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Too Early For Benga. Profile picture
@paushinski
Sep 17, 2020 • 12 tweets • 2 min read • Read on X
Meeting has kicked off.

And no. We are not kwa Kibanda ya 108. Tuko main House ya 108.

Also, msee wa SQv108 has not been invited for this meeting.

178 & Mama Tuyu are the chairs.

#SafeIsSmart
The following are at the meeting.
1. Intercessory Lady
2. Mama Tuyu
3. Baba Tuyu
4. Tuyu
5. 188
6. Mr & Mrsc135
7. 230
8. Min Moraa & Baba Moraa
9. Treasurer
10. Mrs 178
11. Gava Guy's Wife.
12. Me
13. Mr & Mrs 108.

I have volunteered to Acting Secretary.

#ChaiHaitakiUzembe
The Intercessory Lady has started with a word of Prayer.

Amesema Mungu atusaidie tushinde vita dhidi ya adui mkuu.

Me I just said Amen.
Mama Tuyu amesema kabla mambo mingi tukunywe chai.

188 has asked something I don't understand? 'Kiapo ni nini?'

He has asked, 'Kwa nini chai kwanza. Kwani ni kiapo tunataka kula? Ama hiyo ni pastry ya Waswahili?

Juu ni kama nataka kuionja.
KIAPO IS AN OATH.

Walahi?

😭😭😭
Mama Tuyu is threatening us. Ati we can't speak about this meeting.

Tumeambiwa tukiongea tutajue yeye ni nani?

I want to fight somebody. What is this?
Nimepatia Tuyu chai yangu. Me I am full. And as the secretary I cannot multi task.

Intercessory Lady has said that 188 is being disillusional. And that he is usually drinking at the pub so she doesn't understand why this tea is bothering him.

188 amejam.
Min Moraa wants the meeting to continue. Yuko na shughuli ngware.

Tuyu ameambiwa 'rudishia Baba Twins hiyo kijikombe.' Sikunywi Chai Mimi.
Mrs 178 is explaining the agenda.

1. We need to get everyone to agree that we are removing 256 as Estate Chairperson.

2. We are opening new bank accounts so that service teams' salaries are not delayed.

Mrs. 135 wants to discuss house helps who just stand at the main gate.
Mrs 135 is asking where Mr 178 is

We have not even spoken about the first agenda.

Eish. Why is it sooooo hard?
Gava Guy's Wife has gone. Min Moraa is also leaving.

Why????
Mrs. 178 has closed the meeting. She has said she is postponing it to Saturday.

We will be notified.

Gosh.

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More from @paushinski

Too Early For Benga. Profile picture
Feb 8
DEAD IN KILIMANI
Georgie's Fate.
.
NAIROBI MILIMANI LAW COURTS.

A very old 25 year old man is dragged into the docks.

He is weak, his face looks like he is suffering from vitiligo. Or he had been dragged on the tarmac. Or, maybe he survived a fire.
.
#IKnowAGuy
#DeadInKilimani Image
***
Disclaimer: Similarity of names and situation purely coincidental.
***
A festering wound behind his ear has been neatly dressed. A fresh gauze. A wettish yellow stain is growing. He has an oversized shirt. Cleaner than his black and white striped pants.

He can barely walk.
When he sits down, the people around him twice their nose. Some who can find space in the packed courtroom move a bit. It still gets to them.

He is guided sit with the other on the dock.

Away from the dock, people’s faces sadly move side to side, trying to find their people.
Read 60 tweets
Too Early For Benga. Profile picture
Aug 24, 2022
DEAD IN KILIMANI
Episode 3 of 4
#IKnowAGuy
.
6:15pm.
Kileleshwa Nairobi.

Shiro and Jackie pull up to an apartment in Kileleshwa, Nairobi. Shiro is obviously nervous and worked up, so it is Jackie who has to speak to the watchie. He refuses to let them in.
.
#DeadInKilimani
The apartment they want to go is already let and occupied. And no visitors allowed. Ama waongee na landlord, mama mwenye apartment.

