1. Hello and welcome! It's episode 310 of #MrMrsBetterHalf. Mr and Mrs BetterHalf is designed to strengthen marriages and relationships that'll lead to marriage, with wisdom from God's Word. 
2. Last week we discussed, ‘how to make connections when you’re isolated and lonely.’ Missed it? Catch up here wakelet.com/wake/KfONv0roh… #MrMrsBetterHalf
3. Today, we are discussing, Changing your spouse without changing your spouse. More often than not, people in relationships or marriages have one thing or the other they would like to change about the partners or spouses. #MrMrsBetterHalf
4. The partners, on the other hand, would rather not. You hear things like, “I have always been like this, why is he or she complaining now?” or “I was like this when you met me. Take me as I am!” #MrMrsBetterHalf
5. Singles in relationships, are there things about your boy/girlfriend that you are not crazy about? Do you think you can make him/her neater, smarter, more ambitious, more outgoing etc.? #MrMrsBetterHalf
6. I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that you lack the capacity to change anybody but yourself. Just ask the millions of couples who have tried (with good intentions) to change their spouses. #MrMrsBetterHalf
7. God is the only third party that can recreate a human spirit. We are incapable of altering somebody else. Change is primarily a decision that we have to make by ourselves. No other human can really force you to change. #MrMrsBetterHalf
8. Even torture and brainwashing only bring submission. At the core, there is no real change. It’s like the old saying, ‘you can force a horse to the river, but you can’t make it drink’. #MrMrsBetterHalf
9. You can nag your husband to death about his table manners, but you can’t make him posh unless he wants to be. You can buy your wife the most expensive hairpieces, but you can’t make her glue them to her head. #MrMrsBetterHalf
10. Trying to change your mate is frustrating especially since you may also end up with a resentful spouse. Nobody likes to be made to feel like they need fixing. Be they friends, colleagues, or family members. #MrMrsBetterHalf
11. Our spouses always want to know we love them regardless of their shortcomings and vice versa. Now the good news: you don’t need to change your spouse, because your spouse doesn’t need to change. #MrMrsBetterHalf
12. To change means to make or become a different substance entirely. Like making an apple an orange. God created each of us with the capacity for great good. It is innate. No change required. #MrMrsBetterHalf
13. The problem is that sin also gave us the capacity for great evil and the world makes sin an easier option. The point, however, is that there’s good in your spouse. You don’t need to shoulder the task of changing him/her. #MrMrsBetterHalf
14. What you desire is really an improvement in their behaviour not necessarily a change in their makeup. How do you come in? Behaviour is often a response to stimuli. If you don’t like the response, change the stimuli. #MrMrsBetterHalf
15. You would be surprised what you'd be capable of if you had the right motivation. Now and again, someone or something provokes us to dig deep and dare to push past mental/physical limitations. #MrMrsBetterHalf
16. Like when you face the fear of public speaking, show bravery in the face of danger, or even take up hardcore exercises. It’s always a surprise when we do things (be they good or bad) that we never thought we could. #MrMrsBetterHalf
17. And then in the aftermath, we may use this expression: “I didn’t know I had it in me!” But you did. Your spouse has that quality you desire inside of them. How do you provoke its appearance? Through your words! #MrMrsBetterHalf
18. The fact is that, in every man or woman, there is a king and a fool. It’s who you speak to that will respond to you. You can ‘change’ your spouse by calling out the royal in them! #MrMrsBetterHalf
19. 1 Samuel 25 is an example. Do make time to read it. A man called Nabal insulted David. At the time, David was not yet a king in Israel & was on the run from Saul. Furious at the humiliation at Nabal’s hand, David swore to kill him & every male in his family. #MrMrsBetterHalf
20. David and his mighty men were strong, fierce warriors. It was a threat they could easily carry out. Nabal’s wife, Abigail heard what her husband had done and rushed to David to make amends. #MrMrsBetterHalf
21. For all intents and purposes, David was an outlaw leader. He was not a comely person to behold. Yet Abigail praised Him calling him ‘king’ and pleaded with him not to act so rashly over a fool like her husband. #MrMrsBetterHalf
