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Hell is me being forced to decide every day if men will reply to my jokes with a worse joke, or the same joke but told worse.
Just had the most intense deja vu because simultaneously explaining to multiple men that their attempts to find permissible jokey variations of doing the thing being complained about will get them blocked while I eat a pickle in a bubble bath is a thing that has happened before.
Funny Men of Twitter, I don't know what percent of this is thinking you see an opening to show your stuff and what percent is deliberate boundary-pushing behavior, but I know it's a mix and they're both creepy and wrong ways to approach someone venting or laying out a boundary.
Joking is a creative outlet and a coping mechanism for me and I wish I could just... DO IT... without bracing for three guys to reply with the same tired, predictable Ohio joke I just subverted, or going "MORE LIKE THE BEAT OFF GENERATION, AMIRITE? BECAUSE MASTURBATORY PROSE."
You all have your own Twitter account. You can put your jokes there. And I promise the very instant I have a question about how funny you are, I will go and check it.
Twitter Give Me The Conversation Control Settings Challenge 2020
"It kind of takes away from the humor when you go off like this."

Yes, thank you, I agree. I like it better when I don't, too. I thought my "Hell is..." tweet was a perfectly self-encapsulated standalone joke, and now it's a rant thread.
And it's a rant thread because not one but two guys read it and immediately thought, "Hang on, though. This thing she just described as her personal hell? I bet I could make it work for me. This is gonna be great."
A central truth of who I am is that if I block someone who annoys me then I can move on with my day feeling good, but stopping to explain how they've annoyed me leaves me in a bad mood.

And yet I don't actually like blocking people who "mean well".

So... I end up here.
I will probably regret this and wind up cycling back around to giving people second chances, but for now... I'm going back to following my bliss.
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Alexandra Erin
@AlexandraErin
Brevity.

But to understand how and why, we should consider what is possibly the most famous quotation of all time on the subject of brevity, which is from William Shakespeare's Hamlet, and the tragicomic figure of Polonius.
See, Polonius as written is a hypocrite, and so most of his lines are meant to be faux-deep and tinged heavily with irony. But they're also written by Shakespeare, and so they're so quotable, and so they get quoted out of context.

"To thine own self be true," says the fraud.
"This above all: to thine own self be true, and thus it must follow, as the night the day, that thou canst not then be false to any men."

This line caps his advice to his son on how to make his way in the world, and on its face it seems pretty solid.
Read 12 tweets
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Alexandra Erin
@AlexandraErin
I have a dang hard time finding information about in online, I think because so many of the keywords just bring up legit medical stuff, but I have read in a couple of places about a married couple that claimed they could give cancer screenings via spy satellite.
It worked something like this: at fancy rich people dinner parties, when asked what he did, the husband would start off being evasive before "admitting", reluctantly, that he worked with the CIA and couldn't say much about it.
That would get people to beg him to say more, so he'd say something like, "Let's just say you can't believe what we can do with surveillance satellites these days." and then when pressed, they'd be like, "Oh, well, if a US adversary dies suddenly it can throw a region into chaos"
Read 19 tweets
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Alexandra Erin
@AlexandraErin
"Painkillers don't treat the root cause. Use ginger root and magnesium sulfate for pain management and anti-inflammation."

Uhhhhh that's not treating the root cause either, is it? Unless. Unless she thinks "root cause" means "caused by deficiency of roots, like ginger roots".
I just. I hate this trope in alternative medicine so much.

"Instead of constantly going to a doctor for your back pain, just see a chiropractor. The doctor can only treat your symptoms, you'll be going to them your whole life."

So... do I see a chiropractor once and I'm done?
If a chiropractor adjusting your back does better for you than going to a medical doctor then I am happy for you, but the argument of "the doctor can only treat symptoms so you'll have to keep going back" is meaningless propaganda *when you also keep going to the chiropractor*
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