Dreamweasel Profile picture
Aug 13, 2020 5 tweets 2 min read Read on X
#DonaldTrumpBelieves that
He alone can say what’s true
That everybody loves him
And there’s nothing he can’t do

He think we’re all in awe because
He does his job so well
He thinks he’ll be on Rushmore but
There’s not a chance in Hell
#DonaldTrumpBelieves in
What they say on Fox & Friends
He really thinks the flattery
And praise will never end

As long as he has cable news
To stimulate his vanity
He’ll never have to think about
The problems of humanity
#DonaldTrumpBelieves that
COVID-19’s just a hoax
He always blamed the Democrats
And made a lot of jokes

And thanks to his propensity
To disregard the evidence
We have 200 thousand dead Because of Donald’s negligence
Thank you in advance to all prospective Venmo donors
#DonaldTrumpBelieves that
Protests always lead to violence
He’d frankly be much happier
If we would sit in si-o-lence

He tells us all the streets are filled
With monsters & barbarians
It’s only an excuse for him
To act authoritarian

• • •

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More from @Dreamweasel

Jul 8
REPUBLICANS DON’T CARE IF TRUMP DID IT

New blog post:
open.substack.com/pub/dreamwease…Image
I don’t know if the fabled flight logs to Jeffrey Epstein’s private island will ever revealed to the public.

But there one thing I can tell you: if Donald Trump’s name is on it, Republicans will be fine with it.
If more sordid details emerge, and it is revealed that Donald Trump did in fact have sex with underage girls while on Epstein’s private island, I absolutely guarantee that Republicans will be fine with it.

Does anybody seriously expect this to play out any differently?
Read 16 tweets
Jun 26
P.O.P. QUIZ
(Political Orientation and Perception)
Summer 2025 Edition

New blog post:
open.substack.com/pub/dreamwease…Image
1. What are some recent examples of fascism?

🔵: Apprending migrants at will and deporting them without a trial, attacking the press, thumbing your nose at the judiciary and ignoring the Constitution

🔴: Pandemic-related emergency measures such as shutdowns and vaccinations
2. Killing 50,000 Palestinians in response to a single terrorist attack is

🔵: unconscionable and possibly genocidal
🔴: obvious self-defense

3. Dropping bombs on other counties before they can attack Israel is:

🔵: an act of aggression
🔴: obvious self-defense
Read 8 tweets
Jun 16
TEN LESSONS LEARNED FROM THE FAILURE OF DONALD TRUMP’S BIRTHDAY PARADE

10. This is what happens when you purge the Armed Forces of LGBT people

9. Threatening authoritarian control over multiple U.S. cities is probably not the most effective way to win friends
8. When organizing a parade of this magnitude, make sure that there are no other events competing for the public’s attention such as nationwide protests from the millions of Americans who hate your guts
7. If you’re going to demand a military parade in your honor, make sure you don’t accidentally forget that you dodged the draft sixty years earlier
Read 8 tweets
May 7
HONESTY IN MESSAGING

New blog post:
open.substack.com/pub/dreamwease…Image
ZELENSKYY: We need America’s support in protecting Ukraine from Russian aggression

TRUMP: I’m the President, So Fuck You

ZELENSKYY: Why are you being so antagonistic?

VANCE: Trump’s the President, So Fuck You

ZELENSKYY: That somehow went even worse than I expected
CARNEY: We look forward to welcoming you to the G7 summit. But I will gently yet firmly inform you that Canada is not for sale

TRUMP: I’m the President, So Fuck You

CARNEY: I had really hoped “gently but firmly” would be more effective

TRUMP: I’m the President, So Fuck You
Read 14 tweets
Apr 28
A PURELY HYPOTHETICAL SCENARIO

New blog post:
open.substack.com/pub/dreamwease…Image
TRUMP: I should be allowed to shoot Democrats

D: Jesus, the man’s a dangerous lunatic

R: He’s obviously trolling you! 🤣 And you fall for it every time

TRUMP: I’m just saying, the Democrats clearly want me dead, so I should be able to shoot them in self-defense
CNN: Democrats are becoming alarmed that Trump is advocating murder on purely partisan grounds

FOX: Once again, liberal snowflakes are taking Trump’s lighthearted one-liners way too seriously

NYT: Trump’s website is now selling hats that read I’D RATHER BE SHOOTING DEMOCRATS
Read 12 tweets
Apr 24
TEN THINGS DEMOCRATS ARE ENCOURAGED TO SAY TO TRUMP VOTERS WHO ARE GRAPPLING WITH THE CONSEQUENCES OF THEIR DECISION

10. Well, who could have predicted that handing the country over to a pathological liar incapable of admitting he’s ever wrong could have led to such a shitshow
9. If the Democrats really thought all of those tariffs were such a bad idea, I’m sure they would have said something about it before the election

8. Look, splitting hairs over the precise definition of “insurrection” is well within the boundaries of political debate
7. I’ll bet a lot of people who completely ignored the Mueller Report were blindsided by Trump’s apparent support of Vladimir Putin against Ukraine and most of our other European allies
Read 8 tweets

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