Dreamweasel Profile picture
Aug 13, 2020 5 tweets 2 min read Read on X
#DonaldTrumpBelieves that
He alone can say what’s true
That everybody loves him
And there’s nothing he can’t do

He think we’re all in awe because
He does his job so well
He thinks he’ll be on Rushmore but
There’s not a chance in Hell
#DonaldTrumpBelieves in
What they say on Fox & Friends
He really thinks the flattery
And praise will never end

As long as he has cable news
To stimulate his vanity
He’ll never have to think about
The problems of humanity
#DonaldTrumpBelieves that
COVID-19’s just a hoax
He always blamed the Democrats
And made a lot of jokes

And thanks to his propensity
To disregard the evidence
We have 200 thousand dead Because of Donald’s negligence
Thank you in advance to all prospective Venmo donors
#DonaldTrumpBelieves that
Protests always lead to violence
He’d frankly be much happier
If we would sit in si-o-lence

He tells us all the streets are filled
With monsters & barbarians
It’s only an excuse for him
To act authoritarian

• • •

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More from @Dreamweasel

May 15
TEN PROPOSED QUESTIONS FOR THE UPCOMING BIDEN-TRUMP DEBATES

10. Can you think of any extenuating circumstances that may prevent you from performing your duties as President effectively

9. What would you do to protect abortion rights and/or finally destroy them once and for all
8. What words of wisdom would you offer to your successor on the off-chance one of you goes to jail and/or dies of old age before your term is over

7. Please explain how a sitting President can lower gas prices
6. How many people in Gaza must be killed before October 7th is properly avenged

5. Can you name a single defendant in American history who has been falsely accused of 88 felonies
Read 6 tweets
May 2
🔴: Hamas attacked Israel on October 7th, and now the leftists and the campus protesters are saying bad things about Israel for some reason

🔵: Let’s dig deeper. Did anything happen in between?

🔴: Yes, Israel defended themselves

🔵: How?
🔴: They attacked the people who attacked them

🔵: Why do you suppose that’s making people so angry

🔴: Clearly this is due to their longstanding tradition of left-wing anti-Semitism

🔵: I’m thinking there might be other reasons

🔴: Perish the thought
🔵: Do you suppose it might also be because they’re killing thousands of people who didn’t do anything wrong

🔴: Clearly that is a Hamas-driven lie, and also they all deserved it because Hamas

🔵: Most of them had nothing to do with Hamas

🔴: Well, they voted for Hamas
Read 7 tweets
Apr 25
When Trump dies, it’s gonna be like Henry Kissinger, or maybe Rush Limbaugh. The headlines will read WORLD’S BIGGEST ASSHOLE DIES. Sober-minded journalists will struggle to think of anything positive to say about the man while the masses rejoice and celebrate.
JURY SELECTION AT THE TRIAL OF THE WORLD’S BIGGEST ASSHOLE

LAWYER: Do you have any preconceptions about the World’s Biggest Asshole?

🔵: How could I not have any preconceptions about the World’s Biggest Asshole

LAWYER: Thank you for your time
LAWYER: Do you have any preconceptions about the World’s Biggest Asshole?

🔴: How could I POSSIBLY have any preconceptions about the World’s Biggest Asshole?

LAWYER: You seem promising, although the flamboyant fluttering of your eyelashes was probably unnecessary
Read 9 tweets
Apr 22
TEN REASONS DONALD TRUMP KEEPS NODDING OFF IN COURT

10. Another day, another felony trial

9. It’s difficult to follow discussion of complicated concepts like “fraudulent bookkeeping”, “seditious conspiracy”, and “election interference”
8. Not nearly as enjoyable or personally validating as watching FOX & FRIENDS

7. Having trouble remaining alert without his customary 14 Diet Cokes in the morning
6. Was up all night posting important trial updates and/or incendiary threats on Truth Social

5. Has been rumored to indulge in the occasional fast-food cheeseburger
Read 6 tweets
Apr 16
TEN REASONS DONALD TRUMP WOULD WANT TO ATTEND HIS SON BARRON’S HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION EVEN IF IT WEREN’T A CONVENIENT EXCUSE TO DELAY HIS TRIAL

10. Deeply regrets having missed all four of his other children’s graduations for no particular reason
9. Wanted a status update on that baby Melania was taking care of while he was having sex with Stormy Daniels

8. Well-heeled parents who can afford prep school might be able to lend him money
7. Might be worth watching on the off-chance that this is the one who becomes a productive member of society

6. Coming up a bit dry in the “Caring Father” photo-ops for the 2024 election season
Read 6 tweets
Apr 12
GOP: Time to pick a SCOTUS judge who will rule against abortion

HERITAGE FOUNDATION: Please select any of our fine candidates

GOP: We’ll take that one

HF: OK

(Senate Hearing)

DEMS: Can you tell us how you feel about abortion

GOP: HOW DARE YOU IMPOSE IDEOLOGICAL LITMUS TESTS
D: The GOP is trying to make abortion illegal

R: SILLY DEMOCRATS! 😂 The Supreme Court only overturned Roe v. Wade to allow the states the freedom to decide for themselves

D: But you are describing the “freedom” to prevent other people from having them

R: That’s the best kind!
D: If ending Roe v. Wade was so reasonable, why didn’t Barrett, Gorsuch or Kavanaugh admit it at their confirmation hearings

R: It is unreasonable to expect judges to honestly answer questions from activist Senators who were clearly trying to stop abortion from becoming illegal
Read 8 tweets

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