Thread by @wanlangjis

Modern AU where Wei Ying wants to confess to Lan Zhan, but he's too nervous to do it outright. So, he comes up with a foolproof plan to make the whole confession a little less embarrassing.

Wei Ying is going to declare his love to Lan Zhan while pretending to be asleep.

Wei Ying is tired.

Tired of 8 am classes. Tired of everyone thinking dogs are man’s best friend. Tired of people who pour milk before cereal. But most of all, he’s tired of the fact that him and Lan Zhan haven’t kissed yet, a desire that has plagued his mind for years.

“If you’re so desperate to get with the guy,” says Jiang Cheng one day, roped into this conversation completely not by his own will, “why don’t you, I don’t know, confess to him?”

It’s a reasonable idea, so Wei Ying thinks of a plan.

And since he’s so tired of this whole situation, of not being able to kiss Lan Zhan whenever he pleases, it only seems fitting to stick with the theme and confess to Lan Zhan—

“In my sleep.”

“...What?”

“I’m going to confess to Lan Zhan in my sleep.”

Jiang Cheng’s brow twitches. It does that a lot when he talks to Wei Ying. “You— Do you not realize how sleep works? You can’t control what you say. And you don’t even live together, how are you planning on—”

Wei Ying holds up a hand. “I’m going to pretend to be asleep when I confess. And I’m going to do it during our next study date, since it’s not unusual for me to nap in the middle of them.”

Jiang Cheng drags a hand down his face. He does that a lot when he talks to Wei Ying.

“I just— Why?”

Wei Ying taps the side of his head, which houses his big brain. “It’ll be less embarrassing. I’ll be like, boom!, Lan Zhan I like you!, but in my sleep, then when I wake up he’ll say, ‘Wei Ying, you said you like me, and I like you too’ and then boom! Marriage.”

“You’re crazy,” Jiang Cheng deadpans. “You can’t sit here and tell me you’re actually going to do that.”

Except the next day, an hour into Wei Ying and Lan Zhan’s study date and in the comfort of Lan Zhan’s apartment's living room, Wei Ying initiates that exact plan.

After making it most of the way through a grueling assignment, Wei Ying stretches his arms high above his head and yawns. Loud.

It has the desired effect because Lan Zhan immediately looks at him and asks, “Are you tired?”

Wei Ying hums. It’s time to showcase his award-winning acting skills. “Me?” He waves his hand. “A little, but it’s fine. I have to finish this worksheet.”

And like clockwork, Lan Zhan says, “You should take a nap. I can wake you up in an hour, if you want."

A hoard of mini internal Wei Yings all high five each other.

This is going beautifully.

Wei Ying looks at the clock hanging above Lan Zhan’s couch and shrugs. “I guess I can. Would you mind, Lan Zhan?”

And like clockwork, Lan Zhan says, “I don’t mind. You should rest.”

Wei Ying beams, because his super smart plan is going perfectly so far.

Then Lan Zhan places a pillow on the couch before moving to stand up.

And this? This is unacceptable, because Wei Ying has a very specific plan, one that involves sleeping on Lan Zhan’s lap. He jolts forward and grabs Lan Zhan’s arm. “Wait! I don’t want to sleep on the couch.”

Lan Zhan blinks at Wei Ying’s hand, and then back up at him. “Why?”

“Uh. There might be dust on it or something, and you know, seasonal allergies and all.”

“You don’t have—”

“So I’ll sleep somewhere else!”

Lan Zhan is quiet for a long moment. “Would you like to take my bed?”

“No.” A pause. “There might be dust on it.”

“I changed my sheets this morning.”

Another pause.

Wei Ying can’t think of a valid reason to deny that offer, so he settles for pretending he didn’t hear it at all. “Well!” Wei Ying laughs. “I guess I have no choice. I’ll just sleep on your lap, Lan Zhan. You don’t mind, do you?”

The stare that Lan Zhan directs at Wei Ying is nerve-wracking. “Mn. I don’t mind.”

