inspire her, do something nice for her that she’ll appreciate or complete one of the chores that you know is
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her absolute least favorite thing to do. 

You’ll find that it truly is d little things that make d diff. 
If your wife feels respected, she’ll have a more positive outlook & feel truly appreciated. 
Each day try to carry out 1 way to respect your wife with a grateful heart.
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Understand your wife’s need for emotional intimacy- 

commit to meet it.

Stop giving your wife your emotional leftovers- have time and energy for her.

Engage your wife emotionally and value what she says. 

Be interested in what she says... its important
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Make sure you understand by repeating what she has said & cheering her on.

Resist the urge to solve and reserve your judgment. Just empathize.

Listen to her & draw her out by asking questions.

Give her your undivided attention.

Make sure she feels listened to & understood
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Share the smallest details of your life.

Open up and articulate what you are thinking about. 

Share your feelings too.

Ask her what she thinks about things in your life. 

Show her you need her. 

Avoid toxic emotions and harsh, brash, critical words
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Non-sexually touch her, that communicate genuine care.

Have a date night, go out to dinner, go for a walk or go out for coffee.

Go with her when she runs errands.
this kind of connection takes time- find it & give it.

Sit down at d end of d day & talk about what went on.
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Admit your mistakes. Ask for or offer forgiveness.

Remember, for a woman, intimacy must b genuine & constant.

Write her a letter & tell her everything that’s been emotionally burdening u

View her as an equal partner- do things together as partners & make decisions together
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Respect and honor her; regard her as important. 

Treat her as an intellectual equal.

Apologize when you have hurt her.

Be gentle & tender with her.

Want what’s best for her & help her receive it.

Help her to feel safe & secure in your relationship,
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Tell her you will b her companion no matter what- 

Hide “I’ll never leave u” notes in inconspicuous places.

Be interested in her interests.

Let he see that u enjoy being with her.

Help her to feel comfortable to share everything for u.

Help her to feel safe to be herself
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Have integrity- let your yes be yes and your no be no.

Speak to her kindly and respectfully.

Do things together- errands, housework, yardwork or shopping.

Take her out to lunch during the week.

Turn down a night with the guys telling them you want to be with your wife.
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Play together- find an activity you like doing together.

Cuddle under a blanket and watch movies all day.

Take a walk with her, holding her hand.

and tell her how much she means to you.

Find a regular time to get away from home and jobs.

Go to a bed and breakfast inn.
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Go back a visit a place which was meaningful in your relationship.
Give her advice in a loving way when she asks for it.
Defend her .
Prefer her over others.
Get rid of habits dat annoy her.
Practice common courtesies
Plan your future together.
Don’t criticize her in outside
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WOMAN

What Men wish Women knew aBout Men

1. Unconditional __________
Love him in spite of his failures & weaknesses.

Accept him.
Offer him grace for his weaknesses.
Be forgiving when he offends u.
Affirm him whenever u can. Do so 8-10 times more than u criticize him
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Help him to feel safe with you.

Let him know you understand him.

Listen to his ideas.

Take time to connect and go deeper with one another

Study your husband- know his strengths and his weaknesses.

Make it a point to know what’s going on in his head
Build on his strengths
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Stand with him in the long haul & let him know you’ll get through this together.

Identify his needs & serve them
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MINISTERING TO YOUR HUSBAND's SEXUAL NiDS

Understand your husband’s God-given sex drive.

Make d time to make luv to him.

Respond to him sexually.

Let him knw wat pleases u sexually.

Initiate sex with him quite often

Express your passion for him & respond to him sexually
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Deal with what is blocking u from enjoying your sex life.

Learn what satisfies your husband.

Know your husband’s sexual rhythms.

Ask him: What wld show u that I am interested in your sexual needs

How often do u need sexual intercourse?.
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What satisfies u most about our sexual relationships?

What do you need me to do more often?

What would you like to try new?

If I am not ready for sex at d same time as you are, how can I show u in a way that doesn’t make u feel rejected?
48.
Call your husband during d day and tell him u can’t wait to have an interlude that night?

Leave him notes to stir his passion

Remind him that u are committed to meeting his needs.

Tell him what draws u to him & be willing to draw close to him sexually.
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Flirt and play with your husband.

Stir the romantic fires of your marriage

Remember, your husband responds to visual stimulation
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The last and arguably the most important.

R.E.S.P.E.C.T. you hubby.
Should him at all times you respect and honour him. This is probably the most impt. Item on his plate. You cannot get d best from a man u disrespect.

God bless.
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Theme - Conflict of d chosen.

D life of a chosen is always a call into d life of conflict. A call into d unknown, into a life of d mysterious

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