Jackie says they are scared their pal may be in danger and they need to just make sure she is ok.

It is the folded 500 note that does the trick.
He tells them to park outside the compound, and then escorts them to the lift and goes upto the 6th floor. All the while Jackie is calming Shiro down.

Watchie ata hashikanishi.

Shiro knocks on the door. Light light footsteps approach the door.

A short gyal unlocks the door.
Read 14 tweets
Too Early For Benga. Profile picture
Feb 13, 2022
Bwana every estate needs a person who is bold, tough, militant, Taliban and one who willing to do crazy things that peace loving people would have to go sijui where to be fitted with grit and toughness.

We hate her guts, guys, but that madam in Hse No. 256 is that person for us.
Mimi by the way sipendagi kuongea juu ya neighbors wangu generally, but hii ya leo imenibidi.
.
The guy in Hse. 74 is living with a new woman. The other his person we knew left. And the new woman is, well, old. People can live with whoever they want.

But...

THAT WOMAN IS RICH!
Weeee, huyo mama akona pesa nyingi sana. She has so much money. Aki she is rich for being rich. Si try-zex ama mjaribus.

Chini ya woyez we call her Virunga. Coz the first time we encountered her ways she was blasting Samba Mapangala's Vunja Mifupa in, her huge ass Land Cruiser.
Read 11 tweets
Too Early For Benga. Profile picture
Feb 10, 2022
This year we have to do two things:

1. Give jobs to local content creators, to create content they can make money with. If we can drop btw KS. 20-40M, ALL AT ONCE, sio in small small thousands, into the digital creative community, tutakuwa tumefanya kitu.

Give 40 people KS. 1M.
The money must go beyond just money.

It must come with access. REAL ACCESS. It must be access to parks, access to people, access to cities and cities' rooftops. Access to security and experts. Access at all levels.

20 independently curated content will PUSH the industry up.
This money must also be dropped every quarter. And revolve the recipients of this money. So essentially at least 100 beneficiaries for content that cannot be seen anywhere in the world.

We will be easily marketing Kenya as a destination at every level: Tourism/Film/Investments.
Read 9 tweets
Too Early For Benga. Profile picture
Oct 23, 2021
Here's the 411.
.
So Mama Tuyu 'left' because Baba Tuyu 'wanted' more kids and Mama Tuyu was like 'Zii.'

So Baba Tuyu went ahead to look for Hadija. And got married.

But now, Hadija wants to get her Masters and she doesn't want kids yet.
My friend. So Baba Tuyu alikasirika and decided to get someone to get him the kids he wants.
.
So today we got the notice in the Estate Wozzap that there's going to be an introduction event next weekend.

Then 256 has said that event won't happen in the Estate. Ipelekwe kwingine.
256 was saying the entire women's fellowship in the Estate is going to go and speak to Baba Tuyu.

But Mrs. 178 said that was not necessary and that rather the men should go and talk to Baba Tuyu.

Me I just want the fire pilau from that house so I will be going for that meeting.
Read 4 tweets
Too Early For Benga. Profile picture
Sep 20, 2021
REMMY'S BRAINS.
.
1. There was a man, from Kivu, Congo. John Paul was his name. He lived a good life. To afford the godd life, he did bad things on the behest of evil greedy men who could pay for the bad things he could do. The kind of bad things that gave him, even, nightmares.
Bad things that gave even worse nightmares to people who survived his encounter.

Soon, he had a ‘Road To Damascus’ encounter. And the voice in the bright light that shone on him demanded his life. He changed his life, distributing his portable possessions as he headed East...
East out of DRC and fled. Fleeing his demons, and those of the people he did bad things too.
.
2. There was a boy from Kindu, in the greater Kivu region of DRC. Right at the border of Democratic Republic of Congo, and the United Republic of Tanzania. The son of a single mother.
Read 23 tweets

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