Wei Ying flashes Lan Zhan a beaming smile.“Great!” He plops his head down on Lan Zhan’s lap and stretches his body out along the floor. “Wake me up in an hour.”

“I will,” Lan Zhan promises.

And just like that, Wei Ying slips his eyes closed.

Plan ‘Confess To Lan Zhan So We Can Kiss And Maybe More? 😳’ is about to begin.

Wei Ying is going to wait ten minutes before initiating the sleep talking, because the big keyword of the day here is ‘believable.’ So in these ten minutes, he listens to the soft ticking of the clock, to the howl of the wind outside, to Lan Zhan’s steady breaths.

A few minutes in, he feels a set of warm fingers begin to card through his hair, gentle and thorough, and Wei Ying unconsciously leans into the touch.

Then he feels his scrunchie being pulled from his hair, and Wei Ying hadn’t noticed how uncomfortable his ponytail had been until his hair is fanned out across Lan Zhan’s legs.

‘Ah, Lan Zhan,’ Wei Ying thinks happily. ‘Always knows what’s good for me before I even do.’

It’s then that Wei Ying starts to feel a little bad, only now realizing that there’s no way Lan Zhan can work with Wei Ying on his lap.

Wei Ying debates cutting these initial ten minutes short so that he can get to the kissing part before Lan Zhan has to continue studying.

Then Wei Ying hears a hum so soft and melodious that it almost causes him to fall asleep for real, so before he actually does and ruins the whole thing, Wei Ying initiates The Plan™.

Wei Ying presses his cheek against Lan Zhan’s leg and quietly murmurs, “Lan Zhan…”

A soothing voice blankets him. “Wei Ying?”

Wei Ying lets out a small whine, then says again, “Lan Zhan…”

The fingers carding through his hair stop moving. “Are you awake, Wei Ying?”

Wei Ying doesn’t respond after that. Instead, he breathes out a soft snore (Does he even snore? Well, he does now!) and smacks his lips together lightly.

A second passes before Lan Zhan’s fingers resume their travels through his hair.

Excellent.

Wei Ying has set the foundation necessary for Lan Zhan to believe he’s actually sleeping.

Now, the fun can begin.

Wei Ying counts to sixty in his head, then begins Phase Two. “Lan Zhan…” Wei Ying sighs softly and rolls around in Lan Zhan’s lap so that he’s facing his abdomen. “Mm, Lan Zhan…”

“Mm,” he hears in response.

Wei Ying inhales through his teeth.

It’s now or never.

“Like… Lan Zhan…”

As soon as the words escape, Wei Ying holds his breath in wait.

No response.

Maybe Lan Zhan didn’t hear him?

Wei Ying tilts his head back so that he’s facing the open air, just in case Lan Zhan’s super abs absorbed his words or something.

His head now hangs off of Lan Zhan’s knee, and he opens his mouth to continue his sleep talking.

A hand cup the back of his head before he can. “Wei Ying, you’ll hurt your neck.”

Wei Ying doesn’t understand why Lan Zhan keeps talking to him as if he’s awake. It’s really making this whole thing more difficult, because Wei Ying naturally likes to respond to the sound of Lan Zhan’s voice, which he absolutely cannot do right now.

But Wei Ying’s burning desire to smooch Lan Zhan keeps him in check, and as Lan Zhan’s hand guides his head back to the center of his lap, Wei Ying breathes again, “Like… Lan Zhan…”

A small puff of a laugh escapes Lan Zhan. “I like Wei Ying, too.”

Lan Zhan obviously interprets his words as ones of the friendship kind. Wei Ying is going to have to resort to stronger, deeper words. Ones of a higher vocabulary.

Wei Ying curls further into Lan Zhan’s lap. “Like-like… Lan Zhan…”

“And I like-like Wei Ying.”

Wei Ying frowns.

Lan Zhan doesn’t get it. Because if he did, he would’ve pulled Wei Ying up and devoured his lips or something, and Wei Ying is definitely not being devoured right now.

