Thread by @kickscondor

The barrage against kickscondor.com continues into its 96th day. The cyberwarfare taking place under the hood is unlike anything we've seen in human history, rivaled only by the besieging of beyonce.horse in 2016. Thread incoming! 1/

While there are certainly hot web properties that face a daily barrage of persistent low-grade assaults, such as fbikids.gov and fark.com, few websites become an utterly wasted battleground like this. 2/

It is hollowed out from the center - there are ones and zeroes. And then there are burned ones and zeroes. And then there is vacant, unlit negation. 3/

We have had text editors MELT off the screen while handling these files - pummeled with malicious requests, bright orange magma circling up the curly cords of our agents' mechanical keyboards. They propel themselves backward in their roll chairs. The cherry switches redden! 4/

And no one wants this. No one wants to see this. No one wants the annoyance. A blog should be there with biweekly entries. There should be Indieweb articles. Instead, there is a lacerated body thrashing about on the ground in pink pants. Everything about this is needless. 5/

And yet, all of the world's agencies have convened to obtain kickscondor.com! Racing hi-beam bots from China! The leaping, cavorting bots of Russia! Speed-skating Monopoly Man bots of Milton Bradley! The thimble is there too! 6/

Gleaming J.K. Simmons bots soar across the sky with frozen highkicks slashing down! Hip-hop Nasbots spark away, flashing jet-black Amex cards and c-notes! Dogbots bark! Mannequins explode! The war is foreeeeeever! 7/

But the FBI holds. Now is our time to shine. To hold down and fortify. We paper their coffins with printable mazes as they fly lifelessly off our bulging necks. 8/

Our taut neck muscles become the new defacto standard for the angles that will define future protractors and tomorrow's most accommodating cement ramps. 9/

But we believe in blood. The thimble bleeds. 10/

We gather up our agents and maze warriors, now deflated, limp rat bodies. We collect them obsessively. 11/

And still the thimble bleeds.