So I watched the first couple episodes of #LoveOnTheSpectrum and I am gutted. It feels like watching one of those true crime docs. Like, you know it’s going to upset you but you care about the victims do you have to find out what happened.
First of all I want to say that I loved the autistic folk in the show. Michael is sexist and views women as objects but so what else is new. But it is just heart wrenching the way their families openly laugh at them.
But the absolute worst thing is the way they deliberately set these wonderful people up to fail. We have a disability that affects communication, so let’s set these two awkward people who hate small talk up for blind dates over MEALS.
There is SO MUCH freaking etiquette around eating. Restaurants are SO full of clanging and banging and background chatter. Why on EARTH would you sit two autistic strangers down at a restaurant and tell them to talk to each other? One reason: AMUSEMENT
You cannot tell me they didn’t know what they were doing. You can’t tell me that they genuinely thought the best way to showcase an autistic personality was with an awkward dinner with strangers.
Based on how much the families burst into laughter over things the autists said and did, I bet there were people busting their guts over two autists trying to get to know each other while also remembering mealtime restaurant etiquette, complete with interrupting waitresses.
And as for that social skills expert, the way she spoke to them! Like she was speaking to CHILDREN. Not to mention that conveying information by spoken word is like, the worst way to teach an autistic person anything.
At one point a woman - a really cool woman I want to be friends with -spent several minutes trying to process the word palaeontology. I bet if they’d been communicating by writing she’d have zero trouble.
It’s positively cruel to take people who have KNOWN communication differences and then dress them up fancy and tell them to go communicate nonstop with someone else as awkward at it as they are. NO PRESSURE ONLY YOUR FUTURE HAPPINESS AT STAKE!
It’s like sending two blind people to an art museum for a first date. It’s like sending two deaf people to a concert. Like hey this is literally your disability let’s watch you stumble while we shake our heads at you.
One poor woman has a breakdown over the bizarre atmosphere, sitting and staring at this stranger and being totally unable to communicate naturally. Her date has probably been trained to make eye contact because he’s SUPER INTENSE about it. Not at all what you want.
I was so furious for both of them. Being forced to date on camera in the most alien environment, eyes on them, showcasing probably their absolute worst side of themselves, for the entertainment of NTs.
And yet I’m going to watch more. Because the autistic adults in this show are such cool people and I want to support them. I want to feel like someone is on their side among all of these snickering NTs.
Also I have really mixed feelings about the way they set up autistic people with each other. How are these dates chosen? Sometimes it seems obvious they have nothing in common - set up to fail.
I also really hate the focus on the PARENTS. In what other dating show do they interview the PARENTS? It infantilizes these people, some of whom are in their twenties.
If NTs are so smart at how to socialize you’d think they could be a helluva lot more creative at helping autistic people connect. Introducing via messenger first, for example. Or putting them in teams for a trivia night, or setting up a little anime fan group.
They should be asking the families and the autistic people themselves, “what is your more natural environment? When are you most relaxed and having fun?” and then organize something around THAT.
And don’t tell them to make EYE CONTACT with other autists what are they thinking??
And don’t tell them to make EYE CONTACT with other autists what are they thinking??
AND ANOTHER THING. I really don’t know how I feel about them setting up dates between autistic people. On the one time, a fellow autistic is probably a best be especially for those who struggle with masking. But it also sends an uncomfortable message.
Many autistic people are married to allistic people. We often marry fellow neurodivergent people who understand our challenges but no always, and there are plenty of kinds of neurodivergence out there.
There’s a documentary I watched... I think it’s called Autism In Love? And it just focused on existing autistic couples. My favourite was a semi-speaking autistic man who really fit the rainman stereotype... and his beloved allistic wife.
That documentary also showcased us a bit and had ableist nonsense in it but I liked the couples. And that’s how I feel about Love on the Spectrum. The people are great. But the show makers are being so deliberately cruel for the sake of entertainment and I just...
Once, just one I’d like to see a show about autistic people that showed us in a respectful, non-mocking way which showcased our best sides and not our inability to make small talk.
