Thread by @MattWalshBlog

I thought this was a joke at first but apparently LifeWay (major Christian publisher) has teamed with a website called Sunday Cool to produce a devotional for the youth. It's called The Word According To Gen Z and here are some completely real biblical translations in this thing:

Cap G’s wordz are one hundo, straight up slicing and dicin’ and knowin’ it all - Hebrews 4:12

"Cap G" is what they think kids call God

Since Day Uno there was Cap G. Big J was chillin with Cap G. And Big J was Cap G. - John 1:1

This is one of the most sacred passages in Scripture, now funneled through the mouth of the old woman in Airplane speaking jive, because the kids dig it yo

I got your holy scrips padlocked in my chest thumper - Psalm 119:11

Apparently they think kids today call their hearts "chest thumpers"

Not swerved by these scripts cause Cap G be givin’ that “get out of jail free” card to the whole fam. - Romans 1:16

They are calling salvation a "get out of jail free" card because Monopoly references are totally hip

Take that noggin guard of savies and that big ol’ knife of Cap G’s wordz.- Ephesians 6:17

"noggin guard" is helmet and "savies" is salvation. Suddenly the Monopoly reference seems preferable.

All of this is under a section of the devotional called "Reverence of God's Word," by the way.

This is all such a perfect encapsulation of everything Christians do wrong in trying to connect with the younger generation that part of me still thinks it must be parody. But it isn't

The Word According To Cringe would be a much more appropriate name for this

There do appear to be meditations and prompts and stuff in the book that are fine. But these translations are just the worst thing I've ever seen.