Thread by @UncleMthwithi

#NdebeleTwitter herewith Season 2, Episode 1 of #UmnxebaWodumo.

My Hillside Experience

It all began when I met uGalvin. Sagidla sonke eMoray but yena yilezana ezazingaboni nex. So he tells me he is now a waiter. Phela bragging about jobs is the new ntenene bragging contest

2. Nxa sifika ku parking he gets into a very expensive car. Ngangenwa yingubhane madoda. This guy owayekopa Kimi ama Corrections is now driving this sexy thingumabob? Zimbabwe ilesono shame. My ego was sodomised I tell you. He saw it and said, don't worry call me. I can help you

3. After serious thought, ngimfonele after 3 days. He tells me ukuthi akwenzi ukuthi sikhulume over the phone. I must go to his work place siyexoxela khona. I just cudnt believe it! Galvin wama ansa arongo now has power to call me to his office? Kunzima bo Jo

4. Lusebenza eBanff Lodge oluswayini. Ngiqonde khona and for sure luyadidizela luyaseva. I go to the bar and order my tshefu. Lubuye. Luthi lawe Mthwithi yikuthi lingabe Scripture union, otherwise bengizakunceda. Kanti ukusonta kungena ngaphi ekuncedaneni??

5. He tells me ukuthi there are rich women abashota nge Dhikhi (in his strong Shona accent). He says hubbies are either dead, under performing or working out of town. So these women pay good money. Yena he is an agent. He hooks them up with guys.

6. I sat there wondering ukuthi kanti Jeyhova olomusa ungizwisani? I waited for him to knock off. Sangena emoteni yakhe. This time a different one. Nicer one. Ngahle ngawela. I love the Adult Game okubi but had never thought I cud do it for money. I told him am in

7. Two days later kufone okumasentshana kuthi sekuthole iClient elitsha. The woman wakhona ulambe uyafa. Has booked a room at Banff. I must geza, nuka mnandi and gijima fast. Inkosi ayipheli esandleni bobhoyi. Yimi lwana spidi. Kupi? KuBanff swayini 🤣 🤣

8. Ngifike lungiphe iroom number lekhiye. Yimi lwana ngisiyabangena. Isiwule asithunyelwa gundwane shuwa! What do I see erumini? Jizasi! Inkunzi yesalukazi esitshayakhonale. Isdubuladaka mdala. Asila shape, ngesimahofa shame. Sitshwabhene, ngumashwabana. Manje ngenzeni nxa kunje?

9. Fortune favors the brave. Anyway esintwini umfazi kalasalukazi, isalukazi ngesenkomo. Ngiqunge isibindi. Okungasikufa yikuphi? Ngawaqonda amavinqovinqo! You can't tell emuva from phambili! Sona vele silande ijob Yi job. Sihle sithi 'come and devour me, mwanangu' 😭 Awu Msindis

10. Kodwa shuwa ubizwe mwanangu 😂😂 wena kumele utshaye izinto. Sibone ukuthi am offended sithi "iwe ka, Bhebhi ndo chi pachishona?' lapha ngiyavelwa bobhoyi. Kungasenani, lami ngisikhisakhise isgogwana Sami. Sihle sikhiphe iskhindi. Ngumandiweni mdala ongavala iKingSize bed.

11. Itshavet ifihlakele kumavinqovinqo shame, kumele uphendle kumbe kudingwe iBinocular shame. Sipashe sithi 'ndiite Mango, mwanangu' kuhanjiwe la! Asisangeni Period lesi, I wonder ukuthi uNick ubezasithethisa ngani. Ngiguqe bhoyi ngiyibone imphumabantu, iswabile mdala 🤣🤣 🤣

12. For comfort I thought ukuswaba koMnyi yibunandi bawo and in any case it's good to see ukuthi umalumekazi wenu angaguga uzabanjani. Mengo emuntwini! Problem yikuthi siyangivalela phakathi kwemlenze nxa sinandelwa. Ngiginqe ngiphele umoya angani sengibanjwa yiCorona.

13. Asigomeli esigogo madoda. Sesiphonguthi 'ndizvo mwanangu, ndizvo' 🤣. Laso sithi sifuna to return the favor. Sikhiphe amazinyo. Singingenele ngezikhewu. Hawu Thixo onofefe ngizwani? Isikhewu ungasideleli bhoyi. Ngafinqa amazwane, iAki yawoma qha! Dlala ngento yakho magogo!

14. Eventually sekumele ngingene eNgoz' Mine! KukwaMashu mdala 🤣, kubetha umoya. But vele ixhaphozi lingenwa nge Engeli. Ngasigiqa esigogo. Uyavayibretha ugogwenu ungathi ule epileptic attack. Besides ukuba kuthiwa 'usandibate musana, ndibate garo mwanangu' she wasn't bad 😂😂😂

15. Lami sengingathi ngiyangena kufomu usalukazi agomele angitshaye ihlombe athi 'ayiwa wagona, zvaita mwanangu, simuka. Waita mushe. Gudhu bhoyi' kambe Jesu kungathiwa simuka Mina ngingakafiki eKhenani. Warwanga umagogo wathi sengifuna ukumbulala

16. Never ever in my life did I think ngingancenga usalukazi. Sayeqa esimahofa. sasukuma savula iWardrobe sakhipha brand new shoes lokuyi $500. Kwathiwa "manakiro ako achandibhorokesa' sangiphosela imali lezicathulo sathi 'yenda kumba mwanangu zuva risati radooka'🤣🤣🤣

17. Okungoshuga mama vele akusiboni kusenza abantwana. Udubo ludlisa amanyala shame! Kuze kube lanamuhla indaba kamwanangu iyangidla. Ofuna uSize 9 isicathulo DM pliz. I am size 11. END.

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