New bank manager: "Mr. McKenzie, apologies for making your acquaintance via telephone."
*5 minutes of salarymanning*
Me: "So it's KYC for the wire right."
Bank: "Yes it is and, oh boy, previous bank manager did not lie."
Me: "Yeah I know my situation is a bit..."
Bank: "Yeah."
*5 minutes of salarymanning*
Me: "So it's KYC for the wire right."
Bank: "Yes it is and, oh boy, previous bank manager did not lie."
Me: "Yeah I know my situation is a bit..."
Bank: "Yeah."
Me: "I apologize for repeatedly exposing you to this predicament."
Bank: "Oh no we apologize, it's just that in the current compliance environment as soon as someone says 'international wire' everyone gets, you know."
Me: "I do, regrettably, know."
Bank: "So it's report time."
Bank: "Oh no we apologize, it's just that in the current compliance environment as soon as someone says 'international wire' everyone gets, you know."
Me: "I do, regrettably, know."
Bank: "So it's report time."
Me: "You'll forgive me for prying but is that routine report time or other-than-routine report time."
Bank: "Oh no strictly the routine version. Wow, you do know a bit about this."
Me: "I have had the honor of banking with you for 15 years, a fact which I might humbly suggest..."
Bank: "Oh no strictly the routine version. Wow, you do know a bit about this."
Me: "I have had the honor of banking with you for 15 years, a fact which I might humbly suggest..."
Bank: "Oh that will certainly be in the report."
Me: "Oh thank you."
Bank: "So now I have to ask you the invasive questions about the money before I inevitably conclude it is, where is that recommendation, 'Money from the Internet'"
Me: "Oh thank you."
Bank: "So now I have to ask you the invasive questions about the money before I inevitably conclude it is, where is that recommendation, 'Money from the Internet'"
Me: "If it would be helpful for you I could fax over documentation about this, either from myself or other financial institutions."
Bank: "Oh you have documentation? Like, on paper? I had thought it would be more an Internet thing."
Bank: "Oh you have documentation? Like, on paper? I had thought it would be more an Internet thing."
Me: "I have or am capable of producing professional documentation, this being a thing I am good at."
Bank: "So we're not talking about the Internet thing anymore?"
Me: "Apologies for imprecision but while it inevitably relates to an Internet thing there would be official things."
Bank: "So we're not talking about the Internet thing anymore?"
Me: "Apologies for imprecision but while it inevitably relates to an Internet thing there would be official things."
Bank: "Oh we do love our official things."
Me: "Yes, always happy to substantiate with official government or financial institution paperwork if that would make it easiest."
Bank: "Probably in English though."
Me: "Yes."
Bank: "Let's leave it on the Internet for now."
Me: "Yes, always happy to substantiate with official government or financial institution paperwork if that would make it easiest."
Bank: "Probably in English though."
Me: "Yes."
Bank: "Let's leave it on the Internet for now."
It occurs to me that I've probably had about as much KYC fun over the years as a Bitcoin exchange, which seems like a suboptimal outcome for the financial system.
(That is a bit unfair to Bitcoin exchanges; the big ones have dozens of full-time employees working on that and you could probably compress mine into something like 2 workweeks over 15 years if you were efficient on packing. But on more YOLO side of things, close to accurate.)
