Thread by @samstephens91

So I just donated $1 to Joel Osteen in exchange for the Inspiration Cube. Updates as this story develops.
joelosteen.com/monthlyoffer/t…

Here is the line item in the confirmation email:

I'm so ready to be inspired. I hope the shipping doesn't take too long.

I called Osteen's ministry and spoke to Kelly (who was extremely kind and helpful) who told me that my Magic Box had already shipped. Say what you want, that's some amazing service. Speaking with a kind human may end up being the most inspiring part of this whole transaction.

My Osteen Hexahedron hasn't arrived yet. I did not want to get up this morning. The long darkness always makes it feel much earlier than it is. Hopefully the shipping will be quick so I can soak in the needed inspiration. In the meantime, here's an inspiring Osteen quote:

"How unhappy it was! Your scalpel cut to the quick of the wound, so that I should leave all these ambitions and be converted to you, who are ‘above all things’ (Rom. 9: 5) and without whom all things are nothing, and that by conversion I should be healed."

Apologies, that was an Augustine quote. I get those mixed up a lot. Here's Osteen:
"Do all you can to make your dreams come true."

Bad news, friends. I called to get an update on my JoelSquare, and it never got shipped out. Now they're on backorder, as you can imagine, so it might be a while before mine arrives. Bummer.
Come on, @JoelOsteen, I'm trying to make my dreams come true!

Just got the email that my false-prophecy magicube has shipped. I'm on my way to becoming a better me. Because when I look in the mirror, all I can think is, "Yes, this, but more so." #blessed

It has arrived. My cat is skeptical.

This is not a joke. Listen to the end of the video, then read the next tweets to hear what happened 30 seconds into my first inspiration.

That scream at the end is my wife accidentally dropping a bucketful of live roaches (food for the pet lizard) into our kitchen sink. This is not the turn I was assured my life would take with this thing.

So every day you can hear a 3-minute inspiring clip, a full sermon, and/or a short affirmation explaining how good you are.

Seems like something you #WeirdChristianTwitter folks might enjoy.