In a bout of frustration, Wei Ying rolls around in Lan Zhan’s lap to grab his attention. In the process, his hand brushes against something that pulls a low choke from Lan Zhan’s throat, and Wei Ying cracks an eye open to see what could have elicited that response, and—

And Wei Ying flips around faster than someone who’s pretending to be asleep should.

‘No more rolling around,’ Wei Ying repeats in his head like a mantra, and then at the slow heat crawling up his body, starts also chanting, ‘Kittens. Little chicks. Baby pandas. Koalas.'

It takes five minutes for the heat in Wei Ying’s body to simmer down long enough for him to clearly formulate his next step: just start saying a bunch of shit and hope it sticks.

“Lan Zhan, I want…”

“Lan Zhan… Wei Ying… together…”

“Lan Zhan… feelings… me… for...”

But after each of Wei Ying’s Yoda-like sentences, all he’s met with is silence, the fingers in his hair never faltering in their movement.

Lan Zhan is, for some reason, totally not getting it.

Wei Ying decides he should pair his scattered sentences with actions. Maybe that’ll make things click in Lan Zhan’s mind.

So he carefully rolls back around in Lan Zhan’s lap and snakes his arms around Lan Zhan’s middle. As couples would do. “Lan Zhan… happy… with me...”

“Wei Ying—”

YES.

“—are you uncomfortable?”

NO.

The next thing Wei Ying feels is a set of arms curl under his back and knees. Wei Ying’s eyes almost fling open because no, no!, Lan Zhan is about to carry him to his room, like the nice little devil he is, and then this whole plan will be ruined.

Wei Ying digs his heels into the ground and pushes against Lan Zhan’s hold with as much strength as he believes might be possible for a sleeping man to possess, effectively stopping Lan Zhan from being able to pick him up.

So. He needs another action.

What else do couples do?

Hold hands, of course.

Wei Ying blindly, with as much grace as he believes might be possible for a sleeping man to possess, searches for the hand that’s not in his hair. When he finds it, he murmurs, “Lan Zhan… mine…”

A beat of silence.

Then Wei Ying feels Lan Zhan’s fingers intertwine with his own. “I’m here, Wei Ying.”

The warmth that surges through Wei Ying’s body at those words pushes a squeak out of his mouth, and then to cover it up, Wei Ying immediately follows it with a loud snore.

So okay.

His lips still aren’t being devoured.

Wei Ying supposes he’s going to have to play the part of a man who can sleep talk very, very well. Too well.

“I adore Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying straight up says, with the volume and clarity of someone completely wide awake.

The fingers in his hair stop, but Lan Zhan doesn’t say anything.

And okay, now Wei Ying is starting to get a little frustrated.

It’s really not his fault that he says what he does next.

“I want to kiss Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying grits from behind clenched teeth, because WELL! HE DOES! “I want to kiss him until dawn, fuck, please, I’m—”

“Wei Ying.”

And HA! NOW HE’S GOT HIM! There is no way in hell Lan Zhan can interpret that platonically.

Wei Ying abruptly stops talking to await what happens next, and then after realizing it might look a little weird, lets out a little, “Hrrnnng.”

He deserves an Oscar.

“Wei Ying, wake up,” says Lan Zhan, softly shaking him.

Wei Ying, being the best fucking actor there is, rolls around a couple more times for added effect, then slowly blinks his eyes open. “Mm? Lan Zhan?” He looks at the clock. “It hasn’t been an hour yet. Why’d you wake me?”

Lan Zhan puts his hand on the small of Wei Ying’s back and slowly pushes him into a sitting position. “Wei Ying, you were sleep talking.”

“Oh? Was I?” And then as he tries his very best to hold in a smile, Wei Ying asks, “Why would you wake me up about that?”

‘Because you said you like me and I like you too,’ Wei Ying imagines Lan Zhan saying.

‘Because you said you adore me and I adore you too,’ Wei Ying imagines Lan Zhan saying.

‘Because you said you want to kiss me, fuck, and I want to, too,’ Wei Ying imagines Lan Zhan saying, except with ‘fudge’ instead.

