I am the STRONGEST! I am the MOST HANDSOME! I am the RICHEST! I am the BEST builder! Just look at what I’ve built!! Gilgamesh Ziggurat is the greatest. The workers need to stop groaning and get back to toiling. #MakeUrokGreatAgain #GilgaZigg #WINNER
Losers and liars say I worked with Sumeria to build a dam to block the Euphrates River and now our fields are full of salt. FAKE NEWS. There was no collusion. No obstruction! Witch Hunt! FAKE TABLETS ARE THE ENEMY OF UROK! #MUGA
You know I'm automatically attracted to beautiful maidens— I just start kissing them. It's like a magnet. Just kiss. I don't even wait. And when you're two-thirds deity, they let you do it. You can do anything ... Grab them on their wedding night. You can do anything. #URokStar
Some people are saying the Do-Nothing Deities have “cursed” me for harming my people. Fake NEWS!!! HOAX!!! Don’t believe this corrupt and illegal witch hunt. #FakeCuneiform
Enkidu said good things about me. He said, ‘he’s a leader and there’s no question about it, he’s a genius.’ The tablets said -- you saw it on the cuneiform -- you admire Enkidu. I said, I don’t admire him. I mean, he might be wild, he might be good. But he’s a strong warrior.
Years ago the Sumerians had the cedar to build the Gate, but they didn’t have any idea how to get it done. I am building it bigger and better than ever thought possible! That low-life loser Humbaba tried to stop me. Pathetic. #CedarGate #BuildTheGate
So crazy Ishtar says I spurned her so she went after for me with the Bull of Heaven. I mean, she's a goddess, and I'm not supposed to say bad things, but really, folks, come on. Are we serious? One, she's not my type. Two, it never happened. Such a Nasty Goddess. #CrazyIshtar
Crooked Utnapishtim of says I can’t be immortal. Siduri: “Life, which you look for, you will never find. For when the gods created man, they let death be his share, and life withheld in their own hands" LIES!!! I could be immortal. Just need to stay awake for a week. Covfefe.
Very important new tablets coming out shortly. “The Gilgamesh Epic, How Our King Changed the Course Of History Forever”, looks like it will be a big bestseller. I may not live forever. But my LEGACY!!!! #MakeUrokGreatAgain theguardian.com/commentisfree/…
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