22. David’s anger cooled in the face of Abigail’s wisdom and honeyed speech. He spared their lives. Not long afterwards, Nabal died. David remembered Abigail and quickly married her. Smart man! #MrMrsBetterHalf
23. Who doesn’t want a spouse that brings out the best in you? That makes you act like royalty and not a fool? Abigail didn’t address the fool that was being rash but the king who should have thought about his future legacy. #MrMrsBetterHalf
24. Abigail didn’t address the fool that was being rash but the king who should have thought about his future legacy. Abigail didn’t respond to his behaviour or appearance; she responded to what she knew was inside him! #MrMrsBetterHalf
25. Your spouse doesn’t need to look like royalty to be spoken to as royalty. In fact, it is when your spouse acts like a fool that you should bring out your arsenal of royal speeches! #MrMrsBetterHalf
26. How does an ‘area boy’ (rascal) become a gentleman? Keep treating him like a gentleman; one day he’ll act like one! Don’t talk to the ‘area boy’ or rascal in your spouse or that will always be the person who responds to you. #MrMrsBetterHalf
27. Some of us reinforce our spouse’s unwise decisions with our words. If your husband gets passed over for a promotion you say it’s because he’s unintelligent. If your wife is late for an appointment, you say it’s because she’s lazy. #MrMrsBetterHalf
28. If you keep speaking to the fool, the fool will always be on full display. Speak to the king. Tell your husband that he has it in him to be a CEO. He should hold his head high and keep on moving! #MrMrsBetterHalf
29. Tell your wife that a queen is never late; her subjects are only early. Trust me - you’re not enabling her. Something good wells up in your spouse when your words build them up rather than tear them down. #MrMrsBetterHalf
30. You want your husband to spend more time with the kids, keep calling him the world’s best dad. Is your wife untidy? Call her a phenomenal homemaker. Speak to the quality of royalty in him/her. #MrMrsBetterHalf
31. Changing your words can change the atmosphere of your home even when things are tough. When times are hard isn’t the time to keep mum or snap at each other. Imagine if you say to your spouse, ‘honey, this season would be unbearable if I didn’t have you.’ #MrMrsBetterHalf
32. Those are the kinds of words that bring out the best in your spouse! Is your husband/wife quick-tempered? Don’t match anger with anger. Don’t turn up the volume of the fool. #MrMrsBetterHalf
33. Speak to the gentle part of them. It is in them. You can draw it out. A soft answer turns away wrath. You think your spouse is uncultured? Speak to the lady or gentleman in them. Keep at it, you will see the change you want. #MrMrsBetterHalf
34. Keep opening the door for your wife. Keep speaking to your husband like he’s royalty. Something will shift. The truth is that you can’t call someone stupid and expect them to act smart. #MrMrsBetterHalf
35. How can you open your mouth and call your spouse crazy? You will see crazy manifest daily! We gravitate towards people that bring out the best in us. At work, we like the boss that acknowledges our efforts. #MrMrsBetterHalf
36. At school, we like the teachers who push us because they are convinced that we are brilliant! You have a soft spot for that person that thinks you’re wonderful and asks if you can be his/her mentor. #MrMrsBetterHalf
37. There's favour when you lift people with words. Words of grace also fend off the allure of extra-marital affairs. Don’t let your wife gravitate towards that man that thinks she’s beautiful, elegant, and intelligent. #MrMrsBetterHalf
38. Don’t let your husband fall for the woman that says he’s 'powerful, strong and generous.' Speak what you want in your spouse into existence. Rather than stray, your spouse will cling. #MrMrsBetterHalf
39. By the way, what do you call your spouse? Do you have a name that calls out the good in them? You can’t call your spouse ‘Mama Ibeji, Daddy Ade, Oga, Chief, Iya yi’ and expect romance in response. #MrMrsBetterHalf
40. Call them 'honey' and you’ll get honey. Call your spouse darling and that’s who will show up. Talk to the romantic in your spouse. Say the right things to each other even during intimacy. #MrMrsBetterHalf
41. Some of us use words of endearments freely with co-workers and friends but not our spouses. Time to change! Remember, who you speak to is who will respond. You don’t need to change your spouse; change your words! #MrMrsBetterHalf
42. Your words are seeds that provoke the change. Always remember: If you don’t like the fruit, change the seed. I hope this has been a blessing to you. I’ll be back next week with another topic. #MrMrsBetterHalf
43. Thanks for following, participating and RTing. May your marriages and relationships be sweet! #MrMrsBetterHalf