“I read online that sleep talking can be indicative of stress,” Lan Zhan says instead, concern etched onto his face. “Are you stressed, Wei Ying?”

Wei Ying takes a long, deep breath.

‘YES!’ Wei Ying screams into the raging inferno plaguing his mind. ‘STRESSED THAT YOU'RE NOT GETTING IT!’

“No,” Wei Ying says aloud, calmly. “I’m not.”

“Then I’m sorry for waking you.” Lan Zhan gestures to his lap. “Would you like to—”

Wei Ying waves off the offer before it comes out. “No, I’m not tired anymore.”

A minute passes, and Wei Ying can’t handle it anymore.

“Lan Zhan.”

“Mm?”

“When I was sleep talking,” Wei Ying begins, “did I… say anything weird?”

Lan Zhan cocks his head. “Weird?”

“Yeah, like. Unusual. Strange. Not supposed to be said.”

Lan Zhan is quiet a beat too long for his answer to be believable. “No.”

Wei Ying’s brow twitches. “Oh? Well that’s good, because I would hate if I embarrassed myself in front of you.” When Lan Zhan only hums in response, Wei Ying continues, “Because imagine if I’d accidentally confessed to you or something.”

Lan Zhan stiffens and slowly raises his head from his textbook to look at Wei Ying.

“People have no control over themselves when they’re sleeping, you know? So I could’ve said something like that, and wow, that would’ve been kind of weird.”

Wei Ying leans back on his hands, proud of himself.

Wei Ying thinks he’s finally said enough to crack Lan Zhan.

So he doesn’t expect the dejected pitch in Lan Zhan’s next words.

“Would it be weird?” Lan Zhan asks. “To confess to me?”

With the way Lan Zhan is looking at him right now, an uncomfortable lump forms in Wei Ying’s throat. He feels like he’s said something very, very wrong. “No, I— I don’t mean weird like you’re not confessable — is that a word? — or anything. I just mean that, you know...”

Wei Ying takes a breath. “Of course it wouldn’t be weird, Lan Zhan.” And his throat suddenly feels like a desert, so his words come out scratchy and low.

Lan Zhan hums, eyes not meeting Wei Ying's. His gaze flickers to the kitchen. “I’ll go grab you some water.”

Watching Lan Zhan rise to his feet, a surge of adrenaline jolts through Wei Ying. He leaps forward and grabs Lan Zhan’s wrist. “Wait!” he forces out, swallowing the lump in his throat. “Wait, Lan Zhan.” A breath, and then, “I lied.”

Lan Zhan looks baffled, his eyes widening in an adorable way that just makes Wei Ying want to kiss him more. “Wei Ying?”

“About being tired. I wasn’t tired, Lan Zhan, I didn’t go to sleep.”

Lan Zhan’s brows pinch in confusion. “You did.”

“No, I didn’t. I was pretending to sleep and pretending to sleep talk and— Yeah.”

Lan Zhan lets Wei Ying pull him back down. “Why would you do that?”

“Come on, Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying chokes out in embarrassment. “Don’t make me say it.”

“You can say it,” Lan Zhan tells him, and it’s really nothing short of miraculous how much those words calm Wei Ying down, how much they clear his head, how much they remind Wei Ying of his one, true goal.

He’s going to kiss Lan Zhan, dammit.

With a renewed confidence, Wei Ying places his hands on Lan Zhan’s shoulders. “Lan Zhan, I like you.” Lan Zhan’s eyes widen faintly and Wei Ying continues, “My heart does somersaults when I’m around you. I can’t stop smiling when I’m with you."

"And like, everyone says they sometimes can’t stand to be in the same room as us because of the way I look at you and I just. I really like you, Lan Zhan.”

Wei Ying takes a deep breath when he finishes, and waits.

Lan Zhan takes a breath, too.

“I meant it,” Lan Zhan begins, “when I said I like Wei Ying, too.”

Wei Ying groans. “Yeah, but—!” He drops his head to Lan Zhan’s chest. “Anyone can like anyone. Friends like each other. I— I like you more than that. Way more. I like-like you.”

