10 Things FOR ADULTS To Do On @RoaldDahlDay
by Roald Dahl Funny Prize-Winner PHILIP ARDAGH
Each idea is in tribute to a particular Dahl tale

1. Grow a beard, so that Mr Dahl will roll over in his grave. (Just ask @MichaelRosenYes Rosen.)

@roalddahlmuseum @roald_dahl @Booktrust
2. If you're a teacher, grab a child by the hair, swing them around, and throw them out of an open window

3. Break into a chicken farm and leave behind a synthetic fox-tail

4. Attempt to kill an elderly relative by messing with their medication
5. Stick your head through the windows of bedrooms of sleeping children and mutter under your breath in gobbledy-gook

6. Try to woo a neighbour by stealing her beloved pet

7. Visit a factory with one of the worst health & safety and hygiene records in the neighbourhood
8.Stand outside a primary school at pick-up time and shout that the kids smell of dog sh*t

9.Force a giraffe and a deformed pelican to work for you in your window-cleaning business

10. Keep a pistol in your knickers. (If you don't have any knicker, buy some and put 'em on.)

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More from @PhilipArdagh

25 Jan 19
1. Don't worry about remembering teachers' names. Call all female teachers "love" and all male teachers "son", regardless of their age.
#amwriting #ChildrensBooks @Soc_of_Authors @Booktrust
2. As well as asking for "ice-cold beer instead of that lukewarm water", ask for a bucket in case you "need to go" during your event.
#amwriting #ChildrensBooks @Soc_of_Authors @Booktrust
3. If a laptop's been provided, pull out all the wires and stick it in your holdall before the event starts.
#amwriting #ChildrensBooks @Soc_of_Authors @Booktrust
Read 11 tweets

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