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Episode 3 of 4
Kileleshwa Nairobi.

Shiro and Jackie pull up to an apartment in Kileleshwa, Nairobi. Shiro is obviously nervous and worked up, so it is Jackie who has to speak to the watchie. He refuses to let them in.
The apartment they want to go is already let and occupied. And no visitors allowed. Ama waongee na landlord, mama mwenye apartment.

Jackie says they are scared their pal may be in danger and they need to just make sure she is ok.

It is the folded 500 note that does the trick.
He tells them to park outside the compound, and then escorts them to the lift and goes upto the 6th floor. All the while Jackie is calming Shiro down.

Watchie ata hashikanishi.

Shiro knocks on the door. Light light footsteps approach the door.

A short gyal unlocks the door.
Read 14 tweets
Previously on...
Georgie gets home.
Cops are all over.
A lady is down on the floor bleeding.
He get mobbed by cops.
He wakes up, somewhere, with a dislocated shoulder.
And he doesn't know where his family is.
#IKnowAGuy Ssn 7.
Ep 2/3
Disclaimer: Tutulie please. Similarity of names, locations and conversations are all purely coincidental. Haitaki hasira.
Around 7:00pm, the door is opened.

He knows the time because he can hear the Swahili bulletin.

Two guys in lab coats come and lift him from the floor.
They tell him they are taking him to hosi soon, to get his shoulder checked. But before that he has to eat.

He says he is not hungry.

They insist he must eat. They ask him what he wants to eat.

He says he is feeling cold. Very cold.

They tell him not to worry. 'Tutaku-sort!'
Read 19 tweets
#IKnowAGuy: Season 6
PART 3 OF 3.
3 years later. The case is still going on.

In that time, she is moved to the Prime Minister’s office, as the Secretary. An upgrade, of course.

She is expected to retire in 5 years. Aingie system ya pension.

#Thread Image
Disclaimer: Similarity of names, places and situation purely coincidental. Haitaki hasira.
Margaret cannot believe that she can be this high up in gava and very close to power but she still cannot seem to make any headway, and even get any help to get her land
Huku kotiko things are thick. Mara the case file is lost. Mara prosecutor is sick. Mara a new magistrate. A new prosecutor comes and needs time to get well acquainted with the case. Mara there some inconsistencies in claims nini. Huku Johns defence keeps pushing dates and times.
Read 49 tweets
PART 2 OF 3.
Kriiiiing’. Kriiiiing.’

Those old school phones with a dial spinner rings on the 22nd Floor of Treasury Building.

A lady, the PS’s secretary picks it. She picks phones for a living. Alafu responds to the needs. She's a virtuoso.
Disclaimer: Similarity of names and situation purely coincidental. Haitaki hasira.
‘Hallo. Nataka kuongea na madam Margaret.’
‘Speaking. Naongea na nani?’
‘Ni George. Hawa watu wamekuja hapa. Wamekuja wamebeba mwili na sanduku ati wanataka kuzika.’
‘Watu wagani?'
‘Hawa watu. Ata wameangusha fence wakaingia kwa boma.’


‘Strange. Uko wapi?’ She asks.
‘Niko hapa kwa shamba, Utawala.’

The phone katikas.

Margaret gathers herself. She excuses herself, letting the other secretary handle business. She is composed, with a steady poise.
Read 46 tweets
Season 5
The Swindlers - Coming Soon.

This girlie opens the door of her apartment and locks it behind her. But there is some uneasiness.

Like someone else is in there. She rushes to her daughter's room, finds her asleep. Just like she left her an hour ago.

But she's still scared. Very scared for someone who has walked from Tamasha to Rose Avenue past 10pm.

She goes into her bedroom, gets under her blanket and whispers a prayer.

Lights off.

Kidogo, she someone breath out sloowly.

She freezes.

Her heart is in her tummy.
Her duvet is lifted slowly. That someone slides into her bed. He smells like half a man. She jumps off on the bed for the lights, but bumps into another man, who grabs her by the neck, lifts her and pins her back into her bed.

The first guy chuckles.

She begs 'Please, please.'
Read 4 tweets
#IKnowAGuy Season 4.