“And I meant it,” Lan Zhan repeats, “when I said I like-like Wei Ying, too.”

Wei Ying slowly lifts his head. “You did? You know what that means, don't you? It’s not too complicated of a term to figure out, right?”

“I know what it means,” Lan Zhan says, eyes glimmering with amusement, and he holds Wei Ying’s gaze, steady.

“So, you like-like me,” Wei Ying breathes, and a grin spreads across his face. Lan Zhan’s lips curve into a small smile at the sight, which just makes Wei Ying’s grin brighter. “You do! You—” Wei Ying cuts himself off and frowns. “Wait. You like-like me.”

“Wei Ying?”

Wei Ying’s frown deepens. “Then why aren’t you devouring my lips?”

Lan Zhan blinks. “What?”

“My lips, Lan Zhan. If you like me, and I like you, then why aren’t we, you know, kissing?” Wei Ying waves his arms. “Didn’t you hear what I said when I was pretending to sleep, or did you just—”

Wei Ying’s cut off by the press of lips against his, warm and soft.

“Oh,” Wei Ying murmurs against them, and then Lan Zhan presses their lips so close together that Wei Ying can’t say anything else.

And if they make out for half an hour? So what.

It’s only at the end of that half hour do Lan Zhan and Wei Ying stop to catch their breaths, Wei Ying nestled snugly on Lan Zhan’s lap.

Lan Zhan is the first to break the silence.

“Wei Ying… So what you said a couple of days ago...”

Wei Ying, blissed out, sighs softly against Lan Zhan’s neck. “Hm? What do you mean?”

Lan Zhan’s ears flare red. Wei Ying sits up and tilts his head in question. “Given what was revealed today... then, what you said in your sleep a couple of days ago… about me tying yo—”

“A few days ago?” Wei Ying blinks. “Wait. Do I actually sleep talk?”

Lan Zhan stiffens as his ears shade an even deeper red, and then says very slowly, “Wei Ying, when did you start your sleep talking plan?”

“Huh? Just today.”

Lan Zhan’s mouth starts popping open and closed like a fish gasping for water.

Wei Ying doesn’t think he’s ever seen him so speechless.

“Lan Zhan? What’s wrong?” Wei Ying puts a hand on his cheek. “Why are you—?”

Then Lan Zhan’s words replay in his mind.

/...About me tying yo—/

A sense of doom washes over Wei Ying. “Lan Zhan. What were you going to say?”

Lan Zhan turns his face away. “It’s nothing.”

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying chokes out. “I don’t believe you.”

“You didn’t say anything.”

“Lan Zhan!” Wei Ying grabs his chin and turns his face back towards him.

“Wei Ying, please forget I—”

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying squeaks as raw mortification drips from his bones. “Do I— How many times have I done this? Twice? Three times? Don't tell me it's more than that, or I'll actually—"

"You do it every week."

What.

"What."

"Is that why—" Wei Ying chokes out, "—you weren't getting it? Why you just let me... keep talking?"

Lan Zhan says nothing.

Every single thought that Wei Ying has ever had about Lan Zhan, inappropriate or otherwise, starts flashing through his head. “Lan Zhan, tell me I haven’t embarrassed myself too bad."

Lan Zhan says nothing.

"Tell me I haven’t, like, confessed to you while I was actually sleeping. Or— Or said something about..."

/...About me tying y—/

Wei Ying face freezes with an expression of absolute terror on it.

"Wei Ying," Lan Zhan begins, genuinely worried that his boyfriend of thirty-five minutes is about to leave the very world they live in. "It's okay, it wasn't—"

"LAN ZHAN!" Wei Ying wails. "You— You monster! How could you not tell me this?! Holy SHIT."

"Wei Ying, I didn't mind," Lan Zhan says. "It was cute."

"Cute!" Wei Ying throws his head back and laughs, much like a villain would. "Cute, he says! Lan Zhan, I'm really going to—"

Lan Zhan cuts him off with a searing kiss.

And well.

Wei Ying will just deal with this later.

THE END! (pray for wwx)