#BreakingCodeSilence
#ISeeYouSurvivor
My experiences weren’t typical. Seriously.
I remember the commercials for the “Troubled Teen Industry.” My dad has brochures. He drove me to a group home and threatened to leave me there. 1/
#ISeeYouSurvivor
My experiences weren’t typical. Seriously.
I remember the commercials for the “Troubled Teen Industry.” My dad has brochures. He drove me to a group home and threatened to leave me there. 1/
I was 11 when I was forced to visit my new stepmom for a “family meeting” at the psych hospital, where she was staying for depression.
I said a typical 11yo comment: “I hate my stepmom.” I wanted to go home.
Her psychiatrist had a different plan. 2/
I said a typical 11yo comment: “I hate my stepmom.” I wanted to go home.
Her psychiatrist had a different plan. 2/
He offered to let me stay on the adolescent side. “Because (I) was sleepy and (I) could rest there.”
I didn’t want to go.
A half dozen grown men forcefully carried me there and restrained me. I was drugged and left in isolation. 3/
I didn’t want to go.
A half dozen grown men forcefully carried me there and restrained me. I was drugged and left in isolation. 3/
I wasn’t allowed to talk to my mom because my dad had custody. I was threatened with isolation until I agreed to take meds, after several days in a locked room. 4/
I was tied up in full restraints, and at times, in a straight jacket. At 11. Eleven.
I was powerless and I was the youngest kid there.
5/
I was powerless and I was the youngest kid there.
5/
I gave in and took the meds. No one was listening to me.
I was the problem. I was to blame for everything. Mind you, I was a mostly straight A kid with minimal issues by then. It was the summer before 6th grade.
6/
I was the problem. I was to blame for everything. Mind you, I was a mostly straight A kid with minimal issues by then. It was the summer before 6th grade.
6/
I spent 2 months and 10 days there. When they “released me” back to my dad’s home, it was magically just in time for the new school year.
I was forbidden to talk about the hospital.
But it changed me.
7/
I was forbidden to talk about the hospital.
But it changed me.
7/
I started running away. Drinking.
At 11.
These were BOTH new problems that developed after the hospital.
I was a child, screaming for help. But my dad kept reminding me that I was the problem. He constantly threatened to send me back.
8/
At 11.
These were BOTH new problems that developed after the hospital.
I was a child, screaming for help. But my dad kept reminding me that I was the problem. He constantly threatened to send me back.
8/
By 13, I was broken. I stole $250 from my dad and ran away, from NC to CA.
It was foolish, dangerous, and bad things happened. But I also had no safety net and no one was listening to me.
9/
It was foolish, dangerous, and bad things happened. But I also had no safety net and no one was listening to me.
9/
I was arrested for being a runaway and sent home. I was placed in foster care, but kept running. I couldn’t put into words the enduring impact that trauma was having on me.
My dad pressed charges. I was sent to maximum security juvie for 10 months.
10/
My dad pressed charges. I was sent to maximum security juvie for 10 months.
10/
I was beaten, abused, unheard. I don’t talk much about the time I spent there. Again, I was the youngest.
Max. security for stealing money from my dad. So that I wouldn’t die on the streets.
I’ve spent more money on a musical instrument for my own teen than what I stole.
11/
Max. security for stealing money from my dad. So that I wouldn’t die on the streets.
I’ve spent more money on a musical instrument for my own teen than what I stole.
11/
They sent me back to my dad’s home afterwards. I was gaslit and told I was remembering everything wrong.
I was the problem. I was the one who got into trouble. I was shaming the family.
12/
I was the problem. I was the one who got into trouble. I was shaming the family.
12/
Commercials for Troubled Teen programs continued to air on local tv.
I was always at risk. I was sent back twice to the hospital.
My dad held power over me and could hospitalize me on a whim.
He was too cheap to send me to a wilderness camp.
13/
I was always at risk. I was sent back twice to the hospital.
My dad held power over me and could hospitalize me on a whim.
He was too cheap to send me to a wilderness camp.
13/
And by the time I was 16, I knew I couldn’t make it to adulthood in that house.
My dad told me he didn’t want me there, so I left. I went back to California and stayed.
I felt safer on the streets as a homeless teen than I ever felt in my dad’s house.
14/
My dad told me he didn’t want me there, so I left. I went back to California and stayed.
I felt safer on the streets as a homeless teen than I ever felt in my dad’s house.
14/
And after I released my memoir, my family became livid. Of course they disagree. Of course “I’m remembering it wrong.”
No. I’m not. I’m the one who tried unsuccessfully at 19 to request hospital records from my first admission at 11. They were destroyed after 7 years.
15/
No. I’m not. I’m the one who tried unsuccessfully at 19 to request hospital records from my first admission at 11. They were destroyed after 7 years.
15/
LISTEN to young people. LISTEN to survivors.
I cannot even fathom how many people had the opportunity to protect me and chose not to listen. Not to ask.
What 13yo runs 3,000 miles away from home because they’re a problem? No-I was running for safety. And I didn’t find it.
16/
I cannot even fathom how many people had the opportunity to protect me and chose not to listen. Not to ask.
What 13yo runs 3,000 miles away from home because they’re a problem? No-I was running for safety. And I didn’t find it.
16/
A lot of survivors are disclosing their stories of trauma under the hands of a system that failed to protect.
Whether it was a hospital, foster care, “camps”, juvie, or anywhere else that held them against their will... HEAR their stories.
WE deserve to be heard.
17/
Whether it was a hospital, foster care, “camps”, juvie, or anywhere else that held them against their will... HEAR their stories.
WE deserve to be heard.
17/
I am beyond grateful that we’re talking about this now. I’m grateful for some of the celebrities like @ParisHilton and @ParisJackson for speaking up.
It’s past time that we protect kids.
#BreakingCodeSilence
#ISeeYouSurvivor
It’s past time that we protect kids.
#BreakingCodeSilence
#ISeeYouSurvivor
And one last thing.
For me, my healing began when I started to write
AND
The words poured out of me when my own kids were teens. When I realized I would do ANYTHING to protect them.
Thank you. 💔❤️
For me, my healing began when I started to write
AND
The words poured out of me when my own kids were teens. When I realized I would do ANYTHING to protect them.
Thank you. 💔❤️
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