All Episodes.
Here's a link to all the stories for this last season.
[I'm putting the Season 1 - 3 links here as well.]
Avoid scams, keep your money safe, safe to use & access. #SafeIsSmart with #StanChart Visa Card.
#TRFNrb Image
EP 4: The Syndicate's Game.


Here is a free ebook with a collection of some of the stories I did in 2018.

HAHAHA: The Funnier Stories.…


Also, check out the website, please go to
Read 3 tweets
The Real F**boys of Nairobi.
Ssn V: Ep 4.
December 14, 2014.
Mambashani, Pwani.

Stephanie calls home to check on Kaylan, her 2 years old boy.

It is 6:00pm. The phone rings until disconnects. She gives it a few minutes, in case the call will be returned.


She tries a couple more times.



She chills kidogo, looking extremely calm on the outside.

An hour later, she calls again. Ala? It takes a while to connect. And then now, the nanny's phone rings funny. Like… she is out of the country.

Ai... Strange.
She tries more times nonstop. She's frantic and wants to tell nanny off.

Finally, ringing stops. Just hollow silence.

She calls a neighbor, asks her to go & angalia kwani what’s up.

Neighbor says ‘Ai. Si nilidhani mumesafiri nyote? Ukweli sijaona Margie na Kaylan for a while.’
Read 66 tweets
It is Sunday. Second service has just ended. The preaching pastor and his wife are greeting the peoples. A decently looking man and woman stay at the back of the line


#IKnowAGuy Season IV
The Real ***kboys of Nairobi,
Episode 3A: The Preacher's Wife
Disclaimer: This story may trigger emotions for some harm is outrightly intended. Similarity of names and situation purely coincidental.
When they almost get to the pastor, several people other people join the cue. Some are even jumping the cue. They are very patient.
They let everyone go through.

Finally it's their turn. The pastor is tired, but has handshake obligations. His tired face smiles.

Small pleasantries.

Woman: We wanted to ask you to say a prayer quick for us.
Pastor: OK. Anything in particular?
Read 66 tweets
#IKnowAGuy: The Real ***kboys of Nairobi.
Ssn IV Ep II.

Nzisa, Sue, Terry & Joy kwa ki-SUV, doing an all girls trip to in a SUV. They are all very gojias. Somewhere on the Nairobi - Mombasa Highway, the car slows down to a halt. Way past Manyani, and much closer to Voi.

Disclaimer: This story may trigger emotions for some harm is outrightly intended. Similarity of names purely coincidental.
They know a bit about cars, so they turn away every form of help that comes along. Truck drivers, buses, even cops and rangers.

Wanabishana na gari.
They call Odhis here and Omosh there but all suggestions don’t help. Nzisa finally calls her dad, and her dad tells her to try and get the car towed to Voi.

Kidogo, a nicely done silver / grey LC79 double cab pulls up. They remember seeing it in Sultan Hamud. They’d admired it.
Read 74 tweets
#IKnowAGuy: The Real ***kboys of Nairobi
Episode 1B
Steve leaves on Tuesday morning. Shiro tries to call him, the phone rings the first time. The second time it’s off. She texts, ‘I’ll go to Garden Estate with Nimmo. Ivy will come and stay with us as we wait for mum.’


This story may trigger traumatic memories for some. Disclaimer: The names here and locations are purely coincidental, and no ill is intended whatsoever.

If you have not yet caught Episode 1A, here it is.

Dakika chache, Steve calls. ‘Heh, Shiro, niko kwa kanoma. Nimeshikwa. Ati overspeeding. Na ata sikuwa mbio.

Shiro: Ala? Aje?
Steve: Ati nilikuwa 120. Ni uwongo.
Shiro: Steve. Mbio ilikuwa ya nini?
Steve: Wanataka 25 thao ama nilale ndani, na gari ivurutwe.

Shiro akaisha nguvu.
Read 64 tweets
The Real ***Boys of Nairobi
Season IV: Episode 1A
Steve and Shiro first meet at akina Shiro’s family home pale Garden Estate. It was during the planning of Alvin and Waithera’s wedding. Shiro and Waithera are sisters. Alvin and Steve are friends.
A Thread.
#TRFNrb Image
Disclaimer: The names here and locations are coincidental.
Shiro’s dad is an ambassador in Bax’s government, and the mum is a businesswoman with flats all over Nai.

