Thread by @mynamesnotgordy

What I learnt on the Twitter this week:

1. Conservatives argue Freeland not qualified to be Finance Minister; say she hasn't finished even of one the courses required to become a certified insurance broker.
2. Trudeau prorogues parliament; four more and he beats the CPC record!

3. Lecce tweets article supporting his back-to-school plan. Says he himself couldn't have written a better article supporting back-to-school plan. In related news, Lecce writes article supporting his back-to-school plan.
4. Doug says no one wants [*variable*] more than he does.

5. Ford announces $25M for 200 new OPP. Says Oosterhoff made request, citing responses to his calls for protection from librarians too slow.
6. Late Friday afternoon Ford quietly announces entertainment venues now permitted up to 50 people inside. Doug then heads to Brass Rail.

7. Doug says schools welcome to use their reserve funds to help make schools safer as long as the money isn't spent to actually improve education.
8. AB Issue Managers Twitterrorize private citizens, saying private citizens are NDP operatives trying to terrorize private citizens.

9. Harper prorogued parliament to avoid non-confidence vote. Trudeau prorogues parliament to provoke non-confidence vote. Conservatives outraged they got what they asked for.
10. Conservatives furious they didn't get chance to vote down new CERB/EI package. Erm. I mean vote on.

11. Poilievre throws printed emails at reporters. Staffer provides tutorial afterward showing him how to use email software correctly.
12. Poilievre says Freelend can't be new FM because she is part of a corrupt government. Most of CPC caucus tiptoe away after hearing his thesis.

13. AB Ed Minister LaGrange does physically distanced/masked press conference to say it's perfectly safe to reopen schools. That's it. That's the funny part.
14. Both Edu Ministers Lecce and LaGrange announce it's their official decision to let the schools make all the decisions.

15. Jason Kenney does a promotional video for Red Deer brewery, Troubled Monk. Says he only selected that company to promote because he was once thrown out of university by monks he often troubled.
16. Steve Buick teaches Twitter the difference between a semicolon and a period.

17. David Akin asks Freeland why "the Trudeau government is holding a gun to Canadian's heads." In unrelated news, Akin spotted at local furniture store browsing new senate seats.
18. Derek Sloan announces, as PM, he will cancel *all* existing laws and buy everyone a new car.

19. Virtual Democratic National Convention is a real hit with most everyone. Trump says it was lame and his convention will have way better swag bags anyway.
20. Former Trump strategist Steve Bannon arrested for fraud. Trump says, "Only met him once! Never really liked the guy!!"

21. Lecce says, like everyone else, he and the Ford government "have skin in the game." Asked about he and Oosterhoff not having kids - and Ford's aren't in school. Lecce says by "skin" he meant that guy at Vaughan Working Families.
22. Lecce visits empty school bus. Honks horn.

23. CPC leadership race results announced Sunday. In unrelated news, Canada attempts Guinness record with world's biggest yawn.
24. This week Conservatives quietly reflected on all Andrew's successes these past three years as CPC leader. It was a very quiet 3 seconds on Twitter.

25. This week's musical distraction selected in honour of Andrew Scheer's departure from the CPC leadership role, and his lonely sashay toward the Regina sunset, to officially become a 6-point font footnote in the Canadian political history books.