In short, akina Shiro have money; lots of money. If akina Shiro had a dog, it would be called Amani.

Steve and Shiro first meet at akina Shiro’s family home pale Garden Estate. It was during the planning of Alvin and Waithera’s wedding. Shiro and Waithera are sisters. And Alvin and Steve are friends. Shiro’s dad is an ambassador in Bax’s govt, and her mum has flats everywhere.
Read 42 tweets
The Carriers.
#IKnowAGuy Ssn II [Finale]
Ep 4 of 4.
This chic, tumwite Caro. For obvious reasons. She’s twenny wan. Fly AF. Sura, shepu na tabia. Skin that Luo men risk it all for. Ako colle.

Bad things do happen to good people. Depending on your perspective.
She is single, but has a boyfriend.

She says she can’t date anyone within a Luanda Magere pantone. And she cannot date anyone still in campus. Also, you must be serving the Lord.

She's looking for work. Meanwhile she does promotion jobs. Her looks bring those jobs on a regular.
But si mnajua promos pay peanuts. And she is allergic to peanuts. But sasa mnataka afanye nini?

She is diligent and promising. She talks to promo boss, she could get permanent.

This specific promo, she is posted to a Langata Hyper. When that Langata Hyper was the real Hyper.
Read 37 tweets
#IKnowAGuy - Season II
The Cleaners.
Ep. 2B of 4.
So the fake networking guys have gotten Makena's cash & car. But her dad comes thru especially for the car. She has almost dealt. But a pal introduces Otero*.
If you missed episode 2A, ndio hiyo link ->
It's been two months, it's embarrassing. She isn't sure whether she wants to pursue anymore, but what more can she lose. She doesn't want to lose the peace of mind.

Her pal convinces her Otero is legit and arranges the meeting.

They meet Otero at a coffee shop on Lenana Road.
She explains the whole drama and why it is critical that the story never gets out. Although, she has the car, she's convinced the cash maybe lost. But ako sure somehow that Shylock really knows James, or he took advantage of the situation to rip her family off.

He's not clean.
Read 37 tweets
Season II
Episode 2 (A) of 4.

This lady, Makena*, she gets a call. It's her friend, Joy*, same Chama.

She's calling with udaku, but the udaku just the first step. By the time they are done with her, they will have her 7 Million Shillings.
‘Hi Makena…’

Followed by pleasantries, tiny gossip and the vain praise you love to hear about yourself. About how good you are, or how much you have been missed or how much you have helped them.

Joy is a fixer. Her role in the scam is to bring you to a planned meeting. Thazit.
‘By the way, can we meet? I can buy you coffee. There’s something I want to tell you.’

And since our ears always want to be told things, Makena automatically says yes.

The meeting is held at a high end restaurant in Valley Arcade. Just Joy and Makena. Time is agreed and kept.
Read 56 tweets
Previously on ‘IKnowAGuy
The OLX Factor: Episode 2.

Si the bank has called me, and I am lucky I have been not been swindled. I am like… Once bitten.
Meanwhile, Dr. Mwaura whoever he is calling me. I lenga first few time and then I pick it up, composed.


He says he can’t make to All Saints but he can tell me where to send them, I don’t have to go myself. He can send someone to pick them up.
I tell him the cheque has bounced and I don’t want his business.

Heeeeh… akajistua.

Ati ‘That’s impossible. I have more the 5 million in that account.’

Then I tell him, please don’t call me ever again.

Man, akaanza vijisarakasi kwa simu.

Apime apima.
Read 40 tweets
#IKnowAGuy Chapter II:

A while back I posted some of my photography gear on OLX, and I fell into the hands of some crazy robbery drama. And I ended up in so much trouble.


Getting out of it, was purely God's grace.

Lets go!
I needed to let go of some gear so I took them and share on my socials and my photography whatsapp groups and pages.

Total Cost: 420K.

There was little movement and conversation over it. And then someone told me, 'I know a guy who bought my stuff off OLX.' I was like, Bingo.
I was not new to OLX. I bought a camera grip off the platform. But while at agency, I worked extensively on OLX as a brand, developing campaigns, pushing recruitment, youth engagement, campus activations etc.

I'd heard stories of conmen on the app but I'd never experienced it.
Read 23 tweets

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